


To Live or To Die

by Gaudan



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Mental Instability, Past Child Abuse, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, at first, but then bam, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:13:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 37
Words: 111,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22885327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaudan/pseuds/Gaudan
Summary: Sasori is so far removed himself.  Sakura had only ever wanted to belong.  When they continue to cross paths in the most peculiar ways, they feel an exigent pull.  Like they were made to be the cure for one another.  Either they will provide or one will swallow the other whole.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Sasori
Comments: 277
Kudos: 312





	1. Grievances

Sasori had always been aware of his gifts. The chakra that flowed through his veins spoke of a greatness uncommon to this world. The universe spoke to him. Told him of his anomaly. He forged his way ahead every painstaking step at a time. He paid attention, followed the rules, never lost sight. He would reach beyond any mortal expectations. After all, immortality was granted to those who are willing to pay the price for it.

_“When will you acknowledge your purpose in this world? You were never meant to be anything more than a tool for war. It is the way of any shinobi to die on the battlefield.”_ Sasori’s insides had curled at his former sensei’s lecture.

It would not have been the worst fate, but he was meant for greater things. Dying on the battlefield would have been a waste of everything he was meant to be. He would be everlasting power, eternal beauty and boundless wisdom.

Sasori sliced into the chest of his newest collection piece dangling from its hook. He had all the time in the world for useless musings these days. Blood spurted from the wound and drained down to the porcelain tub beneath. He pulled the fleshy organs leaving the chakra pathways in tact. His gutting complete, he stitched the open wound and cast a green glow of chakra from his hands to harden the flesh until it was petrified. He would work on the weapons and joint placement later. Turning the flesh before it started to decay was first priority. Satisfied with his progress, he turned to wash the disgusting remnants of his work away.

Sasori walked outside of his warehouse to the small stream of flowing water. The sky was getting dark from the approaching evening. He looked down in the stream. If he still had flesh, he would have scowled at his reflection. His perfectly carved face was cracked down the middle from his recent battle. His left eye socket was a black hole where his glass eye once was. Blood stained his robes to the color brown.

He distinctly remembered the feeling of warm blood and soft flesh underneath his fingernails. His mind played tricks on him as he watched it wash away from his fingertips. He would always miss being able to feel his puppets as they were transformed into a piece of art. There was something profoundly beautiful about the process. He would take their flaws and perfect them until there were none left.

Humans were prone to disgusting fates such as illness and aging. The most powerful ninja were not immune to it including the likes of Orochimaru and Itachi. The idea of disease disturbed Sasori down to his core. Why was something so vile considered natural?

“Master Sasori” his scorpion climbed to his shoulder interrupting his thoughts.

  
“Yuyake” Sasori pinched him by the tail pulling him to his palm. “Did you do as I asked?”

”The years have made you no less brash I see.” Yuyake clicked his pincers.

”You know I’m not a patient man.”

“Yes, I’m well aware.”

Yuyake had been serving under Sasorj since he was a child. He was a gift to Sasori from his father and the only living thing left to remind him that his parents ever existed. He was also proof of Sasori’s inability to let go of his past. He told himself that Yuyake’s loyalty and intelligence was useful to him. It had nothing to do with him filling his endless, bleak days with stories of his parents.

“It is still safe. You needn’t worry for now, but I suggest you act soon.” Yuyake warned and disappeared in cloud of smoke.

* * *

“Cha!” Sakura smacked the mosquito that landed on Naruto’s face with a little more sting than she intended. “I got it this time!” She punched the air in her triumph.

“Ow Sakura!” Naruto rubbed his abused face. A red welp was already forming on his temple. “I think you did that on purpose.” He grumbled.

“Not this time. I swear.” She licked her thumb and wiped the splotch of blood that splattered out of the bug.

He sucked in a breath as she poked at the swelling. “It’s really not that bad. I’ve done much better than this.”

“You mean much worse?” He looked at her incredulously.

Team Kakashi sat around a campfire in the middle of a clearing, surrounded by trees on a sides. There was a large gap between the leaves above providing a brilliant view of the stars. Sakura sighed contently and laid on her back to take advantage of the view. A blissful silence fell upon the group as they soaked in this peaceful moment in each other’s company.

It was one of those rare moments in time when Sakura felt a sense of normalcy. Those moments had been few and far in between lately. Everything changed after the war. Death had loomed in her peripheral vision, showing up at random times. She could never prepare for it. All of a sudden, she would be curled up in bed, hiding under the covers, waiting for it to pass. The divine tree sucking her in and wrapping her tightly in its evil webs. Corpses of the people she once loved following her with their black eyes.   
  


It made her sick every day. She threw up and drank until they all retreated to the back of her head, waiting for her behind a veil of moss and branches. She pretended that they weren’t all staring at her as she entered a patients exam room or as she showered at night.

“Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto was the first to break silence.

  
These men were her brothers. When they were together, she knew she was safe. She could pretend that she was that lost 12 year old again. Before she found her place in the world. A place that so happened to carry the weight of the world. 

”Hm?” Kakashi did not look up from his book. He was slouched over with his head in his free hand, elbow resting on his right knee.

  
“Don’t you ever get tired of reading those same pervy books?” Naruto squinted at the orange book with the busty girl being chased by a handsome man.

“Yeah sensei! You’ve been reading those same books for years. Besides, you’re about to be Hokage. You can’t just read stuff like that in front of people anymore. It’s inappropriate.” Sakura nagged.  
  


Falling back into these moments kept her sane. 

Kakashi sighed. “Well, we will cross that bridge when we get to it.” The shape of his smile could be seen beneath his mask. Sakura felt that familiar urge to yank it down. They still had never managed to see his face, but she heard rumors that it was quite handsome.

  
“I can’t believe this will be our last mission as a team. Things just won’t be the same without you sensei.” Naruto said wistfully.

Tsunade sent Team Kakashi on a recon mission to locate and observe a group of rogue ninja operating a black market. This group moved from village to village among the nations and were rumored to have a base in The Land of Grass. Recon missions were usually laid back, although the mission following was expected to be a difficult one. This group of rogue ninja were quickly gaining notoriety amongst the nations.

Kakashi would be named the sixth Hokage in a week. Sakura suspected that Tsunade assigned them a cushy recon mission to give Team Kakashi an opportunity to enjoy their last one together. She was grateful for it. Being between four white sterile walls day in and day out was doing nothing for her sanity.

  
”Let’s celebrate Kakashi-sensei’s accomplishment.” Sai began to pour sake into five glasses. “There is no one more qualified or deserving of the title.”

“I’ll be right behind you Kaka-sensei! You better not screw this up because I’m ready to take the title now!” Naruto grabbed the glass of sake from Sai.

“Naruto, I would gladly hand over the position for you if I thought you were ready for it.” Kakashi accepted a glass.

“You idiots! We’re not supposed to drink on missions! Lady Tsunade will kill is all!” Sakura hollered out.

  
“Oh come on, Sakura. Just this once, and she will never find out. Besides, I’ll be the Hokage in a week.” Kakashi winked.

“All right, fine” Sakura gave in and took one of the glasses. It never took a whole lot of convincing for her.

Yamato raised his glass first and clanked it to get everyone’s attention. “To Kakashi guiding our shinobi and keeping our village safe. May he bring prosperity as the sixth Hokage and spread his will of fire!”

“To Kakashi-sensei!” Everyone said in unison clanking their glasses together and swigging back the first sip.

As the night carried on, the five of them drank and laughed at old memories. They shared stories of their mistakes from their genin days and reminisced on their successful missions. Yamato used his wood style to create a guitar and began to play a song. Sakura started to sing along. The forest around them was filled with Yamato’s soft guitar tones and Sakura’s soft, breathy vocals. Eventually, all of the guys joined in with her singing.

It felt late when Sakura noticed that the fire died down and one of them was missing.

  
“Where’s Naruto?” She questioned. He disappeared at some point. It was already decided that Sakura would be taking first watch. She had a feeling of what he might be doing.

”Probably taking a shit.” Sai shrugged and suggested.

“I’ll go look for him.” Sakura walked to the direction where she expected to find Naruto. The two of them shared a similar habit of lingering in the past. She supposed it was their way of coping with the future that had spiraled out of control and shaped into something that they could have never prepared for.

“Naruto?” Sakura walked deeper into the woods. She ducked under a hanging branches and skirted around a dip in the ground. “Where are you? I know you’re out her moping somewhere!” She called out in the dark.

“Over here, Sakura.”

She found him sitting on the highest branch of a tree. She jumped up to meet him. “Is something wrong?” She scooted herself next to him observing his features. He seemed to be in one of his rare sullen moods.

“Nothing really…” Naruto hesitated but continued. “It’s just that so much is changing. I mean, with you becoming head of the hospital soon and Kakashi-sensei becoming Hokage, I just feel like I’m being left behind. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for you. I just miss our team is all.” Naruto looked out into the forest where two deer where chewing on a branch of berries.

“And then Sasukes still gone. He should be here with us for our last mission together…” Naruto added.

  
“I know. I miss him too.” Naruto’s melancholy always tugged her down. Because of he was unhappy, who could be happy? She had not completely forgiven Sasuke, but she did miss him. Sakura wished she could brush grievances off as easily as Naruto. Sasuke’s apology was not enough to erase the years of pain he caused her and Naruto. After he tried to kill her, she convinced herself that she was ready to give up on him. The more stubborn part of her wanted to see him again. She wanted real closure. The kind that soothed the knots in your soul and helped you sleep a bit better.

She turned to Naruto looking him in the eye. “We will always be Team 7 no matter what. One day soon, we will all be together. I just know it. Then, we can have another night like this one.” She smiled warmly at him.

Naruto smiled back. “Thanks Sakura. I think so too. I’m glad you still miss him as much as I do.”

  
She wished she had the heart to be honest with Naruto.

They sat in silence for a little while longer. “You should get some sleep, Naruto. You have the next watch. I’ll wake you up in two hours.”

  
“Yea, alright.” He hopped down from the tree. “Night Sakura”

Sakura watched his retreating back until he was out of sight. Honestly, he was too sentimental for his own good. It was a rare quality in the shinobi world. It was the same quality that often had her seeking out his presence. She was so grateful to have him as her best friend and teammate. His unconditional love for his friends was such a source of inspiration to her. She would have given up on Sasuke a long time ago if it had not been for Naruto’s devotion. Sometimes, she felt that Naruto was too good for both of them because honestly, Team 7 would have been a forgotten piece of her past had it not been for Naruto. She wasn’t the same as him.

  
She relaxed and closed her eyes listening to the sounds of wildlife. Footsteps of harmless nocturnal creatures looking for their next meal. She drifted off on the edge of consciousness, light thoughts floating around her.

  
A breeze picked up, and she suddenly froze. There was something in the air. A darkness stirring that she had felt before. It called for her. It was a strange chakra. Or several? She did not know but there was something so familiar about it. She slowly stood from her spot and walked quietly towards it as though in a trance.

She was sure either she must be mistaken or she was loosing her mind. She stepped out from the trees into a clearing and saw the source of the chakra.

Aside from the cracks and blood on his flawless face, he looked exactly the same. The boy who turned himself into a puppet that she faced three years ago. One of the most emotional battles of her life that still left her waking up in a cold sweat.

“Sasori?” She stared and blinked as though he was a figment of her imagination that would disappear. “Is that really you?”


	2. Ghosts

“You” She stared and blinked as though he was a figment of her imagination that would disappear. “Are you real?”  
  


Of all the people he could’ve run into, it inconveniently had to be her. The only living person that knew his true identity. An image of himself elbow deep in her guts flashed in his mind. He could kill her now. He could add her to his collection.

She took a tentative step towards him fists glowing.   
  


“You aren’t really going try that on me again, are you?” Sasori spoke.

“Tell me how you are still alive.” She sprinted towards him jumping in the air and clashing with one of his puppets. The thing was ghastly looking. It had three heads on its shoulders and several extra limbs. The head on the left had no eyes, and it’s jaw was hinged wide open. It was the first to draw her attention because black liquid shot from its open mouth.

She quickly did a back handspring dodging out of the way. Chances are this was a poison, but she couldn’t be sure. 

She had her answer soon enough when the liquid landed on a rock formation behind her, and it disintegrated in seconds. 

“ _Shit. I can’t let that touch me.”_

She had to devise a plan, but first she wanted to know the unique abilities of each head. She had to somehow get him to use each one. “ _Dammit. I shouldn’t have gone this far out alone. What was I thinking?”_

She jumped for the trees sticking to long range kunai attacks to bait him into using the other heads. She knew she would have to step up her attacks eventually, but she needed to take her time and conserve her chakra. There was no room for error with Sasori.

A blast of the liquid landed on her tree causing her to loose her footing as it collapsed. She barely evaded the poisoned limbs that stretched past her head. “ _Not good.”_

“Obviously, I’m still alive because you and that old woman failed to kill me.” Sasori spoke as his puppet struck at her again.

“I can see that, but how? Lady Chiyo stabbed you through the heart twice.” Sakura huffed and jumped away from a whip of the puppet’s tail. 

“I’m not fool enough to keep my real heart in my puppet body. That was a clone of it.” He then shot out hundreds of tiny needles from his puppet’s numerous fingertips.

Between dodging the liquid, the limbs and the needles, she was quickly getting fatigued. At this rate, she wouldn’t be able to hold him off anymore. She had to do something quick.

She saw an opening once the needles ceased their projection. She flew past his assaults dodging them effectively and readying her fist to land a blow. She then learned the specific abilities of the middle head. It opened it’s mouth as the first one’s closed. A barrier appeared around the puppet absorbing the blow of her fist and throwing her power back at her. She flew several feet backwards until colliding with a tree. The tree cracked in half, and she lost consciousness for a few precious seconds. 

_Now that’s two of three._ She healed the shattered bones of her hand and wrist. She would need to heal her concussion after the battle. That is, if she made it out in one piece.

She expertly dodged more attacks and threw out her own that were blocked until she realized a trend. The puppet could not use its defensive barrier while the other was attacking. The head with an open mouth would indicate that it was the active one. She would need to attack while the first head’s powers were active. This would be difficult in itself, but then there was still the question of the third head’s purpose.

The first head spewed it’s acid. “ _Screw it.”_ She barely dodged the lethal liquid in time as she ran towards it. She quickly leaped over it and landed a punch from above before the middle head could activate its barrier. The puppet did not shatter from her blow like she hoped, but it took a healthy amount of damage.

“Very good. I’d expect no less from you, Sakura.” Sasori looked at her with his one glass eye. As usual, his expression appeared bored and unimpressed.

“I hope you were expecting this!” She replied before sprinting towards him. This time she was going to try getting past his puppet and hit him directly. She caught sight of his puppet’s movement from her peripheral vision and spared it a glance. She gasped as she saw the third head’s mouth open. It let out a shrill scream that had her covering her ears in pain.

It only took her a moment to realize she was trapped in a sound genjutsu. Of course, he would mesh three ninja with unique abilities into one nasty puppet. She realized he reconstructed their chakra pathways to enhance each’s individual technique. She tried desperately to push her chakra and release herself from the genjutsu but failed to overpower it.

Blood poured from her ears and eyes. She screamed in a terrified frenzy while ripping her hair out in chunks. Her emotions began to spiral out of control. She picked at her fingernails until they bled too. She painfully pulled each one off then went for her toenails. Sakura knew she needed to snap out of it before she perceived to mutilate herself to death. 

It was rare for Sakura to get caught in a genjutsu, but this one was especially powerful. Since she was causing self harm in the illusion, real self harm was ineffective. Her release technique failed her. The only thing left for her to do was meditate and wait for it to pass. She concentrated on carefully moving chakra to the parts of her brain responsible for her panic. 

It felt like a week passed during the affects of this genjutsu. During that time, she severed her own digits and left deep wounds across her arms and abdomen. After she sliced the last of her toes off with a kunai, her self mutilation came to a halt. She was laying in her blood panting heavily. At this point, she was completely drained of chakra but could feel herself returning to reality.

Suddenly, she found herself projected forward by chakra threads. They tightened around her wrists, waist and ankles. She could not escape Sasori’s hold on her. He had her face to face with him. 

“You broke it. Nobody has been able to break this genjutsu.” Sasori stated plainly though she detected wonder in his tone.

Sakura didn’t have the energy to respond. She was still panting and sweating but fully intact.

“I’ll keep you alive for now.” With that, he made a number of hand signs and pressed his hands to her temples. She suddenly felt lightheaded and collapsed under her own weight. He carried her comatose body and placed it underneath a tree where she would be found.

His mind control jutsu would prevent her from mentioning their encounter to her comrades. She would remember it all though.

“ _The events of this particular dream were always the same. Sakura and Naruto were wide eyed and frantic. They ran through endless, dark halls yelling Sasuke’s name. Every door led to a trap or a disturbing sight like some sick carnival house. Something was very wrong with this place. Death waited patiently around every corner. The air was thick with humidity and ghosts._

_“Naruto, don’t go!” Sakura begged. She already lost Sasuke. She couldn’t bear to loose Naruto too._

_“I promised you I would bring him home!” Naruto sounded like a broken record. He ran ahead not taking a moment to look back. He was driven mad by his desperation just as Sasuke was driven mad by his pursuit of vengeance._

_Sakura was left alone in the dark. Her only thought was that she had to stop them. Her legs pushed her body forward, but they were out of reach. She couldn’t see or hear them. The floor swallowed her up and dropped her to the ground below._

_A new scene took place before her. There was Sasuke and Naruto both possessed by a rage as potent as the fumes of death in the air. Sakura tried to run towards them, but her feet were bound in place._

_“Stop it. Please!” She pleaded to both of them. Her words dissipated before they could reach them. She sobbed uncontrollably as she watched her two closest friends relentlessly attack one another. As usual, she was helpless._

_A great blinding explosion projected both of them backwards. Both bodies hit the ground in a mess of unnaturally contorted limbs. She finally found the ability to move and ran towards them. Her body quivered as she picked up Naruto and held him to her chest. She was too late._

_The weight of her failure was too heavy to bear, so she bowed her forehead to Naruto’s chest. The pain of regret filled her lungs preventing her from drawing breath. She sobbed into Naruto’s shredded clothes. “I told you not to go.” Her voice shook, but it wasn’t Naruto she blamed._

_She never could be useful to her team, and now, she would never have the chance. It was her fault that she would never see Naruto’s radiant smile again. She would never know the depths of Sasuke’s sorrow and mend his broken heart with love. The pain of her loss would live with her for the rest of her life._

“Sakura! Wake up!” Sakura’s eyes forcefully shot open to meet Naruto’s vibrant blue eyes wild with worry. She breathed a sigh of relief. Her eyes were slightly watered and crusted.

The rest of the team were hovered around Naruto. 

“Ugly, did you wander off after having too much to drink?” Sai questioned.

Sakura felt a pounding headache as her memories of last night came flooding back to her. She began to panick. Sasori was still out there somewhere. She meant to recount her events to her team but instead found herself chuckling nervously “I guess I did.” She smiled sheepishly.

_That was weird._

It was like something stopped her from speaking of last night.

“Naruto slept through his watch since you didn’t wake him. Kakashi woke up for his turn to find that you were gone. We found you hours ago, but you wouldn’t wake up.” Yamato helpfully explained.

“Gosh, Sakura. I didn’t know you were this much of a lightweight.” Naruto reached his hand out to help her off the ground.

She still felt woozy. “Yea, me either.” She laughed again. She had no idea why she continued to go along with this.

“Now that everyone is awake, are we all ready to continue the mission?” Kakashi broke her from her thoughts.

“You betcha!” Naruto gave an enthusiastic thumbs up.

The group got in formation and sprung up to the branches overhead. They fell into silence as each were absorbed in their own thoughts. The sound of feet tapping against bark was their only background noise.

Sakura’s mind drifted back to Sasori. It was a complete mystery as to why she couldn’t seem to speak of him. Thinking on it further, she had no idea why he let her live. He could have ended her life right there. She would have been a puppet by now. She shuddered at the thought. _“I should just count my blessings.”_


	3. Missed Connections

_Deidara was well know for his flamboyant displays of violence. His tendency to blow up the world and all of its inhabits was consistent through all of his moods. That was why Sasori could not guess the reason Deidara was mulishly quiet that day._

_Their mission brought them to a part of the world that was lost from civilization. Sasori considered hiding out in this land to never return. It would have been more pleasant had Deidara not been bothering him. As much as Sasori hated their petty arguments, he thought Deidara’s stubborn silence was equally annoying._

_Deidara halted his steps to further draw attention to himself. Sasori couldn’t take it anymore. “Whatever it is, say it now. You are especially irritating today.” The spiteful venom in Sasori’s words was lost in Hiruko’s foreboding tone of voice._

_“Why did you join the Akatsuki?” Deidara brazenly asked._

_Sasori wasn’t expecting that question. He considered ignoring it in favor of a death threat for his impertinence. Instead of bickering, he gave an answer. “I needed inspiration for my art. I thought I would find it in the Akatsuki.”_

_“So…you didn’t find it?” Deidara pressed further._

_Not knowing the point of these questions, he decided not to answer._

_Deidara sighed. “I just don’t know why anyone would willingly join the Akatsuki. We just do what they want without knowing the real reasons behind it, yeah?”_

_Sasori was well aware that many members were left in the dark about the Akatsuki’s true end goal. He was not so small minded as to be wrapped up in his own goals with no concern for the big picture. He just didn’t care as long as it didn’t interfere with his future. The Akatsuki would just be a stepping stone in his life. Aside from the few “immortal” members, the Akatsuki would die, but he had a whole eternity ahead._

_He could understand why Deidara hated it though._

_“I know we’ve only been working together for a year, but I think of you as an older brother.” Deidara looked down to his hand chewing a piece of clay. “You’re different from the others. I respect you and your art even though my art is superior.” Deidara continued to avoid eye contact with Sasori. He watched as his hand spit up a small spider sculpture. “I think we make a great team, yeah?”_

_Sasori could only just stare at him. He did not know what to say to Deidara’s admission. This was the most intimate feeling anyone ever held towards him that he could remember. It was all he ever wanted during his humanity. To have someone hold him in such high esteem felt…he didn’t know. His brain did not have time to process his feelings before his mouth opened. “I joined the Akatsuki because I was tired of being alone.”_

_That came out more pathetic than he thought. He internally winced at his show of vulnerability to his partner._

_If Deidara was caught off guard by his admission, he didn’t show it. “We can take over the Akatsuki. Just us, yeah?” He looked at him hopefully. “We can run things our own way. We wouldn’t have to answer to anyone again.”_

_It sounded like a great idea in theory. If they could survive while_ _other members died out, they might have a chance of taking over. Sasori could expand upon his art in the ways he only dreamed of. He would never admit this to Deidara, but he respected him too._

_“Shut up and focus on the mission. Your distractions always delay us.” Sasori turned away from him and continued walking._

_Deidara knew Sasori well enough to know that this was not a rejection. He smiled to himself._

_“Katsu!” He tossed the sculpture before running to catch up with Sasori. An explosion of branches and rocks erupted from behind him._

Death was closer to Sasori than his own shadow. He draped it around those few who dared to love him forcing them to meet with their mortality. Komushi, Deidara and his own parents were victims of his curse.

He went back for Deidara after the Akatsuki presumed him to be dead, but he was gone. He could have blamed Deidara’s descent to madness in proving the “greatness” of his art, but he knew better. Deidara doomed himself the day he held any feelings for Sasori.

Sasori contemplated this as he stroked his wooden fingers across Deidara’s torn forehead protector. After his defeat by his grandmother and Deidara’s death, he could no longer lie to himself. It was blatantly clear to him. All the years he spent replacing every part of himself capable of feeling had proven to be a waste. All at once, he legacy crumbled before him.

Sasori wooden knees creaked as they carried him forward. He sensed rather than felt a shift in the air pressure followed by a new energy. He waited until four ninja with powerful chakra landed in front of him. 

“Sasori of the Red Sand” One of them bowed respectfully. 

He looked at them with disinterest.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet.” The one who appeared to be the team leader spoke. “As you may know, we are a group ninja with the common goal of redistributing powerful weapons across the nations for the purpose of balancing out power.” He continued.

“ _I_ understand that you obtain the most powerful weapons and sell them illegally gaining an enormous profit. You have been seeking rare powers to create new weapons. Now, what is it you want from me?” Sasori, as usual, was not in the mood for pleasantries.

“Your human body is still out there somewhere.” The leader took the cue and got to the point. “We would pay you a grand sum of money for it.”

“Why would you want such a thing?” Sasori already knew the answer.

“As an S rank ninja and a former Akatsuki member, your body is valuable. It could be used for research and for DNA manipulation. As you know, a ninja’s corpse is a gold mine. In your case, your body is still alive which is even better.” The leader explained. “Our boss is willing to negotiate terms that suit you. You could have anything you want.”

“I knew your group would eventually seek out my human body. The answer is no. I have no use for anything he has to offer.” He may not need it survive, but it was his backup. He also did not like the idea of anyone using his DNA. 

“We know you only need your heart. This would be the only organ we would not take.” The leader persisted.

This didn’t sit well with Sasori. The fact that they knew this much about his body transfer technique disturbed him. There was only one person who ever knew this much about the technique, and that was only out of necessity for the procedure.

“Absolutely not.” 

“We were hoping to come to an agreement with you, but we will have it one way or another.” One of the other ninja spoke up. He looked to be the most threatening of the four.

“And what makes you think that I will allow you to take it?” Sasori was prepared to kill these ninja who knew too much about him, but then he wouldn’t be able to find out their source of information.

“We are already know where it is. You would be greatly rewarded for your cooperation. If not, we won’t hesitate to take everything including your heart.” He warned.

“We will give you more time to consider your terms, but don’t take too long.” The leader spoke again before disappearing in a puff of smoke. The other three followed suit. 

Sasori stared at the empty spot where the shadow clones were a moment ago. 

Yuyake seemingly appeared out of nowhere scurrying up his arm. “Master, you need to retrieve your body before they get to it first. We can’t be certain that they are not capable of overcoming the seals.”

“I know that.” Sasori snapped.

“But can you break them?”

“I can’t do it alone.” The seals were too complicated. It required more than one person as well as someone adept with genjutsu. Sasori dreaded what he would be forced to do.

Team Kakashi filed into Tsunade’s office lining up in from of her desk.

“Well? What did you find out?” She pointed her scrutinizing gaze on them. 

“There was no trace of the group where it was last reported they were seen. We believe they moved on to a new hideout.” Kakashi spoke for the group.

“Damn it! It’s just as I expected. They moved on after drawing attention from the locals. Did you find any clues as to where they are headed?” Tsunade sternly asked.

“A local weapon shop owner claimed to encounter an unfamiliar ninja passing through in the direction of the Hidden Rain village. He purchased a few weapons from the shop.”

“Thank you. I expect your full written report by this afternoon. I need to put together a new team best suited for tracking. You’re all dismissed.” Tsunade didn’t wait for them to leave before refilling her glass of sake.

Sakura lingered behind after the rest of her team exited Tsunade’s office.

“Shishou...” There was so much she wanted to say to Tsunade about the events of the mission, but she could not.

“What is it, Sakura? Tsunade looked up at her with tired eyes.

“I just feel like something is missing. I want you to put me with the tracking team for the follow up mission.” Sakura requested.

Tsunade thought for a moment before shaking her head. “ I need you at the hospital. You know we have been short staffed for the past week.”

Sakura really needed to get to the bottom of the situation with Sasori. “Please Lady Tsunade. I think it would be beneficial for me to go on this mission. They may need a medic, and I think at least one of us from the original recon mission should go.” She hoped her reasons sounded good enough.

Tsunade sighed. “Fine. I’ll put you on the team. Make sure Ino is available to cover your hospital shifts.”

“Thanks Lady Tsunade!” She turned to leave but paused at the door. 

“Milady?”

“What is it?”

Sakura struggled with her next words. “I just wanted to say that I’m going to miss our training sessions together.” She turned to Tsunade with a sad smile.

The hard lines of Tsunade’s frown softened. “You’ve done well, Sakura. I can relax knowing that I’ve passed on all of my knowledge to you. My greatest accomplishment has been you.”

Sakura felt the tears well up in her eyes. Tsunade was a harsh instructor that didn’t give praise freely. She knew the weight of Tsunade’s words, and she intended to spend the rest of her life carrying on Tsunade’s legacy. Her training would not go to waste. “Thank you for everything, Milady!” She ran over to Tsunade and threw her arms around her shoulders.

Tsunade brought her hands up to Sakura’s arms that embraced her in a sideways hug. “Don’t think you can start slacking off now. I’ll still be watching you.” She half-heartedly lectured.

“Of course not, shishou” She laughed while wiping the tear from her cheek. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is unedited. I apologize for any grammar errors.


	4. Crimes of War

_The day Komushi was pronounced dead, Sasori was in his workshop with only his grief for company. He heard his grandmother rip the door from its hinges. “Wicked child! How could you do such a thing?” She pulled him by the hair with a chakra thread and tossed him backwards into a shelf of puppet parts. They crashed to the ground in pieces._

_“How could you? Tell me! How could you?” She was horrified. Her grandson had become something she had no control over. She turned a blind eye to him and was now facing the consequences._

_He picked himself up from the broken planks and scampered backwards. “Granny Chiyo, it was an accident! I didn’t mean to…” Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks. “I just thought…”_

_“You may look like your father, but you’re nothing like him! How did you turn out this way?” She walked towards him and fell to his feet sobbing. “I failed him! I raised a monster!”_

_“I’m so sorry!” He voice cracked around his words. He sobbed harder than he ever had in his life._

_“What am I going to do with you?” She choked between sobs. “Its all my fault. I failed your father, and I’ve failed you.” She had a death grip on his arm. Her wrinkled face was contorted in agony._

_“I’m so sorry…” he repeated in vain. There was nothing he could do or say to take it back. His grandmother was right. He was a monster that killed his best and only friend._

_“How can I ever face your parents again.” She cried out._

_He felt his heart break permanently this time._

  
  


Existing indefinitely had certain disadvantages. The bad memories had a tendency to stack up on top of one another until he was buried underneath them. He could only go back up each time. Sasori wondered if there would ever be a different outcome.

“Master, you’ve been more distant than usual lately.” Yuyake was quick to remind him of the unresolved issues he left behind with his flesh, so he chose to say nothing.

Sasori remembered telling Sakura and his grandmother that he was not alive but also not dead. That wasn’t the truth. He was now certain he must be dead, and he was in hell paying for the sins of his art. That was the only explanation of his suffering through endless cycles of the same events.

An old woman his grandmother’s age at her time of death coughed harshly into her hand. It sounded like she would die any minute now. This village was infested with disease and negligence. Many of the civilians were on the verge of wasting away, and the structures were wrought with war’s devastation.

“This village may never recover from the looks of it. They’ve lost too much. A pity.” Yuyake looked up at Sasori from his shoulder.

“Lets just move on.” Sasori looked around with disgust. “I’ve never seen something so pathetic.”

An unusual color in this desolate wasteland appeared in his line of vision. He perked up at the sight of pink. There was no mistaking who it belonged to. Her back was turned to him, and she was speaking with presumably a team member. The sight of her was enough to distract him from his endless spiral of thoughts.

Sasori was sure he stood out just as much as her in the midst of endless gray skies and landscapes colored black with pollution. He lifted his dark hood to conceal his face and discretely moved to find cover behind a small building ready to collapse.

Sakura’s sharp green eyes scouted the area ahead. Hinata stuck close to her side observing in the other direction.

“I think we should split up and question the villagers.” Sakura suggested.

“Right” Hinata agreed. “Let’s report back to the rest of the team in half an hour.”

Sakura nodded before heading off into the direction of a civilian that caught her eye earlier. 

“Hello ma’am, are you hungry?” She approached the old civilian pulling an apple out of her pouch.

The woman’s face was covered in dirt, and she smelled of days old sweat. Sakura felt pity for the condition of the villagers. “Here, take this.” She handed her the apple. 

The woman blinked up at her before slowly reaching for the apple. “Why thank you.” The effort of speaking brought on another coughing fit.

Sakura placed her hand against the woman’s chest emitting a green glow that seeped under her skin to her lungs. Her cough gradually eased until she was able to collect herself. 

“Are you ok?” Sakura stepped back to give her space.

“That’s very kind of you.” She graced Sakura with a warm smile despite her decaying teeth.

“It will ease your suffering, but I’m afraid the tissue of your lungs is damaged beyond repair.” There was hardly anything she hated more than to deliver news of one’s impending death. It just didn’t feel like it was her right.

“I know that I don’t have much time left. Most of us in the village cannot afford medical care including myself. I don’t know how to properly thank you for what you have done.” She grasped her hands. “You aren’t Sakura Haruno, by chance, are you?” She peered up into Sakura’s face with curiosity.

“I am.” Sakura awkwardly looked away from her intrusive gaze and laughed. 

“Oh my,” She marveled “I’ve heard the rumors of your striking hair color and your extraordinary skills that aided the nations during the war. My granddaughter is quite your admirer.” 

Sakura was surprised at this. She never minded being the support of her team. She was happy to let her guys be recognized as the heroes, but she would be lying if she said it didn’t feel damn good to be individually recognized for once.

“Oh, umm…thank you!” She did not know what else to say to such a compliment.

“Can you do this old woman one more favor?” 

“Of course! What is it?”

“Please take this to my granddaughter’s grave.” She returned the apple to Sakura’s hand. “It is the one farthest to the left on the first row.”

“Your granddaughter has…passed?” 

“Yes” She nodded. Her face took on a sorrowful expression. “She was sick and starving. I couldn’t find any food for her, and she was unable to overcome her illness. If only I could have done more for her. She may still be here. I should be the one buried in that grave.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sakura bowed. She understood her reasons, but the living would make better use of food.

“Please…I don’t deserve your treatment. It should have been her. Please take this apple to her.” Her eyes were filled with tears ready to spill.

Sakura sighed and smiled. “Sure, I’ll take it to her.” One of Sakura’s major flaws was that she caved in to the whims of others easily when they appealed to her emotions.

“You take care now.” She waved goodbye to the woman before heading in the direction of the large graveyard that she spotted earlier. 

Although they hardly accomplished anything, this mission was sucking away the last of her energy. Maybe it was the toxins in the air covering every inch of her skin and engraving themselves further in her with every breath she drew. Or maybe it was the glaring reminder that the end of war was only the beginning of their losses. It collected its payments long after it was over.

She thought of Pein. As a young chuunin, she could have never understood someone like him. He was a monster and deserved to die. That was all there was to it. Now, she felt like she could understand why he wanted to do everything in his power to prevent war. There wasn’t anything quite like seeing the aftermath of war first hand.

Sakura saw the graveyard up ahead. It was almost the size of the village itself. She could only wonder how long it would be before the entire village was a burial ground. She almost forgot what she was here for as she entered through the open gates.

She spotted the grave and made her way towards it. The headstone was as plain as the rest of them. They were all devoid of any flowers or decorations. There were no engravings. It seemed that the village could hardly afford to bury their dead.

Sakura placed the apple on top of the headstone and bowed to say a prayer for the young girl that she hardly knew anything about. The little bit she did know was enough to make her heart clench with pity and sorrow.

It was during that moment she felt a familiar but unwelcome chakra presence. She had not noticed until the chakra was sinking beneath her skin infusing with her own network. Blue chakra threads extending from her body became visible. She tried and failed to resist against the strings tugging her back. 

She shrieked as her body projected backwards until she came to a stop behind a tomb. Sasori stepped forward into her view. His face had been repaired since their last encounter. He wore the same sleepy expression and tousled red hair that she remembered well. For a brief moment after her shock wore off, she thought that he must have been really attractive as a human if he resembled his puppet form. He had looks that could rival Sasuke’s. The thought slipped away as the strings painfully tightened around her.

“It’s good to see you again, Sakura.” He stated without any enthusiasm whatsoever.

“You wanna tell me what it is you’re doing?” Sakura scowled at him while struggling in his hold.

Sasori observed her with a blank expression for a few long moments. “Come with me.”

Sakura blinked. “Are you crazy?” _Wait…it is Sasori_

Sasori just continued to stare at her. He was very tempted to just strangle her with his threads and add her to his collection. “I need your assistance.” He finally spoke after swallowing his surge of anger.

“Why on earth would I do that? We aren’t exactly _friends._ ” Though she was very curious about how he was still alive. Furthermore, she was still under his creepy mind control jutsu. Who knows what else he could force her to do. It may be in her best interest to find a way to break it.

“Fine, but if I help you, I expect you to break this jutsu.” She bargained.

Sasori narrowed his eyes at her. “After you help me, I’ll think about breaking the jutsu.”

Sakura guessed that this was as much of an agreement as she would get out of him. “I need to tell my team something. I can’t just leave without a word.” 

“Hurry up then.”

She frowned at his demand. “I’m helping you! You’re in no position to bark orders at me.”

She stomped off leaving holes in the ground in her wake. Her steps lightened as her anger dissipated. She thought that she must be crazy to agree to follow Sasori wherever he intended to take her, but she reasoned it was the only way to get to the bottom of this situation. She hated having to lie to her friends though. 

Hinata came into view up ahead. “Hey, Hinata!” She called out.

“Oh, Hi Sakura.” Hinata turned to face her. “Did you gather any useful information from the villagers?” 

“I’m afraid not.” Sakura replied. “What about you?”

“Me neither.” Hinata glanced around. “These poor villagers. Most are on the verge of dying. The ones that aren’t are doing their best to support their families.”

“I’m gonna stay here for a few days, Hinata.” Sakura announced.

Hinata looked at her with surprise. “You shouldn’t stay here by yourself, Sakura.”

“I’ll be fine. These people need medical attention. I’ll only be a few days, and I’ll write to Lady Tsunade. Don’t worry!” Sakura internally winced at the lies spilling from her mouth but hid it behind a bright smile. She would try to make it up by actually providing medical care to these people before leaving the village. Sasori would just have to wait a little longer.

“Ok Sakura, but please be careful.” Hinata smiled at her. “I’ll let the guys know that you are staying behind.”

“Thanks Hinata, I’ll catch up with you later.” She turned and waved her off.


	5. A New Resolve

“Lets go.” Sasori snapped. “You’ve made me wait long enough.” He impatiently hovered over her shoulder.

Sakura was kneeling over a cocktail of herbs she mixed together. “I’m almost done. Get off my back.” She glared up at him. Her left eye twitched. 

“Master Sasori” Yuyake poked his head up from the inside of Sasori’s collar. “The girl may need rest before we take leave. She has used most of her chakra while performing medical ninjutsu on the villagers.” 

“Woah! Is that a scorpion?” Sakura’s expression quickly changed to one of curiosity as she eyed Yuyake.

“Forgive my master’s rudeness. I am Yuyake.” He emerged from Sasori’s collar.

Sakura met her share of talking animals but never had she met a talking scorpion. He was a polite one too. She was super curious as to how he ended up in such miserable company.

“I’m Sakura. It’s nice to meet you.” She brought her face closer to Sasori’s shoulder to get a better look.

“The pleasure is all mine.” Yuyake waved his claws.

Sasori looked like he would burst a blood vessel if he had any. “We won’t be staying in this shit hole any longer.”

Sakura shared his sentiment with wanting to leave as soon as possible. There was only so much she could do by herself. Her chakra levels were getting dangerously low, and the hopeless situation of the village was bringing her down. The wind cut through bringing in the smell of rotten corpses. Her nose scrunched at the assault to her senses.

“We can leave after I deliver my medicine to the village’s leader.” She promised to both herself and Sasori.

Sasori snorted. “Village’s _leader_?” There didn’t seem to be any leadership around here as far as he could see. 

“I’ll be back. And don’t follow me! I don’t need to be seen with you.” She said as she headed off.

And that was fine with Sasori. He just wanted to get this over with. All the same, he deemed it necessary to bestow her his best death glare for her disrespect.

The soft sounds of water lapping against their small wooden boat echoed through the trees. Sakura would have easily fallen asleep had she not been eyeing the silhouette of a lifeless puppet paddling them through darkness and fog. 

Sakura wondered how Sasori was able to navigate them in such conditions. She could hardly see him in the dark let alone the path ahead. 

In an attempt to dispel her growing discomfort, Sakura awkwardly cleared her throat to break the silence. “You never did tell me what it is you need my help with.” Now seemed like a good time to bring it up.

Sasori’s persistent silence made her believe that he was going to literally leave her in the dark. Sakura tried her hardest to see him by staring at him until her night vision adjusted. She was able to see that he was staring right back at her with his expressionless glass eyes.

She caught a chill and shuttered.

“It’s none of your concern. You will find out when you must.” And then he would wipe it from her memory. He wouldn’t mention this part of the plan to her.

Sakura gritted her teeth in frustration. “I _do_ need to know if I will be an accomplice to one of your crimes. If that’s the case, then you can forget it.”

“You wont.” He regarded her for a moment and flipped the hair that had fallen into his eye. “But you also won’t have a choice in the matter.” He replied coolly.

Sakura jumped to her feet. “Why you!” She went to grab for him but stopped when she felt a pinch and tickle sensation moving up her arm.

“Lady Sakura, he doesn’t mean what he said! Please excuse my master. He is inept in the ways of tactfulness.” Yuyake hopped up and down on her arm to draw her attention away from her offender.

“Oh, I think he meant what he said!” She shook her fist in his direction. Her eyes were blazing with unchecked fury.

“Hn” Sasori lapsed back into silence tuning out the rest of the conversation. If he continued to entertain her, he would become irritated by her extreme mood shifts. It reminded him of Deidara. He would just have to handle her in the same manner so that he wouldn’t have to kill her before she served her purpose.

“Where are we anyway? How long until we get to solid ground?” Sakura directed her attention to Yuyake sensing that Sasori was not taking any more questions for the night.

“We are in the Land of Swamps.” Yuyake answered. “Our destination is a ways off, but we should find solid ground by the morning.” 

“Land of Swamps?” Sakura became excited. “Cha! I’ve been wanting to make a trip here for so long! I heard they have rare healing plants.”

“That they do. We may find some en route. You should get some rest in the meantime, Lady Sakura. You need to replenish your chakra.” Yuyake suggested.

Yuyake had a good point, but… _is it ok to fall asleep next to Sasori of the Red Sand?_ She didn’t think so. She may very well wake up as a puppet.

“Oh, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” She chuckled nervously and waved him off.

“Don’t be a fool. If I wanted to kill you, you would already be dead.” Sasori answered her thoughts. “You will become useless to me if you don’t replenish your chakra.”

Sakura knew she had no other option. She was getting tired and feeling weak as a result. There was no way she would be able to fight or heal herself if they were to get involved in a battle.

“Looks like I don’t have much of a choice.” She placed her bag under her head and curled up uncomfortably on the floor of the boat. It only took her a few minutes to fall asleep after settling in.

Dawn arrived to provide soft lighting to the scenery around them. The fog dissipated to a light mist allowing Sakura to take in the view. The swamplands were nothing like she had ever seen. It was eerily quiet and seemed to be completely unfazed by the world around it. Long grass penetrated the dark, murky water making it difficult to tell where solid ground began. Large ancient trees loomed overhead in an almost threatening manner. There was so much plant life she had never seen before.

Sakura was so enthralled she forgot her earlier animosity towards her company. “Wow, this place is a world of its own. What sort of communities exist in these lands?” She turned to Sasori who was tying up the boat to a broken plank structure serving as a dock.

“It doesn’t matter because we’re not stopping for a visit.” Sasori tightened the knot. The place was absolutely vile, but it was the perfect place to hide secrets due to it being neglected by the ninja world. During darker days, the likes of the Akatsuki and Orochimaru had hideouts deep within the lands.

“The civilians are very self sufficient and prefer to stay out of foreign affairs. They tend to be distrustful of outsiders and keep trade within their own small villages.” Yuyake answered for him.

“No wonder I’ve never been called out here for missions. They probably don’t hire ninja.” Sakura pondered.

“On rare occasions they do, but it is with reluctance.” Yuyake explained.

“The civilians are none of our concern. We are just passing through. Don’t try to befriend every one of these backwood inbreds.” Sasori pointed a look to Sakura.

“Are they really all that bad?” Sakura raised a brow.

“You can decide that for yourself when you see it.”

Sakura followed Sasori to the wet ground. She was already up to her ankles in slop which was putting a damper on her mood. The squelching from their sandals sounded gross and unpleasant. Sasori paid no mind to the clumps of mud sticking to his robes nor the suffocating humidity making it hard to breathe.

Sasori stopped in front of her. She watched as his slender fingers reached for a cluster of brightly colored purple flowers nearly hidden by the long grass. She marveled at the action but even more so when he turned to her and held out the flowers. 

The two of them stared at each other for a long uncomfortable moment. 

Sasori pulled his face into a frown. “You said you wanted healing plants native to this land.”

Sakura’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh, right! Thank you.” She hastily grabbed them from his hand and stuffed them into her bag. It was hard for her to find an appropriate reaction to such a favor from Sasori. She wanted him to continue to piss her off so she could be reminded that he is her enemy. She didn’t need to be distracted from her goal here.

“It is a species of iris plant used to treat edema. You can only find it here.” He turned away from her and continued walking.

Sakura shuffled after him. “Well, that was very kind of you. I didn’t know you had the capability of being kind.” She felt like picking at him.

“Don’t get the wrong impression. I just don’t want you wasting my time looking for herbs.” Sasori paused in front of an old and decrepit shack. “Wait here for a moment. I’ll be back.” She watched as he opened the door and disappeared inside the mysterious shack.

“Master Sasori is not as heartless as he may seem.” Yuyake spoke to her.

“Lady Chiyo defended him too. I couldn’t see it though. Anyone who murders for selfish reasons with no remorse is heartless.” Sakura argued.

“He was a misguided child with potential to be a great, honorable ninja. I believe the old Sasori is still there buried beneath all of his sins.” No matter how many times he tried, Yuyake always failed to rescue his master from his own foolishness. He couldn’t stop him from deflecting from his home. He failed to prevent him from joining the Akatsuki and murdering the third Kazekage. His last attempt to stop him was when he transferred his consciousness into a puppet body. Yuyake could only have faith that one day his master would see the light again. He was determined to wait until that day came.

“Maybe you’re right.” Sakura knew of many ninja who went down the path of darkness but ended up turning back. Being in Naruto’s company, she was able to witness it a lot. He somehow had that affect on everyone. She wondered if things would have been different for Sasori if he had met Naruto.

An idea occurred to her that maybe she needed to try having faith in people the way Naruto did. She did not have Naruto’s resilience to pull the goodness from a person’s tainted heart but maybe she could try it. It would help if she could improve at reigning in her explosive temper.

“Ok, I’ll take your word for it.” She smiled at Yuyake. He blinked his beady black eyes at her.

Sakura walked towards the broken shack with new resolve. She would try to make the best of this situation. She was in a new place on her own with a chance to help someone after she failed to help her own friends. Perhaps, she can finally prove to herself that she doesn’t need to rely on her team for everything.

Sakura opened the door and was greeted by a horrible sight causing all of her previous thoughts to go right out the window. “What the fuck!” Her face contorted in disgust.


	6. Broken Boy

“What?” Sasori looked up at Sakura from the abomination lying on a work bench in the center of the room. 

“What?” Sakura repeated with exasperation. “What _is_ that?” She gestured to the thing. 

It was dead, but it didn’t resemble a human corpse. The body looked to be a hybrid between a human and a centipede monster. Several giant insect legs ending in stingers were attached to the back. The face had no features other than a giant mouth in the center with sharp teeth coated in poison. Instead of two legs, it had a centipede trunk with countless insect legs.

“It’s my newest masterpiece. A true work of art.” Sasori looked at it almost lovingly. She never imagined she would witness such an expression on his face. She would have marveled had she not been fighting the urge to puke. 

Sasori lifted the arms observing the movement of the joints. The legs skittered under his manipulations. The gaping mouth snapped shut before opening wide again. He concentrated on testing the puppet’s basic functionality.

“How did you-“ She couldn’t hold it in anymore. The sight of the thing was repulsing. She turned around to empty the contents of her gut. 

Sasori frowned at her. “I told you to wait outside. It’s your own fault for not doing as I instructed.”

Sakura wiped the puke from her mouth with the back of her hand. She paused to collect herself before speaking again. “How did you manage to do that?” She pointed to his creation.

This would certainly live on in her nightmares for the rest of her life, but her curiosity got the better of her. Everything Sasori did was wildly unethical but no less amazing. She wanted to know the science behind his methods. He would have been the world’s best medical ninja if he had decided to pursue that.

Sasori did not take his eyes off of it. “I can show if you come closer.”

Sakura eyed the puppet warily before stepping towards it. The musty smell of the shack filled her senses making her stomach tighten again. She stubbornly resisted the urge to turn away.

“As long as the chakra is compatible, you can merge two different networks together.” Sasori explained. “If I link the two at their corresponding chakra nodes,” He pointed to the hip where the two were joined. “I can use the unique abilities of each user while enhancing their abilities. They draw upon each other’s power. It is best to merge users that have complimentary abilities.” Sasori brushed his thumb along the poisoned tooth as if he was caressing a lover’s cheek. He lifted his finger to his eye and rubbed the poison between his fingertips.

“Who was that ninja?” It would’ve alleviated her to know that it was a criminal who had done unspeakable things. Or, she was hoping Sasori’s answer would give her ammunition to confront him again. Unfortunately, she was already desensitized by every harrowing experience life threw at her. 

Sasori looked up at her as though he forgot she was there. “I don’t know.”   
  


His empty stare lingered on her face for a long moment taking in every bit of her expression. A sudden, familiar anger rose from the depths of his soul or whatever it was that still allowed him to “feel” things. 

Sakura gasped as a chakra string wrapped around her throat. 

“You are mocking me. I can see it in your face!” His eyes were wide and unstable as he drew near her. A memory of his deranged expression as he stabbed her in the side flashed through her mind. 

“I won’t tolerate it.” He spat at her. His voice shook in his anger.

Sakura struggled against the string obstructing her throat. Her checks were beginning to color. He was determined to squeeze those ignorant thoughts right out of her simple pink head. The singular hatred he held towards them was all he could feel. He would see to it that her eyes would not be able to pass judgement on him again.

_I’ve raised a monster._

_Shut up. Shut up. “_ I didn’t mean to kill him!” He squeezed even tighter. Sakura was beginning to loose consciousness.

“Master, please let her go! She’s not your enemy.” She heard Yuyake plead on her behalf, but his words did not reach Sasori.

He brought his face up to her own. “You think I killed him on purpose?”

_Komushi writhed on his futon. His back arched up high, and his purple skin glistened with sweat. The agonizing sounds of his moans were loud in Sasori’s head._

“I didn’t! I didn’t kill him! They did! I could have saved him!” In Sasori’s attempt to appeal to her, his thread loosened slightly. She used the last of the strength she could muster to reject his chakra string with a desperate burst of her own chakra.

Free from his grasp, Sakura dropped to her knees gasping and choking while Sasori fell deeper into his madness. She had no idea what he was talking about but knew it had nothing to do with her. 

She watched with glassy eyes as he paced around the table. “I won’t let them lock me away. They will all die before I allow it.” He ranted to no one.

“Sa…sori”. Her voice croaked. She let out another wheeze. “Stop.” She clumsily stood up and wobbled over to him still trying to catch her breath.

“Why couldn’t I fix it?” He turned to her. 

Sakura saw the ghost of a broken boy in his artificial face. She perceived him to be a literal shell of his former self. He looked at her as though she held the one answer he had been searching for his whole life.

“I don’t know…” She answered helplessly. Tears began to leak from her eyes before she could stop them. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him to her. Her hands rubbed up and down his back as she nested her head at the crook of his neck. Sasori did not acknowledge the gesture as he was far away in a different lifetime.

_Several kilometers in the air, Sasori felt untouchable. The familiarity of the moment granted Sasori a kind of peace he never knew._

_“How much farther, Master?”_

_Deidara was lying on his back next to Sasori. He turned his neck at an awkward angle to look up at him. The wind whipped his long hair around his face. “I’m hungry.”_

_Sasori couldn’t recall the day he allowed himself to find comfort in Deidara’s companionship. He knew the development was quiet and effortless. With Deidara, Sasori often forgot his self imposed burdens. Sasori could exist in the moment as just another piece of the universe – a different form of eternity._

_Sasori tossed him a mango from his pocket. “Here. Now quit whining.”_

_“Thanks! Did you pick that up for me?” Deidara looked up at him with wonder. Sasori didn’t do trivial favors._

_“Obviously, it wasn’t for me.”_

_Deidara’s face broke out into a wide, charismatic grin. It would be the last positive memory Sasori had to hold onto._

_Like all good things in Sasori’s life, Deidara would become a testament to Sasori’s ill fortune._

Sasori couldn’t recount all of the events that transpired in the old shack. He only knew that he should be humiliated right now. Apparently, he put on a disgusting show of vulnerability in front of Sakura. He could tell by the way she was treating him like he needed to be handled with the utmost delicacy, a far cry from her normal behavior. Thankfully, she was granting him the space he needed to pull himself back together. 

His anger was threatening to take over again. It wouldn’t do to have another fit in front of her, so he locked himself inside of Hiroku like a rebellious child.

“I’m getting hungry. I need to eat soon.” Sakura’s announcement broke him from his thoughts.

_Right._ He almost forgot that humans needed to eat every few hours. He hadnt seen her eat anything since their journey started. He huffed from inside Hiroku. “There is nothing edible here, but there is a village not far up ahead. Its your only option.”

“Great! I can wait a little longer.” She flashed him a warm smile that reached her eyes.

Sasori scowled to himself. Her pity was grating on his nerves.

“Find a cover for your obnoxious hair. We don’t need to stand out amongst these poor wretches.” Sasori insulted her to make her forget her sympathy.

“ _My_ obnoxious hair? What about _your_ obnoxious hair?” She looked at him incredulously.

“I am inside Hiroku. They won’t see my hair.”

“Are you really going to stay in that thing? You’re going to terrify the whole village instead of blending in.” Sakura never held back her opinions either.

“All the more reason to do it.” Hiroku brushed past her haughtily.

“No! I’m not traveling with you in that creepy thing.” She yanked the latch on Hiroku. Her hand reached in and gripped his shoulder pulling Sasori out in one swift motion.

Sasori was completely caught off guard by her boldness. He recovered quickly and wrapped a chakra string around her throat. She felt herself being lifted off the ground. “Do you want me to kill you? I suggest you not manhandle me again unless you are prepared to die.” He held her there for a few seconds before dropping her unceremoniously on her rear.

Sakura was on the ground gasping for air after being strangled for the second time that morning. At this rate, they would not make it to the village before one of them killed the other.

Sasori climbed back into Hiroku slamming the hatch behind him. He walked on ahead satisfied that he got his point across.

Sakura clambered to her feet and followed after him keeping a sizable distance between them. She sulked to herself in the back of their line. Mud was caked in her hair, and her stomach made loud noises of protest. Her generosity towards Sasori was rewarded with two attempts of murder. She wondered if she should just drown herself in the swamp and call it a day. That would be one way to rid herself of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I began this story with a lot of different ideas in my head. I had not solidified any before I started posting chapters. It was intended to be several chapters that could either be read as a collection of individual stories or as one continuous story. At some point, I just decided to make it a longer story driven by a main plot. 
> 
> This chapter dives more into my head canon of Sasori. He is sort of a psychopath, but mainly he is a sensitive guy that doesnt handle emotional trauma very well. I think it is why he did the most to get rid of his humanity. He is more affected than the average person which seems to be the case of most of the villains in the series. 
> 
> Sakura is polite and mild mannered on the surface. Below that, I think she is more rough around the edges. It goes without saying that she doesn’t take criticism well due to her explosive temper. 
> 
> I appreciate all of the kudos/comments/bookmarks. Any constructive criticism is also appreciated (Be gentle! I’m sensitive y’all lol) 
> 
> I hope everyone is safe and well!<3


	7. The Best Medicine

Sasori knew the skin he wore never belonged to him. It was the remnants of a great man’s waisted potential. He was reminded of this when Chiyo held his face between her calloused hands.

“What took you so long?” The hoarseness of her voice scratched his ears. 

Gently, he pulled her hands away and held them in his own. There was little he could do when she was like this. Her distant eyes searched his face for something she would never find.

“Granny, don’t…do this again.” He squeezed her hands.

“You never wrote back. What kind of awful son doesn’t write to his own mother?” She choked between sobs.

He said nothing. He didn’t know the answer; he was never taught how to be a good son. The lump in his throat became heavier.

Chico’s eyes clouded with longing. She beheld his brilliant, red hair and pale skin. She waited so long for the day she could hold him again. Her only baby. She missed him so, so much. But there was something wrong with him.

The warm, brown eyes of her loving son turned to impish, grey eyes. She felt the urge to gauge them out for mocking her pain. Those evil eyes were out of place. Contempt replaced longing as the realization fell on her. 

“What are you doing back so early? You should be training right now.” She spat with anger.

“Granny, it’s midnight. I heard you crying, so I came to check on you.” He replied without feeling. The disappointment that deepened the lines of her face did not escape his notice. 

Chiyo felt her anger deflate and signed wearily. “I’m fine, child. Just go back to bed. You have to wake up early for your mission.”

“Granny, father and mother aren’t coming home, are they? They’re dead. Just admit it already!” Sasori demanded.

“They are coming home, child! It will be any day now! Don’t say such things!” She reprimanded.

“They’re not coming back! Stop making us live in a lie! And you keep thinking I’m father. Why can’t you see me?” Sasori raised his voice. “I just want you to notice me and be proud.”

“How can I be proud of you after what you’ve done? It’s disgusting! Your father will not stand for such behavior when he returns!” She shouted.

Sasori balled his fist in frustration. Blood seeped from the cracks between his fingers from his nail digging into his palms. He had as much as he could take of this. Of her. He may never be the man his father was, but he was alive and doing everything he could to honor his memory. She was oblivious to his pain. It would never change.

“You have lost all faith. Those without faith are merely flesh without souls. You may as well be one of your puppets.”

  
“Sasori!”

The sound of his name spoken in a stern voice reeled him back to his present reality. A reality where the Sakura girl’s annoyingly bright green eyes were studying his face. Her pale hands were gripping onto his dirty sleeve. A clump of pink hair stuck to her cheek in dried mud. 

“What?” He snapped.

Sakura fixed him with an irritated look. “What were you thinking about?” I’ve been trying to get your attention for…let’s see…ten minutes now?” She huffed.

He suddenly felt a twinge of guilt. Ten minutes she had been trying to get his attention. He did it again, and that was unacceptable. If there was anything he valued, it was time. She gave him her time which was a precious gift for any human to give. It did not matter if the person was an ally or enemy. He owed her his full and undivided attention.

Sasori lifted his hand to her face to pluck away the clump of hair and rubbed the dirt from her cheek.

“You have every right to be angry. Forgive me.” His hand dropped back to his side after brushing the remaining dirt off. 

Sakura stared at him dumbly with her mouth slightly parted. She marveled at how his eyes could show such raw emotion. It was the only reminder that he was still a human.

“I…um…don’t worry about it. It really wasn’t that big of a big deal.” She said. The intensity of his gaze was too much, so she looked away.

There was an awkward kind of tension in the air that only Sakura could feel. Sasori appeared deep in his own thoughts as they walked on in silence. It gave Sakura time to reflect on their encounters. One minute, he would seem so human and relatable, and the next, she was reminded that he was one of the legendary, psychotic ex-Akatsuki members. Either way, there was so much human left in him. At least it was something she could work with, she concluded.

“This is where we are stopping.” Sasori gestured towards the village visible a short distance ahead. 

Sakura was surprised that it actually looked kind of charming in contrast to Sasori’s description of it. The architecture of the buildings was unlike anything she’d ever seen. Strangely shaped huts slightly raised above ground lined the broad, dirt road leading through the village. There were a variety of people belonging to different ends of the social classes. Sakura based her assessment off of their clothing. 

Sasori wrapped his frayed brown cloak around his slender frame. A few strands of wild, red hair poked out of his hood. In the end, he decided to put away Hiroku. He gave into Sakura’s demands because she had a valid point that he would draw unwanted attention in his bulky puppet. He was not happy about it though. He rarely went anywhere without the extra layer of protection that was Hiroku.

Sakura’s attention was captured by a small wooden fruit stand stationed in front of a hut. She made her way towards it with Sasori dragging behind her. She eyed the abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables lining the tables in neat rows.

“Wow, this looks great!” She selected a variety of vegetables and a colorful assortment of berries and chocolate. Oh yes! She couldn’t wait to eat this. She salivated as she pictured the moment she would be able to taste those sweet flavors.

“You two look strange. Must not be from around here.” Commented the attendant of the fruit stand. She was a frail, elderly woman, but her eyes were sharp. She held a penetrating gaze that made Sakura’s skin crawl. The sores and dirt on her face only enhanced the effect.

“Oh, umm…we are just passing through! We aren’t really visiting…” she trailed off awkwardly. They never did come up with a story, so what else was she supposed to say?

“That’s none of your business. How much do we owe you?” Sasori answered for her.

The woman narrowed her eyes at him. “Fifty ryo.”

Sasori rudely slapped money on the table and walked away without a parting word. Sakura turned to look at him in bewilderment. She tossed the produce in her bag all while being observed in the most intrusive way. 

“If you are here to start trouble, know that you won’t make it out of here alive. Outsiders don’t come here without dark ambitions, and we have seen more of you lately than ever before.” The woman said. Her finger was pointed to Sakura’s chest.

Sakura gulped. “No ma’am, we are not here to start trouble.” She knew the woman’s threat to be true because she felt it when they arrived. There was something wrong with this place. It called out to her. It told her of secrets that were best left uncovered. She wondered again why Sasori took her here because it was clear to her that they were not meant to be here.

“You have my word. We are just passing through. Thanks for your advice though.” Sakura waved her off as she ran to catch up with Sasori.

“Wow. I know Yuyake said that these people are reclusive from the rest of the world, but I wasn’t expecting hostile.” Sakura clutched his arm as she caught up to him. She suppressed the shiver she felt threatening to overcome her.

“I told you not to interact with these people.” 

“I can’t help it!” She said. “And, by the way, thanks for paying. You didn’t really have to do that.”

“I wanted to put an end to your interrogation before you said something foolish.” He replied.

“Well, I appreciate it anyway.” 

“Consider it a favor in exchange for a favor.” 

Sure, she agreed that he owed her seeing as he dragged her along for this yet to be known reason. Hell, he owned her a lot more than free food, but she never thought he would actually provide any form of compensation.

They continued to walk on in silence. The moment allowed Sakura to pretend that they were comrades on a peaceful B rank mission instead of war enemies traipsing around to god knows where or why. The thought made her frown. 

“Sasori?” She broke him from his thoughts. 

“Hm.”

“Where were you during the war? Many of your former comrades were revived, but you were never reported as one under the Edo Tensei jutsu. Now I know why, but I’m curious about where you have been all this time.”

Sasori thought for a moment on how he should answer that. He certainly had nothing to do with the Akatsuki at that point. He was his own puppet master. He would never allow someone else to pull his strings. Living under that delusional fool’s genjutsu was the last thing on his agenda. But he wasn’t going to get into that with her.

“Why? You want to settle a grudge now?”

“Cha! I’ll pound you to pieces and bury your parts with Hidan’s.” She turned on him with full fury. Her prior question went completely forgotten. “You freaks can spend your eternity praising Jashin and plotting world domination together!”

That mental image was so absurd that Sasori could not stop himself from laughing. His voice rang out in a way that made Sakura’s skin tingle. Her anger came to a complete halt. It was then that she realized how beautiful he was. She noticed his eyes had an unnatural shine under the morning sun. She held her hand up to her mouth and laughed along with him.

“I don’t suppose I would like that.” He answered after their laughter died down. She already missed the sound.

“You have such a beautiful laugh.” She told him in a moment of honesty and boldness. 

Sasori did not expect such a comment and did not know what to say. He had never been complimented on something so trivial such as the sound of his laugh. He brushed the loose hair draping his forehead from his face and made a point to look away. 

“Don’t get used to it.” He didn’t know what came over him, but it would not be a regular occurrence. He could not remember the last time he laughed or if he ever had.   
  
“Well that’s a shame.” Sakura crossed her arms behind her head as she looked at the sky. “Because I could definitely get used to it.” She said as she kept pace with him.

Sasori thought that he could get used to it too. He brushed the thought away as soon as it surfaced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I am moving terribly slow with this story right now. Thanks for bearing with me! I wanted to start writing longer chapters, but I was all over the place with this one. I rewrote it so many times. I’m still not completely satisfied, but I didn’t want to take any longer to update. I am hoping this will get me back on track.


	8. The House in the Swamps

Sakura accepted that she would always fall short of decency. Her desire to fix things did not make her a good person. She was born with the ability, but empathy did not push chakra through her palms. It was always the guilt. Unfortunately, there was no way to make up for the lives she valued less than Sasuke’s.

There was a time when she had tunnel vision, and Sasuke was at the end of it. He gave shape to all of her dreams and ambitions. Everyone knew him to be her weakness. It was a well known statement punctuated by Kakashi’s look of disappointment or Tsunade’s look of disapproval. The bright blue of Naruto’s eyes dimmed by her dismissive comments was an image that haunted her worst memories. She broke his heart every time she chose Sasuke over him. She hated herself for it now. Love made her sick. Just like it made Sasuke and the entire Uchiha clan sick. And so, she promised herself never again. It was too dangerous for people like her.

Sakura shivered under the cool water she poured over her head. Her soaked pink strands curtained her face. Water droplets trickled down the gooseflesh of her bare arms. The unpleasant bath brought clarity with it.

Sasori’s presence brought on bad memories. He was a vulnerable man who had only known darkness, and men like him were Sakura’s weakness. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt the urge to hold him until he could feel her warmth and comfort. It was a familiar feeling. All of those nights she dreamed of Sasuke in between her thighs as her fingers slid down the space between his shoulder blades. She wanted to make him feel something good for once. 

Those thoughts flushed her cheeks as she realized what they were doing to her. Why was she thinking about that? Sakura started to become paranoid that Sasori’s mind control jutsu was screwing with her head. She quickly finished scrubbing herself. It was time to wrap this up so she could get back home.

Sasori occupied his time with people watching while he waited for Sakura outside the bathhouse. Everything about the village was as he remembered it. From the muddy roads to the houses raised above ground. The people were the most peculiar of all. They were as guarded as ever. Much as he knew of the power they protected, he understood their disposition. 

He knew Sakura sensed it too. He saw as it tensed her shoulders and faltered her steps. It was best for her if she knew as little as possible.

Sasori looked towards the largest structure of the village. The mansion loomed over menacingly despite its age. Wild vines reached into the cracks of the structure. The wood looked ready to give under the stress of water damage and mold. Still, the power that resided there was intoxicating. He remembered when he was human, it drew him in. When he came into contact, he fell to his knees and wept. It was the first time he shed tears since he was a small child. 

That power was too pure for this world and the people in it.

“Oi, Sasori! Where to next?” He turned to see Sakura walking towards him ringing water from her hair. 

“There.” He looked towards the source of the overwhelming energy.

Sakura froze and gave him an uncertain glance. She was afraid he would say that. She had a very bad feeling about this. “What exactly is there?” She asked cautiously.

“It’s best if you don’t ask.” He replied.

The house looked as neglected on the inside as it did on the outside. Although, Sakura could see the old charm buried beneath dust and grime. Collapsed staircases lined the walls. The old bookshelves were barely holding up, but she could tell they were impressive during better days. Sakura would have been tempted to rummage through the collections under different circumstances.

She was seated on the right side of Sasori who was seated at the end of a long table. On the opposite end was seated their strange host. She heard Sasori call him Saburo although they skipped any formal introductions. Sakura was unable to identify his age based on his appearance. He didn’t look young or old. The dark circles around his milky eyes reminded her of Gaara. He had the lines of a permanent scowl etched in his face.

“So you are saying you want me to give you your body back? After 23 years of you running around and doing fuck all. You haven’t held up your end of the bargain.” Saburo leaned forward and crossed his arms. “The nerve of you showing up here making demands.” He glowered at Sasori. 

Sasori was well aware that he was wrong. He, in fact, did not hold his end of the bargain. But, he also did not give a damn. It was precisely why he no longer entrusted the safety of his body to Saburo.

“Give me one goddamn reason why I shouldn’t sever your limbs and sell them for all they are worth?” He smirked. “I heard your human body was going for 100 million ryo. I wonder what I could get for your human and puppet bodies.”

“I don’t think you are in any position to threaten me.” Sasori stood to his feet. “You forget that you are powerless against me.”

“I wouldn’t get too cocky if I were you, Sasori.” He sat back in his seat glaring up at Sasori. “The minute you turn your head is the same minute you will be stabbed in the back. Isn’t that what happened with Kabuto?”

Sakura fidgeted in her seat. She realized this guy was probably in the same position as her. Sasori had the ability to take control of someone’s mind without them knowing. His unique ability to manipulate was what made him such a formidable enemy.

Saburo turned to her having finally acknowledged her presence. “And whose is she? One of your new toys?” He gave Sakura a suggestive look that made her skin crawl. “Leave her here with me and I’ll forgive your debt.”

“Excuse me!” Sakura stood up and slapped the table clean in half. Splinters and wood pieces flew in every direction. “You don’t know who I am!”

His eyes widened in shock. Sasori did not move from his spot. He looked as bored and distant as ever. 

“Well there’s your answer.” Sasori shrugged.

“I’ll make you regret coming here and disrespecting me!” The sound of steel swords clinging echoed throughout the large empty room. Sakura was quick to jump out of the way. Sasori’s puppet swiveled around in the air exchanging blows with Saburo. 

His movements were quick enough where Sasori was struggling to keep up. Sakura could hardly make out the motions of their figures. Saburo was an excellent swordsmen. They seemed to be evenly matched, and, for a moment, Sakura considered siding with the enemy to take out Sasori. That was one way to end her predicament. 

She shook that thought from her head immediately. No. She already decided she was going to help Sasori. It would be wrong to betray him in the most underhanded way. Besides, she was just starting to understand him.

Sasori was controlling multiple puppets and had them surrounding Saburo. He was gaining the upper hand, but she just knew this guy had more tricks up his sleeve. She could do something about it.

Sakura pooled chakra to her fist and struck the floor beneath her. The floorboards shattered into pieces, and the three of them fell to the ground level beneath. Sasori seemed to anticipate this because he was able to use chakra strings to grip and break his fall. Saburo did not expect this which resulted in his bad landing. Sakura thought he must have a few broken ribs and a cracked femur.

Sasori took full advantage of the opening she created and closed the distance between them. He plunged a poisoned coated sword deep into Saburo’s gut and pulled it out smoothly. Blood dripped from the blade seeping into the floorboards. Saburo’s body jolted from the shock before he collapsed to the floor. The poison took no time in spreading through his bloodstream. His skin was purple and drenched in sweat already. He turned to Sasori blinking his bloodshot eyes.

“No-“ Saburo retched all over himself from the poison’s effect. “Now what?” He asked. His breathing became shallow and rapid.

Sasori shrugged nonchalantly. “This village’s power holds no interest to me anymore. I don’t care what happens with it. I came to reclaim what’s mine.”

Saburo let out a wet chuckle. “You’ll never change. Always just out for yourself.” He started heaving again. 

“You only have a few minutes left. This poison is designed to work quickly. I was gracious enough to give you a quick death.” Sasori spoke in his cool tone. “You should thank me.”

Saburo laughed laboriously before erupting into a coughing fit. “Go to hell.” 

His body went stiff and his eyes glazed over.

  
“What the hell was that?” Sakura fumed. “Apparently, we just killed a village leader? You know I’m a leaf nin, right?” She was panicking thinking of all the possible repercussions of this. She just acted against the leaf and assisted in the murder of a political figure. “You just put me in a bad situation!”

“I killed the village leader. Of a village that has nothing to do with the leaf or the rest of the world.” Sasori answered dryly. He could really care less but knew she wasn’t going to let this go. 

“So what am I going to do if I’m identified as an accomplice? Either go to prison for acting against the leaf or become a missing nin?” Sakura felt her anxiety take over at the thought. She had way too much to lose. “I’m not even supposed to be with you right now!” 

Yuyake made his appearance on her shoulder. “Master Sasori will protect you. I promise it. He won’t let you take responsibility for something you did not do.”

Sasori had no intention of defending Sakura against her village, but he was grateful Yuyake said something to calm her down. Yuyake’s faith was unfounded. He had never shown any inclination to do “the right” thing. Why would he now?

“Oh, I doubt that!” Sakura crossed her arms. 

“It’s done. There’s no need to waste time discussing what if’s.” Sasori said this in a tone that suggested he was at the end of his patience. He brushed past her dismissively. His rotten mood in tow.

Sakura trailed after him. “Ok but promise me something.”

“No.” He hardly let her finish her sentence.

“Yes. You better make all of this worth my fucking while.”

“If you consider regaining your freedom worth your while, then, it will be.” 

Sakura sighed having accepted defeat. Her anger settled down. Now she was just tired. “So, now what?” She echoed the same question Saburo asked. 

“We get what I came for and get out.” Sasori had half a mind to raze this place to the ground before he left, but he often regretted his outbursts that took down entire villages. He set aside the thought for later.


	9. Deep Down Below

_“Kakashi-sensei”_

_“Hm”_

_“Why weren’t we enough to make him stay?”_

_The question caused Kakashi to shrink his posture further into his slouch. His one visible eye heavy with fatigue. For a few long moments, he contemplated the simplest answer to give a 12 year old child oblivious to the gut wrenching pains of life._

_“We all have our personal battles to fight. Sasuke is in the midst of his own.” He finally answered._

_“But aren’t we a team? Why can’t we help him?” Naruto piped in. Determination laced his voice._

_“It isn’t that simple, guys.”_

_Sakura’s mouth quivered. “I don’t get it.” She said between her sniveling “I just want him to be happy with us.”_

If Sakura was being honest with herself, she took pleasure in her self destructive habits. Sasuke once described it as “feelings from a failed past.” That statement stung mainly because it was true. She had a habit of digging up old bones and reburying them countless times over. Each time she would try to refit the pieces in hopes that, this time, they would all piece together seamlessly. They never did.

Naruto was her enabler, and she was his. The two of them made quite the pair. Neither one knew how to let the past be. She only recently started seeing the insanity in it all. Nevertheless, knowing your issues and doing something about them were two different things.

Sasori hadn’t spoken a word since the incident with the village leader. Sakura blindly followed him through a maze of hallways and stairwells. She was cautious to not put her full weight on the creaking floorboards. Chakra lightened her footsteps as she pushed it to her feet.

They walked past rows of doors on each side. Various paintings of the swamp’s scenery were here and there. Sasori did not slow his pace for her to get a better look at them. She began to wonder if they were caught in a genjutsu. It was hard to believe the house was this massive. She brought her hands together and muttered “release” low enough for Sasori not to hear. Nothing changed, proving they were not in a genjutsu.

A full hour of this passed before Sakura realized she completely lost her sense of direction. The only source of guidance was the power growing more potent with every step forward. One thing she knew was that they had traveled far underground. It was dark and humid. 

The power was more present here than anywhere else, and it was doing strange things to her. She felt good in the way she feels after drinking a few glasses of sake, powerful in the way she feels after releasing the strength of 100 seals, but the strangest of all, she thought she could feel more presences aside from hers and Sasori’s throughout the dank passageways. 

She considered that she may be hallucinating. There were so many thoughts and feelings passing through her. When she tried to focus on one, it would slip away before she could decipher it. 

It was dark. So dark that she couldn’t see a thing. She somehow knew that Sasori was still there. Felt his intentions. She wasn’t sure anymore. 

There was a noise – a signal. It was meant for her. She turned a corner and then another corner and then another. Her hand trailed along the dirt walls. Someone was waiting for her in the room far down below. Despite the darkness, she knew where to go.

It was all she could focus on was the source of the summon. The whispers told her that she was getting closer. She found the door and came to a halt in front of it. Her knock was loud. It swung open with a forceful gust of air.

Sakura, in her trancelike state, felt herself step inside. The temperature dropped a few degrees. The frigid air raised the hairs on her arms. The whispers grew louder and more intense. A small girl stood in the center of the room. Her eyes were two glowing orbs dancing in the darkness.

“You are finally here!” The girl exclaimed with a giddiness that was out of place in this sinister room. “We have all been waiting for you!” It appeared that she floated towards Sakura. Or Sakura moved on her own.

“Me?” Sakura was confused, but she somehow already knew this.

“Yes, silly!” She laughed. Her voice chimed like a bell throughout the dark. “We have been waiting on you since you arrived in the village.”

“But…why me? I’m not supposed to be here…or am I?” Sakura’s thoughts grew foggier with each passing moment. “I cant remember.”

“You’re the one that’s going to release the seals.” She said this with certainty, nodding her head.

“The seals?” She asked.

“Yes. The seals that bind us here.” 

Was she here to release seals? “I don’t know if I can.” Sakura turned to look around. “What is this place?”

“A place where souls of shinobi are sealed away and forced to power the relic with chakra forever.”

“A relic?” 

“Yes, it’s the source of the power you’ve been feeling since you arrived here. This village was founded for the purpose of protecting the relic. It grows in power with each soul bound here.”

“So the souls bound to this place are powering the relic?”

“Yes. Against our will.” She answered.

“That’s so awful.” Sakura began to feel the pain that had been here for ages. Her eyes welled with tears as she was overwhelmed by these sensations. There were so many people captured and killed only to be sealed away. Enslaved for the rest of their eternity. 

They were trying to tell her their stories. She felt the anguish of a mother being forcefully separated from her children. Their small hands gripping at her torn skirt as she was pulled away. She heard the sound of two lovers calling out desperately for each other before one of them let out a heart stopping scream that had surely ended in death. More and more tragic memories of final moments entered Sakura’s mind. She was so lost in them that could not distinguish them from her own memories and feelings anymore. 

“Sakura” 

She heard a sweet voice that pulled her back in. Was that _her_ name?

“Can you I touch your face?”

Sakura leaned forward with no hesitations. A cold hand pressed against her forehead, and immediately she felt a wave of shock throughout her cranial nerves. Then came flooding in the memories.

_“Mother! Look what I found!” A girl held her hands out in front of her. A red baby bird sat in the palms of her hands._

_“Oh no! Mei, you cannot take a baby bird from it’s nest. If it’s mother smells your scent, she will abandon it.”_

_“But why would it’s mother do that?” The girl frowned._

_“She will fear that a predator is near if she smells your scent.” Her mother answered gently._

_She placed the bird gently back into the nest. “Will it be ok?” They watched as the baby bird settled back in its place._

_“I don’t know.” Her mother responded. “It will die if it isn’t fed.”_

_She looked at the bird thoughtfully. “It will be. I’ll make sure of it.” She resolved to check on the baby bird and feed it daily until it was ready to care for itself._

_Her mother smiled down at her. “You have a good heart.” She reached for her daughter’s hand. “ Come on. Let’s go prepare dinner. Your father will be home soon.”_

_Mei slipped away after dinner with a small basket of bread crumbs from her dinner roll. She was not allowed to be out in the woods at this hour, but she did not plan to be gone long. She stopped in front of a tree._

_The baby bird was exactly where she left it completely unattended. She reached down into her basket grabbing a few crumbs. The baby bird’s chirping brought a smile to her face._

_“Here you go, little guy.” She held her hand out._

_The little bird pecked away in the palm of her hand. She giggled at the tickling sensation._

_The cracking sound of a twig snapping in half stiffened her spine. She froze in fear and anticipation. Another noise followed, and she dropped her basket. She backed away slowly before breaking into a run._

_“Moth-“ She was cut of mid scream when a large hand covered her mouth and the other gripped her throat._

_She woke In a strange place. It was dark and damp, and her head was pounding. She tried to move her hand but found it was tied up. She started to panic as she slowly recalled the prior events._

_“Help me! Mother! Father!” She shouted as loud as she could._

_“No one will hear you.” A voice cut through the darkness._

_She heard the footsteps drawing closer to her. She winced at the feel of a hand pulling her up by the hair._

_“You can scream all you want, little girl.” He smashed her head back against the hard ground._

_She cried out in pain. “Please!” She choked on the blood gurgling up her throat._

_“Don’t worry. It’ll be all over soon.” He forced her to her feet. “Your power will live on forever here.”_

_Mei stumbled over her own feet as she was dragged to a prison cell._

_“Get some rest. You’ll need it for the ritual.” He shoved her in and slammed the door behind him as he locked her up alone in the dark. She curled up into herself on the floor shuddering from pain, fear and shock._

_Three days later, Mei was brought into a room with a stone pillar in the center. All around were statues with large, gaping mouths. The air current changed, and she could already feel her body responding. It felt like her soul was trying to escape from her body. She lost all will to feel anything so was not able to fear what she knew was to come._

_She was lifted from her feet by the current of air and dropped on her back on the stone pillar. Her captor hovered above her making signs with his hands. As he lifted a blade to her throat, she thought of the red bird. The sweet little baby red bird. It would be all alone now. Left to die just like her. She couldn’t help but wonder if all mothers abandoned their children after tainted by predators._

_“_ Sakura!”

A voice called out. It was familiar, but she couldn’t quite remember where she heard it from.

“Sakura!” 

This time she could feel her shoulder being prodded by something.

“I think she’s coming to.”

She heard a second voice. It was also familiar. Then she felt a pinch.

“Ow..”

She cracked open her eyes to see two pairs of eyes staring back at her. One small and beady and the other…

“Where is she?” Sakura quickly sat herself upright. Frantically, she looked around the room. She pushed herself to her feet and paced around searching. She could see the room now. There was a torch lit on one of the walls. Shadows danced in its soft glow, but all of the whispers had quieted.

“…Where is who?” Yuyake blinked.

“She needs my help. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!” Sakura ranted out loud pacing back and forth. She absently wrung her wrists.

Sasori and Yuyake looked at each other confused. 

“It’s so awful! She didn’t deserve what they did to her. None of them did. And now I-“ She choked back a sob. Heavy teardrops rolled down her cheeks. 

“Sakura, you are intoxicated by the power here.” Sasori stepped towards her. “You need to pull yourself together.” That was rich coming from him, he thought.

“No!” She turned to him acknowledging him for the first time since she woke. “I know what I saw! I have to help! I have to-“ she lost her train of thought. “I have to…”

They waited for her to continue.

“I don’t know what I have to do.” Sakura dropped to her knees and sobbed. For what reason, she did not know. As with any other dream, she slowly began to forget it as her brain woke up. Something was telling her that she was forgetting something very important though. 

“Lets go, Sakura.” Sasori helped her to her feet. She was still slightly disoriented. “Don’t wander off again. We need to get out of here soon.”

And Sakura could not agree more.


	10. A Moment to Rest

Yuyake made a perch of Sakura’s shoulder to prevent any further detours on her part, she presumed. Either way, Sakura took comfort in the small, non-invasive presence on her shoulder. She would take comfort wherever she could find it at this point. 

Her team was not here. Naruto was not here to bulldoze all of her problems with his loud proclamations that he would fix everything. Kakashi was not here with his steadfast confidence that his comrades would see today, tomorrow and any other day as long as he was there. Yamato and Sai were not here as the quiet, deadly forces ready to swoop in at the first sign of danger. The realization brought on a feeling of vulnerability that sank deep within her gut.

Her senses were heightened to a degree she never knew was medically possible. She could feel every emotion that passed through Sasori. His feelings threatened to smother her. She felt his anxiety above all. Anxious of what, she did not know but it made her anxious as well. To deal with her own uncomfortable feelings along with his. Well, it was all so overwhelming.

Each inhale filled her lungs with the toxins. The exhale elevated her higher. Her breathing slowed, but she kept her pace. The medic in her knew that this wasn’t right. She slowly rubbed her left hand up and down her right arm. She needed to make sure she was still here.

Sasori felt it too. It was easy to ignore when you don’t have the facilities to respond. The oppressive energy could not sink in through his pores or reach his spine. He only knew it in the way one would have a vague impression of being followed. Not in the way it was affecting Sakura. He heard her sneeze. Thought he heard the sound of skin rubbing skin.

The impending task ahead weighed over him in the most burdensome manner. It was all he could do was to focus on Sakura’s breathing. One, two, three. He counted up to nine breaths in a minute. Was that normal for humans? He did not think so.

“Sakura.”

She made a trembling noise of acknowledgment. 

“I think we need to stop. Your breathing is abnormal.” It would not do to have her pass out again. He could hardly blame her though. He remembered his own involuntary reaction to this place when he was a human.

“Yes.” She answered before practically collapsing to the ground.

Sasori relit the torch and set it on the nearest wall. The space was very confined. It only agitated Sakura further.

“Sit down.” She demanded with more abruptness than she intended. Him standing over her was not making her feel any better.

“I don’t _need_ to sit.” Sasori snapped back. “We are stopping entirely on your account.”

“Please…” She tried in a more exhausted tone.

Something in the way she spoke let Sasori know that she was the one that needed this. He begrudgingly obliged her. Whatever it took for her to feel well enough sooner rather than later.

“Can you heal yourself?” He asked as he lowered himself to a seated position. He crossed his legs in front of him.

“There is nothing to heal. Physically speaking, nothing is wrong with me.” She tried to focus her low lidded gaze onto him. Her eyelashes fluttered as she fought the urge to nod off. Her back was leaned against the wall. 

“Right.” That made sense to Sasori. Although, it wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear.

The silence stretched on for a few long minutes where Sasori thought that Sakura had fallen asleep. It was hard to tell with her already slowed breathing. He sat in quiet anger over the fact that he would just have to wait on her. But then he heard her stir.

“Sasori?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“What?”

“Can you sit closer?” 

Sasori didn’t say anything for a while. Just when she thought he was going to ignore her, she heard him shift over to seat himself next to her. He made a point to keep looking straight ahead.

“Thanks.” She smiled over at him. 

He stayed stubbornly quiet. A few more moments of silence passed before Sakura started speaking again. 

“What were you so anxious about earlier?” she asked.

“What are you talking about?” That question gained his attention.

She shrugged lazily. “I don’t really know…just felt what you were feeling. You were anxious.”

“That’s ridiculous.” He turned away again. “I don’t feel such things. And even if did, there is no way you would be able to “feel” that.” It was a lie, and he knew it. She was able to do this because of the power’s influence. He needed to have better control over himself going forward.

She stared at him for a long moment. Her attempt at a stern look fell flat with her droopy, unfocused eyes. Her limbs suddenly felt really heavy and time seemed to slow down.

“Ok.” She sank down until her head settled on his shoulder. “Whatever you say...”

Sakura did not know if it was her intoxication or her vulnerable state of mind or a combination of both that resulted in what happened next. She only knew she was curled into Sasori’s side. Her head resting in the crook of his neck. She lifted her hand to the long strands of hair framing his face. Her fingers twirled through the ends. It was so soft. The only part of him that felt human. That was something she craved so badly right now. Human contact. She sighed softly.

She was vaguely aware that she was overstepping boundaries. But, since he did not make a fuss of it, she continued in her ministrations as the minutes passed. If he was bothered, he gave no indication of it.

“Sasori?” She looked up at him.

“What is it now?” 

“Can you tell me more about this power?”

“What do you want to know about it? This village hoards chakra from the dead to store in a relic.” Sasori paused before continuing. “It has accumulated a massive amount of power. It is potent enough to greatly enhance your natural abilities just by being in the vicinity of it. Too much exposure will start to deteriorate a human though.” And eventually lead to their death. He left that part out.

“Mm… “ She hummed in response. “Probably shoulda warned me…” She slurred before she drifted off.

Sasori was not the least bit thrown off by Sakura’s uncharacteristic behavior. She had touched him several times before although it was never anything like that. Usually it was a brief touch on his arm. He knew she was not in her right state of mind. That was the likely cause of her behavior.

What surprised him was his own curiosity towards it. For a moment of weakness, he wished he was able to feel it. If he had ever experienced anything like it as a human, he could not remember. He only remembered the pain of lashings from his sensei and the beatings from that old woman. 

Deidara would often wrap an arm around his shoulders as he spoke obnoxiously about his art. He never minded it, but he thought of it as another nonsensical human quirk. It was odd to him that humans felt a basic need to touch one another. There was no real purpose to it.

So what caused this sudden desire to know the feeling of it? It was absurd. And, it bothered him that he didn’t know. 

Her touch was intimacy on a level he had never fathomed. He sensed the sincerity behind it. And something else. It felt personal, not a thing to be shared with just anyone. But, it was pointless to think too much on it when he would never fully experience it.

He glanced down at Sakura curiously. She had slid down to his lap at some point. Her hair was splayed out over his legs and sticking to her face by a patch of drool. Her slightly parted lips and soft breathing indicated that she was still ok for now.

He reflected on the day he found Sakura in that dead end village. He would not have cared if she did not live to make it back home. It would have been all the better for him if she died. As long as she fulfilled her purpose first. Now…well, he was not sure if he wanted that to happen at all. She had proven thus far to be a good ally and someone he could possibly have use for later. That had to be it. There was no other reason for him to be concerned with her well being right now. Seeing her slowly declining health and sanity was not sitting well with him.

Sasori allowed her a few more minutes of rest before he decided that it was time to move again. He pinched the bridge of her nose shut until she snorted and woke herself.

“What the hell…” She jerked upwards almost conking her head under his chin.

“You know I hate waiting, Sakura.” He said.

“You’re the one that said to take a break.” She grumbled as she stood on shaky legs.

“I didn’t mean to make yourself at home and fall asleep.” He hesitated. “…Are you well?” He managed to ask while masking any concern from his voice. He didn’t want her to get the wrong impression.

“Yea.” She said. “Still feeling a little loopy though.”

He nodded. “That is expected.” He wondered if she remembered her shameless fondling.

Sasori then noticed the lilac seal on her forehead was lightly glowing. So, her body finally recognized the threat and was calling on her reserves to purge it out. Impressive girl. Every time he thought he knew the extent of her abilities, she surprised him with something new.

“Right then.” She brushed her hair back into place. “Let’s go.”

Sasori made sure to stay perfectly neutral for the rest of their navigation through the dark halls. It was more difficult than he thought. He had not seen his human body since he left it behind. There was really no reason for him feel uneasy about it. All he needed to do was get it and find a new place to hide it. 

He stopped in front of the door and hesitated for a long moment. Sakura stood behind him with her hands on her hips.

“Are we _finally_ where we need to be?” She asked impatiently. “I’m ready to get the hell out of here.” She griped.

“I know!” He shot back. He pressed his hand against the door and pushed it open. 

The room was softly lit by a blue glow. Sakura found the source of it was some sort of machine. It had tubes attached to a larger box.

Sasori took took steps towards it until he was next to it. She sensed his nervousness. She opened her mouth to say something.

“I’m going to show a sequence of hand signs.” He said as he began forming them. “I need you to perform them simultaneously with me.”

Sakura watched his hands carefully. “What is supposed to happen?”

“My body is in this case. We are releasing the seals that are sustaining and protecting it. And we are releasing it from a genjutsu.”

“You are under a genjutsu?” She asked.

“It is to keep my body in its comatose state.” He explained. “Are you ready?”

“…Yes.” She had so many questions but no time to ask.

On his signal, they cycled through the many hand signs in perfect sync. At the end, they placed their hands against the box. Their chakra spread in many different patterns and colors. She heard the latches pop open. 

Sakura did not notice when Sasori froze in his place. Her curiosity got the best of her as she raised the lid. Her eyes roamed his body in wonder. Tubes were feeding into him pumping him with a life sustaining energy. One was down his throat and the other was in a hole in his abdomen.

Sakura hovered her hands over his body eagerly. She was so tempted to run a chakra scan and see how this all worked. It was probably a bad idea since she did not know what was in this life sustaining energy, but she wanted to so badly. 

“Sasori, can I-“ A loud thunk cut her off mid sentence.

“Master Sasori!” Yuyake called out to his collapsed form on the ground. His tiny legs moved him around in frantic circles. His pincers were waving in the air. “This is not good!”

“What’s wrong with him?” She dropped down next to him. Her hands already glowing with chakra. She stopped short of herself. Just how was she supposed to assess and treat a _puppet_?

“I don’t know. But I think I have a theory.” Yuyake answered.

Sakura looked at him. “Well, what is it?”

“I can’t be completely sure, but I think he is no longer in that puppet body.”

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“As a result of breaking the genjutsu, I think his body has reclaimed its consciousness by its own will.”

“What?” She looked at him in bewilderment. “So, you’re saying that he is now in that body?” She pointed behind her to the box. 

“Yes.”

“And I’m guessing that was **not** a part of his plan here.”

“It was not.” Yuyake confirmed. 

“Oh he’s gonna be so pissed when he wakes up.” They both slowly turned to look towards the box.


	11. Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have updated my tags for trigger warning purposes. Please read before continuing. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone.

Sakura was exhausted. To say that finding her way out of the house was a pain in the ass was putting it mildly. But, she managed to do it even with Sasori as dead weight. She didn’t even bother with his puppet. She left that thing behind in that creepy room. He should be grateful she did as much as she did. 

Yuyake was a huge help in navigating the areas prior to her moving forward. He was able to scout on ahead and tell her which directions were dead ends until they eventually found an exit to the outside world. 

The next part of their journey was also a pain in the ass. They needed to find a temporary hideout while Sasori recovered. The village was a dangerous place for them to be right now. They just killed the village leader after all. Of course, once the villagers figured it out, they would definitely place blame on the two suspicious strangers that strolled in unannounced. 

Sakura used the time available to her advantage. They travelled as far from the village as she could handle. Yuyake was helpful again in finding an abandoned house in the woods on the outskirts of another small village. Sakura had no idea where they were but did not care at the moment. It was past midnight, and she just had the longest day of her life.

Sakura placed Sasori on a cot and ran a quick vital check on him. Everything seemed to be normal, so she figured it was safe to get some rest. She yawned and removed her shoes. She sank down into the cot next to his and sleep instantly took hold of her.

  
  


The sun had not yet risen when Sakura woke up. For a terrible moment, she forgot where she was or how she got there. She began to fear the worst before turning to see Sasori sleeping next to her. This seemed to trigger a memory and the rest came flooding in. But, this caused her to panic for other reasons.

Now that she was not dead tired and was out of immediate danger, she could stress over her next set of problems. Sasori was here in his human form, and she did not know when he would wake up. She had no idea where they were. They travelled through the dark and had completely lost their sense of direction. She brought her hands to her face and rubbed at her eyes. She really didn’t know what to do. And, she was becoming very homesick. She just wanted to be in her own bed more than anything. 

Sasori’s soft and steady breathing began to grow increasingly ragged. She turned her head to look at him. His eyelashes fluttered. He stared at the ceiling for a very long moment. Sakura wondered if she should say something or wait for him. His hand shook and his fingers twitched. He turned his head slowly and locked eyes with hers.

“Wha-“ His voice strained from decades of disuse. He coughed violently.

“Woah, slow down.” She crawled over to him and pressed her glowing hands against his chest. She pulled the dust and particles that were coating the inside of his lungs. She pushed a small amount of chakra to stimulate his vital organs.

“Don’t try to speak yet.” She ordered as she pushed chakra to his vocal chords. “According to Yuyake, you are now in your human form because we broke the genjutsu. He believes that your body called back it’s consciousness on its own. How crazy is that?” She laughed awkwardly to ease the tension. 

Sasori stared up at her wild eyed and heavily breathing. Sakura thought that he looked like a feral animal ready to attack her. She was very lucky that he could not move at the moment. _Where was Yuyake?_

She continued to work as she tried her best to ignore his threatening look. Maybe he just needed to time to process and cool down.

She winced as he finally found his voice to let out a stream of profanities. She noticed a slight accent unique to Suna that he did not have before.

  
  


Sakura left Sasori alone for a better part of the day. Yuyake was keeping him company as she strolled through the woods. Hopefully, he would have gotten through his stages of grief by the time she returned. She huffed in annoyance. He was being way too dramatic in her opinion. It was actually pretty ridiculous.

Anyway, she decided to stick it out with him. He didn’t deserve it, but she couldn’t leave him like this. She was going to help him recover and then go home. That was it. She would at least stick around until he gained full mobility. Her assessment showed that he could not infuse chakra at all. He could not raise his arms much, and he needed assistance with walking and standing.

Sakura sighed. Being a good person was a burden. But, she owed much to the world. The selfishness of her younger years still weighed heavily on her conscious. Naruto ensured her over and over that she was a good person. But what did that even mean? Naruto had a tendency to look through rose colored glasses. She remembered the time when she hated Naruto for no reason other than he was not Sasuke.

She frowned at herself. Those thoughts always sent her straight to a bout of depression. She had enough problems waiting back at the house. She took a deep breath of the fresh forest air before turning back in.

  
  


Sasori had not moved from his spot. He could not move really. Everything felt uncomfortable to him. He hated that his emotions physically manifested themselves. It came in the form of flushing skin, trembling hands or rapid heart rate. All were things he felt since he woke up in this disgusting body.

He looked down at himself. Disgusting. He never wanted to see this body again much less be in it. And now he was getting nauseous. That was the worst feeling to him. He willed himself to not let it overtake him as he closed his eyes and counted. He tried to block out everything in the world.

Just then, he heard a crashing sound come from another room. Sakura was banging things around and being very loud about it. That girl had the grace of a raging hippopotamus. He scoffed.

He knew this wasn’t her fault, but he couldn’t help but to be irritated with her anyway. He allowed himself to feel this way because there was no other way to feel towards her. He turned away from the door as he heard her approaching footsteps.

“Sasori?” She called as she slid the door open.

He stubbornly did not answer.

“Do you think you can eat yet?”

The thought of food made his stomach revolt. His nausea came back with a vengeance.

“Why are you still here? You are no longer needed. You can return home.” He glared over his shoulder at her.

She frowned. “What are you going to do? Waste away here all alone? You can’t even move!”

“That is my problem.” 

“Just shut up and let me help you.” She moved over to him and placed her hands on him.

He tried to fight against her as she invaded him with her chakra again. He eventually gave in after realizing it was futile. 

“I’m gonna make you some anti-nausea tea and then you need to try to eat.”

She exited the room with an irritated huff.

  
  


It seemed to Sakura that Sasori was still at the stage of depression right now. At least he did not put up a fuss against her as she helped him eat. She felt like this was going better than she expected despite the rough start.

Sakura wondered what he was thinking. She looked over at him as he stared into the fire. He wore his usual bored and distant expression, but she could tell that he was troubled. 

For the first time, she was able to look at him long enough to see the subtle differences in his appearance. She assumed he made minor tweaks to fix the things he did not like about himself. His hair color was a pinkish red instead of that vibrant red. His eyes had a golden hue to them. She noticed he was also taller and appeared a little older.

“How old were you when you turned yourself into a puppet?” She asked.

Sasori looked at her as if he just realized she was there. 

“I don’t remember. Twenty maybe.” He answered.

“Oh, that makes sense. Your body was preserved at that age. You look you are in you twenties.”

“I suppose.” He answered.

She continued to find topics to try out with him. It was random, light topics to distract him from his sulking. She asked him things such as which tea flavors he liked as a human or what was his favorite place he’s ever visited. He would give short answers when he was prompted, but it was mainly one sided conversations. After a while, he became annoyed with her attempts.

“Sakura. I need you to stop talking.”

She deflated. “Sorry, I know it must be difficult.” She honestly could not imagine. She stood to her feet. “I’ll give you some space.”

She turned to walk away but stopped when she heard him speak. 

“Sakura.” He paused. “I don’t mind you sitting here. I just don’t want to hear any noise.”

“Oh…ok.” She shuffled back over and settled herself back in her seat.

_  
  
_

_“Do you understand what you did wrong?”_

_The sharp sound of a whip cracking cut through the air. Sasori shouted in pain._

_“Yes sensei.” He stiffled back a cry._

_“Quit crying. The enemy would do far worse.” Another crack followed and Sasori shouted again._

_“Failing your mission can mean life and death. You understand that, Sasori?”_

_“Yes, sensei.”_

_“Good.” He cupped Sasori’s jaw in his hands and brushed a thumb gently against his wet cheek. Snot and tears mixed together._

_“You know I don’t like doing this to you.”_

_“I know, sensei.” He sniveled._

_“Yet, you must take the punishment you deserve. Failing a mission is unacceptable.” He hands moved to his hair and gripped it tight. “Now take your punishment like a man.”_

_He shoved Sasori back against the wall. His head bounced from the impact. A splitting pain in the back of his head seized him. He could feel blood trickling from the wound down to his neck._

_Sasori’s vision blurred as he tried to focus on his sensei. He could not pass out. It would warrant a longer punishment._

_“This is your third unsuccessful mission in a row. You are a failure to yourself, your comrades and this village.” He began to form hand signs._

_Sasori’s eyes widened in fear as he realized what was going to happen. “Sensei, no! Not this! Please! I will do better next time! I promise!” He continued to plead as he watched his sensei in horror._

_“I’ve told you before. Yet, you continue to screw up. You will never be a worthy shinobi at this rate.”_

_“I’ll never fail a mission again! I promise!”_

_He placed his hands on Sasori’s head and released an electrical charge that traveled throughout his entire body. He blacked out and came to. His nerves were on fire. The smell of his burnt hair assaulted his senses. He repeated this several times until Sasori thought that his body would not be able to recover again._

_He finally released Sasori, and he collapsed to the ground shivering. He fought against his blackening vision._

_“I will see you for training tomorrow. Don’t be late.” He stood and walked towards the door without a second glance. He slammed it behind himself leaving Sasori alone at last._

_Sasori acted on the emotions that he’d held back for the past few hours. It took the form of loud wailing cries and self loathing thoughts._

_  
_

Sakura could not believe what she was seeing. 

Sasori was submerged in water up to his chest. The little bit of him she could see was horrifying. Scars covered every part of his body. They ranged from deep and angry to light and hardly noticeable. They met in crossing patterns all over his body. The only part of his body unmarked was his face and neck. 

Sakura winced. There was no way these were from battle. She’d seen it before but never even close to this extreme. In the orphanage, there were many shinobi children who were victims of abuse. It was the most heartbreaking thing to see. Sasori must have been a victim as a child. _So this is what Lady Chiyo meant by the harsh trainings of Suna._ The thought made her eyes well with heavy tears. She brushed her fingers lightly across his bare back. 

Sasori flinched from the contact. “Stop that!” He hissed.

She quickly recovered and pulled her hand back. She reached for the wash towel lying limply next to her. Excess water dripped from the towel as she rang it out. She thought carefully on how to pose the question.

“These scars…do they bother you?” She asked tentatively.

Sasori did not answer. 

“I can heal them.” She offered.

“Don’t waste you’re energy on something as trivial as scars. I won’t be in this body longer than necessary.” He responded.

Sakura lightly rubbed the cloth against his back. If they did bother him, she could not tell one way or the other. It bothered her though. She would just have to take it upon herself to heal them. It would take a few sessions, but she could do it. She assisted in the opening of a cosmetic dermatology clinic that specialized in healing scars, and she knew all of the techniques. It was popular amongst shinobi of Konoha although it was very costly.

She eyed a particular raised lump of scar tissue in the center of his back. That one was the worst of all. She would need to start on it first. 

“I’ve already told you I don’t need your help.” He broke her from her thoughts.

“You can’t use chakra and you can hardly lift your arms. You do need my help.” She responded.

“I can still manage.” He argued.

“No. I can’t leave you like this.” She said. “Don’t worry, in a week you should be back to normal, and I will be out of your hair.”

“Besides,” She continued. “I need to stick around until you can hold up your end of the bargain. Don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

Sasori lost any form of a response as she started to run her fingers through his hair. The feel of her fingertips lightly brushing against his scalp was enough to stop himself in his tracks. He drifted in and out as she worked her way to the ends releasing knots along her path. She gave one last comb through and smoothed it in place with her palms.

She moved on to his neck and shoulders working out 20 years of knots that plagued him with her very skilled and well practiced hands. She knew exactly where to press and adjusted her pressure in all the right spots. Her chakra seeped in and relaxed his muscles. He could not even bring himself to fight against her if he wanted to. She had him in the palm of her hands right now. Was this some sort of trap? He did not know but could not care at the moment. 

She did not speak for the rest of the time, and he was grateful for that. He was determined to appear as neutral as possible as he fell apart in her hands. If she had any idea of what she was doing to him, she was being mercifully quiet about it.

She gave him a pat on the shoulder and stood to her feet. “There, that should help. You may need a few more sessions but don’t get discouraged. We will have you fully functional in just a few short days.” She said cheerfully.

He swallowed but did not say anything.

“Well then, do you think you can dress yourself?” She asked.

“Yes.” Sasori answered briskly.

“Ok, Just holler if you need anything.” She walked away casually as if she didn’t just make a jumbled mess of his thoughts.

Sasori sank lower into the water until it reached above his nose. He needed to collect himself before facing her again. He was already missing her hands. He exhaled a flurry of bubbles as he tried to get himself in check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost did not include the bit showing Sasori’s past. I decided to do it because I felt like it was necessary to really show his tragic background. I felt like this is what they meant when they mentioned in canon that he went through the harsh trainings of Suna.
> 
> It may seem like I am being unfair to Sakura, but I think she has insecurities about her past. She is a good person but has trouble seeing herself in this way now that she has grown from her obsession with Sasuke and is really valuing the people who have always been there for her.
> 
> Also, is it just me or does Sasori’s hair color as a human appear slightly different? Lol


	12. Under the Covers

Sasori was born with the ability to feel deeper, but it came with a price. He could feel when he was being called to do something. Always knew exactly what it was he was supposed to do. He had no control over it. He could only be pulled by the waves of the universe while reaching for stability. Every time he found balance, he would be washed away again.

He looked down at the reflection of his human body. His own eyes staring back mocked him. It was the cruelest joke the universe had ever played on him. What was he supposed to do? If he did not resist he was punished. If he resisted, he was pushed back further. A premonition told him that he was missing something. Something he needed to do? He would keep failing until he figured it out. That much he knew.

He anxiously picked at his fingernail until it bled. The feeling seemed to stir something within him. He vigorously pulled at his cuticles until the roots were exposed and bleeding. He watched the blood leak down his fingers.

What did he need to do? He ran it over in his mind several times over. How did he end up here again? He tried to forfeit his life and failed to do that. He remembered the desire to die. He was completely prepared for his life to end as he welcomed his grandmother’s finishing blow. The universe denied him his peace. That damn backup heart clone was placed inside his puppet body. He had no idea who did it or how they obtained it. To make matters worse, he was forced back inside his human body by its own will apparently.

Once he figured it out, he could die peacefully. He did not think he wanted to go back to his puppet body after all. He looked down at his hand now bleeding profusely. _Strange._ He was not aware of pulling off three of his fingernails. He scowled. If Sakura saw this, she would make an annoying fuss over it. He dipped his fingers in the stream. The warm red blood mixed in until it faded away into the cool blue water.

It was already known to Sakura that Sasori had awful mood swings, even as a puppet. In the past two days of being in his now human company, she was given a whole new view of it. She genuinely hoped, for his sake, that this was temporary until he adjusted to his new body. She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he was like this before, he must have had a very miserable life. It was making sense to her why he chose to shed his humanity.

Sasori gave her plenty of reasons to want to knock him out and run back to Konoha as fast as she could. But, there were also moments of candid vulnerability he would forget to hold back. It was these moments when she could really see him for who he was. A human in pain. Someone who had all of the same needs as her but was denied everything one should have..

He hated himself. Never being loved by another would take a toll on anyone’s ability to love themself. There were many times when Sakura did not like herself because of every thing she failed to do. Failing to protect her teammates when she had yet to find her strength. Failing to be enough to keep Sasuke from leaving. Failing to stop Naruto from risking his own life in pursuing Sasuke.

The scars she saw on Sasori’s back and arms made her feel that she was completely unjustified in her own feelings. At least she had experienced the love of parents, good friends and mentors. So what if she could not get Sasuke to love her. Amazing people rooted for her, lifted her up, and taught her. What did he ever have? A grandma who lied to him and ignored his existence. A village that treated him unspeakably horrible. What kind of life _is_ that?

Sakura finished writing her letter to Kakashi. Her slender fingers folded the sheet into a neat square. The messenger bird waited patiently as she tucked it in the compartment fastened to its leg. She raised her arm to signal its departure. It flew off swiftly leaving a few feathers in its wake.

“Lying to your people again?” Sasori questioned in that smooth voice. She tried not to find his accent so alluring.

“I know, I feel a little bad about it. But not much, if I’m honest. If Sasuke can do whatever he wants, so can I. Right?” She turned towards him.

“You can do whatever you want.” He agreed.

Sakura thought that Sasori was difficult to figure out. She could never guess how he was going to respond to her. When he would speak casually with her, she would think there was some hidden message for her to decipher. It was much easier to understand his outbursts of anger.

She watched the sweat drip from his hair as he forced himself to walk using the wall as support. He was quickly making good progress. There was no doubt that he would be fully recovered soon.

“Are you hungry? I sure am.” She clasped her hands in front of her.

“No.” Was his immediate response. He said nothing else as he watched a deer sniff around outside the window.

“You need to start eating regularly.” She reprimanded. “You know, the sooner you get better is the sooner you can use chakra again. Which means you can go back to being a puppet again or whatever it is you’re planning.” Distaste sat in her mouth as she said that last part. She truly wished he would change his mind about going back to being a homicidal puppet.

“I know that.”

“Lets go to the village tonight.” She suggested.

“I’m not going to the village.” He stated.

“Yes, you are. We both need fresh air. And I need to be around civilization.” Having been stuck in this house for two days dealing with all of Sasori’s moods, she really needed it.

“Then go by yourself.”

“No. I want you to come with me.” She pouted.

That made Sasori scoff. “No, you don’t. You just want to make my life infinitely more difficult.” 

“Your fingernails! What happened to them?” She grabbed his hand, and he jerked it away immediately.

“I don’t know.” He lied.

“That looks really fresh.” She gave him a long, hard look.

“Mind your business!” He refused to back down under her scrutiny. “Let’s go to the damn village if we are to go.” 

The swift change in topic was painfully obvious to her, but she decided to let it go for now. She would harass him about it later. Right now, she just wanted to have a normal night. And maybe a bottle of sake all to herself.

The excessive noise of the village had Sasori regretting this already. This village drastically different from the last village they were in. He thought that it was worse. It was lively and the people were boisterous. A typical civilian village. He hated them more than he hated shinobi villages if that was possible. There wasn’t a single person they passed that did not stare at them as if they were a circus attraction. He guessed it had to do with them being the only pink headed freaks they had ever seen. He avoided eye contact with a plump middle aged woman. 

His arm was looped into Sakura’s as they walked side by side. On the outside, they appeared to be friendly with one another. In actuality, Sakura was almost supporting him entirely. He concentrated on picking up his feet and moving forward to make himself appear natural. He could not wait until he was free of these embarrassing limitations. 

A bar at the end of the strip caught Sakura’s eye. It reminded her of her main goal of the night. It was totally fine now that she did not have to worry about Sasori killing her in her sleep anymore. She pulled him in that direction. He struggled to keep up with her but was determined to not let it show.

“Why are we going there? Did you come here to drink?” He asked with a hint of criticism in his voice.

“Um, yeah?” She looked at him in disbelief. “Do _you,_ of all people, have the nerve to judge me for drinking?”

“A shinobi should never willingly put themselves in a vulnerable state. You never know when you will have to face an opponent.” He scolded.

“Maybe for you! I’m only in danger when I’m on missions. I’m not a missing nin looking for trouble.” She fixed him with a heated look.

That was true. “I don’t care. Do whatever it is you want.” He switched back to being impassive as he allowed her to pull him towards the bar.

Sakura chose their seats strategically. She purposefully placed herself between Sasori and the people next to them. He was farthest to the wall. There were plenty of reasons why this was necessary. Sasori had a laundry list of issues that could be triggered at any given time for many different reasons. He had misophonia, anxiety, depression and mania to name a few. She did not want to risk anything right now. The curious stares of everyone around them was already flustering him. If he was able, he likely would have destroyed everyone in the vicinity and made them into puppets simply for making him uncomfortable.

“A bottle of sake and two bowls of soup curry, please.” Sakura said to the bartender as she approached her.

“Sure thing!” She said cheerfully as she wrote down her order on a ticket and passed it to the kitchen in the back. It smelled so delicious back there. The exotic spices were unfamiliar to Sakura’s nose, but she knew that it was going to be good. She loved trying new foods in foreign lands. 

“I think you will-“ She cut herself off as she turned to see that another bar customer had occupied Sasori’s attention.

“I am an artist of the highest caliber!” She heard the guy proudly announce. He was thumbing through pages of a thick album. She curiously looked over Sasori’s shoulder.

“What?” Sakura felt her cheeks burn hot. _Oh boy._ Those were the raunchiest paintings she had ever seen. Each one featured nude women in provocative positions. They grew increasingly more erotic further into the album. The women were of varying ages and varying shapes. Every so often, she would see a man. Then, he started to get to the really gross stuff. This guy was a total pervert.

Sasori had a look of pure contempt on his face. “You call your perversion art? That is an insult to art!” Sakura had never seen Sasori become this passionate about a topic. He was very offended by these paintings. Way more offended than when Deidara would speak his blasphemies.

“What do you mean this is not art? The naked form, the act of joining together in the most intimate fashion.” He boasted animatedly. “This all of what life is about. This is the epitome of art!” His gestures were wild and flamboyant. Sakura would have compared him to Gai-sensei if he wasn’t so damn creepy.

Sasori looked like he was trying to slit the guy’s throat just by looking at him.

Sakura decided to step in. She flashed him a fake smile. “Look, we are kind of in a rush right now, but it was nice meeting you!” No, it wasn’t.

“It was not.” Sasori said shooting her a nasty look.

The guy completely ignored their dismissal. He eyed Sakura up and down. Her skin crawled under his wandering eyes. “Yes, your unique beauty would be perfect. You have the exact look I’ve been searching for.” He looked at her critically. “Your flushing skin with your pink hair…”

“What!” Sakura shrieked. 

“What is wrong with you?” Sasori spat.

“And you too.” He continued, averting his gaze to Sasori. “Yes, it would be a masterpiece.” He let his eyes wander down Sasori’s body.

Sakura had as much as she could take of this. “Cha!” Clenching her teeth and fist, she flew up from her bar stool and punched the guy clean through the wall. An explosion of dust and plank chips erupted before raining down on them. This caught the attention of everyone in the bar. It was completely silent as everyone tried to process what they just saw.

“What the fuck!” She heard the bartender say.

This reigned her back in from her outburst. _Yikes._ She looked at the gaping hole in the wall and then looked at the bartender. “So sorry.” She chuckled nervously. Everyone continue to stare in bewilderment at her.

“We’ll leave now.” She shoved Sasori through her hole and jumped out after him. 

“Lets get the hell out of here.” She said as she pulled him after her. 

Well, that didn’t go so well. And to think she worried about Sasori causing trouble. It never occurred to her that she would be the one to do it. The supposedly civilized and responsible Leaf shinobi. The top medic and one of the smartest of her peers. The one who always took it upon herself to keep Naruto in check when he acted like a moron in public. She had to go and do this just after she just haughtily explained to Sasori that she is no missing nin looking for trouble.

“Do you bust through walls every where you go?” Sasori asked her.

It was a fair question. He witnessed her destructive capabilities at each place they had been together. “That guy was a complete weirdo! What else was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t care. Im not the one who has a reputation to uphold.” 

“Let’s just forget that happened. I’m going find a drink somewhere else. Now, I really need it.” She said as she resolved not to punch a hole in the next place they visited.

Sakura’s prettiness was exaggerated. Much like a rainbow. Her eyes shined too bright and her hair defied all colors that should be natural. The lilac seal on her forehead enhanced the effect. She was overwhelming to look at sometimes. 

The sake she had at dinner made her bold enough to pull her cot closer to his and invade his personal space. She laid across from him staring at him intently. She had her head propped up on her hand. It was one of those times when he found it difficult to hold her gaze. Instead he focused on her index finger tapping her chin. He wanted to reprimand her for getting too close, but he did not. Sakura was a good distraction from his perpetual misery. It was nice to not be stuck in his own head.

She was making him play a very stupid game. She called it “Would you prefer.” The simple rules were that one would ask the other what they would choose out of two things. It was ridiculous and childish, but he had nothing better to do. She seemed to be really interested in his answers. He could not guess why she cared to know such trivial information.

“Would you prefer an alien invasion or a zombie apocalypse?”

He raised an eyebrow. “An alien invasion. They would make better puppets.”

“You would something like that.” She said without any real feelings on the matter.

“Hm.”

“Now you ask me something.”

“Why?” He did not care to ask her anything of that useless nature. There would be no alien invasion or zombie apocalypse. 

“Because that’s the point of this game.”

“What is the point?” He crossed his arms.

“To get to know each better!”

“By asking meaningless questions?”

“Yes!” She said in exasperation.

“Fine.” He thought on it for a moment. “Would you prefer to loose your memories and never be able to obtain more or have all of the people important to you forget you completely?”

“That’s a tough one.” She rested her pointer finger on her chin as she looked at the ceiling in thought. “But I’d have to say I’d rather loose my memories.”

“Why?” He asked. “You can make memories with new people and never know the difference.” 

“Well, that’s true. But, it’s hard to imagine a life without Lady Tsunade, Naruto, Ino and Kakash-sensei. And Sai and Yamato. Even you, Sasori. I know that we aren’t exactly close, but each bond I’ve made shaped me into who I am. To live a life where everyone important to me has forgotten me would be the worst possible thing that could happen to me.” The answer came naturally to her.

Sasori seemed to contemplate that for a long moment. “Why would you include me in that list?” He asked. “I have not contributed to your life in anyway.”

“That’s not true.” She did not hesitate to say. “Before I became Lady Tsunade’s apprentice, I was dead weight not even worth protecting. At least, that’s how I felt. Everyone in Rookie 11 was amazing in their own way. But, I never felt worthy to be apart of the group. It was only after my battle with you. You told me I was impressive.” She blushed.

Sasori gave her an odd look. “I didn’t mean that as a compliment. I was just making an observation. You exhibited impressive and unique skills that I had never seen before. I will give credit where it is due.” He shrugged and looked back at the ceiling. “Besides, I only wanted to make you a part of my collection.” He admitted nonchalantly as if that was a normal thing to tell someone.

“Well, either way, it was something special that I’ve always remembered.” She smiled.

And Sasori had to look away again. Her sincerity made him uncomfortable, and he wasn’t sure why. 

Sakura shifted even closer, and he made a noise of surprise. “What are you doing ?” He asked in exasperation while attempting to scoot away.

She ignored him. “Here, let me heal your fingernails.” She grabbed his hand from underneath the blankets and held it between her hands. The warmth of her energy seeped into his flesh seamlessly. The pain of his exposed nail beds faded as keratin regenerated until it formed solid nails.

“There, good as new.” She said but did not pull away. Her hands brushed over his hands and past his wrists. They settled on a mess of scars covering his arms. She closed her eyes in meditation as her chakra swept beneath the surface. He watched as the scars slowly faded into softer lines. Then, only smooth, unblemished skin was left. He stared at the spot where the scars were just seconds ago. There was this distinct feeling of a weight being lifted.

She did stop there. Her hands moved higher up his arms smoothing out more scars along their path. The chill of the room contrasting with the warmth of her chakra left goosebumps along his arms. At least, that’s what he chose to believe. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to soak in every moment of it.

Just as he was falling deeper into the pleasant sensations, she removed her hands and pulled them back towards herself. He stopped himself just in time as he went to reach back for her hands. He wanted more of it. More of what exactly, he did not know. There was an impulse to grab her and pull her in towards him. And then what? He was glad his limitations would not allow him to do something so stupid and inappropriate. He willed himself to stop going down this train of thought as he made sure to appear impassive. She opened her eyes. They were glazed over from fatigue and the alcohol’s influence. 

“Why are you so concerned with healing those things? They are just scars.” He flawlessly played off his moment of confusion and weakness.

“Because they bother you.” She answered. “I know they do.”

They did bother him. He did not realize how much so until seeing them disappear. It made him feel more comfortable in this skin. He hated those blatant reminders of how worthless he was deemed in the past. It took her all of a few seconds to erase them, and immediately, he felt the difference. Maybe one day he would tell her this. Probably not though.

He looked over at her to see that she was settled deep in her blankets. Her hair was the only thing he could see sticking out. The lump under the blankets slowly moved up and down from her breathing signaling that she was asleep. He noticed that she had not moved her bed back over to her side of the room.

It was a long night of him struggling to understand his earlier thoughts and the implications behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse any typos and grammar errors you may find. I plan to go back and edit this later. I know, I’m lazy y’all :P
> 
> I tried to make this chapter more humorous and less angsty but I cant seem to help myself.


	13. Oil and Water

Sakura woke with a pounding headache and a feeling that something was about to happen. Something bad. Weird dreams danced around her mind all night. She’d wake in the middle of one immediately forgetting the details. This cycle repeated itself until the first rays of the sun filtered in through the window. By that time, she gave up on sleep. She rubbed her eyelids until they were raw, as if this would rid her of the bad feeling.

Remembering where she was, she turned her head to steal a glance at Sasori. Seeing him brought back memories of last night. She could not believe that she scooted her way over to his side. What was she thinking? Depending on what mood he was in, it could have been bad. Apparently, he had been in one of his tolerating moods. 

The sight of him curled into a pillow was kind of endearing. His mussed hair covered most of his face. It was so delightfully unexpected that it brought a smile to her lips. She was tempted to curl up next to him and fall back asleep. _Wait what?_ Her smile dropped. What an inappropriate thought to have. She must be really lonely to think such a thing. Yep. That had to be it, she concluded as she pushed it out of her mind.

Her momentary distraction was enough to negate the off-putting feeling she woke with. Her headache was still very much present though. She pressed her fingers to her temples easing the throbbing pain with her soothing chakra. 

Sasori began to mutter quietly in his sleep. She wondered what went on in his head and if he also had weird dreams. Ever since they left that house in the swamps, she had those odd dreams. They were becoming more real each night, but she still could not remember them after waking. She would probably ask him later.

It was the first time he slept in past her. She thought of paying him back for all the times he rudely woke her up. He would get impatient waiting for her and would jab her forehead with his finger or pinch her nose shut. It was something obnoxious that Sai would do. 

When she saw a stray feather that escaped her pillow, she had an idea. She grabbed it and slowly bent forward. But just before she could brush it against Sasori’s nose, a chakra thread caught her wrist in an ultra tight grip. 

“Ouch.” She complained.

“What do you think you are doing?” His eye popped open. He did not loosen his grip.

“Waking you up! Just like you wake me up every morning.” She pouted.

“I am awake as you can see. I don’t sleep hours past the sunrise like you.” He sat up and combed his fingers through his messy hair with his free hand.

“I’m happy to see that you can infuse chakra again, but could you, uh, loosen your grip?” She pointed at the wrist that was held captive. She could feel her circulation cutting off.

Sasori let go of her wrist. He wiggled his fingers and pushed out chakra threads from all ten of them. Sakura watched in amusement as he gripped onto various objects and rearranged them around the room. His grip faltered on a particular vase causing it to crash onto the floor. He winced at the noise and frowned.

“Wow, that’s a big improvement!” She encouraged.

Turning his attention to her, he pointed his fingers at her. She gasped in surprise as he wrapped his threads around her. She did not fight against it as she felt it sink beneath her flesh and latch onto her chakra points. Somehow, she knew that he did not mean to harm her. 

She allowed him to lift her arms and drop them. He wiggled each of her toes individually. She tried to remember the first time she was under the control of a puppet master. In the heat of battle, she didn’t have time to mind the feeling of foreign chakra running through her pathways. Now, she was able to really feel the oddness of it. Sasori’s chakra molded perfectly to her own so much that she could not differentiate his influence from her own natural movements. Was that the case for all puppet masters? Or was that one of the things that made him so good at his craft? She wondered.

“Well, now that you can use chakra again…do you think you can release me from your sleeper agent jutsu?” She asked hopefully.

He looked at her for a long moment with a blank expression. Realization dawned on him. “Does this mean you will be leaving?” He finally asked.

“Well, yes. I do have to get back home soon.”

A look of disappointment crossed his face that did escape her notice. He quickly corrected it. She had to stop herself from asking what that was about. There was no way he could be disappointed. She must have misread his expression or completely imagined it. 

He formed a few hand signs and said something under his breath.

“Was that it?” She asked. If anything changed within her, she could not tell. 

“Yes. You are now free of my jutsu.”

“Thanks.” She hoped he wasn’t lying to her.

“…When are you leaving?” He tried to feign indifference.

She thought about it for a moment. “Tomorrow morning.”

“…But, you know, you can always write to me. I’d love to keep in touch.” And make sure he is behaving himself she thought to herself. She hoped that she did not help restore him just so he can go on his killing rampages again. It would make her sick if that were to happen. He seemed to be more civilized lately but she could not be sure. Sasori was very unpredictable.

He made a noise of contempt. “What would I have to write to you about?” 

Sakura silently fumed at his rudeness. What an ungrateful prick. “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” She said instead.

The next few hours were boring for Sakura. Sasori seemed to have completely shut her out, and she had no idea what brought on this mood swing of his.

She was reading a text on the land’s native plants as he occupied himself with piecing together random objects he found. Small figurines made of repurposed woods and trinket parts lined the table. She was impressed by what he was able to make out of scrap pieces.

His fingers would twitch slightly and the puppets would appear to move on their own. The chakra threads spouting from his fingers were almost invisible. One of the figures popped open from the chest and shot out a flurry of small needles. They nailed the wall right behind her.

“Hey! Watch where you aim that shit!” She fussed as they flew a little too close. She slammed down her book.

“I was not aiming for you.” He did not look up. He had that wild look in his eyes that she often seen when he was involved in his work. _His art_. He would have corrected her, and she would have rolled her eyes.

“But you could have hit me.” 

“Do not insult me. If I wanted to hit you, I absolutely would have.” 

After dinner, they enjoyed a companionable silence. That is, until she started prying into his business.

“So, what are you going to do now?” She asked resting her head on her knees. The tea kettle whistled loudly but she didn’t feel like moving to get it. She could almost feel Sasori twitch in irritation. Maybe he would get irritated enough to get it for her.

“Im getting far away from here. And then I have matters to attend to.” He answered vaguely. 

“Matters?” She raised an eyebrow. 

“Yes. Loose ends to tie up. Are you going to stop that noise any time soon?” He pointed to the screaming kettle.

“Oh, that? Yea, I’ll get it in a second.” 

He cursed and got up to cease the offensive noise. She smiled at her little victory. “Oh, since you are over there, can you bring me a teacup?”

“You are doing this on purpose. Don’t forget I can easily kill you now.” He said but still brought her the teacup. 

“But you won’t.” She sang out.

“Don’t be so sure. I’m known for my outbursts.” He said matter of factly.

“Right.” She hummed as she took a sip of her very hot tea. “Would you like me to heal the rest of your scars?” she offered. “I mean, may as well, right?”

“I don’t care.” He shrugged. 

Over the past few days, she had resurfaced his skin leaving almost no evidence that scars were once littering his body. One more session would do the trick. She sat herself in front of him crossing her legs. He made no move to lift his shirt, so she did it for him. 

She scanned over his chest and shoulders down his arms and to his hands. The faint scars present were hardly noticeable; a stark contrast to how they looked before she worked her magic. She was better at this than she thought.

“Why are you doing this?” He interrupted her train of thought. “I released you from my jutsu. And I never required you to do any of this as part of our deal.”

She was silent as she thought of how best to word her answer. He looked at her expectantly. Her hands moved in slow, steady strokes down his arm. She couldn’t exactly tell him she felt sorry for him. Although that was mostly the truth. He hated it when she would show him pity. How do you tell someone that they are damaged beyond measure? And that they need at least one person to care? There was no good way to say it. Especially to someone that held so much pride.

“Because you deserve it.” She finally answered after a long moment. “And I want to show you that you are worth good things.”

He frowned at that statement.

“You don’t believe it, but it’s true.” Her smile reached her eyes. He noticed again how overwhelmingly beautiful she was. “No matter what acts you’ve committed, you are one of the most revered shinobi of all time. Even outside of your own village, everyone knows and respects you. You’re a revolutionary. And more than that, I know that deep down you’re exactly the same as me. Trust me – you are deserving of good things.”

Sasori felt a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach that climbed up his throat. He was at a complete loss. The words she said and the way she spoke them rang out through darkest, loneliest corners of his mind. Unable to stop himself, he caught her wrist in a tight grip. He struggled with himself for a moment.

She stopped her movements and looked at him in uncertainty. She felt the shift in his demeanor. Before she could say anything, he pulled her into his lap in one fluid motion. She squeaked in surprise as her hands caught his bare shoulders to steady herself. Her legs were spread on either sides of his waist. Seeing his low lidded eyes burn with a desperate longing was enough to make her abandon all rational thoughts. 

His hands gripped her soft, pink hair in handfuls. Guiding her head down to his own, he pressed his lips against hers in a kiss that was equally intoxicating and overwhelming. She surprised herself with how willing she was to comply with him. Her lips parted with his. She felt his tongue gently graze against her own. He broke away to press kisses down her throat taking in every bit of her essence. The taste of her skin, the smell of her hair. His fingers brushed along the curves of her sides.

As she allowed the pleasant sensation to overtake her, she moved her hands to his hair grasping tightly. She could feel his hardness pressing against her through her tight, spandex shorts. She squirmed against him humming in pleasure. 

His hands gripped her bottom tightly to steady her movements as he continued kissing and nipping her collarbone. Her hair swept over his shoulder as she leaned in closer to give him better access. Her arms curled around him pulling him in as close as he could be. It was all too much for him.

Just as quickly as it all happened, Sasori suddenly halted his hands wandering up her rib cage just shy of reaching her breasts. He squeezed his hands around her rib cage almost painfully. He rested his head against her shoulder drawing in a long, deep breath and letting it out. They sat like that for what was a long, uncomfortable moment until he pushed her off of him and stood on unsteady legs. He walked out of the door without another word slamming it behind him.

The reality of the situation hit Sakura like a ton of bricks. She let out the shaky breath she had been holding in and fell to her back on the mat. She pressed her thighs together to ease the throbbing ache. _How did that just happen? What in the world was she thinking?_ She asked herself. The scene played over and over in her mind in a maddening loop. She bit her bottom lip and crossed her arms over her chest. She was such an idiot for letting that happen. Just how far was she going to let that go before she stopped him? She wondered if she was going to stop him at all. That thought frightened her.

Well, it happened. So now she was going to have to do some damage control. She did not want to leave Sasori on these very weird and confusing terms. And there was no way in hell he was going to be the one to soothe things over before she left. But, he definitely needed time to process it all before she approached him. For now, she was just going to close her eyes and pretend like she was anywhere but here.

Sasori tortured himself with a cold bath. He understood enough to know that what happened was natural but somehow it did not feel that way. He didn’t like it at all. Loosing control of himself to the whims of his body. He always allowed himself to kill when he felt the need, but that was different. His art was a part of him and could never be ignored.

He had never been overcome with _those_ kind of desires in his entire life. He was humiliated and disgusted with himself. Why did she allow him to do those things to her? He clenched his fist in anger. It was her fault. She was saying those things and looking at him in that way making him _feel_ things. Surely, she had to know what she was doing. She was not stupid and oblivious. The thought of killing her crossed his mind, but he found he had no real desire to do that. 

In any case, he did not think he would be able to face her again. Hopefully, she would just go back home without another word. Somehow, he doubted that. Furthermore, there was a part of him that was dreading her leaving. It was another damn human weakness that he would have to ignore. 

He sulked in his cold puddle of retribution for another hour. The next hour, he paced around aimlessly in his underwear with wet hair. He started to pick at his fingernails but stopped himself when he remembered the last incident. It was getting dark outside and mosquitos were picking away at him. He smacked impatiently at the large one greedily sucking his neck. 

He looked back at the house. Sakura was still in there, and he would have to face her. He heard the clicking sounds of Yuyake approaching. 

“Is something the matter, Master? If you don’t mind me saying, I was starting to worry about you. Wandering around. Halfway in the nude. For no purpose.” He blinked.

“Where the hell have you been?” Sasori pointed at him accusingly. If Yuyake had been around, this would not have happened. He was supposed to ensure that Sasori did NOT do stupid things.

“Around?” He raised his pincers in a shrug.

“What is Sakura doing? Has she said anything to you?”

“She has not said anything to me. The poor girl probably thinks you’ve gone mad again out here like this. Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” He left it at that and walked towards the house leaving Yuyake behind. Really, he has gone mad. But it wasn’t for the reason Yuyake thought.

Sasori thought he was going to get away without a confrontation. Sakura had moved to the other end of the small house giving him the space he needed. He had closed himself off in the little room they slept in. His hopes were quashed when he heard her light footsteps approaching cautiously. He grimaced as he heard the door slide open. 

“Hey, um, I just want to talk about what happened earlier.” Sakura spoke softly in hopes of not agitating him further.

“There is no need.” He did not look up at her from his puppets.

“Yes, there is. I wanted to say I’m really sorry about it.” Even though he’s the one that started it, she thought.

He did not answer her.

“Look, I know this all new to you.” She gestured around her at nothing in particular. “And I’m really sorry if I confused you. I should have been more respectful of your space while you are adjusting to everything.”

He continued to ignore her as he practiced chakra control on his puppets. It was getting on his nerves that he was not back to his normal level of skill yet.

“And…umm…” she struggled with her next statement. “I should not have reciprocated.” She blushed and looked down. She was still very frustrated with herself over it.

The puppets came crashing to the ground. Sasori swore out loud. Ten seemed to be his limit right now. How infuriating it was to be at a fraction of his full power. He finally turned to Sakura to deal with his other vexing issue. “No, you should not have.” He shot her a nasty look.

“But it’s going to be ok. Nothing happened so we can just put it all behind us. No big deal.” She tried to defuse.

Really? Was it _that_ easy for her to just…act like it was nothing? He wasn’t really sure how he wanted her to feel, but he did not think he liked that. It should not matter though. She was leaving soon.

“I hope you can forgive me. It would be a shame to part on such bad terms. We were starting to get along so well.” She remembered enjoying her time with him the night prior. 

Sasori sighed in exasperation. She wasn’t going to let this go. “Fine, I will ‘forget’ it happened. But, do not expect me to write to you. I have no reason to. We are done with this exchange.” And with that, he turned his attention back to his puppets effectively shutting her out of his realm.

Sakura was not satisfied with the end of that conversation but figured it was as good as she was going to get. She moved her cot back to her side of the room and settled in under the blankets. After tossing over a few times, she found a comfortable enough position to drift off.

The morning came all too quickly. Sakura woke up on her own without assistance from Sasori. For once. However, she could hear him fumbling around from the next room. Probably obsessing over his puppets again. 

She forced herself to sit up. There was little time for her to delay. She had been away from home for too long and people were going to start worrying. She told Hinata she’d be back in a week and now she lost track of how many days she’d been away. Hopefully, she could make it back home in time for the ceremony naming Kakashi-sensei the sixth Hokage. 

She smiled at the thought. Having been so preoccupied for the past week, she realized how much she missed her friends. She was looking forward to being back home again. The thought inspired her to get up and gather her things. 

The sound of a door clicking shut caught Sasori’s attention. Did she just leave? He startled as he turned to see Sakura standing right behind him. 

“Don’t do that.” He scowled.

“Geez, don’t be so jumpy. I just wanted to say goodbye.” She looked at him expectantly.

“Do you even know where you’re going?” He questioned.

“…well, uh, no, but…” Yeah, that was another reason she needed to leave now. She had no idea how long it was going to take to find her way back.

“Yuyake will go with you.”

“Oh, that isn’t necessary. I’m sure I can find my way back just fine.” She politely declined. 

“Don’t be an idiot.” He rebuked. “You won’t make it back alive by yourself.”

Yuyake was already settled on top of her bag. “It is no problem. Now, let us be on our way.”

Sakura did not move as she contemplated on her next move. She was actually going to miss Sasori. As someone who was naturally affectionate, she wanted to embrace him. But, last time she became too touchy, she complicated matters a lot. 

She refrained from reaching out. “Well, goodbye then.” She said as she turned towards the door.

Sasori said nothing else as he watched her leave. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a dirty liar. I did not go back to edit my previous chapter, and now I have to go back and edit this chapter too. Oof 😣 
> 
> I know I separated them, but they are just a hot mess and need a break from each other. But don’t worry! I’m just getting started with these two. 
> 
> I hope my Sakura doesn’t seem too OOC. I see her as someone that’s more open in her sexuality. Since she has been shown to have a weakness for hot guys (I.e. the reverse harem jutsu scene) and was shown to be boy crazy at times, I decided to run with that aspect of her character. That’s why she is not as freaked out by what happened.


	14. Team 7

Sakura expected life to go back to normal after returning to Konoha. For the most part, it did. Only, she did not feel normal. Those awful nightmares came to her with increased intensity. The night prior, she abruptly woke up and vomited on the side of her bed. She could not immediately remember who she was.

“Forehead, you look like total shit.” Ino declared as she observed the dark circles around Sakura’s eyes. 

This comment snapped Sakura out of her daze. She became aware that she still had not put on her sports bra. Her nipples were sharp from the chilled air of the locker room.

Tenten tossed her a damp towel. “Here, wipe your face. You have crust around your eyes.” 

“What is with you? Ever since you came back from your little trip, you’ve been in your own world.” Ino turned her back to the mirror to view her butt in extremely tight workout leggings. “Ugh! I so need to lose weight.”

“Ino, shut up. You do not need to lose weight.” Tenten found it annoying when Ino complained about her appearance when she knew damn well she was one of the most desirable girls in Konoha.

Ino sighed. “You’re right, Tenten. At least my boobs are getting bigger.” She pushed her breasts together. “Anyway forehead, you still didn’t answer my question.” 

“Yea, Sakura. What gives?” Tenten asked. She twirled her hair into two tight buns.

“I guess I’m just tired from traveling. And all of the chakra I used healing the villagers.” Sakura pulled her sports bra over her head. Ino helped her clasp it shut in the back.

“Its been a week. Shouldn’t you be rested by now?” Tenten asked.

“Have either of you heard of The Land of Swamps?” Sakura asked suddenly.

Ino thought for a moment. “Yea, but I don’t know anything about it.” She remembered seeing the name in one of her clan’s history books, but she hardly paid attention to any of that boring stuff.

“Nobody really knows much about it.” Tenten said. 

Sakura sighed. “I figured as much.” She had only known it by name from geography classes. There was never a reason to learn anything else about it. That she knew of, they were never sent on missions there. No political associations either.

“So why the sudden interest?” Ino asked. 

“I heard one of the villagers talk about it in passing. Just plain curiosity.” She lied. Telling the truth would unveil some rather incriminating details.

Ino squinted at her. “You sure about that?”

“Uh huh.” She nodded.

“You’re an awful liar, Sakura.” Ino said. “How about I beat it out of you.” She held a fist up.

“Nice try, Ino. But I can’t take you seriously when you have a camel toe.” She pointed towards her crotch.

“Wait what!?” She shrieked grabbing at the fabric of her tights. “Dammit! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You both suck!”

Sakura let out a malicious cackle. Tenten tried to hold in her giggles behind her hand and eventually Ino herself had to laugh too.

“You wouldn’t have that issue if you didn’t wear your pants so tight.” Tenten laughed.

“Whatever. Now that Sakura has woke the fuck up, let’s go whip these genin kunoichi in shape with our special InoSakuTen workout!” Ino pumped her fist.

“Hell yea! It’ll be the most intense workout of their lives!” Tenten hyped.

Sakura miraculously summoned the energy to drag behind her two bright eyed, enthusiastic friends. 

It was all Sakura could think about lately. That village in the swamps, the house, the nightmares…and then Sasori would occupy the spaces in between those thoughts. She was becoming near desperate to find out more about that mysterious village in the swamps. Scouring through books at the library had been a complete waste of time. There were probably books that she did not have access to.

Her next idea was to ask around. But, she had to tread very carefully with this. If anyone were to find out why she was asking. Well, she didn’t want to consider that possibility. That meant she could not ask the people who were likely to know something. Tsunade, Kakashi,and the village elders were among those people off limits.

Sasuke only took missions that kept him on the road and away from the village. She wondered if he’d ever passed through during his travels. Well, even if she wanted to, there was no way to contact him. Besides, she wanted information now. 

Sasori had been the only person who knew of this place, but even he seemed to not know everything. Or he just chose not to say. There were large gaps in her memories from that particular day. If only she could tap into those memories. Ino would have been any easy solution to her problem, but that would not do either.

Her thoughts went back to Sasori. She wondered what he had been up to. Hopefully nothing bad. She did not want to find out that he joined another band of psychopaths. He did not need to be mixing his crazy with other crazies again. 

Throughout their time together, she saw the potential in him to be something more. Aside from his screwed up perception of the value of human life, he had his own principals and morals. And like many shinobi, he had disabling issues. Ones that would be difficult to overcome, but it wasn’t impossible. 

And then there was _that_ moment. That one where he pulled her into his lap and kissed her in a way that she would never forget. She tried not to think anything of it. He was obviously struggling to adjust to his body and had a moment of confusion and weakness. It made perfect sense. But, it would creep up on her when she was alone at night. It was not fair to him, and she felt shameful about it after. Besides, she should NOT have let that happen. She felt completely responsible for it. 

“Sakuraaaaa!” Ino nearly made her jump out of her skin as she dropped down from the rooftops in front of her.

“Whew! I broke a sweat trying to catch up to you.” Ino fanned herself dramatically. She sniffed the air around Sakura and scrunched her nose. “Wow, you stink! But anyway, you’ll never guess what.” She linked her arm through Sakura’s guiding her forward to an unknown destination. Leave it to Ino to bulldoze her plans.

“So tell me.” Sakura deadpanned. At least, Ino never disappointed when it came to the latest news and gossip.

“So, you are going to the ceremony for Kakashi-sensei tonight, right?” She abruptly turned them around a corner and weaved them around a fruit stand. “Of course you are! Well, guess who else is coming?”

“Who?” Sakura became suspicious of that answer.

“Sasuke! I heard he is coming back for the ceremony naming the sixth hokage. All Leaf shinobi were called back to the village.”

Sakura felt a wave of anxiety. She was not sure how she should feel about that. After a decade of being in love with him, she had finally accepted that he would never love her back. After so many long crying sessions and talks with Ino, Naruto and Tsunade, she had been able to make peace and move on. She even went on a few dates. They never went anywhere, but they helped her regain the confidence she lost after a decade of rejection. 

But was she ready to see Sasuke for the first time since she decidedly moved on? She was not sure. There was the possibility that all of her hard work would go to waste.

It was never going to work. She reminded herself and committed to reminding herself again later.

Ino read her expression. Before she could say anything, Ino knew exactly what she was thinking. “You should wear something hot. Show him what he’s missing out on.” She suggested with a facetious look.

“I think he would only see that he’s not missing much.” Sakura tried to keep the sourness from her tone.

“Nonsense! You may have a flat chest, but you still have a nice ass and those rock solid abs. Not to mention, I would kill for legs like yours.” Ino doted.

“Ok, Ino. Thanks.” Sakura acted like she wasn’t eating it up. Why were compliments so much better when given by another girl?

“So, show it off. And please. Don’t wear anything hideous. Sometimes, your taste in fashion is questionable.”

“Ino!” Sakura was insulted. Long ago, she cast aside her vanity to focus on becoming a stronger shinobi, but she did NOT have questionable taste in fashion. 

Ino shoved her in the bathhouse. “Don’t worry about it. Not everyone can have great fashion sense. Now let’s relax!” 

Sakura pushed her plans to the back of her mind to revisit later.

The village was alive in its celebration of a new leader. Every shop was closed and the roads were lit up with colorful stringed lanterns. The warm ambience of the lighting along with hypnotic sounds of wind instruments helped to relax Sakura. The ceremony was very emotional for Team 7. All five of them stood next to Kakashi as he accepted his new position and made his speech. Sakura was a hot sniveling mess the entire time. They all (except Sasuke) practically dog piled Kakashi after his speech ended.

Now, they were all sitting the ground as the fireworks started. Hinata and Naruto were cozied up next to each other without a care in the world. Further down was Ino and Sai speaking in hushed tones and giggling. Sakura smiled dreamily. She felt like a creep for watching them, but she couldn’t help but to admire her work. She was the matchmaker for both of them. 

It surprised her that she held no underlying feelings of envy. Especially with Sasuke sitting not very far from her. He had hardly said a word to her since he returned. She was relieved to find that seeing him again did nothing to rekindle any old feelings. Still, she did not like the distance between them. 

She took a moment to observe the changes in his features. Although he did not have the eyes of a madman anymore, he still looked unapproachable. His jet black hair was long and wild. He stared at the sky with his jaw set and eyebrows slightly pinched together. He appeared to be completely apathetic to his surroundings. Just going through the motions. Sakura couldnt understand that mindset.

“Hi Sasuke.” She attempted to close the awkward distance.

He turned to look at her as if she offended him just by being in his space. She wondered if Sasuke thought it would literally kill him if he showed basic kindness. It spoke to how dysfunctional she must be to have loved him for so long. She was glad she did not take Ino’s advice and dress to show off. She would have really felt stupid.

She awkwardly drummed her fingers against the dirt as she waited to see if he would ever respond. He turned his head back to the sky.

This pissed her off. Her cheeks heated in anger. “Why do you dislike me so much?”

Clearly surprised by her forwardness, he turned back to her. “I never said I dislike you. I just think you’re annoying.”

“You don’t have to be annoyed by me. It’s not like I’m chasing after you anymore. I just want to be your friend.”

Sasuke’s face softened ever so slightly. “Sorry. I just don’t want to be here.” 

Sasuke cared for a select few people, Kakashi was one of them, but being in this village inspired a profound sadness that settled deep within his bones. It was draining. He wished he could have given those select few he held dear the same love and devotion they had given to him. Unfortunately, he would never be able to. He would do as much as he could though.

“I understand…” Sakura slumped forward, understanding his position but still finding it hard to accept that they were never enough to heal him.

For once, Sasuke did not try to revolt against her for pretending to understand. He sensed her sincerity and allowed her to try. He took a moment to really look at her. Probably for the first time ever. Had she always looked like she knew some unfathomable piece of knowledge that she alone carried? Sasuke shook his head. Digging through his memories, he honestly couldn’t remember much about her at all. He felt guilty for how little he knew of her.

“How are you liking your travels?” Sakura asked.

“Depends. Some places I hate, and some are…tolerable.”

Sakura smiled. Classic Sasuke. Could never admit to being partial to literally anything. She was suddenly struck with an idea from earlier.

“Have you ever visited a village hidden in The Land of Swamps?” Now was as good a time as any to question him, Sakura figured.

“Im not allowed to say.” Sasuke looked at her. “But now I’m curious as to why you ask.”

Sakura became suspicious. _That_ response made it sound like he had been there. If that were the case, then he was most likely sent for a mission assignment. If so, what did Konoha have to do with that village?

“Oh I just heard villagers mention it and was curious about it.” She put on her best lying face. It was a good think Sasuke did not know the difference. “No other reason.” 

“Random people don’t just _know_ about that village. What villagers are you talking about?” Sasuke pressed her.

“After party at my apartment!” Naruto unknowingly swooped in at the last minute and saved her. He grabbed Sasuke by the arm and pulled him. Sasuke made a noise of complaint.

“I think I’m gonna head home. I’m pretty tired.” She fake yawned.

“Aw Sakura! You have to come!” Naruto whined.

“Nope, I have work in the morning. But I’ll catch you guys later.” Sakura took off before she could be peer pressured into staying out.

A week was enough time to have Sasori _almost_ back to his normal strength. During that time, he had moved locations. He was holed up in one of his old Akatsuki hideouts. One where he had left behind the majority of his projects. He planned on hiding until he was fully recovered. There were many people after him, and he could not afford to fight in his current state. So, his days were spent tinkering away with puppets and working out.

It was all he could do to distract himself from the loneliness. Becoming human had complicated his life in ways he could not prepare for. He was sensitive to everything and often felt fragile. He missed the frozen silence of a hollow body. Feelings could pass through him without giving him a physical reaction. No longer did he feel the security of when he could always replace broken parts.

Being here made him miss Deidara. It was his home during one of the better times of his life. Deidara’s memory inhabited every corner. He could almost hear his infuriating, loud mouth. If he were here, they would be tirelessly arguing and insulting each other for hours on end. Eventually, it would turn into a violent battle that would end in Deidara’s blood painting the walls and Sasori’s limbs blown off. Still, he missed him. Seeing the remnants of his blood caked between stones sent a wave of nostalgic fondness through him.

And then Sakura would make her very unwelcome appearance in his thoughts. That was another matter entirely. 

_You deserve good things._

He tried to reconcile that statement with himself. If it were true, Deidara would still be here. He would not be eternally fighting against everything that made up his being.

He chewed the tip of his pen as he stared at the blank page. It was absurd that he was considering this. He should not be thinking about her now that she was gone.

That _incident_ that occurred brought to light some disturbing things. He wanted her. Specifically, he had wanted to fuck her. That realization had made his stomach bile rise. Humans were repulsive creatures. Even worse, she was going to allow it to happen like it was ‘no big deal’ as she put it. Was that a regular occurrence for her? Imagining her doing that with someone heightened his nausea. They were both disgusting.

Sasori clicked his pen for the fifth time. The only consolation he was able to take was that she left, and it would no longer by an issue. So, why would he seek her out willingly? Apparently, her words did something to him. It was disgraceful. He allowed himself to pervert a few nice words and innocent touches from a girl. 

But, he had always known Sakura was not an ordinary girl. She had the ability to pluck the thoughts from his head and use them to manipulate him. He was convinced she did it knowingly. He should go fucking find her and kill her. That should cure him of his sickness.

But no. Instead, he stupidly allowed her words to influence him again. No different from when he forfeited his life to her. He pressed the pen down to the blank page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert: He’s not going to kill her. He is just being very dramatic lol


	15. A Fresh Barrel of Corpses

  
If there was anything Sasori missed about being human, it was the exhilaration brought on by a good slaughter. The rush of his blood, the pounding in his ears, the moment of immense clarity. Then standing in the middle of hundreds of corpses at his feet.

As a puppet, it was never the same. It had became another mundane task performed either for his art or for the sake of the Akatsuki. Regardless, fighting was so deeply embedded in his DNA, he couldn’t fathom not doing it.

So as Sasori stood in front of the underground entrance, his hands trembled with anticipation. They wanted a fight, and he was all too eager to deliver. If they thought he would bend to anyone’s will, they would learn soon. He cracked his knuckles. 

The door creaked loudly as it was opened by his ‘hosts.’ Two shinobi much larger than him stepped out to greet him. They eyed him suspiciously. Tried to intimidate him by towering over him. They were unpleasant, but it did not matter to Sasori. Pleasantries were a waste of valuable time when he could have already sliced through them.

“I don’t see it.” One of them looked him up and down. “What’s so special about you that the Akatsuki hand picked you as one of its chosen few?” He snorted back a wad of snot and spit it at Sasori’s feet.

Sasori closed his eyes and breathed evenly. He decided he would slit his throat first. 

“Don’t underestimate him.” The other said. “Have you not heard his reputation?”

“He looks like some weak, pretty boy. You sure this is the right guy? I thought Sasori of the Red Sand was older. Had a hunch back and a tail or some shit.”

The other guy was starting to get nervous. Sweat collected around his thick neck. “Shut up! Just do what the boss says or _he_ will kill us.”

Sasori stewed in his quiet anger. He steadied his twitching fingers. Not yet. He could not strangle them before it started. 

His eyes adjusted to the dimly lit hallways as he stepped foot into an absolute shit hole. His hosts led him deeper into the hideout. Each turn they made and every door they passed through, Sasori committed to memory. Observing the closed in quarters, he wore a look of bored indifference as many unknown people watched him. 

They all thought the same thing. He was “weak.” If he were in Hiroku, they would all be trembling in fear. It was too bad he could no longer fold himself to fit in that cramped space. But, it did not matter. They would all be dead soon.

“In here.” The host shoved him in a room. He cursed out loud. It was a room of ten people sitting at a table. 

“That is no way to treat our honored guest.” A voice spoke in a jesting tone. It came from a ridiculous looking man sitting at the head of the table. He had so much makeup on that Sasori could not begin to imagine what he looked like. He wore a head wrapping covered in jewels over his bald head. He crossed his legs and balanced his head on the top of his hand. 

“Sasori of the Red Sand, welcome! And please, have a seat.” He nodded towards the chair directly to the right of him.

Sasori had not planned to sit, but he allowed his two escorts to push him over to the chair. Just a little bit longer, he promised himself. 

“I see you’ve made a little change with yourself….how surprising.” His expression darkened.

“It does not matter. I did not come here to compromise.” Sasori no longer had layers of protection to hide under, but he was not afraid of anything.

“You didn’t even ask my name. Nor have you inquired of our purpose.” He licked his lips.

“I don’t care to know either one.” 

“So frigid. I like you already.” He leaned closer to Sasori’s face. “Fine. I’ll get to the point. As the only living Akatsuki member left, your body holds the most valuable secrets. I want it.”

“You will not get it.” Sasori said plainly.

He sighed. “I could have given you anything you wanted for a body you were not using. Just to be a spiteful brat, you had to go and reclaim it. So now you leave me with no choice.” He pulled a kunai from his pocket and pressed it to Sasori’s throat. His men jumped to back him. Blades pointed at Sasori from every direction. 

“I need you alive, so I’ll give you one last chance. Surrender peacefully. Or would you like me to kill that lovely girl you’ve been spending time with?” He scraped the kunai against the tender flesh of Sasori’s throat leaving a thin line of blood.

Sasori snorted at that implication. If Sakura were that easy to kill, _he_ would’ve done it already. “You are wasting my time with meaningless threats.” 

The rattling sound of puppets alarmed the men. Each turned to see a puppet hovering from behind. Before anyone had time to react, the puppets simultaneously drew blades and sliced the throats of all nine men. They gurgled on blood as it spilled out and poured all over Sasori. He made a loud noise of disgust. The bodies all fell limp at his feet.

The man whose name Sasori hadn’t bothered to learn dropped his kunai and let out a gasp of horror. “Don’t just stand there! Get him!” He shouted.

Sasori wiped the blood from his face as he jumped to his feet. There was shuffling from outside the room. The coward ran outside to hide behind his reinforcements.

A group of men including his two escorts charged in towards him. He easily dodged the paper bombs attached to kunai that were thrown at him and returned a flurry of poisoned needles. They nailed each target perfectly. The men stumbled to their knees as the poison immediately took affect. They were on their backs moaning within seconds.

More men filed into the room. Sasori did not need to use puppets to evade their attacks. He was no taijutsu expert AND he was weakened, but there was no finesse in their movements. Nor did they know how to use their number to their advantage. They either overestimated their own skill, or they woefully underestimated his. The latter would piss him off more. It was an insult that they actually believed they could capture him. 

Sasori directed his spike of anger on them and ended their lives in one tug of a chakra thread. They could not see the fine thread before it sliced through all of their throats. He scowled as blood spurted out and waterfalled over. It was unlike him to leave such a mess to clean. His temper was making him sloppy.

Using his memories of the layout, he summoned puppets and steered them to different areas of the hideout. He sat back down on his ass and propped his feet on the table. His fingers fluttered as his puppets wrought destruction. Bombs went off in one wing while fires spread in another. He could hear the screams of dying people and the scrambling for escapes. In another area, he released a toxic gas that rendered them useless. 

Feeling that his work was pretty much done, he sat and waited until the dust settled. 

The following day, Sasori had finished collecting the spoils of his victory and had them stacked on top of one another. He was out of breath from the effort required to haul 50 dead bodies. Low torches on the surrounding walls provided him with just enough light to see.

The smell was already becoming intolerable. Sasori was brutally reminded of a major reason he _needed_ to become a puppet. He had a tragically weak stomach. It was one thing to be covered in the enemies blood but an entirely different thing to be elbow deep in someone’s guts. Smelling their decaying organs and the foul contents of their bowels.

He did not like the way the slimy heart felt against his palm. Sweat trickled down his temples. He suddenly felt uncomfortably hot. He would not succumb to this weakness. No. Not this time.

But his stomach said otherwise. It twisted in a tight knot threatening to spill out everything.

“You look a little green, master.” Yuyake unhelpfully pointed out.

“Stop talking.” Sasori tried to focus on breathing, but it was hard when the oppressive smell of burned flesh and rotting organs were weighing over him. There were a lot of bodies in the room. Too many for the room to contain. And it would only get worse…

The heart hit the floor with a plop. He cursed as he bent over to retch on side the table. The vomit came up for what felt like hours. 

After his stomach settled down, he stood up and tried to reorient himself. At the very least, he had nothing left to throw up.

“Will you be able to complete your new pieces? You’ve only just begun…”

Yuyake was getting on his nerves. Stating what was obvious. “Of course I will complete them.” He said with a boldness he did not feel.

His stomach churned again in warning. It turned out he had not released all the contents of his gut. He leaned over to finish the task.

On some days, Sakura’s office felt like a prison. On other days, it felt like a box holding her sanity together. She decided it was a day in which both were true. She locked herself in to reserve a hard earned moment of peace. She sank down into her chair and leaned as far back as it would allow. The blood rushed to her face when she came back forward.

These people were going to drive her crazy. Between disgruntled patients and disagreeable colleagues, she was tempted to walk out with her middle finger in the air. Sometimes, she felt like this place sucked her soul straight from her body. It was completely killing her passion for medicine and healing. She missed the days of being out in the field. Healing the wounded in battle. That’s where her passion was born and where it continued to live.

Taking over as head of the hospital no longer sounded appealing to her. It would make her rich, but it was honestly not something she wanted to deal with. 

A bird hovering at her window drew her attention. She lifted it open and accepted the folded page the bird offered by its leg. Nobody ever wrote to her. People just barged into her space whenever they felt like it. Her curiosity grew as she untied and unfolded the letter. 

_Sakura Haruno,_

_You continue to irk me even as you are not around. I thought to kill you several times. After you left, I began to obsess over it. However, it dawned on me today that maybe it is not what I truly want. You inspired loathsome human traits within me. Initially, I was disgusted. I have been able to come to terms with it because I realized it is not the core issue. It is more complicated than that. I do not understand how it is you have so much control over me, but I detest you for it._

_I do not know why you asked me to write to you. I can only concur that it is because you are nosy by your nature. You want to what I am doing. I will not tell you as it is not any business of yours. Instead, I will say that I hope we eventually meet again. Know that I will abolish your irritating influence over me. I hope that seeing you will make it clear to me what it is I ought to do._

_-Sasori_

Sakura read over the letter twice. She blinked. Read it over again. _Wow…_ What was _that_ about? Was that Sasori’s screwed up way of saying he missed her? It was a good thing she knew him well enough to see past his threats. And what in the world did he mean in saying she had control over him? He was probably just paranoid and overthinking things. She flipped the paper over. There was no return address for her to simply say she missed him too and hoped he was well. In a less bloated way.

She stuffed the letter in the pocket of her white coat. So much for not writing to her. It was probably for the best that he did not provide a return address. Getting caught privately communicating with an ex-Akatsuki member, thought to be dead, was not on her to-do list. He wanted to see her again, but she did not think that would be a possibility.

An abrupt knock sounded on her office door, pushing it to the back of her mind.

“Come in.” She did not look up from the papers sprawled across her desk. Today would be a day of juggling multiple things at once.

Tenten poked her head around the door. “We’ve been summoned to the Hokage’s office.” She announced.

Sakura huffed. Really? As if she did not have enough _crap_ to do. “Did Kakashi-sensei, erm, I mean Lord Sixth not check my schedule? I am booked solid for the rest of the day. And I haven’t even finished my documentation from yesterday’s patients.” She gestured to the papers cluttering her space.

“It seems really important. Plus he already assigned someone to take your place over here.” Tenten ignored the attitude Sakura gave her. She knew it was nothing personal.

Sakura stood from her chair and shrugged her white coat off. She hung it on the coat rack by the door as she followed after Tenten. Seemed like there was no room for argument here.

“They wonder why I never get anything done on time.” Brushing past a group of nurses standing uselessly in the hall, she vocalized her final gripe.

It was the first time Sakura had been in the Hokage’s office since Kakashi took over. He sat in a tired slump overlooking the endless stacks of paper in front of him. She tried not to chuckle at how helpless he looked. Kakashi was a great shinobi and a solid leader – no doubt, one of the best. But for the life her, she could not figure out why he was chosen or why he accepted the position as Hokage. The man could be lazy. Then again, she was not sure how Tsunade, and all of her issues, managed to fall in the position either.

Tsunade’s liquor stash was no longer taking up the shelves. It made the office feel strangely empty to her. As Tsunade’s second, she inherited more than her brute strength and medical ninjutsu skills. Tsunade also instilled her deep love for sake within her.

Sakura and Tenten were the only ones standing in front of Kakashi’s desk. “Who are we waiting for? I thought this was an emergency.” She tapped her foot impatiently.

“This is it. I know it is not typical to send a team of two on a mission, but I have no choice. Something urgent has come up, and we are short on personnel right now.” Kakashi said. There was a bit of uncharacteristic irritation in his tone.

“Now, let me explain the details of this mission.” He straightened his back and continued. “We have been largely unsuccessful in tracking down that criminal group. You know, the one we have been trying to hunt down for weeks now. At this point, they have stolen valuable knowledge and weapons from many villages across the nation.”

“I don’t understand that.” Tenten cut in. “Do these villages have really crappy security?”

“Most villages they target are not known for their strength but contain something of value.” He said.

“Anyway, we believe we have come across a lead. A base in The Land of Demons was discovered by some local traveling merchants.” He pointed to the spot marked on the map. “It seems there was a complete massacre that took place prior to their discovery.”

“A massacre? Are we sure this base belonged to them?” Sakura asked.

“We have reason to believe that it belonged to this organization. Due to the destruction, it’s hard to say how many people were there. We estimate that it was anywhere between 30 to 50 people.”

“Did they not count how many bodies were on site?” She asked. That seemed like the obvious thing to do.

“Every last body had been disposed of. There was not one left on site. What’s even more odd is that evidence shows this may have been done by one person. We can’t be sure of that though.” 

“Wow, if one person did that, I’m kind of nervous to run into them.” Tenten said.

“I just need the two of you to investigate. Try to collect as much information as you can. If you find anyone suspicious, do not pursue them. Immediately send word back to headquarters and I will determine the next move. If you manage to find a body, Tenten, I need you to seal it in a scroll and take it back to the village. This would provide us with valuable information.” Kakashi dropped his seriousness. “Rest as much as you need, but keep in mind, I need you out there as soon as possible. Be careful.” He smiled with his eyes.

“Got it. Thanks, sensei. We will leave tonight. Are you good with that, Tenten?” Maybe this was what she needed. An easy peasy mission to get her out of the village. She felt a renewed sense of vitality at the thought.

“Sure, just lemme take a nap first.” 

The two of them went their separate ways to prepare for a long night of traveling. Sakura ignored the feeling that she should have refused this mission and stayed her ass at the hospital.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not WAIT to write Sasori back on his bullshit lol
> 
> Please excuse the errors. I’m so bad about thoroughly proofreading. I just wanna write and move on to the next chapter.


	16. Almost to Eternity

  
“This is the spot.” Tenten said as they both stood outside the ugly structure, reluctant to enter. There was no doubt that it had been the site of a violent battle. Sakura was surprised that it had not collapsed in on itself.

She made the first move to enter by gently nudging the battered door. It broke from the hinges and fell flat on the ground, stirring up a puff of ashes and dust. Tenten sneezed.

“That’s not good…” Sakura’s eyes watered. She hoped that this would not be a preview of the rest of the place’s condition.

“Is it safe to go in there?” Tenten covered her nose in the crook of her elbow.

“I mean, I don’t think so, but we don’t have much of a choice.” She pulled her red blouse over her nose and stepped inside. They left behind the fresh air of the outside world as they stepped into the soot ridden foyer.

The black charred walls barely held up and parts of the ceiling hung dangerously over their heads. The girls carefully stepped over miscellaneous burnt objects, looking around warily as if something were lying in wait down the dark halls.

“We need some light in here.” Sakura said.

“Already on it.” Tenten summoned a light-emitting device from a storage scroll and shined it on their path ahead.

“Wow, Tenten, it’s so useful having you around for missions.” She teased.

“Shut it, Haruno.” Tenten pointed her light to the left. “If you have enough oxygen to run your mouth, go look for clues over there.”

“Sure, sure. Just keep that light on for me.” Sakura shuffled through piles of debris as she followed the path of light.

She came upon a door opening into a room. From a glance, it appeared to be in slightly better condition than the rest of the place. Until she was assaulted with the most sickening odor she had ever smelled in her life. Her stomach curled into itself.

“Oh, hell no. I’m not going in there.” She stood firm outside the door.

“We kind of have to.” Tenten choked on her words.

“I say we just act like we never saw it.” Sakura knew that wasn’t going to fly.

“Come on.” She shoved Sakura in the room.

It was impossible to get used to the smell, so Sakura held her breath. She found exactly what she expected to find. Old blood and vomit, decomposed organs, opened bottles of formaldehyde, an assortment of medical instruments… Just what happened here? Someone was obviously in a rush and did not bother to clean up.

“Should I seal these medical instruments?” Tenten asked.

“Probably so. Although, if this person is experienced, I’m sure they can erase all traces of their chakra signature from the tools. But, it can’t hurt to try.” Sakura answered.

“Let’s finish searching this place. Once we cover every area, we can start searching around for anyone suspicious.” The medical tools vanished with a poof over Tenten’s sealing scroll.

“Great. Let’s make it quick. I can’t stand it much longer.”

The girls made their way towards the back of the large compound, vetting through each room they passed. Nothing significant presented itself aside from the leftover blood and the occasional brain matter sticking to the ceiling. Nothing they could learn anything from. Everything of value was essentially burnt to the point of being useless.

Just as Sakura was ready to pass out from the poor air quality and the awful smells, they finally reached the end. 

“Good riddance to this place.” Tenten plowed through the nearest exit into the blessed sunshine.

Sakura clumsily stepped behind and inhaled deeply. “Now where to?”

“Let’s divide up and search the area.” Tenten held her hand to shield her eyes and whistled. “Looks like we got a lot of ground to cover.”

“If you take the surrounding forest, I’ll go search that mountain.” Sakura offered.

“Perfect. Let’s regroup at sunset and make camp.”

Sakura exhaled a puff of air as she stood with her hands on her hips. Just looking at the trail ahead wore her out. Was she expected to hike this entire mountain _by herself_ in search of clues? She would burn up all of her chakra in no time.

Sakura could have kicked herself for volunteering to take the mountain. At the time, a hike sounded like a lovely thing to do on a gorgeous day. Until she saw the massive winding trail that branched off in many different directions. Then, she realized what she had signed herself up for.

Well, chances were, this may be were the culprit hid all the bodies. It would make sense… 

She shuddered involuntarily. She honestly hoped she would NOT be the one to discover stacks of bodies invested with maggots and flies. Why did Kakashi-sensei send her on this mission? It was just cruel.

Oh well. Best start now, she thought as she situated her backpack on her shoulders. Leaning forward to stretch her hamstrings, she prepared her muscles for a long day of good old physical activity. She pulled her arms above head and leaned side to side.

At least the scenery was uplifting. She inhaled deeply. The crisp mountain air cleansed her of the pollution that had settled in her lungs. The modest warmth of the sun sank into her pores and refreshed her. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

Pretty much forgetting her mission, she walked for hours completely mystified by the clusters of bright yellow wildflowers and the rich green of the trees looming over the trail. She wondered if she would reach a waterfall at the end of one of these trails. It was a shame she did not bring her camera. A family of foxes ran across her path, delighting her even more.

She mentally smacked herself. _What am I doing?_ She realized that she wasted a lot of time goofing off. No clues and no bodies were found. Her path split off into a second direction. The one that caught her attention led down to a lower area. The exclusivity of the entrance made her curious.

She ducked down beneath an overhead rock and carefully stepped down a slope with loose gravel. The rocks went tumbling down forcing her to use chakra to maintain her balance. She hopped down the rest of the way. 

There was a vast area of flat land with long green grass and pine trees. Maybe this was a good place to hide bodies? Lack of experience made it hard to know. She stepped forward looking around. 

A cracking sound alerted her. Someone else was around. She readied herself for a potential fight as she crept towards the direction of the noise. In a stealthy fashion, she moved between trees, pausing behind each to assess her situation.

There was an unnatural stillness in the air, making her suspect that she had been detected. She moved forward even more cautiously until she came closer to the source of the noise. Daring a peek from behind her tree, she saw someone looking in her direction. She recognized those eyes immediately.

The last thing she expected to see was Sasori sitting against a tree surrounded by a multitude of ninja weapons and scrolls scattered about. It looked like he had been settled there for a while with all of his things. There was remnants of an old campfire.

“Its only you.” She breathed a sight of relief as she emerged from hiding. 

Sasori’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he served her his usual look of disinterest.

“Sakura. What are you doing here?” He asked blandly, masking the sudden prickle of anxiety he felt.

“Im on a mission…But what are _you_ doing camping out here in the middle of nowhere like a reclusive weirdo?”

Sasori ignored that slight. “I intend to kill the rest of them. They are bound to show up. When they do, I will slaughter them as they arrive.” He said this casually as if they were discussing the weather. Turning his attention back to his weapons, he continued to sharpen a katana.

“Wait, what?” Her gears started turning. “So _you_ were the one behind that massacre?” She pointed her thumb over her shoulder looking at him in bewilderment.

“Yes. Why?” He raised the katana up and glanced over it. Slightly pricking his finger on the sharp end.

“Sasori…What did you do with those bodies?” She dared to ask, already knowing the answer.

He tapped his finger to the storage scroll at his hip.

She continued to stare in shock over the utterly unfortunate circumstances that had become her life. 

Of course. _Of course_ it was Sasori. Who else would it be? How she had never suspected it before was beyond her.

He looked up at her and frowned. “You insult me by looking surprised. I’ve killed a much larger number of people at once. This was nothing.”

That was definitely beside the point. Sakura’s mind raced. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ This was not good at all. Not at all. 

On one hand, if Sasori took it upon himself to kill the rest of them, it made their lives much easier. On the other hand, she was in deep shit if Konoha kept nosing around and managed to get their hands on Sasori. The interrogation unit would dig through his brain and unravel everything. Namely, the fact that she had a hand in helping him _and_ neglected to tell anyone that he was alive. War hero or not, she did not think she would get away with that.

Sasori had not made a sound during the three years after his “death.” _Now_ that she had stupidly gotten herself involved with him, he was making a massive commotion. That was just her luck. She had to figure out how to get him out of here before Konoha found him. 

“Sasori. I need you to get out of here.” Was all she could come up with.

His eyebrows pinched further together. “I am not leaving. Don’t think that you can get in my way. Or I won’t hesitate to cut you down too.” 

She mentally slapped herself again. She was going to have to find a way to get him out of here. “Fine! But if you don’t leave, then stay right there. And don’t move until I come back. Please.”

“I am staying here of my own volition. Not because of your insistence.” He made sure to inform her, but she was already gone. 

The position of the sun indicated to Sakura that she was late for her rendezvous time with Tenten. She rushed back at full speed. But, her mind was moving faster than her legs. 

She was going to have to come up with a lie really quick. Leaving Sasori out here was not an option. There would, no doubt, be a follow up mission with a different team to confirm what she and Tenten found. It was protocol to do this. Especially for a two person team that could have very well overlooked something important.

She messed up big time by getting involved with an enemy. Strangely, she could not bring herself to regret it. She did not completely understand it, but there was something so devastatingly real about Sasori that always captured her. Something she had never known in another person. 

He was labeled as an enemy but he never felt like one to her. Not even as he sliced into her stomach. She suspected that she never really had a choice with him. And so, she took consolation in that. Some people were just meant to happen upon one another.

And she left it at that simple explanation. She hated dwelling on things she did not understand. Tenten was waiting, and she still hadn’t thought of a suitable lie. 

Sakura dropped down from the treetop in front of Tenten, who was crunching on a protein bar. 

“Any luck?” She asked.

“Nope. I got nothing.” Sakura lied with a straight face for once.

“Yea, me neither.” She slumped over. “Let’s just turn back tomorrow morning. We did the best we could considering our abilities. It’s not like we’re trackers or anything…”

“About that…” Sakura started. “I’m not going back to the village right away. I’m gonna travel for a bit. Go see friends in other villa-“

“Are you going after Sasuke?” Tenten interrupted. She narrowed her eyes at Sakura.

“No!” She immediately refuted but then considered it further. “I mean, if I run into him, it would be cool…” It would be all the better for her if Tenten believed this. Nobody ever tried to stop her and Naruto from chasing after Sasuke. It was a good cover.

“I knew it!” She pointed her finger at her accusingly. “Ino’s right. You’re a terrible liar.”

“You got me.” Sakura stopped herself from laughing awkwardly. “I just want to see Sasuke.”

“I swear, Team 7 can get away with murder. Seriously.” Tenten complained. “You guys just up and leave whenever you want.”

There was no lie to that statement. The members of Team 7 had a track record of doing whatever the hell they wanted and getting away with only a slap on the wrist. Maybe it was because they were apprentices of the legendary sannin, or that their leader had become Hokage, or maybe, she guessed, because they saved the world? Either way, she would capitalize on Team 7’s privilege.

“Well, I think you deserve some time off.” Tenten changed her tone and patted her on the shoulder. “It’s nice to get away sometimes.”

“Yea…” That would have been true if only her “getaway” wasn’t a quest to do some major damage control.

“I’m going to help you.” Sakura announced to Sasori as she approached his camp.

“I don’t need your help.” He said pointedly without looking up from his work.

“I know. But I want to.” She stood over him with her hands on her hips.

“Why?” He looked up at her skeptically. The blinding sunlight caused him to squint.

“Because. Its my mission. We have the same goal, so why shouldn’t we work together?”

“So you need my help because you could not complete your mission on your own.” Sasori spoke like he actually believed it and was not just saying it to mess with her.

Sakura felt the vein in her temple twitch. “No.” She gritted out. “I just think it would be more efficient.”

“I don’t mind helping you.” He said just before her vein popped. 

She defused. Letting people believe what they wanted was actually saving her ass today. She plopped herself down next to him sprawling her limbs out.

“So. Have you figured it out yet?” She tilted her head. Her hair draped over her bony shoulder.

It took him only a few seconds to realize what she was asking. 

“No.” He answered. It wasn’t for lack of trying. He had thought of it over and could not come to a single sensible solution. He concluded that it would not matter soon. Sakura had just been a pointless distraction. The result of being in a human body. He was very close to completing his new goal. And then…

“So now I understand what you meant by tying up loose ends. What’s your issue with this group? I was surprised to see you mixed up with them.”

“They are after my body. Naturally, I would not allow them to have it. So now, they believe they can capture me.”

“Oh, I see. I can’t blame you there.” She replied thoughtfully. If she was a different person, she would turn his ass in right now and be rich enough to retire. She shook her head at herself.

“So…does that mean you will be going back to a puppet body?” She asked.

“No. That was an experimental failure. I could never find a way to replace my heart with something everlasting. It was prone to human-aging and, therefore, I would only live as long as a natural human. Even cloning my heart would only provide backup. It would not extend my lifespan.” Sasori had not intended to divulge his entire life failure. It just came out. He really needed to stop spilling his secrets to her.

“Really? I didn’t know that.” She brought her face closer, intrigued by this new information.

“Yes. It was a failure.” Bitterness laced his tone. 

“Then what do you plan to do next if you are giving up on that goal?” She asked.

“I did not want to be brought back to this world. I don’t plan to stay in it much longer.” He said this without a shred of emotion.

Sakura was taken aback by his raw honesty. So…that was it? He was just preparing for his death? 

She didn’t know what say to him. He seemed to have made up his mind and found peace with his decision. Welcomed it, really. It was so…morbid? sad?...Or was it disappointing? 

She wasn’t sure how to feel about that sudden news. By all rights, he _should_ be dead. And him being alive was causing her a lot of trouble. But…

“I don’t like it.” She said. “It’s a horrible plan.”

He looked at her oddly. “Sakura, you should be satisfied by this. I needn’t remind you that you failed to kill me. And that we are enemies.” Strange girl she was. He wondered if all women were that complicated.

“I know, I know.” Her eyes were beginning to water. She forced the tears back before they spilled over. “It’s just that…” Just that what? Sakura didn’t know. She just knew that things weren’t the same anymore despite the fact that, yes, they were still technically enemies.

“I am not meant to be alive.” He was uncertain of a lot of things, but he was sure that people were not meant to be swallowed up and regurgitated over again to relive their failures. He could only blame himself for creating an eternal hell. It was far past the time to correct his mistakes.

Sakura’s eyes sparkled as she looked straight ahead with a haunted expression. Her delicate energy always suffocated him. Sometimes, he wanted to breathe it in and drown in it. Other times, he wanted to snuff the life out of her so that he could no longer be plagued by its intensity. He dug his fingers in the dirt and clenched his hands to anchor himself.

Sakura turned to him. “I’m gonna change your mind.” She said to him just as he forcefully stopped himself from reaching for her throat.

His hands relaxed as he was overtaken by her sincerity. This time, he would allow himself to sink.


	17. Nose Dive

  
It was difficult to face Sakura after exposing her to the depths of his madness. Again. She maintained a respectful distance as though she understood the limits of his fragile state of mind.

It was Chiyo’s fault. The old bitch came to visit him last night. She was always there, waiting to chip away at his sanity any opportunity she found. Whispering vile phrases in his ear. Things about his father and mother. Things about him.

_Disgusting. You can’t possibly be your father’s child. He could not produce something so evil. Your whore of a mother went behind his back._

How dare she. **_How dare she?_**

****

He told her. He told her everything he should have said before. He was going to kill her in the most slow and painful way he could imagine. She would watch him as he severed every limb from her body and pulled out every organ. He would save her eyes for last so she could see it to the very end.

She laughed at him as if he were a cosmic joke. She wouldn’t stop laughing. The harsh, raspy sound pierced through his skull. It became louder and louder until he could not stand it. Her old wrinkled lips parted and her eyes twinkled darkly. 

He **_was_** the joke because she killed him.

And now Deidara was dead. He was dead because of her _._ Deidara needed him because he was a reckless imbecile that had to be watched. He could no longer watch over Deidara because _she_ came finish him off. She came with the pink flower girl. What was her name? The one who yanked the soul from his body with her bare hands and shook it.

Now he was dead. Or was he? The last thing he remembered seeing was that girl.

The pink flower girl. He saw her pinned beneath him, wild eyed and pleading for her life. Yuyake was there calling to his reason. He paused. His hands shook as he released her neck. He brought them to his face. 

Chiyo did this on purpose. She wanted him to consistently fuck up so she could be right about him. He ran his hand down the pink girl’s face tenderly. He brushed his thumb against her trembling lips. Her green eyes were on fire. Just the way they had been when she was standing against him. Chiyo was right about him.

“Are you ok?” She managed between her panting breaths.

Of course he was not ok. He would not be as long as that demon lingered, waiting to pounce during any moment of weakness.

“It’s ok. It’s just us here.” She kept chanting. She held his hands between her own. Rubbing her thumbs over his.

The comedown was gradual, but when Sasori became aware, it hit him like a ton of bricks. It was midnight, and he was in the middle of the forest straddling Sakura about to end her life. And she was comforting him like a pitiful, lost child.

He quickly pushed himself back on his feet. Looking around frantically, he searched for Chiyo. She had withdrew back into the dark depths, watching and waiting for him to slip again. Why was Sakura acting like she was never there?

Sakura continued lying on her back staring at him with caution. As if he would combust if she moved an inch. 

He sighed tiredly - and that’s what he was – agonizingly tired. Tired from the day. Tired of the madness. Tired of living. He shook the long bangs hanging wildly in his face and closed his eyes to recollect himself. Sakura continued to remain still. He climbed off and laid down next to her facing his back towards her. He fell asleep immediately.

Sakura laid on her side, head pressed to the hard ground, staring at Sasori’s back. She could not fall asleep. How could she after all of that? Sleep was not easy for her these days anyway. With nothing else to do, she contemplated on the events that just occurred. 

Sasori’s condition was not unfamiliar to Sakura. During her number of years working in the medical industry, she had seen it all. She knew Sasori would not be able to get through this alone. Mental disabilities coupled with a hard upbringing was a recipe for disaster. She seen it first with Sasuke and later encountered many more shinobi in similar condition.

The shinobi life was hard, and not everyone was mentally capable of handling it. Many times, she questioned how long she would be able to do it. Her desire to heal was the only think to keep her going.

Psychosis was such a complicated thing to treat. She decided that she would come up with something to help him with the breakdowns. For her sake and his.

Not wanting to waste any time, she decided to forgo sleep and set straight to work. She peered over his shoulder making sure that he was sleeping. The steady rise and fall of his chest and his relaxed eyelids indicated that he was. Quietly, she crawled over to her backpack and pulled out a smaller bag that held her tools. 

Sakura did not have to think twice. She just did the only thing she knew how to do. Fix broken people. Keep pouring and mixing the potions until they made the right balance. Pull out every poison and infestation until there was only purity left. She utterly failed to fix Sasuke – she’d be damned to fail Sasori.

  
  


Sasori woke up with no concept of time or place. His head was leadened to the ground. He scraped his fingers against the dirt feeling every bit of it collect beneath his nail beds. Strange noises floated around him.

Was it Chiyo?

No. It couldn’t be. She always left when he was at his wits’ end. 

Each clacking footstep impacted his skull. He forced himself to rise pushing off of one shoulder and painfully turning to glance behind him.

Oh. It was her. 

He winced at the last memories he could recall. Sakura. She was here with him. All he could remember was the wild look in her eyes as she was trapped beneath him. Her pink hair sprawled around her face. He could not remember the events leading to that. He wanted to know but did not want to ask.

“She watched over you all night.” He heard Yuyake say.

“What?” He was not sure how he managed to maintain his dignity as he balked.

“You should thank her. She worked tirelessly through the night for you.” He said.

“I don’t know what you are implying, but I have a headache and I’m not in the mood.” He snatched Yuyake by the tail and held him up to his face, challenging him to say anything to set him off.

“I’m simply saying that maybe there is hope. There is always hope as long as you have others that care.”

Sasori enclosed Yuyake in his palm and squeezed. “I’ll not listen to your nonsense this early in the morning.”

“Master! Please, Let go of me!” He muffled between Sasori’s fingers. Sasori squeezed tighter in response.

“Fuck!” Sasori shouted as Yuyake’s telson pierced and sank into the flesh of his hand. He dropped him hastily and shook his hand.

This caught Sakura’s attention.

“You’re awake.” She spoke gently. “Here have some tea.” She shoved a glass in his hand before he could protest. 

Sasori noticed her wired energy and the bags under her eyes. He knew it was his fault. He was the cause of her sleepless night. She was probably prepared to defend herself from him again. It was a wise decision on her part.

“Are you going to poison me?” He asked flatly as he looked down into the cup, cradling it between both hands. 

“No. I don’t poison people. But I sure do a heck of a job extracting poisons.“ She smiled sweetly.

“I know.” He smiled ruefully. 

His smile dropped at his next thought. “Sakura, what do you want from me?”

“To get out of this place. Both of us. Right now.” She didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Then let’s go.” He said. He could no longer stand to be here. If Chiyo emerged from the shadows of the trees again, he did not think he would be able to pull the pieces of his sanity back together again.

  
  


Sakura blindly followed Sasori. She had no idea where they were going, but he seemed to be sure on the destination. They did not speak outside of the necessity. Occasionally, they came across groups of rogue nin trying to rob them. 

Sakura felt sorry for them. Her and Sasori made quick work of every one of their assailants. They moved seamlessly together, not needing to verbally communicate a strategy. Sakura, knowing that she would be underestimated, was able to get near her enemies and land a solid punch, which was all she needed to end a battle. If she was outnumbered, Sasori swooped in with puppets to distract her enemies all while he was dealing with his own battle. After ending her own, she surprised his enemies by pounding massive craters under the feet throwing them off balance.

Sasori refrained from collecting the bodies left in their wake. Sakura was thankful that he did not subject her to his unsavory habits. What she did not know was that it was not out of respect for her. The memories of his last experience cultivating human puppets were too fresh in his mind. He refused to embarrass himself in front of her again.

“Can we stop for a minute?” Sakura was sweaty and gross. The dried dirt and blood under her fingernails was putting her in a foul mood. She felt an urgent need to wash herself as best as she could in the nearby stream of water.

“We are almost there.” Sasori looked equally as irritated. “So no, we will not waste time stopping again.”

Sakura _hated_ being told no. And the way he said it especially got under her skin. In an obvious gesture of disrespect, she bumped his shoulder as she crossed him and stormed off in the direction of the trees. Returning his nasty attitude would accomplish nothing, but she took pleasure in seeing the indignant anger cross his features. Sakura briefly wondered if she would be able to deal with his temper if his pout wasn’t so cute. Probably not.

She navigated through the trees moving closer to the sound of rushing water. As her temper defused, she wondered if Sasori would end up leaving her behind. Despite her earlier defiance, it would be a problem if he did. One she would have to fix. 

She kneeled down next to the river and began pulling off her gloves and arm bands. The cool water sprayed against her face. She scrubbed the grim from her arms and splashed her face with the water. The rest of her sour mood was washed as she patted down the remaining dirt with a clean towel. It wasn’t the equivalent of a full bath, but it was better than nothing.

She tensed at the sound of approaching footsteps, readying herself for an argument. Sasori remained mulishly quiet as he crossed his arms and hovered over her impatiently. 

“Give me a break. It’s not like _you_ have to get your hands dirty in battle.” She said.

“You take an unnecessary amount of time to do anything you set to do.” He bitched.

“I’m surprised you didn’t leave me behind.” She remarked.

“I did initially.” 

“So then… you couldn’t bring yourself to leave me out here.” She flashed him a mischievous grin. “I knew that deep down you liked me.”

He exchanged her smile with a glower. “That is not why I came back.” He said, but he offered no other explanation.

“You want to know what I think?”

“No.” He stubbornly replied. 

“I think you need to lighten up. And I happen to know exactly what will do the trick.” She crouched in a fighting stance mimicking Rock Lee. “Let’s spar! No puppets.”

Sasori looked at her disapprovingly. “Sakura, you need to learn how to focus.”

“You need to focus on this!” She leapt towards him with a fist directed straight towards his feet.

Sasori jumped out of the way to avoid falling ass first into a massive crater. Dodging a few more destructive blows, he jumped and landed in her blind spot as she was distracted from the large chunks of earth flying around her. She whirled around with only enough time to raise her arms to block as he threw a punch of his own. The force of it sent her flying back a few feet, but she rolled over to a crouch as soon as she connected with ground.

She made a jump for the treetops, but Sasori caught her ankle by a chakra thread and pulled her flat on her face.

“You are making this too easy.” He said boredly as he dragged her towards him.   
  


“Cha!” She slammed her hands down to the ground to anchor herself with a chakra enhanced grip. She pulled her body forward in a pull-up motion landing on her free leg. She kicked the leg attached to the chakra thread around. This sent Sasori flying in towards her until they collided and he landed on top of her.

“That was stupid.” He said as he situated his weight on top of her.

But, before he had the chance to pin her down with chakra threads, she used her strength to flip herself on top. 

Sasori could’ve never prepared for what happened next. With one hand she pinned his hands in an iron grip while the other one reached to his rib cage _tickled_ him. He attempted to fight against her as he squirmed from the weird, uncomfortable sensation.

“Have you lost your damn mind?” He managed between panting breaths. He would’ve actually killed her in that instant if only he could have escaped her damn iron grip. 

“Say you give up!” She ruthlessly stroked her fingers up and down his ribcage as he squirmed beneath her in the most ridiculous position he had ever been in. 

“Unhand me now or you will die.” He tried to threaten but it fell flat between uncontrollable laughs and fidgeting.

“Nope. Tell me I won!”

Feeling thoroughly emasculated, he continued his failed attempts to fight against her and bare through it. Until he, at last, spotted an opening. Immediately, he flipped Sakura on her back and latched his chakra threads around her wrists. He climbed on top of her to make sure she could not move anything. She laughed menacingly as he attempted to catch his breath.

“Sakura. Don’t **ever** do that again. Or you will die.”

She continued to laugh harder and louder until her stomach was quivering and she could not breathe. Her eyes were shut tight and tears streamed down her cheeks. “You…shoulda seen…your face.” She wheezed out.

Sasori’s anger melted into fascination as he watched her completely lose herself. He could not help as his lips curled into a smile, and he let out a small huff of amusement. 

Sakura wasn’t sure where she expected to end up after following Sasori. It occurred to her that she could possibly be stuck in a tool shed with bodies hanging from meat hooks. Really, she would not put it past him.

Thankfully, it was not nearly as bad as her imagination led her to believe. From a glance, it appeared to be massive hole in the earth, but upon entrance, she realized it was an underground structure. They walked far in the dark until reaching the entrance. It was a heavy set of double doors with an intricate design. 

Sasori performed a few hand signs before placing his hands against the doors and releasing a seal. 

Sakura shook her head. “You serial killers and your creepy hideouts.” She muttered. 

Sasori was not the least bit offended by that comment. “Are you going to stand there all night? I need to reseal this door.”

Sakura hesitated before entering. She must be crazy to allow herself to be locked in there with Sasori. Following in after him, she took in the state of the place. There were no body parts or weird medical tools lying about. The absence of windows and plants made it it feel uncozy, but it was furnished with all the basics. It was mostly clean aside from a few dried spots of blood between the stones. Gross. She scrunched her nose.

She waited for Sasori to move out of earshot as she fumbled through the contents of her bag. When she could no longer see him, she pulled her small bad out of her backpack and emptied the contents on the small end table.

“Yuyake.” She whispered.

“Yes?”

“Can you find a way to slip this in his drink?” She presented a small bag of a powdered substance. 

“…What is it?” He asked accepting the small bag.

“I put it in his tea this morning. It’s a natural remedy I made to help with the, uh…episodes.”

“Leave it to me.” Yuyake was used to Sasori’s bouts of instability. He thought there was nothing that could be done about it. If this girl could help him with a measly powder substance, then it was worth risking his life to spill it in his drinks.

“Thank you.” She hid the rest of the medicines under a loose floorboard in hopes that he was not aware of that spot. She did not think he would appreciate or accept what she was doing. But, she did not care.

Sasori had disappeared somewhere within the halls of the complex. Exhaustion, from an all nighter followed by a long day, finally hit her hard. Settling her bags on the ground, she found the nearest piece of furniture to sprawl out on. Her brain attempted to wander on about her next plan of action, but her body could not fight the sleep that took hold instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank all of you so very much for your support on this story! Honestly, I did know what to expect when I started it. I really like writing about the hard topics because it is therapeutic for me. I wasn’t sure how it would be received though. Romance is a little tricky for me to write, but I am trying my best to give it a good pace. I like a slow burn, but not so slow to where it feels like there’s no natural chemistry. I feel that these two would definitely have that going for them.
> 
> About Yuyake. I just like the idea of MCs having a talking animal companion lol   
> He’s sort of like a summon that doesn’t fight? Anyway, I thought Sasori needed someone to TRY to keep him in check.
> 
> I appreciate all the love I’ve been getting on this. Seriously, ya’ll make the journey all the more fun ❤️


	18. Bury Me In My Filth

A few weeks had passed since Sakura decided to follow after Sasori. They had not gotten any further in their goals, and he was growing increasingly anxious about it. 

Being around Sakura made him all the more anxious. It wasn’t so much her as it was their growing familiarity. He was getting to know all of her idiosyncrasies. Such as the way she looked in the mornings, rubbing sleep crust from her eyes with her hair stacked in a messy bun on top her head. The way she enjoyed taking long baths in the evenings. The nightmares that plagued her sleep and left her with a listlessness upon waking. The smell of her sweat. The way she drank to distract herself from her own thoughts...

These were all intimate things he was not meant to know.

She made a habit of pushing against his personal boundaries until he was forced to recede them. But, it seemed that her invasiveness did not stop there. She found a way to insert herself into every facet of his being.

Each time he began to fall apart, she wrapped herself around his bones and pulled him back together as if she shaped herself into his natural fibers. He was dreadfully aware of it. Unknowingly, he had handed over his power as he allowed her to imbed herself deeply within him. That realization hit him hard. It was all wrong.

He disliked how patient she was with him. Whenever he projected one of his many issues onto her, she responded with a vulnerable sweetness that made him feel worthless. She would give him that pretty, doe-eyed stare. One that he imagined would make his heart race if he were a different man. He much preferred that look of unfiltered hatred she gave him when he drove her to her wits end. It was familiar and simple.

She was giving him that look less and less as of late. It was disappointing. He wondered how fucked in the head he was that he imagined her giving him that heated look as he slammed her against the wall and sank into her…

“You know, you haven’t eaten in a few days.” Sakura’s voice cut his fantasy off.

He turned to her, wide eyed and blinked away the remainder of his indecent thoughts. 

Sakura thought he oddly looked like he was caught doing something he should not be doing. She waited for him to catch up to her.

“It’s not sustainable to live on protein powder and food pills.” She continued when he did not respond. 

“Your constant nagging is not sustainable. And your voice is grating.” It wasn’t true. Honestly, he just wanted to pick a fight with her. He had a lot of pent up frustrations that he needed to let out, and it had been far too long since he had been able to provoke her. If it helped to alienate her, that would be ideal. He knew he needed to stop whatever this was between them. No more putting it off.

Sakura was unaffected by his rudeness. At this point, she could clearly see when he was deflecting. It seemed like every time they would start to get along and have good moments, he would retreat back into his coldness.

It was incredibly vexing. And painfully obvious to her what he was trying to do. When he would get in that type of mood, she would let him sit in it until it blew over. As much as it tempted her, no good ever cans from feeding into his vileness.

She contemplated on why she should even give a damn as she watched her reflection brush through her silky hair. The dingy mirror distorted her view. She puckered her lips and applied a pink gloss matching her hair color.

Never mind him, she had work to do today. It was her job to go to the nearby villages and conduct her own investigations. She did not approve of Sasori’s method of using sleeper agents for investigative work. But, he did not approve of her method either…

Sasori watched as she wiped the excess gloss from the corner of her bottom lip with her middle finger. He frowned in disapproval before breaking the silence. “Are you going out?” He noticed that she changed into her distasteful ‘civilian’ clothes.

“Yes. I won’t get anything accomplished just sitting here like you.” She said.

“Do **NOT** come back drunk again.” He distressed as he remembered her obnoxious return two nights ago.

She had made a scene attempting to open the front door. She ripped it right off the hinges when she could not properly open it. Their eyes met as she tossed it over her shoulder. Pissed off did not begin to explain his reaction. Then, in her inebriated state, she proceeded to cry and apologize repeatedly as he fixed the door at _two o’clock_ in the fucking morning. Following that, she cried to him about every mistake she ever made in her life. It was a complete spectacle. He thought such behavior to be beneath her. After all of that, she proceeded to get in his personal space like she often did after drinking.

Sakura paused from gathering her things and turned her neck slowly towards him because she was absolutely planning to do just that. “I’m not _just_ going out drinking. I’m working to accomplish our goals _.”_ She shoved past him carrying that air of bitchiness he had been craving.

He snorted, brushing off the sudden urge to grab her by the wrist. “Nothing of value has come out of it. You are wasting time _flirting_ with people for no reason.”

“I am not!” She lied. She had to do _something_ to get information out of people. Unfortunately, it the was the only kind of attention she could get. It’s not like she _wanted_ to do it. And _how did he even know that?_ She must have overshared after returning from her last drunk outing.

“I’ll be back in no time.” She did not look back as she slammed the door shut behind her. 

“Follow her. And tell me if she does anything stupid.” He instructed Yuyake.

“Why didn’t you just go wi-“

“No. Just do it.”

“She will be angry with you if she discovers me.” 

“I don’t care. She is being reckless.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Yuyake said before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

* * *

  
Sakura often ignored her instincts. Something told her that she should not have come to this village. But when her mind was convinced that she was doing the correct thing, nothing could stop her.

The neon lights looming up ahead drew her in. She wasn’t lying to Sasori when she said that there was purpose in this. The only way to find information was to mingle with locals. But, she would be lying if she said that she wasn’t looking forward to having a few drinks in the process. It was her way of coping with stress.

And Sasori had been giving her plenty of stress. At the very least, it had been a long time since he attempted to strangle her. For that, she was grateful. Perhaps her medicine was helping him after all.

Sakura entered the dim lit bar and immediately received looks from everyone in the place. She walked carrying an air of false confidence. It was time to channel her inner Tsunade with a touch of Ino and maybe a bit of Temari. Sakura was not the girl they would be interested to get to know. Powerful Tsunade, irresistible Ino and confident Temari. That’s who these people would be interested to meet. 

Her voluminous curls bounced as she walked purposefully to the nearest empty seat. She gracefully propped herself up and crossed her legs, ignoring the eyes glued to her cleavage enhanced by a trick of the light and the deep V of her halter shirt. 

“What can I get for ya ma’am?” The bartender immediately approached her with a warm smile.

“A bottle of your house sake, please.” 

“Coming right up.” He turned towards the back.

“That one will be on me.”

She opened her mouth to protest as she turned to the stranger seating himself next to her. 

“Shhhh” He pressed his finger against her lips before flashing her a bright and self assured smile. “You look lonely. Let me keep you company, just for a little while. If it’s bad, you can tell me to piss off.”

“Oh, uh…sure.” Sakura could not help but to return his smile. What’s the harm in giving him an hour of her time? He seemed nice, so she could not find any good reason to decline. He was handsome enough with bright blue eyes and messy, blonde hair. Not to mention he had a charismatic smile. Unfortunately, not her type though. His eyes did not hold the promise of chaos and heartache that she found so alluring in a man.

If she was being honest, she was just craving a distraction.

“What’s your name?” He asked as she poured her first glass of sake.

Sakura hesitated. She sure the hell wasn’t going to tell him her real name. “Anika.” She settled on.

“Anika…” He purred. “I like it. You’re very beautiful, you know.”

Something about that comment made her insides feel gross. She came in with every intention to become the girl that commanded a room, leaving every man with the desire to breathe in her air. This was how kinooichi often succeeded with investigative work. But, now that she had their attention, she wanted nothing more than to get back out of here.

She took a hard swallow of her sake to clear her thoughts. Her throat clinched from the assault. Her stranger’s eyes did not let up as he gazed at her taking in the slenderness of her neck and the sharpness of her jaw.

“So what’s your name?” She asked, putting her goals before her feelings. Her wide eyes glazed over prettily.

“Hmm…I might tell you it. I haven’t decided yet.” He winked. “I want to know about you first.” 

Sakura fought the urge to frown. Maybe Sasori was right and this was a waste of time. 

No. She just needed to work harder. Summoning her inner Ino, she slid her hand towards his where it was resting on the bar. She rubbed her pinky finger against his.

“I don’t think that’s fair it all.” She leaned in and whispered, making sure he caught wind of her fragrance. “How do I know you aren’t some big, bad guy out to get me?” She pouted.

“Does this look like the face of a big, bad guy?” He pointed towards his face and beamed at her.

Hell no, she thought but giggled in response. “I suppose not!” Her voice was strained from raising her pitch. 

“So where are you from?” She started her line of questioning. 

“Nope.” He tapped her nose. “Not so fast. The nights still young. Drink first.” He nodded to her abandoned sake. 

Momentarily forgetting her façade, she picked up her glass and downed the rest in one gulp and impatiently slammed it back down on the bar.

His eyes widened. “Wow, I didn’t expect that.” He looked impressed.

She poured herself another glass. That was nothing. If he wanted her to see her drink, then she was going to do just that. 

For the next hour, he continued to evade her questions and changed the subject by flirting with her. It was subtle, but she started to notice a change in his demeanor as they continued to talk. He was not as friendly and started to seem…anxious? She was not sure, but she knew that she was already feeling loopy from the alcohol which was odd considering her high tolerance.

She was drifting in and out of focus when she noticed that he was rubbing her thigh. 

“Let’s get out of here.” He whispered in her ear. 

Sakura could not find the ability to speak. She realized something was wrong. Her limbs would not respond and her thoughts were clouded. She felt herself being tugged to her feet and supported by a solid body much bigger than hers.

It wasn’t until they were outside of the bar that she realized her byakugou seal had activated on its own. What was going on? Was she poisoned?

“Fuck. No wonder it took you so long to feel the drugs.” She heard him say.

Her heart started to race as she realized what was happening. Before she could form another thought, she heard a loud cracking sound and was overtaken by blackness.

* * *

The sound of medical instruments and machinery always seemed to ground Sasori. His mind was blessedly quiet, allowing him to focus on his art. For the past few days, his inspiration continued to elude him which put him more on edge. But as he was soaking in his bath, it finally hit him. He thought of a brilliant idea for one of his empty puppets.

He hastily dried himself off and pulled on a pair of pants. Immediately, he set to work. When inspiration hit, he had to acknowledge it with urgency. He emptied his tools on the bench and picked out the ones he needed. The puppet lay uselessly on the floor where he had tossed it in a fit of rage nights prior. He picked it up and dropped it on the table.

He had to work hard to unscrew the arm. Apparently, he had screwed it in too tight. After finally getting it loose, he opened a compartment of the chest and began to apply sealing paste on the inside. This was where he would place the first weapon...

He jumped at the cloud of smoke and poofing sound of Yuyake’s sudden appearance.

“Its not good, master! Not good at all! We have to save her!” 

“What are you talking about?” He slammed his puppet arm down. Yuyake broke his concentration and caused him to smear sealing paste in all the wrong places.

“She was kidnapped in the most underhanded way. I believe she was drugged. We have to go after them now! Who knows what they’ll do…” He gestured around frantically.

“How did she let _that_ happen?” Well, it wasn’t that hard to figure out. He had a half a mind to let her find her own escape for being a drunken idiot and allowing herself to be captured. After he specifically warned her about her drinking habits.

“It was not her fault. You mustn’t get angry.” Yuyake knew what Sasori was thinking.

“It is her fault. She is careless and painfully unaware of her surroundings. It is unbecoming of a shinobi.”

“Such is the way of shinobi bound to a village. They are not conditioned to be alert at all times because they are safe when in the confines of their village.” Yuyake defended her, but Sasori knew she was better than that. It was her reckless drinking habits that got her in this position.

“Do you know where she was taken?” He asked. As much as he did not feel like dealing with this, he was going to do it anyway. He truly believed Sakura could handle herself. If she could hold her own against him, then she would not be taken down by just anyone. But, what if he was wrong and she could not…

“ Yes, I followed them until they arrived at their destination.” He climbed on Sasori’s shoulder. “I believe her kidnapper is your mutual enemy. Apparently, they have a base not far from here which is where she is being held.”

Sasori perked up at that information. “Did you get a count of how many there are?”

“I did not. There was not enough time to spare.” 

“It’s fine. If they are as weak as the last subgroup, then this will require hardly any effort.” He contemplated on the scrolls he would take. Picking up the one that housed his newest puppets, he decided that he would rub his victory in their faces by using the corpses of their comrades against them. Sometimes, Sasori took pleasure in being petty.

* * *

“I thought you said it was close.” Sasori griped. 

“It is close.” Yuyake answered.

“We have been moving for a hour. How much longer until we get there?” Sasori cursed Sakura under his breath for troubling him this late at night. He cursed his human body for needing sleep. But honestly, this was ideal. He had been failing in his search for his enemies for weeks now. He just wished Sakura had not been so damn foolish.

“Up ahead by only two kilometers. It is an underground complex of course.” 

Sasori picked up his speed to close the distance quicker. He debated on whether or not he should trap everyone inside and burn it down after getting Sakura out. But he really needed to start collecting information on this organization since the worthless hidden villages failed to do so. He would know because he had sleeper agents in every single one.

He needed to eradicate this organization entirely. Otherwise, he would continue to be hunted by them for the rest of his life and death. The thought of those vultures picking his remains from the dirt for any piece of him they could salvage made his blood boil.

“Yuyake. I need you to ensure that I am thoroughly burned when I die.” He refused to be brought into this world as a walking corpse powered by bitterness and regret like everyone else he knew had been. 

“Why are you telling me this now?” He asked, nonplussed.

“Because it is important. Now tell me you will ensure this.” He demanded.

“I will ensure it.” He promised. “But I do not think you should rush to your death.”

“Never mind that. Let’s focus on what’s ahead.” 

They paused at the mountain of rocks. Sasori could see a path between that led down lower. He moved along the rocks quietly and squatted down next to a side door. He pressed his ear against it, straining to gather anything useful. Lacking the ability to sense chakra signatures, he had to do recon the old fashioned way. 

“Go find her. And then look for the best route in.” He whispered as silent as humanly possible.

“Count on me.” Yuyake vanished leaving Sasori alone to formulate a plan. 

How was he to slaughter this time? He became gleeful as he considered all of his options. _This_ is what needed to let out his frustrations. A blood bath would always cleanse the mind. He sat and waited in the shadows for Yuyake to return.


	19. Honest Opinion

_  
In both worlds, they relentlessly consume her…_

_Sasuke’s corpse is lying on the side of her. His arm had been severed, and he bled out, but he’s still looking up at her. His cold, dead eyes enslaving her to a lifetime of regret. The arm he left wrapped around her waist is heavy and oppressive. She couldn’t save them both. She chose Naruto because Sasuke has been dead for years. Sakura failed Sasuke long ago…_

_Sasori is lying on the other side of her. Eyes black and flesh flaking off of his face. His complexion a deathly grey._

_But no. That can’t be. She didn’t fail him – not yet. Or had she?_

_She could not find the strength to remove herself from Sasuke. Stuck between her two failed endeavors, she could only lie there. Sasori turns his head to look at her just as Sasuke looks at her – with empty eyes._

_“It didn’t have to be this way…” she rasps. Her throat is dry and coated with the ashes of the man she once loved. She presses her hands to Sasori’s cheeks to stop the flesh from crumbling – to no avail. The chakra she pushes is powerless._

_“You still enjoy doing useless things.” He says this unfeelingly and she realizes how much she hates it. They are far from the time of regarding each other with cold indifference. She turns to her side to face him fully._

_“But it’s not useless! You were supposed to get better. I wasn’t supposed to fail you too…” Now she’s sobbing. Again with the useless fucking tears. “I told you I would…”_

_She reaches behind to feel for Sasuke. Her heart breaks as her hand falls into a pile of ashes. Sasuke. Half of her fades away with him. But the other half desperately clings to what is still in reach._

_“Help me stop it!” She cries out._

_He smiles to her – not at her and closes his eyes._

_Sasori is crumbling at an unbearable rate and she is collecting every piece of him as if she could stitch him back together. Layer after layer of him blows past her fingers into the wind. All of his beautiful potential flutters away, flickering in the sunlight. And she thinks – how can devastating waste be so captivating? Her hand is raised, so far out of reach._

_“So much for your immortality.” She spits out her pain and disappointment. Her sobs come from deep within her soul. They violently rattle her body. It churns the bile in her gut._

_He’s gone now. And so is Sasuke. She lies on her back alone and incapable of moving. Redemption isn’t possible for someone like her. But she already knew this._

* * *

  
Sakura shifted in her sleep. Every dream, every nightmare that passed through her, she was unable to see through. Her consciousness continued to evade her. Just as it began to breach the surface, she was swept away by a new hell.

* * *

Sasori made one careless mistake after the next until he found himself with dangerously limited options left. He knew he would have **never** been in this situation had he still been a puppet. The entire place would have been in ruins by now. Fighting while dealing with emotions was _hard._ Every missed strike (some followed by a counterattack) sent him further into his agitation, and Yuyake was taking way too damn long to track down Sakura. He had barged in impatiently and was now paying the price for it.

Not only that, it seemed that they had fallen right into this trap. The enemy had learned his methods and fully prepared for his ambush.

He narrowly dodged streams of poisonous spray projected straight towards him that would have, no doubt, reacted on contact and ate away at his skin. The earth style user had an ability to convert the element into poison. If he was not solely focused on surviving, he would have entertained ideas for a new puppet. 

The poison pooled around his feet. He simultaneously avoided stepping into it while being cautious of the green liquid dripping from the ceiling. It pulsated and bubbled ominously. Summoning a squad of ten puppets, he readied himself to force his way out of the corner he was backed into. Distracting his earth style pursuers, he had one puppet set off lightening currents as he had another wrap around him as a shield. He hoped it would be enough as he used that moment to jump past the enemies and dodge his own lightening storm. 

He landed above their heads on the remnants of a collapsed wall. Out of harms way, he was able to go on the offensive again. He lifted his hands in the air and sent puppets barreling in towards them equipped with poisoned blades. They sliced through anything in their paths having no regard for physical damage. Some puppets were unable to withstand the abuse while others were able to slice through to their targets. 

Sasori almost had them all when he was assailed from a different angle. He dropped his puppets as he was forced to redirect his attention to the wind slicing through, cutting off his lightening storm and getting dangerously close to slicing through him. He cursed his human vulnerability and his lack of protection. All of this dodging while fighting was disruptive and was not something he was accustomed to.

_And where was Sakura?_

That thought distracted him even more. He let his guard down for a second and was rewarded with a deep slice to his upper arm. He grimaced in pain and gripped the wound with his other hand to stop the blood from gushing out. 

“That was easier than I thought. This should be a piece of cake.” One of them remarked.

That demeaning statement combined with the excruciating pain of being stabbed caused all reason to leave Sasori’s body. He had enough of this shit. 

Righting himself, he yanked a scroll from his belt and summoned an overwhelming number of puppets. Yuyake had better find Sakura fast because he was getting ready to raze this entire place to the ground. The shadows of his puppets danced across the walls. Blades slashed, blood spurted, bodies dropped as one puppet master directed the scene.

  
  


* * *

“Are you sure?” 

“Quite sure. She is in there, but she did not respond when I called to her. I fear something is wrong…”

The muffled voices pulled her closer to the surface.

“Then go sting the shit out of her! I don’t care. I don’t have time for this.”

“You have time for this…”

“I won’t make time for this.”

“Sakura!” 

She immediately shot upwards at the sound of her name. Delirious and disoriented, she looked around the dark room for the source of the call. A loud banging sound from above drew her attention. She looked up and saw someone climbing through an entrance in the ceiling. The figure dropped down to his feet before standing upright.

Focusing her bleary vision, she recognized the person to be Sasori, looking very disheveled and worn out. He was walking towards her.

“You are a reckless idiot. And I _despise_ you.” He said, but there was no real anger behind it. It was more of a tired complaint. He grabbed her by the shoulders and scanned her from head to toe. There was a look of concern in his expression.

Her eyes watered immediately upon seeing his face because…well because, he was _here._ As a living breathing person. Without the hideous black sclera that lived in her nightmares. He was alive. She didn’t fail him. Not yet, at least. The tears spilled over her cheeks as she brought her hands to his face, cradling his jaw in her palms. Her thumbs stroked against his cheeks in appreciation of the warm, dewy skin that did not flake off under her touch.

He watched her with uncertainty. “Why are you looking at me like that?...Are you drunk?” His hands dropped lower to her biceps.

Without a warning, she tackled him in a deathly tight embrace, forcing the air from his lungs. He stiffened in her arms, but this did not deter her.

“Maybe…I don’t know. I’m just happy that you are alive is all.” She buried her face in his neck. Tears soaked into the collar of his sleeveless shirt.

This statement locked him in place. He had to run it over in his head several times to grasp it. Weighed it against everything he had ever been told. Nobody in his life had ever said such a thing to him, and if they had, he would not have believed it. But he knew Sakura to be nothing but honest. For a moment of weakness, he allowed her words to move through him as a wave of ecstasy.

Slowly, he circled one arm around her waist and brought the other to cradle the back of her head. She sagged against him, relaxing her tight grip.

For a long moment, neither of them dared to move. They stayed wrapped in this embrace for a blissfully peaceful moment. The loud noises of their minds quieted as they bathed in each other’s warmth.

It wasn’t until Sasori noticed something odd then he withdrew. 

“Chakra suppressors…” He lifted her limp wrist to look at the abominable bracelet. _Those cowards._

If there was something Sasori absolutely hated, it was weaklings that resorted to corrupt methods of fighting. This was cheating. And unfortunately, these were a real pain in the ass to get off. Even for him. He dropped her wrist.

“You’re bleeding…” Her eyes lazily settled on the deep gash. “Let me heal that.” She reached for his arm.

“With what chakra? You cannot heal anything until those _things_ come off.” 

“Oh…” She raised her wrists and looked at them as if this was the first time she noticed the bracelets.

Sakura was weak and hardly able to stand herself. He would have to get these off later because he sure as hell wasn’t sticking around here to do it.

He pulled Sakura to her feet and lifted her onto his back. She was dead weight he would have to carry all the way back, but he could not find it in him to complain this time. For once, he felt bad for getting her involved in his mess. They were out for him, not her. If he still felt like it later, he may apologize to her. Maybe.

* * *

Sasori dropped Sakura on the futon. The bruises on her wrists were a stark purple against her pale skin. He managed to cut the bracelets off at the expense of his own chakra. They absorbed most of it just from a small amount of contact. Those things were truly repulsive.

Between losing an alarming amount of blood and chakra, he felt that he was near death. His body was unwilling to move anymore, so he laid down next to Sakura on the futon. His eyes shut heavily but his mind continued to wander.

He needed to figure out what exactly his was doing because this lack of planning was getting him nowhere. Days of not accomplishing anything were adding up. It seemed to him that he was just spinning his wheels. Inspiration did not take hold of him as often as it used to. He often found himself feeling indifferent towards all of the things he once loved. Even killing no longer gave him the same sense of purpose and self worth.

It was a debilitating feeling. His rubbed his feet together. Turned over on his side with his back facing Sakura. Flipped to his stomach and turned his neck sideways. After turning over several more times, he settled into the position on his side.

Just as he was on the edge of sleep, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. 

“Sasori.” Sakura whispered. 

His eyes snapped open angrily. Would be denied sleep for the rest of this wretched night? 

“What.” He prompted her flatly.

She shifted on her side to face his back. “I…don’t remember everything, but…I messed up bad, didn’t I?” He could hear the shame in her voice.

“Yes. You did.” He nodded in agreement, unwilling to lie to make her feel better.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble.” She held back the tears that were making their way to the surface.

“This would never have happened had you not been indulging in your drinking habits again. I’ve told you this before – it will cost you your life on day. It would have tonight if I had not come after you.” He often forgot how young she was. She was almost as stupid as Deidara was at her age. Almost.

“You’re right.” Her bottom lip quivered. The disappointment she held towards herself thickened the air. It was suffocating.

A long moment of self reflection passed for Sakura. She knew she needed to do better. He was absolutely right. One more slip up could cost her entire life. For someone like Sasori to tell her such a thing was really humbling. She stared at the back of his head, mulling over how differently things may have been if he hadn’t come. 

Sasori was pulled from the edge of sleep a second time when Sakura wrapped her arm around his waist and scooted herself behind him. Her body curled into his, spooning him.

“Thank you.” She pressed her forehead to his back, whispering against it.

“If you don’t allow me to sleep, I will make _you_ sleep. Permanently.” His shot her an irritated look over his shoulder with red, glassy eyes.

Completely unfazed by his threats, she reached for his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. The vein in Sasori’s temple twitched. He needed to have a talk with her about minding her own space. He spread his fingers apart and stiffened them to send her the message. She squeezed tighter in response.

“I just…I’m just really grateful. And…I want you to know that you can rely on me too.” She thought of his decaying flesh and empty eyes.

The tickle of her breath against his neck sent a shiver down his spine. He could smell the trace of alcohol. “Sakura, I appreciate that. But, if you do not get off of me, I will move.” He was starting to suspect she did this to him on purpose. Though, he could not imagine why. 

“Then move.” She challenged as her grip around him tightened. “If you think you can.”

He frowned. “I don’t feel like playing your childish games right now. Do what you want but do not talk to me or touch me for the rest of this night.” He shut his eyes and resolved to ignore her as best as he could.

He could practically feel her desire to speak again, but she stayed blessedly quiet. At least for a few minutes. He was _almost_ there when she yanked his consciousness from the threshold of a dream.

“Just one more thing…”

She heard him swear under his breath.

“Let me heal that.” She poked at the coagulated blood and drainage of his laceration wound.

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have any chakra, and I know for a fact you are not in your right mind.”

She was already on her feet, collecting things in the dark. “I know you forgot how to function like a normal human being, but you can’t leave that thing to fester.” The slamming of drawers caused him to wince.

Kneeling down next to him, she pressed a clean cloth with rubbing alcohol onto his wound. The pain of it was nearly as bad as the infliction. For ten minutes (he counted), he bit back the groans and complaints trying to escape; lest she call him a baby again. Sasori was not good with pain. Not at all.

“There. The worst part is over.” She announced wringing out the rag. Her hands lifted to his arm. He watched her eyes focus in as she bathed his wound in her chakra.

“Sakura.” It was his turn to start talking. 

“Hm.” She acknowledged without allowing her concentration to break.

“I…am sorry. I do not completely blame you for what occurred tonight.”

She paused. Her eyes averted from his wound to his face. From his expression, she could tell how difficult it had been for him to work up the nerve to say that. She did not agree with him though. The blame should fall entirely on her shoulders.

“You were targeted…because of me.” He really struggled to say that last past.

“I know.” She said, continuing in her task.

“They seem to believe that you would lure me to their trap.” He looked almost ashamed of that. 

It was kind of insulting. Shouldn’t he be concerned about her? They had spent the last few weeks together. She wished he could acknowledge that there was some form of companionship between them. What form, she was exactly sure.

“What I’m trying to say is that you do not need to get involved in this. It is not your issue.” 

“…Are you trying to get rid of me?” She asked.

“Im telling you to go home. For your own good.”

“No.” She said firmly as she finished stitching the last layer of his wound. Cells multiplied until the skin melded together. There was no trace of of it left when she was done. “You’re wrong. It is my issue. And besides…” There was one other reason she would not leave right now. One that she thought would be best to keep to herself. She knew he didn’t appreciate her concern. “I need your help, remember?”

He glowered at her. “Quit patronizing me.”

“Or maybe I just want to hang out with you.” She settled back down next to him.

Sasori elected not to say anything. Knowing Sakura’s ability to sniff out all of his insecurities, it was the most appropriate way to respond to her. It was infuriating that she knew he was a dejected person that hated being alone, and that he actually enjoyed her unsolicited gestures - despite his protests. It was part of the reason he wished she would leave. The other part of him was relieved that she refused to go.

He looked down to see that Sakura was nestled against him already asleep. He was tempted to do something obnoxious to wake her up because now that she was finally sleeping, _he_ was wide awake. But instead, he brought his arm around her waist and curled around her. He loathed to admit he had been wanting to do that. It would just be a one time thing. Just to get it out of his system.

His fingers brushed up and down her arm in slow, gentle caresses. Her smooth skin felt nice beneath his fingertips. The floral smell of her hair along with the clean, cotton like scent unique to her whirled beneath his nose. As annoying as she was, he found everything else about her to be appealing. It was probably a bad idea to become intimately familiar with her, but he went against his best judgement. His fingers absently brushed through her hair as his mind began to quiet down.

Before he had the chance to remove himself from her, he drifted off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost did not include that last bit because I wasn’t sure if I was ready for anything romantic from Sasori. Buuut, I feel like I’ve been beating y’all upside the head with my angst.


	20. Relax and Try not to Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: explicit sexual content in this chapter
> 
> As I was writing it, I realized I needed to raise the rating on this fic. I don’t completely understand the ratings on AO3, but I figured it would be better to be on the safe side.

  
Neither Sakura nor Sasori felt so inclined to comment on the shift of their dynamic. Sakura would lie down next to Sasori every night. He would press his head to her chest as she ran her fingers across his scalp and through the strands of his hair. It became a ritual for them. She would allow his hands to wander underneath her clothes, brushing across the sensitive, untouched places of her body. His hands would always stay just before they reached where she ached the most.

When she was sure he was asleep, she would reach down between her thighs and relieve that persistent need. She thought of his back glistening with sweat and those ever-present bedroom eyes as he offered her a new kind of healing. The kind that led into dreamless, blissful sleep – a place where nothing could touch her. Her breathing would become erratic and the squelching sounds would increase as she neared her orgasm, and she prayed that it would not wake him. 

Shame immediately set in after she pulled her wet, sticky fingers from beneath her shorts. How far had she fallen? Was this what loneliness did to a person?

She would use her defiled hand to wrap around him as she pulled herself closer, pressing her body to his. Strong, beautiful women were above such things. They did not need to use explicit intimacy as a means of salvation. But, Sakura had always been insecure and desperate for validation. She never considered herself to be a strong, beautiful woman. And so, this was not beneath her.

  
  


* * *

  
Sakura was sucking the life out of him. She was becoming more overbearing as she continued to occupy his space. He started to feel like her issues were his own, as if he did not have enough personal issues to contend with. He couldn’t properly tune her out when he wanted to. Worst of all, he came to depend on her being a constant in his life. He would never tell her this (there was no point), but he was dreading the day they would go their separate ways again.

Yes, it was inevitable. He had to keep reminding himself of this. She needed to go back home, and he needed to go to his grave. He could not live in her fantasy world forever, and he had a feeling she was trying to create such a place. It was apparent that she was running from something. 

“That is an interesting flower.” She bent down to brush her fingers against the deep red pedals.

They were both good at pretending that their nighttime affairs had never occurred. Like she did not pleasure herself next to him as he used all of his willpower to ignore it.

“It’s just going to die like the rest of them.” He said impassively. There were some weird quirks to Sakura that he did not understand. Such as the one where she picked flowers and left them in various places. She left trails of elaborate arrangements along the walls and in planters. An excessive amount. He figured it was one of her coping mechanisms. He had a few of those himself, as most shinobi did.

She stooped down to get a closer look at it. “Don’t be a buzzkill.” 

“Then quit buzzing so often.” He shot back. She had gotten much better about drinking since that one night, but she still did sometimes. He wanted her to stop completely.

She pouted at him. “Give me some credit. I haven’t drank anything in four whole days.” It made the nightmares less bearable, but if it made him uncomfortable, then she would stop. She ripped the flower from the ground. Her eye caught caught another one. Same flower, but this one was purple.

Sasori did not bother to argue how little of an accomplishment he thought that was. He was in one of his more tolerant moods. It was midday, and they just confiscated some valuable documents from the hideout he had destroyed days prior. They were well hidden, but Sakura found them. Along with a bunch of strange objects. They stowed as much as they could fit in her bag, intending to make sense of it all later.

“I need to send some of this stuff back to Konoha when we are finished with it.” She said. 

The mention of her village gave him a sharp sensation on his chest. He brushed it off. 

“They do not need to be involved.”

“Well, they kind of are, so I am obligated to share any information I find. This is my mission.” She absently played with the pedals of her flower arrangement. 

“Are you going back soon?” He asked.

“…I haven’t decided when.” She answered after a few beats.

He bit back the urge to tell her not to go back at all. It would’ve been a stupid thing to suggest. What was she going to do? Stay with him until he decided he was done living? Why would she want that? And more importantly, why did he want that?

* * *

Sasori had lapsed into his delusions again. It had been a while since she heard him speak erratically with that wild look in his eyes. This time, he was angry with her particularly, accusing her of manipulating him. This was never what she intended.

“Whatever you have done, I need you to undo it now!” He snapped. She was bound by chakra threads against the wall. He was close enough that she felt the heat of his body smothering her. They had been pouring over the documents they found when he snatched her up and slammed her back against the wall.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” She shouted in his face, spit sprinkling him. Her normal patience for his episodes had left her. She wasn’t in the mood for this, especially if she was to be personally attacked.

“You know exactly what I am talking about.” He tightened the threads around her wrists. “You are getting in my head again!” She could see the paranoid thoughts running rampant in his unfocused gaze.

Stop provoking him. Her good senses told her. 

As she decided to allow him to vent on her, he surprised her by releasing his threads. But, he did not back away. Instead, he brought his hands to the nape of her, pressing his forehead against hers.

“I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to take back what is mine.” He closed his eyes and breathed against her.

“Which is?” She tilted her head up to give him a wide eyed look of bewilderment. She genuinely did not know what he was thinking.

“My power. You continue to take it from me.” 

She meant to ask what she was supposed to do about that, but fell short as he locked her in place with his earnest gaze. His hands moved down to cup her jaw. For a long moment, an internal struggle waged on in his mind as she watched him with frenzied anticipation. As soon as he made up his mind, he brought his lips to hers in a kiss that drew the breathe from her lungs and caused her toes to curl.

She was swept away by the smoothness of his lips and the tickle of his soft hair against her cheek. Gripping his shoulders for balance, she raised her heels, shifting her weight to her toe tips. She tilted her head to respond with the full force of her vehemence, determined to make him regret every night he laid next to her but did not sleep with her.

He gripped her hair and pulled it, tilting her head back. Her mouth opened slightly, and he used that moment to slide his tongue in. She eagerly accepted him. Their tongues swirled against each other in a kiss that stirred the heat within her gut and settled between her thighs. 

Having no experience in this, he completely relied on his instincts and his ability to read Sakura’s reactions (and she was very responsive). He broke apart from her to come up for air, not releasing his tight grip on her hair.

“Is that all?” She asked breathlessly. 

“No.” He whispered in her ear before licking the inside and nipping the shell of it. It sent a distinct shudder throughout her body. She vocalized her approval with a meek, sensual noise that went straight through him. He immediately wanted to hear more of it.

He continued trailing wet kisses down the sensitive flesh of her neck, stopping at her collarbone to leave leave bruising evidence behind. Her noises became more needy as she felt his erection pressing against her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist as he lifted her up. They paused to look at each other for a moment. In that moment, she thought he was frightening and mystifying and heartbreakingly beautiful. She relished in the rush of power at having such a being at the tip of her fingers.

Sakura never knew she was capable of having such a man in such a position. For so long, she desperately wanted to be needed. To be recognized for her femininity and strength - what she believed every beautiful woman should posses. That one look he gave her, that look only she had ever been capable of arousing, made her feel that maybe she could be the beautiful woman she was supposed to be.

He placed her on the table top as he willed himself to show down and take her in. This would only happen once, so he needed to make it count. His hands wandered from her throat to her collarbone. He watched her intently as she leaned into his touch, basking in the gentle caresses. She was entranced by the uncharacteristic show of emotions in his enlarged pupils. It was so easy for her to get lost in his madness - she mused, watching him beneath half lidded eyes.

He had a death grip on her thighs before she realized that he had moved his hands down lower. She glanced down to see that they were white and shaking. Her hand covered one of his, and she gently removed it from her thigh. Holding it between both of her hands, she brought it to her lips, kissing the tip of each finger. She was overcome with the urge to put one in her mouth as she admired the long, slenderness of his fingers.

He watched her curiously as she locked eyes with him and straightened his index finger, sliding it past her swollen lips. His eyes hazed over as she took her time stroking her tongue against the length of his finger, and he imagined her doing that to another part of his body. Slowly, she extracted his long finger from her mouth. Her lips softly popped together at the release of his fingertip.

The nerve he had momentarily lost came back after that display. Moving himself between her widely spread thighs, he gripped her waist and roughly pulled her to the edge of the table. He pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it to the side, wasting no time to peel off the next layers. As he freed her of her chest bindings, he could not help but to appreciate the perfect round shape of her breasts.

Sasori took a moment to learn the way her sharp nipples felt against his palms as he cupped his hands around her soft, yet firm breasts. He leaned forward to meet her lips with his own. She sighed into his mouth as his hands continued to wander to those aching places. Using his distraction to her advantage, she pulled his shirt over his head to bring him down to her level of vulnerability. 

She became impatient with his teasing explorations. Just as she opened her mouth to complain, he reached his hand beneath the tight band of her shorts and grazed those long fingers against her slick, wetness. She gasped from the gratifying contact, writhing beneath his delicate touch. Her hands held his biceps in a death grip as he slid one finger in, working to draw out more of her shameless noises of pleasure.

Unable to withstand it anymore, he hooked his fingers around her tight shorts and peeled them down her legs. She maneuvered herself to accommodate him. No sooner than her shorts were off, she was unfastening his pants. Their eyes met as he leaned forward to press his tip against her warm, slick entrance. She leaned back on her hands with her thighs spread as she watched him sink into her. She exhaled a trembling sigh of relief after he immersed his entire length in her.

He braced himself against her shoulder as he stayed for a moment. She lifted his head with her two fingers forcing him to meet her eyes again. With her other hand, she brushed the sweaty long hair plastered to his face. He found it hard to meet her gaze now that she saw how weak he truly was that he needed this from her. But then, they had already seen the ugliest parts of each other. What did this measure against the magnitude of hitting rock bottom?

“Oh, don’t give me that look. You know it’s not that bad.” She moved her hips forward. The weight of him inside of her was making her impatient and impossibly wet.

He moaned softly and placed his hands on her hips, gripping tightly. His fingernails broke through her skin drawing blood. No, it was not bad. That was the problem. He hoped it would be so bad that he never thought of it again. 

“Shut up. Please.” He breathed out. It sounded like a plea.

She pecked kisses down his forehead, his nose, and his cheek until she made her way to the sharp edge of his jaw. There, she stopped to plant wet kisses. The feeling of her tongue sweeping along his jaw and her teeth grazing his skin ignited his nerves. It was all too much. But this time, he did not have the willpower to stop it. 

He began an agonizingly slow pace of stroking against her tight, slippery walls. Each time he reached the bottom, she was edged higher into glorious bliss. This is what she needed. To make up for the years she begged for love from a man that forgot her name and her face. To be reminded that she was worth something. Sasori always did have a way of making her feel worthy, and for that, she would gladly leave a piece of her with him. As he quickened his pace, she gripped him tight enough to leave bruises behind. 

Sasori spent the majority of this experience trying not to come. Seeing her skin flush pink and the bounce of her perfect breasts as she reached the height of her orgasm was enough for him to seal his fate. She let out an obscene cry that sent him over the edge. He felt himself spill his entire being into her as his mind went completely blank, and he was overtaken by the intense waves of pleasure. She accepted it eagerly, holding him impossibly close as he finished pouring himself into her.

He relaxed against her chest, breathing heavily as he came down. They could feel each other’s hearts pounding rapidly. As the high began to mellow down into a comfortable feeling, Sasori became acutely aware that their sweaty bodies were sticking together. The room was hot and contained that very distinct smell. He found that he did not mind it.

Sasori pulled himself out of her, watching his semen leak out and pool onto the table. He made a face. That, he did mind.

Sakura grabbed his hands and used his weight to pull herself off the table. She looked at him with an indecipherable expression as they stood in the aftermath of their mess. She said nothing as she pulled him in the direction of their sleeping area. He was grateful that she did not talk the entire time because he did not know what to say to her after that. He had a feeling, if he said anything at all, it wouldn’t be what normal people said after these sort of engagements.

They laid down next to each other in content silence. It was still daylight outside, but neither of them felt motivated to do anything else. Their absent-minded thoughts floated around, intermingling in the air but did not reach each other. 

Sakura turned her neck to Sasori and stared him down until he was forced to acknowledge her. He turned to her and frowned. Scooting closer, she lifted her leg over him, flipping herself to lay directly on top of him. She crossed her hands on his chest and propped her chin there. Her green eyes glittered with mischief, and for the first time, Sasori realized that he was not the only one of them possessing a dysfunctional brain. She looked like she was imagining all the ways she could drain him of his life force. 

She pressed her lips to his in a forceful closed mouth kiss. The kind that caused their lips to smack as she pulled away. Her expression changed to one of intention as she pressed several more kisses on his lips. He felt that urgent need take over as he returned her kisses, each one growing more fervent. She moved lower down his neck to his chest, eventually disappearing beneath the covers, warranting his alarm. What was she doing?

His question was answered as he felt her lips wrap around him. He moaned lewdly at the unexpected sensation. His toes curled as she used her tongue to lick all the way from the bottom to the tip. His brain immediately tuned to mush. He could only see the lump of her form under the covers moving up and down. He tried to imagine what she looked like as he listened to the wet smacking sounds of her mouth.

As his hands moved to grip her hair, she stopped what she was doing and crawled back up, resurfacing from beneath the covers. She grabbed him as she straddled his waist and sank down onto his erection, forcing him to amend his previous statement that this was a one time thing. One more time wouldn’t hurt, he reasoned as she rolled her pelvis against him.

At the expense of his self respect, he allowed her to spend the rest of the day fucking him as many times as it took for her to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YIKES. I apologize for not giving a heads up on this. I’m sure it’s obvious, but these two are just a little crazy about each other. Unfortunately, they are just crazy in general and very self absorbed, so they can’t see it. This is not a typical slow burn.
> 
> For those of you who I have not scared away yet, I appreciate your support <3


	21. Shattered Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing to see here but a lot of smut/implied smut and angsty musings. Probably could have been a one shot. It’s more like a filler chapter as I carefully think over the next arc of this story, but it sort of has a purpose. Thanks for reading <3

  
Sakura had many people living inside of her. Some she knew well, others were strangers. When the world was quiet, that was when they were loudest. It was exhausting.

Her mother’s great disappointment was the source of her madness as she held Sasori in her arms.

_Are you so empty that you must beg for the scraps of another human being? What will you teach your daughters?_ Contempt crinkled the corners of her mouth. Her arms crossed her chest.

Every word of that statement cut deep. Sakura hated that Mebuki could see how sick she was and how helpless she was to her sickness.

Her mother snatched the photo of Sasuke she kept tucked away in her mattress, ripped it up and tossed the pieces in the trash. The sharp click of her heels down the hall punctuated her distaste. Sakura had never hated her mother so much as she did that day.

She hated her mother for being right.

What would Mebuki say if she saw her now? Feeding off the remnants of a man left behind by history – forgotten by the living and rejected by the dead. Sliding him down her throat like a starving vulture. Desperate to inherit more substance because she was never quite enough to be a whole person.

Sakura did not want to believe this to be the case. It wasn’t about _her._ Not this time. She had something to _give_ to someone else, for once in her life, and he wanted everything she had. The idea warmed her belly. She was moved to keep giving until he was satisfied and she had poured everything into him. That was the only way Sakura knew how to love - fierce, aggressive and _messy._ Most considered this to be demented behavior.

Would she teach this to her daughters?

No. Absolutely not. She would want her daughters to inherit the dignity of her own mother, the indisputable power of her mentor and the effortless beauty and grace of her female friends. Traits that somehow missed her.

Her finger strokes through Sasori’s hair became more vigorous at these thoughts. At some point, he had rested his head against her bare chest and wrapped his arms around her waist. He was quiet. The only indication that he was alive was the rise and fall of his chest against her stomach. 

Sasori was normally quiet when they were like this, but now, the silence carried a lot of weight. She wondered where he was. It was always hard to tell with him. She tried to read his face, but he wore that blank expression. There was not a a trace of emotion behind his eyes. She could’ve easily believed him to be a puppet again.

Like her, he was probably avoiding what should be the prominent questions. Such as, what were they supposed to do about this? Was this something they needed to get out of their systems and move on from it? Or would they do it again? While Sakura cared for him, there were very many reasons why it could never be anything beyond that.

For now, she was going to enjoy him. She doubted she would ever get this opportunity again. There would unlikely ever be another man willing to touch all of the aching places of her body after being subjected to the infestation in her soul. It was enough to have experienced such a man once. She would never do better than Sasori, and she was ok with that. 

She pressed a kiss to his forehead. His fingers drew lazy patterns against her side, coaxing her into a state of relaxation. Unintentionally, he drowned out the noise in her head with his touch, allowing her to fall asleep.

* * *

Sasori spent most of the night considering all of the ways he could rid himself of his newest plight. There was no turning back from this sort of colossal fuck up. He entertained the idea of injecting his consciousness into one of his puppets. Too impulsive, he decided. The only plausible solution was to kill them both.

So hours after Sakura had fallen asleep, he peeled himself off of her and doused every room in a flammable liquid. He steered a puppet outside of the front door after blocking out every exit. There was no other option. He had to burn them both. Right now. He twitched his fingers, having his puppet infuse chakra, preparing a burst of flames. 

This was how he was going to die. Defiantly erasing every trace of his DNA and taking down the source of his torment with him. It was absolutely perfect. Far better than the death he was cheated out of.

He looked down at Sakura, peaceful and blissfully unaware. She was going to be in ashes in just a few minutes. 

_What a waste._

That thought halted his fingers just as he was about to send them both to their afterlives. The puppet dropped from his thread. He closed his fingers into a tight fist. He scowled at Sakura’s pretty face and imagined that she somehow knew. She planned to thwart his attempt on her life at the last possible second. But, it was absurd to think this. 

Just as absurd as his overreaction.

He took a deep breath before pushing himself to his feet. The place was a mess, and he needed to clean up quietly. Sasori could not think of a decent way to explain to someone that you were seconds away from burning them alive. He wiped this incriminating evidence from the walls and floors and went back to bed, curling up against Sakura.

* * *

Sakura unattractively rubbed sleep crust from her eyes as she shuffled down the hall. Her hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head. Sasori looked at her impassively. He had seen her in this unflattering state so many times. Somehow, it seemed more intimate than ever before. Maybe the difference was that she did not normally walk around improperly dressed. She was wearing loose, calf-length socks, a small t-shirt tied above her navel and underwear that did hardly anything to cover her cheeks.

“Good morning.” She looked at him warily, able to sense his weird mood.

He shrugged and said nothing. 

She was unbothered by his lack of good manners. He did not care if she was offended or not. Her casual behavior was offending him. But, he did not know how he expected her to behave. He just knew it was far different from the epic meltdown he had hours ago. There was no indication of her personal feelings as she carried out her usual morning ritual. She rearranged her flowers and threw out the dead ones. 

Sasori caught himself admiring how the width of her hips tapered into her narrow waist. _That_ was more of a flattering view. He frowned at himself. 

“Would you make yourself decent?” He tore his eyes away from her back side and met her eyes as she turned to face him. It was too late. 

Her eyes twinkled knowingly as she tilted her head. Sasori thought she was very aware of her ability to capture his attention no matter _what_ she did. Sakura was pretty in an obnoxious, overbearing way. Unable to be questioned. Much like everything else about her. Obnoxious and overbearing. 

“Are you sure you want me to do that?” She was standing in front of him. He had not realized she moved.

“You are shameless.” His looked up at her helplessly. She smiled sweetly. His hands reached for her, settling on her sharp hip bones. He pressed his face against her stomach. She sighed in bliss as he trailed down lower placing light kisses along his path. Her hands gently pushed his head lower until he stopped dangerously above her panty line. 

Sasori had decided that he would only do this once. And then he had made more exceptions. When was this going to end?

She seemed to sense his hesitation and loosened her hold on his hair. Guilt made her take a step back and give him space. She was doing it again. Being too pushy. Too much. This behavior was the cause of her decade long rejection. What man wanted such a needy woman? The sobering thought stiffened her posture. She brought her hands back to herself and averted her eyes to the floor, getting ready to apologize.

She was not expecting it when he grabbed her hands and pulled them back. It caused her stomach to lift in a pleasant way. He stood to his feet and rested his hands against her waist. She met him halfway as he leaned in to kiss her. Her hands reached for his face, thumbs settling against the corners of his parted lips. She returned his kiss with equal fervency.

Sasori decided he did not like the feeling of being pushed away. It was all she had to do to remind him of his hopelessness.

He pushed her onto the futon and kneeled between her legs. She watched as he tugged his shirt over his head. Lifting herself slightly, she helped him free him of the rest as he brushed his fingers against her sharp nipples, over her thin shirt. His fingers moved down to her damp, sticky underwear. There was nothing left for him to loose at this point. He moved her panties to the side and slid himself inside of her. Her breath hitched as he reached the back of her.

Her leg curled around his hip, trapping him against her. Refusing to give into her completely, he started a torturously slow pace. The wet sounds of her pleasure were nauseating and addictive. He wondered how it was possible to be simultaneously repulsed and aroused by something. Her hot breath tickled his neck. When her teeth grazed the sensitive flesh of his neck, he was motivated to press her deeper into the cushions and quicken his pace.

She pressed her lips against his and forced her tongue in his mouth. He pulled back and pinched her bottom lip between his teeth. She writhed beneath him attempting to gain control of their pace. Not allowing this, he locked her wrists in place and pushed deeper, relentlessly hitting the spot that would send her over the edge.

He felt her body tense beneath him as she cried out. No longer needing to hold back, he released himself the moment she reached her peak. They moved together, drawing out each other’s climax until there was nothing left to give. Sasori collapsed against her. Sakura felt her limbs turn to mush.

They remained in that position for a long moment as they panted heavily to catch their breath. He pulled himself out of her. She felt his semen pour out of her and trickle down her inner thigh. With her other leg still looped around him, she lowered her hand and cupped it between her thighs, collecting the rest of it between her fingers. He watched her as she brought her fingers to her lips and licked each one clean.

Sasori was beginning to question who was really winning. The view of her thighs glistening in his own fluids gave him a sense of empowerment. But, the look in her eyes gave him the the sense that she was devouring everything left of him. 

Maybe he needed to do this again until he was sure he had taken back every piece of himself she claimed. Confident in this answer, he reached for her again. She sighed as he leaned down to kiss that sensitive place where her neck meets her shoulder.

* * *

“You are a mess.” Sakura complained as the monstrously long toenail snapped under the pressure of her clippers. Sasori’s nails and hair were getting long. And he wasn’t doing anything about it. For someone as meticulous as him, it came as a surprise.

“I told you, I will not be in this body for much longer. There is no need to do this.”

Understanding his implications, Sakura went quiet. It was upsetting to hear that he was still ready to give up. Very upsetting. She filed down his nail into a perfect circular shape before moving on to the next. 

“I remember when I first met you, your nails were a gorgeous teal color.” She teased, attempting to lighten the mood. It was hard to find the right words for someone sold on the idea that death would solve their problems. It couldn’t be that simple, could it? “I think I may have a similar color in my bag…”

Sasori gave her a dry look. “I would prefer not to relive those days.” 

“If it was so bad, why did you stay?”

Sasori did not want time admit that he was unable to leave. “Once you were chosen by the Akatsuki, there was no escaping. Those that attempted were pursued until they were killed.” And if he wasn’t a match against Konan, he certainly wasn’t a match against Pein.

“Who recruited you?” She scooted herself behind him with a pair of scissors. 

“…Konan.” Sasori was still bitter about that.

“Hm. So Konan whipped your ass. I bet it was brutal.” She nodded in understanding.

He snapped his neck around to glare at her. “She did not _whip my ass.”_ Did all women from Konoha speak that way? Not that he personally gave a shit, but he recalled it being unacceptable in Suna.

Sakura quirked a brow. She snipped off a patch of dead ends. It fell to his shoulder.

“ I complied because I was inspired to find new pieces for my collection.”

“I see…” She snipped another section off. 

“Can we not talk about the Akatsuki?” That was another trauma Sasori preferred not to directly face. Especially now that there was no point.

“…Can I ask you something?” She asked hesitantly.

“No.” He dusted the patches of hair off of his shoulders. 

“Don’t be like that.” She swatted him.

“I don’t like when you start a conversation that way.” It meant that she was about to ask a question he did not want to answer. Something that caused him to become introspective. Facing his immense dissatisfaction never solved anything. It was only a painful reminder of the decades he wasted searching for a freedom that did not exist. 

“Have you ever been happy?” Of course, she never minded his boundaries.

Sasori skimmed the surface of his memories not daring to go much further. “I don’t know..” He wondered if misery was inherited. Chiyo was certainly miserable. Did she pass it down to his father to pass down to him? 

“What about you, Sakura? You spend an awful amount of time in my head. Even I can see that you are

That shut her up.

The tea kettle whistled loudly. She stood up and moved towards it as if she was on a life or death mission. Sasori stared her down through the entire process of making tea. She deliberately avoided eye contact. 

“Have you ever tried apricot tea?” She squeezed the life out of a sliced lemon. The juice collected in a small container below. 

Sasori ignored her question and continued to stare her down. She fidgeted as she waited for the contents to finish steeping. No sooner than it was finished, she carefully poured it into two cups.

“Are you going to ignore my question?”

“I’m sorry, I must have missed it over the noise of the tea kettle.” Sakura’s knee jerk reaction was to lie.

“Have you ever been happy?” 

“Yes. I’m happy riiiight now.” She sang out. “Wow it smells good.” She inhaled the steam wafting from the tea cups.

Sasori frowned. “You know what I mean. You just asked me the same thing.” Are you satisfied with the state of yourself and the world you created.

Of course she knew. Sakura simply did not know how to label the state of her well being. She could not say she was happy with herself. She spent her life chasing. Living in fight or flight mode. Falling short of her own expectations. The difference between her and Sasori was that her shortcomings spurred her to action. No matter how hopeless it seemed, Sakura could not do anything but push forward. This is what Sakura excelled in – enduring.

“Here. Try it.” She shoved a piping hot cup of tea in his hands.

He was caught off guard, having been on the edge of his seat waiting for her answer. He recovered quickly. 

“I will spit it on you if I don’t like it.” He warned. Sakura wasn’t always bad in the kitchen but sometimes her judgement was questionable.

“I promise, it’s going to be good this time.”

Sasori waited for it to cool down before sucking back a large sip. He swallowed a little but held most of it in his mouth. A stream of tea shot passed his lips, squirting her in the face.

She blinked. Tea dripped down her cheek. A wet lock of hair stuck to the side of her face. “Hey! I _know_ it wasn’t that bad…” Her mouth tugged into an mouth indignant frown.

“No, it was not. I just wanted to spit on you. For being an annoying brat.” It satisfied him more than he cared to admit.

“Well too bad for you, I spit back.” She quickly slurped until her cheeks were full and shot it straight in his face. He had just enough time to block with his hand, but it did little to help him. His face and shirt were soaked. He wiped the spit and tea off of his face.

“What did you expect?” She laughed.

He extended a line of chakra from his fingers and latched onto her. Sakura did not resist as he wrapped his threads around her, pulling her in. Sasori had meant it as a threat, but her complete submission gave him the impression that she did not feel threatened at all. Her face was a short distance from his own.

“So what now?” She gave him a challenging look with a hint of something else. Eagerness? Her bottom lip was pinched in between her teeth suggestively.

“What is wrong you?” He was becoming exasperated by her audacity. Nevertheless, he could find no reason to stop her from climbing in his lap. Not once had he ever foresaw himself falling so low. And enjoying it so much. 

His eyelashes fluttered as her soft fingertips skimmed along the sharp bridge of his nose, moving down to trace his lips. It tickled, but not in an unpleasant way. He nibbled her fingertip, looking up at her attentively. Waiting for whatever would come next. If this is what all of his terrible life decisions led up to, then he supposed he could accept these repercussions.

She pulled back her finger and and pressed her hands against his chest, digging her fingertips beneath his collarbone. Closing the small distance between their lips, she tilted her head, angling herself to capture him with staggering intensity. Sasori closed his eyes and sank against her plump, velvety lips. She made little sounds of content as he yielded to her. Sakura’s willingness to be so open and vulnerable was undeniably attractive to him.

It was ridiculous.

Sasori did not know whether to be more disturbed by this or that spitting in each other’s faces could lead to such a thing.

  
  


* * *

_It could be worse._

Sakura consoled herself at the brink of her fourth orgasm. The powerful feeling washed over her and drowned out her next thought. 

Her chest heaved as she floated back into her own awareness. Sweat formed at her hairline.

Yes, it could be worse. At least, she is not in love. That would leave real cause for concern.

Nevertheless, it was not good. This kind of affection was addicting. She sighed dreamily as he squeezed her thighs, massaging all the way down. All of the tension released beneath his firm touch. She never knew she could be so obsessed with a person’s hands. They were smooth and slender but had great strength. Likely a result of using them so much while never having to endure the hardships of battle. Either way, he was _really_ good with them. 

She wondered again what was going on in his head. His eyes were expressionless. He had not articulated any feelings on the matter nor had he mentioned if he held any expectations for her. She imagined it was a lot for him to process. Maybe it was just something he wanted to experience before dying. 

That thought stopped her cold. The idea of being a check on a dying man’s bucket list was too morbid for her to stomach. No, she didn’t think it would be good if he fell in love with her, but she _definitely_ didn’t want it to be _that._

_Stop overthinking._

She scolded herself. There was no turning back. She would have to deal with any repercussions later. 

Pushing back her doubt and regret that had come far too late, she reached for his beautiful hands still gripping her thighs. She pulled them to her chest and held them there. The darkness of the room swallowed everything around them. Soft light of the wall flames flickered across their pale, naked bodies, giving them an ethereal glow. It was most beautiful and perfectly peaceful moment she had ever shared with someone. She played with his hair, enjoying the texture in between her fingers. As part of their usual nightly routine, she did this until she fell asleep.

That night, she dreamed of him. Sliced his finger off and left them on her night stand. Held him close to her breasts as she scraped off his nose with her fingernail. Finished collecting all the parts of him she desired.

_Are you so empty that you must beg for the scraps of another human being?_

No, she was saving him. Preserving him. Honoring him.

Or was she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, I need explain this mess of a chapter. Although they have real feelings for each other, there are deeefinitely some issues. Sakura is starting to think that her feelings are derived from her insecurities over her failed endeavors and that she may be coming from a place of selfishness. Sasori has this backwards notion that he is taking back his own control, hoping that he will eventually get rid of Sakura’s influence. Meanwhile, I think they are crazy and need to get it together!
> 
> I apologize if there are tons of errors in this chapter. Work has been whipping my ass this week! I just wanted to kind of drabble without worrying too much over it. I honestly didn’t even proofread some parts at all. Hopefully, it’s not too bad. Feel free to call me out on it. And I hope that my writing does not show how many moods I’ve been through this week lol  
> As usual, I appreciate the mess out of y’all <3<3


	22. The Path to Home

  
A village had been brutally terrorized overnight. It was becoming a common scene that Sakura and Sasori would come across during their travels, and it was disheartening. True to her nature, Sakura had to stick her nose in it, much to Sasori’s dismay.

She observed the damage. Blood was soaked into blades of grass and splattered along the sides of the buildings. Fragments of shattered windows littered the ground, sparkling in the sunlight. Broken belongings were buried beneath piles of rubble. Bodies were moved to a corner of the village while the survivors prepared a burial site for them. Many had lost their lives but there were also a number of wounded. All women and children had been evacuated while the men stayed behind to defend. She watched as they returned, looking frantically around for their loved ones. Her eyes welled with tears. Sasori suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

“For all of their grand talk of peace, the alliance utterly fails at keeping it.” Sasori pointed out. From experience, he knew how easy it was to get around the defenses of the ‘great’ shinobi nations.

“It’s not their fault!” Sakura was always quick to defend the useless hidden villages.

“I don’t understand how you of all people would stand up for them. You were left to defend this world by yourself while the five kage and all of their forces were taken down.” He argued.

“I had my friends.” She quickly added.

“That’s not the point. I mean that these powerful leaders of the world left the entirety of the war in the hands of inexperienced children.” 

Sasori hated politics, but if he was forced to exist in this world, he had no choice but to at least be aware of them. The third shinobi war took things from him that he could never get back. He had resolved to never fight in one again. Although killing was easy for Sasori, and he loved it, most would not believe that he was not the wild animal they thought him to be. For him, there had to be a purpose behind his slaughters. Such as his art or his goals. Or if someone had shown him disrespect. Or stressed him out.

“I don’t think of it that way. Many people made sacrifices and contributed to the fight. They made it possible for us to get as far as we did.” She said after a moment of searching her brain for the proper response.

“You give the villages too much credit. They are lazy and complacent.”

Sakura gave up on the argument. There was no way to convince him otherwise. So she directed her energy elsewhere.

As the only person with any healing capabilities, Sakura made her rounds, working her way from one severely wounded person to the next. Sasori watched as she wiped blood, reconstructed bones and tissue, poured her chakra into drained bodies, one after another. Her movements were efficient and her focus never wavered. 

She was completely in her element. Not wandering off doing absent minded things as she has been lately. That was the Sakura he preferred. The one that inspired him with her discipline and raw talent. He realized exactly why he hated her self destructive habits. But, he could not fault her for it when he was more flawed than her.

“Help me out here.” She looked up at him. Her hands were hovering over a fractured bone pierced through the skin. The slit was gaping with green infection bubbling out.

For some reason, he felt oddly compelled to obey. 

“I don’t know how to do this.” He said as he kneeled across from her. The man in between them writhed and moaned. Sakura pressed her hand to his forehead, concentrating more of her chakra into him. It only soothed his fever as his infection continued to run spread through his blood.

“Give me your hands.” She demanded. “I need to borrow some of your chakra.”

He let her grab his hands and hold then between her own and the wound. 

“Now release chakra. Just the slightest amount. Don’t overdo it. I know you are capable of controlling your stream.” Her eyes were closed in concentration, prodding into him for his reserves. It was invasive. He would’ve killed anyone else for doing such a thing.

She immediately latched onto the small amount he released and pulled from him. His chakra slowly and steadily flowed out in a way that was hard to notice. If she wanted, she could drain him completely and he wouldn’t know. He imagined he would fall asleep and never wake up.

“All done.” She announced as she let go of his hands. “Onto the next.”

His opened his eyes as he realized she had let go of him. It was terrifying to think that she could have easily sucked out all of his chakra without him knowing it. She did it so subtly that it peacefully subdued him.

“Thank you! Thank you so much!” The man expressed his heartfelt gratitude in a way that made Sasori very uncomfortable. He glared down as the man kissed their feet and continued to sing his praise for them. It was the first time Sasori had ever saved a life. He did not particularly feel good about it. 

“Oh, it was nothing. No need for thanks.” Sakura waved him off. Her cheeks were red. She could see how awkward Sasori was feeling and worried that he might snap on the poor guy.

Sasori continued to follow Sakura and lend his chakra to her as she healed every wounded civilian. It was a pointless thing to do (everyone died sooner or later), but he always enjoyed watching shinobi of the highest caliber at work. She was definitely the best in her craft that he had ever known. It was a pity that he not made her a puppet instead of…well, he didn’t know what she was to him. Some sort of ally. He wouldn’t go as far as to call her a friend. Sasori could not keep friends alive.

“You have a natural talent for this.” Sakura rubbed hand sanitizer over her hands. She squeezed the bottle, dripping some in his palm.

“No I don’t. All I am doing is allowing you to draw from my chakra.” He dipped his finger in the glob and swirled it around his palm. The breezy sensation was weird. He did not want to rub that substance in his skin.

“Not just anyone can direct chakra so precisely. You controlled the stream. I only guided it to the damaged cells.” She watched as he continued to poke around the gelatinous blob as if it was offensive to him.

“Of course I can stream my chakra with precision. I can use medical ninjutsu. Just not very effectively.” Sasori was well aware of his talents. He did not need to be told. All the talent he inherited was a waste. He only ever wanted to create art. Cultivate beautiful things that lasted forever.

“You could. If you wanted to.” 

“I don’t want to.” He crossed his arms.

“I know you don’t want to. I’m just saying you could.” She put her fists on her hips and leaned her chest forward, looking up at him. 

“You two!” They looked to the source of their interruption.

A young man approached them. They watched cautiously as he walked towards them. He had the air of someone well mannered and soft spoken. First glance gave Sakura the impression that he was someone of importance. Most likely a figure of authority in this village. 

“I don’t know who you are, but I cannot thank you enough for what you have done.” The man bowed in front of them.

“Then don’t.” Sasori was well over his daily capacity for interactions. The best he could do was shut them down before he ended up destroying what was left of the village and wasting all of their hard work.

“Could you not?” Sakura hissed under her breath. 

“I apologize for my friend’s rudeness. He gets snappy when he’s low on chakra.” Her face brightened in an attempt to make up for Sasori’s foulness.

“I am in no way offended. As a matter of fact, I am very indebted to you. We don’t have much, but please have dinner with us. You have recovered this entire village. It is the least I can do.” He offered.

She gave Sasori sideways glance. Obviously, this was not going to be cool with him. His irritation was becoming a tangible thing. She could feel it floating around in the air. Threatening her to not take this man up on his kindness. 

“That sounds lovely.” She said anyway.

Sasori did not vocalize his complaints, but she knew he would be mad at her for the next few hours.

But screw him. All of this traveling and fighting was wearing her down. They had not stopped in weeks, and she needed a break. They had been clearing out more hideouts. The intel they found when she was kidnapped was useful. It led them to four different hideouts – all in obscure places of different countries.

“Excellent. Please follow me.” He turned and started walking, without waiting for them to follow.

“Don’t embarrass me.” She hissed low enough for only Sasori to hear. 

“Then do not make me stay here long.” He hissed back.

They spent the next few hours receiving the gratitude of the villagers. Sakura did not necessarily expect to be rewarded for her efforts, but she certainly wasn’t going to turn it down. Sasori embarrassed her by declining the village elder’s offer of sake explaining that Sakura has an alcohol problem. He did this specifically to spite her.

“No. She cannot have one glass. It will cause her to relapse into her addiction.”

Sakura could’ve killed him for it.

The village elder had laughed it off and insisted that there was no such thing as an alcohol problem. 

He pressured them both into drinking. Sasori let his glass sit there untouched. Sakura thought he had been fairly tolerant although he did not speak to anyone. Sakura knew immediately when he had enough and tried to excuse them. The village elder insisted that they stay just this one night, so she accepted his offer.

* * *

They nipping wind let Sakura know that winter was approaching. After weeks of suffering through rainstorms, they would be facing a new problem. It was going to start getting really cold. It also meant she had been gone from home for a long time. The reminder forced her to face the reality she did not want to deal with – it was only a matter of time until this blew up in her face. You could only live in two different worlds for so long until they collapsed in on you.

This new life was fulfilling her in ways that she never experienced back in the village. She was actually making a real difference in the world. People had been out there suffering as she stayed sheltered in a thriving and well protected village. There was a real burden that came with being privileged. She had to live with the guilt of having everything she could never be grateful for. For the first time in her life, she felt that she was heading down the path that had been laid out for her.

Not only had she felt more sure of her place in the world, Sasori seemed to be finding some level of peace within his true self. It happened so gradually that she almost forgot the awful state she found him in. One day, she noticed that he no longer had that haunted look. Like his soul had given up on his body and left it to rot out. It was a small step forward, but it made Sakura realize that she never wanted to see that look again. And not just on him – on anyone. 

Did she have any contribution to his progress? She did not know but allowed herself to believe so anyway. They got along well. Sasori blatantly refused to get along with anyone else. That was the proof she was running with. She must have had _some_ sort of impact on him.

_Home isn’t going to feel like home again._

That thought stiffened her shoulders. Her jaw clenched tight enough to grit her teeth painfully.

“You seem troubled.” The son of the village elder had approached her where she was sitting on the bridge. Her feet dangled over the edge. The calm water expanded out into the darkness. Trees reflected under the moonlight. Normally, she would be lying on a rooftop looking at the stars during her nighttime musings, but that was not normal behavior in a civilian village.

“It’s nothing. I just don’t sleep well in strange places.” She continued looking over the water, not exactly wanting company right now. Sasori had wandered off somewhere. Probably couldn’t bring himself to stay on the village grounds. He would be back. As many times as he threatened to leave her behind, he always returned for her.

“Where is your friend?” He looked around, surprised to see her alone.

“Well, uh, I don’t know. He gets antsy around people. I would guess he’s out getting fresh air. Please don’t take it personal.” Sakura wanted to turn him away to sulk in peace. He was just to damn nice for her to do it in good conscience.

“I don’t.” He leaned against the rail and gently shook his head. “There’s something special about him…and you too. I can sense it.”

“I wouldn’t say that about me. But Sasori? Definitely.” He had no idea. And she would not say anymore on that.

“How old is he? I sense he is much older than he looks.”

“You can sense that?” She turned her head to look at him fully.

“Ah. Never mind. Just a feeling.” He scratched his head awkwardly.

“Huh…” she stared at him curiously.

“Are you lovers?” He asked out of nowhere.

Sakura almost fell backwards, caught off guard by that direct question.

“Well, um, no.” Depends on what he meant by that, she thought to herself.

“I see.” He gave her a pensive look. 

She fidgeted under his gaze.

“Sorry, I did not mean to impose upon you. I have a bad habit of trying to read into people. There are some things I feel like I can just sense. The villagers think I am weird for it.” He laughed nervously.

Interesting. He was a sensor and didn’t seem to know. Apparently, he had aptitude for using chakra and could not control it. He was most likely another civilian that should have belonged to a shinobi village. She imagined he was not a real son of the village elder.

“Oh don’t worry about it. I don’t think you are weird for it. Trust me when I say it doesn’t get weirder than us.” She brushed off the paranoid feeling that he knew things he was not saying. 

“Why do you think your village was attacked?” She asked.

His face visibly tensed. His mouth opened to answer, but then he closed it and exhaled through his nose. The cutting wind blew his hair over the side of his face, concealing it from her view.

“Probably because of me.” He finally answered. 

“Hmm.” Sakura thought about that. “I guess there is something special about you as well.”

Sakura didn’t want to know anymore “special” people. They always came with baggage. It was easier to take on the problems of others when you did not know their names. She turned herself around and hopped down from the ledge she was perched on. “It was nice talking to you. I’m getting tired. I’m gonna head in now.”

“Yes. I was about to say the same. Sleep well.” He bowed before turning off into the opposite direction.

* * *

  
  


Kakashi stood from his chair and stretched his back. The pops rippled down his spine. He winced at the reminder that he added five years to his age by taking on this job. It had only been a few months he had been stuck on the top floor of the hokage tower.

This wasn’t the way he was used to solving problems. He did not know the third dealt with this role for so many years. Stacks of papers were sprawled across his desk. One in particular had his attention. A letter written to Suna. Kakashi was not sure if he should open this can of worms before having all the fine details.

He picked up a broken piece of wood and turned it over in his hand. If it weren’t for the kanji etched in red, he would not have assumed it be anything more than a meaningless piece of debris. The most peculiar thing of it was that the kanji read ‘scorpion.’

One of the teams brought it back from another destroyed hideout. That was also an odd thing. They did not know who was responsible for completely wiping out those bases. Kakashi’s senses told him that this was no coincidence.

So what did all of this mean? Either someone had recycled or had stolen pieces from Suna’s late puppet master. Or worse case scenario, he was alive. Kakashi did not put it past a former Akatsuki member to surpass death. Even if they had seen it with their own eyes. If he was actually alive, did that mean others were too? He knew this had to be looked into but was unsure if he should involve Suna at this point.

Of all times for Sakura to run off to who knew where. 

She was the only person in the world able to identify Sasori. He needed to recount all of the details from her battle with him. It was possible that they may have overlooked something important. 

He folded the letter to Suna and locked it in his top drawer. It would be better to sleep on this decision. He removed his robes, turned out the light and closed the door behind him.

  
  



	23. Denial Then Loss

  
The restoration of the village had been moving along nicely. Sakura did not want to leave. She used the excuse of lending her help for the next few days to buy herself more time. Sasori left and returned several times. Each return, he became more exasperated with her.

“I like it here.” She stated upon his most recent return. 

This village by the sea was perfect in every way. The rushing waves slamming onto the shore, carrying in the salty, cool breeze. Endless blue skies. Peaceful days filled with simple labor and lounging beneath the warm sun. Living in a place like this was a pipe dream for Sakura. She was going to stretch it out as long as she could.

Sasori spent the day with her. And he so happened to be in one of those vicious moods he got in. She had a feeling he was going to announce that he refused to come back for her again. If he did, well then, she guessed it was time to say goodbye to this beautiful dream of a village. Her eyes scanned the coast, committing the postcard view to her memory. 

They were sitting on the shore having an early dinner. Sakura watched in amusement as he made several faces with varying levels of concentration and disgust as he picked through his food. It was still difficult for him to stomach certain smells or textures. He finally pushed his plate of vegetables and pork slices to the side and unwrapped a blue popsicle. Noticing her staring, he glared at her from over his popsicle and flicked a soggy mushroom at her.

“Tomorrow we leave or I will leave without you. There is still have work to do, and you insist on wasting time.” He shoved the popsicle further down in his mouth. The freeze stung through the nerves of his teeth on contact. He winced.

“You’re so meeeeaaan.” She whined. The sun blared directly in her watery eyes.

“You are being a baby.” He face softened.

“I know. I just wanted to forget for a while.” She looked out wistfully towards the water. “It’s so peaceful here.” 

Shinobi were never free. This was the life she chose. Unfortunately, it could not be “unchosen.” Maybe one day she would retire and travel. Wouldn’t that be nice.

“You had your fun. I’m sure you have overstayed you’re welcome.” The wind picked up, blowing his hair off of his forehead.

She crossed her legs and folded her arms over chest. Red manicured nails curled around her slender bicep. The shimmery sunscreen she coated herself in flashed across her cheekbone. Sasori absently wondered how she often painted her nails to always keep them immaculate. He never noticed her painting them.

“I think you just miss sucking on my toes.” She watched a seagull pick up Sasori’s mushroom.

His face pinched. “You are disgusting.” He picked up another mushroom and threw it at her face.

* * *

Sakura rinsed her skin of the salt and sand. This was the last time she would end her day with a mind cleansed by the sound of ocean waves. It was a pity. She could see herself living here. Not ever worrying over anything. Just doing what she did best – healing and helping. Then, she would end every day by the water. Sasori would come and go as he pleased, free to do whatever he does when he’s alone. Disembowel people? She honestly did not want to know.

It was all a ridiculous fantasy. She knew all good things came to an end sooner rather than later. Her goodbyes would have to be said because she was leaving first thing in the morning.

She watched a lone bird swooped down from the sky, dipping straight towards her. The peculiar black and white colors of the bird were what caught her attention. Her eyes widened as it made a beeline straight towards her, not slowing down. She fumbled for the scroll tucked into her thigh holster, spreading it out on the ground just in time for the bird to dive into it. Ink formed into words across the blank scroll. Her heart started racing as she rotated it around to read the contents. 

_Sakura:_

_I need you back in the village. A team has found belongings of the former Akatsuki puppet master. We have reason to believe he may be alive. Please return ASAP. Will need you to recount all details of your battle with him._

Sakura’s heart dropped down to her stomach. She stared at the scroll as the ink faded until the words were no longer visible, as if she could conjure up a different combination of words. Anything other than the ones she just read. She _knew_ she had been doing bad things and that it was only a matter of time until it all caught up to her. It became easier to forget as time separated her further from her _real_ life.

“Shit.” She hissed, completely beside herself in disbelief.

Of course, she anticipated being called back home. Did she that it would be because of Sasori? No, but only because she purposefully avoided that consideration. Now that she was forced to consider it, she didn’t know how she had not foreseen this. 

And that was another issue. Breaking that news to him. What exactly was she supposed to tell him? That she had to go back home to report everything she knew of him so that he could be captured? She didn’t think that would go over well. 

Not allowing herself to process any more feelings on the matter, she wiped her face roughly with a rag, attempting to shed this layer of her life away. It had to be done. She thought of the many ways to spin this explanation of her sudden departure to Sasori. None sounded adequate to her, and she knew, would not to him.

  
  


* * *

“I’m going home tomorrow.” Sakura said this as she picked at the ends of her hair.

Sasori did not have a response ready for such an abrupt statement. He waited for her to finish that sentence. Or correct it because he wasn’t sure if she meant to say that in the way he interpreted it.

She said nothing further as she continued to keep her eyes down, fiddling with her hair. A few minutes passed as they both waited on each other to say _something._

“Did you hear me?” She peeked at him from behind the curtain of her hair.

“Yes. I don’t know what you are expecting me to say.” He smothered the stream of questions with forced indifference. 

The following silence was awkward as he attempted to process the ugliness of his feelings. He felt betrayed. There was no reason for him to feel this way. Sasori never thought of himself as an idiot, but he was becoming more and more of one every day. The worst part was that he couldn’t do anything to fix it.

“Why?” He could not stop himself from asking.

Sakura did that thing she did when she was figuring a way to twist her truths. Her mouth pinched, her eyes focused on something completely irrelevant, her fingers gripped the edge of her skirt. He narrowed his eyes at her, daring her to come up with some half ass truth Why was it so difficult for her to be honest? 

“I was called back to Konoha by the Hokage.” She said.

“And?”

“I have a mission.”

“You haven’t finished your last mission.” He rebutted.

“I know. But it’s a mission specifically for me.” She should really tell him. He needed to know so that he could avoid getting caught. Somehow, she doubted it would go down that way. He would probably attack the village for attempting to retain him.

“So that’s it? You’re just going to leave?” Sasori failed to keep the anxiousness from hhis tone. Relearning to cope with himself alone was not something he had prepared to do. He knew it very well should have been.

“…Are you upset with me?” She was looking at him, and he wished she wouldn’t. 

He closed his lips tight. It was getting harder to keep his disappointment from spreading in the air.

“No. I’m not.” He was upset. Half because of her. The other half was at himself. When did he begin to assume that Sakura was for him? You can’t own human beings. Nevertheless, he felt a black void opening. Millions of lights turned off in his brain.

“Then don’t give me that look. I have to leave, but I can’t bare to leave on anything less than pleasant terms. You mean a lot to me, you know.” Her eyes roamed his face, looking for something to latch onto. Give her direction. That moment, she was twirling down into a bottomless pit.

“Sakura. I don’t care if you leave.” All of the cracks in his expression melted away. He stepped around her and removed himself from the thick cloud that always seems to encompass her. It was going to be his undoing.

Sakura watched as he walked away. All of the words she had to say knotted up in her throat. She wanted to reach out and grab him with all of her unnatural force. Hold him down until he listened and _understood_ her.

Instead, she returned to her room and laid down in her bed. The sun had not set, but she suddenly felt too worn down to do anything else. Tomorrow, everything would go back to normal, and all of this would cease to exist. It was the way things had to be. She closed her eyes and curled up into a ball, determined to sleep off her debilitating emptiness.

  
  


* * *

Affection had the guise of softness. Such a thing was for the weak and vulnerable, Sasori had once believed. He realized it was far more savage than he had accredited it for. There was hardly a way to recognize it’s intrusion until it gutted you from the inside. It was not something that could be contained and preserved. Attempting to do so would drive a person into madness.

Chiyo saw the ghost of his father in him. Refused to see anything else. He asked her why she was so angry with him. She never did give him a straight answer. 

“You are upset that she is leaving.” Yuyake stated bluntly. Not asking him. Telling him.

“I am not.” Sasori did not look at him. He carefully tamed his voice as he spoke. 

Yuyake’s solid black eyes bore into him. “I will ask you this only because I think you must consider it – are you prepared to leave this world in the state you are in now?”

Sasori frowned. “I don’t know what you mean. That is an irrelevant question.”

“I think you know what I mean. Let me reword this. Can you honestly say that you have been a reflection of your own principles? 

“Of course I am.” No. But Sasori did the best he could.

“Master. If you would allow me to be candid, I would like to express my concern.”

“You talk too much.” He did want to know where Yuyake was going with this.

“I think you have spent so much time lying to yourself that you do not know who you are anymore.”

Sasori’s frown deepened. “I don’t think you know who I am either. You choose to see a side of me that no longer exists.”

“You are wrong.” 

Yuyake remembered the red-headed, introverted child that took great care of his pets and dolls. Every living and non-living thing was given a name and it’s own special place in his room. The young Sasori spoke to each one individually. Yuyake was among his collection of companions. He gave him baths every night and insisted on sharing all of his meals with him. Neither were necessary, but the sentiment inspired a loyalty that Yuyake could never abandon.

“Will you be able to look your father in the face in the afterlife? Convince your mother that you were worthy of the months she carried you in her womb?”

“I just want to die in peace. That’s all.” He was hyper focused on Yuyake’s shadow. 

“You need to find peace _before_ you die.” 

The sun was just beginning to set. It was taking away what remained of the warm weather. His bare arms were sprinkled in goose flesh. Yuyake’s words made him feel more vulnerable than his exposure to the cold air. Such a small presence should not be able to upset the certainty of his complexion. His silence pressured Sasori to continue expressing his thoughts.

“What are you expecting me to say?” He hated when Yuyake did that.

“Nothing. I’m asking that you consider these things. If you aren’t certain of these answers, you need to make it your priority to figure them out.”

Sasori didn’t say anything. It was pointless to argue when Yuyake could see straight through him. He watched him die twice. With each resurrection, he discarded more of his himself. Yuyake was the small fragment of the world left to remind him of his own birth given name. That he had a real beginning before loosing all authenticity. He would have easily forgotten that he was not always a creature cursed for defying the natural order of the universe.

“And, you need to be honest with Sakura. Even you can see she is lost and in need of a real friend. If you are incapable of being that, then you need to let her go. After all she has done for you, it is what you owe to her.”

“She is better off here. Her night terrors are going away and she no longer drinks.” This was enough proof for Sasori that he was what she needed. Her village was not good for her.

“Those are merely symptoms of deeper problems. She is gaining control of them, but they are still present and will be as long as she does not face them head on.” Yuyake always had a way of cutting his logic in halves.

“She is fine.” He snapped.

“What is it that you want from her? There is no good reason for her to be here. Yet, the mention of her returning home - which must happen eventually, distresses you.”

He was digging in those places Sasori purposefully avoided. It was pissing him off. He already had it all justified in his head. If he said it out loud, he was not sure that it would sound convincing even to his own ears.

Not answering was just as bad. He watched a couple of old men carry stacks of crates across the bridge. Sweat drenched their shirts. Their fingernails were black with dirt. What Sakura saw in a place like this was beyond him. Yuyake’s question prodded at him as he contemplated the humbleness of a civilian village. There was nothing in the world more dreadful to him.

He patiently waited for him to formulate some sort of excuse, but Sasori had none to offer.

“I don’t know what I want specifically.” A vague answer was best.

The only thing he knew for sure was that Sakura made things feel right. So he wanted to keep her. He was selfish for it, but it did not matter. It was no secret that she was doing the same thing.

“Do you love her?”

“No.” Sasori answered without hesitation. He would never entertain that possibility. Everyone Sasori had ever loved died immediately. He would not condemn Sakura to such a fate. It would be selfish to ‘love’ her.

He was left to watch the sky turn orange and then blue. It took him three hours to make up his mind.

* * *

A few soft taps on Sakura’s shoulder caused her to stir. Awareness creeped in as her eyelids fluttered open. She rolled from her side, sprawling on her back. Untucking her legs from her chest, she stretched them out, relieving the cramps. It felt like she had been sleeping for a long time. Sasori blinked down at her. She blinked back at him. 

“Wake up.” He said. 

“I’m awake.” She stared at him. 

He was sitting next to her, looking in her face with a pensive expression. She felt self conscious of her dry lips and tangled locks of hair. He had not come to her at night since they had been in this village.

“What is it?” She asked after a few more awkward moments of staring. The memories of their last conversation came back, making her feel sore and tired all over again.

He sighed and brushed his fingers against her shoulder. Her head was spinning as she considered whether she wanted to slap his hand away or hold it between her own. 

“I want to be honest with you.” 

A few more moments of silence passed after he made that statement. The old walls of the room cracked from an outside breeze. Sakura lifted herself and perched her head on her hand, supported by her elbow.

“I lied earlier. I do care that you are leaving. I’ve never cared more about anything.” He confessed. The words sliced his soul apart as they came up. He could sense his curse floating in the black corners of the room. 

Sakura breathed out and felt lighter immediately. “I’m glad.” She smiled up at him. He could see the upward curve of her mouth in the dark. “You really hurt me when you said that.”

“Do you really have to leave?”

“Oh Sasori. I’m no good for you, and you know it.” She thought of all the times she tried to absorb him to fill all the empty spaces of her body.

“Who is actually good?” Nobody. Actually, she was too good for him. She had once told him she was happy he was alive. It became the only statement that ever mattered to him.

“Lay down, please. You’re making my neck hurt.” She lifted her blanket and moved over to make space for him.

He shifted to get under with her. She wrapped her arms around his back as he scooted in close, resting his head against her chest. He loved laying on her, taking in her unique smell and moving against her soft skin. It was hard described it, but he imagined this was what coming home would feel like if he ever had one. He only knew of the feeling through fictional stories.

Being wrapped in her warmth, triggered a startling epiphany. Yuyake was right. Sakura had done so much for him, but he had not done anything for her. No wonder she wanted to leave. Would he stay by someone if they sucked the life out of him as he gave to them? No. He would not.

If he wanted her to stay, he was going to have to prove to her that he was worth it. He would never be worth it. Her fingernails gently raked his scalp. 

His nose bent against her sternum as he moved his face in to press a kiss against her collarbone.

“I missed you.” She whispered. He knew what she meant by that.

They removed their clothes, and he ended up inside of her.

Sasori had so many impossible expectations. Nobody had ever checked all of his metaphorical boxes. His sensei had called him a queer before he had any concept of sexual preferences. Because _how can a fatherless boy that played with dolls ever learn to become a man?_ He still did not know how that was relevant to being a man.

He later concluded he had no preference. Everyone he had ever known was inadequate, and the concept of intimacy left him uninspired. Sakura was the only person to ever make him feel underserving. He supposed it was the reason he was so fixated on her.

Her moans were muffled against his shoulder as he reached deeper, attempting to pull the doubt from her. This was always what she wanted from him. If he could do nothing else for her, at least he could do this. Tear her apart and pull her back together. Make her new - his most refined piece of art. But not in his conventional way.

He came inside of her. When he pulled away, she felt the loss. The beginning of all the miles that were soon to separate them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter where Yuyake is so done with Sasori’s crap lol
> 
> Next chapter may take a little longer. I am finally going to go back and refine/fix some of these chapters.


	24. Fighting for Nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said it would take longer for an update, but I liiiieeeed. This chapter just sort of came to me, so I had to write it before I lost it.

_“_ Why are you so absent _?”_

Absent.

Why? Because Sasori realized he had been missing a piece of knowledge vital to his existence. Nobody had bothered to explain to him that humans were conditioned to desire unattainable things the most. If he had known this, he would have set himself on fire the second he woke up in an entire human body. Way before he allowed Sakura to sink her teeth into the soft, squishy parts of him.

He spent his last few hours shifting from one mood to another. His monumental ego never allowed him to properly grieve. Instead, he focused all of his energy on resenting Sakura for being the one of them that cared less.

She said something again. It buzzed around as background noise. He did not feel like talking all about nothing with her. The energy in the room shifted as it does when Sakura lets go of her forced politeness.

“You’re being really fucking rude right now!” She yanked her boot over her calf. Frustration reddened her cheeks.

Sasori gave her a bored sideways glance.

“Stop giving me that look! I just saw you try to glare a hole in the ceiling. You’re mad at me again.” She threw her hands up and stood to her feet. “I _hate_ when you close off like that!”

“I’m not mad. I’m tired of being in this room with you. It stinks in here.” He was mad at her, but he couldn’t give her the satisfaction of admitting it. There was no real reason for him to be angry. Only that he was hopelessly irrational. Again, he had set his impossible expectations on a person and was suffering the consequences as a result.

“If it stinks in here, then it _must_ be you because it _certainly_ isn’t me.” It was just like Sasori to spit his venom at her to avoid discussing real matters. “I’m disappointed. I thought you were going to be honest now.”

He observed her cheeks puffed in indignation. A distant thump sounded from outside. Morning light began to seep in from beneath the crack of the door. 

“I’m going to miss you, Sasori. But I’m _not_ going to miss that nasty attitude of yours!” She continued.

“I told you everything I had to say. You are still leaving. Apparently, it made no difference.” 

Sasori wondered at what point had he stopped wanting to kill her for breathing the wrong way. Now, he wanted to listen to her breathe, speak or yell. It did not matter what she said as long as she stayed.

Her self righteous anger exited her in a long sigh. She set her gaze to the door and slumped her shoulders forward. Knowing she had no choice did not lessen her guilt. As a missing nin, Sasori would not be able to understand. It didn’t feel fair. Having to reject Sasori after he put himself out there for her. She had wanted his honesty but had no place to put it.

“If I don’t report back, a team of Anbu will hunt me down. That’s not going to go over well for me.”

Sasori shrugged. His refusal to look at her felt like another one of his viscous stab wounds. This one poisoned her spirit instead of her blood.

Sakura had vastly underestimated the effects of intimacy. She always assumed that it would destroy any potential of a relationship that should be built on love and respect. Because what was left to desire from a person after they had given you everything at no cost? It was what her mother taught her. 

Sakura realized how wrong her mother had been. If anything, it had opened up channels to places within her she had not been ready to explore. Not after Sasuke. Not ever.

Her first run in with intimacy was the day she lost her virginity to Naruto. It had been after another mission of searching for Sasuke ending in them being cut at the ankles by his coldness. Both were feeling vulnerable and hopeless. It was a one time mistake that they both acknowledged as such. 

That day they had rolled around in the grass together, Naruto had put his feelings for her to rest for good, realizing that they had come from his centuries old spiritual rivalry with Sasuke. Then it became about missing him and wanting to salvage the pieces of him that were left. Taking each other was like treasuring Sasuke’s old clothes and belongings. Any real feelings they could have ever cultivated died in that one moment. They both accepted that Sasuke would always be wedged in the middle of them.

It had been painful to accept when Naruto purged himself of her, finally able to be with the woman that the universe carefully sculpted for him. For her to be known as the terrible mistake Naruto had made in his pursuit of true love was heartbreaking. To be the stepping stone for his personal growth. Not the woman that held him together when he needed to fall apart. Everyone knew she wasn’t good enough for him. The worst part of it was that she truly cherished Naruto. They all asked him why he held onto her for so long, but she knew why. _Sasuke._

And then there was a one time incident with Sasuke. It was some time after he returned to the village before leaving again. That one was even more devastating because it gave her the false sense that she was _finally_ living the life she had always envisioned for herself. The world was peaceful, and she contributed to it. Sasuke was back, and she had him. Naruto was happy. 

The next morning, he did not remember it happening. He had not recognized her as she laid next to him and attacked her. She supposed it was her fault for not realizing that Sasuke was still a victim of the darkness that possessed him for years. All the same, it was humiliating and traumatizing. _And every fucking body in the village found out._ That single-handedly destroyed every hope she had left for a life with Sasuke.

All of this had led her to believe that she was love was never meant for her. No matter how much she wanted it. Likely because there was no real substance caged beneath her bones, she had believed.

But then, everything was very different with Sasori. He did not look through her, searching for hidden potential. There was nothing worldly anchoring them together. Her body unintentionally found his and instinctually responded to his every need. Like she was designed specifically for him. And, she would not lie, she could not quite have enough of him. Whatever her soul saw in him, it wanted more of. Sakura had never before entertained the concept of soulmates, but she could not deny that it felt predetermined.

She recalled those moments that Sasori made her feel worth something, and it became clear to her why exactly she felt that way. Looking at him was staring the ugliness of her own soul in the face and daring see the beauty in it.

Naruto was her midday sun, beaming down on her and casting her dark shadow on the concrete. Sasuke was her midnight sky, shrouding her in endless darkness, bringing out all of her greatest insecurities and worst fears. Sasori was both the dawn and the twilight. Those times of the day when the world went quiet, mystified by the certainty that everything was _right._

There was no way for her to express this to him, but she felt like he knew. Even if the idea never surfaced to the forefront of his mind. It was that familiarity they shared during their first battle. Like their souls had been aquatinted well before their flesh.

No. She could never express this to him.

“You look constipated when you think that hard.” Was the statement that broke her from her thoughts.

If he could only keep his dumb ass comments to himself.

“My god. Can you shut your mouth long enough for me to think something nice about you? Really – you aren’t funny at all.” She sulked.

“I am not laughing.” And he really wasn’t. Sasori’s face was contorted as if he had just swallowed a can of rotten sardines. He was still obviously in a bad mood because of her. It was rare for him to not be in a bad mood though.

Sakura realized how long she had been muddling in her thoughts when she noticed that Sasori was fully dressed. He was wrapping those white bandages all the way from his fingers to his biceps. There were no longer any scars weaving in complex patterns across his arms, but he could never have enough layers to cover his vulnerabilities.

“…What were you thinking?” Even to himself, he did not want to admit that he longed for more words that would give his existence some meaning. He would stow them away for later.

“Well now I’m not so sure I want to share. I think nice things about you, and you insult me by saying I have a constipated face.” She half whined.

“You did.” He tied the loose ends of his bandages. The mess of his bright hair hung over his eyes.

She focused her attention on folding her blanket neatly, feigning irritation with him. Really, she was avoiding his question. Those thoughts didn’t need to be pronounced. Nothing good could come of it. If he didn’t already know, then perhaps she was wrong. Maybe she was still that starry eyed little girl that wanted to believe romance was real.

“What were you thinking?” She felt his hands snake around her hips. His breath swept over her ear causing her whole body to relax against him. When did he get there? She hadn’t noticed.

“Why do you wanna know so bad?” She closed her eyes, leaning back.

“Because I shouldn’t be the only one that has to be honest.”

It was a fair point.

“Ok.” Sakura blew a lock of hair out of her face. 

She turned around to loop her arms around his shoulders, her hands meeting at the nape of his neck. “I was just thinking about how much I began to rely on you and why I clung to you so hard.”

“Why was that?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“You made me feel better. About myself.” That did not even begin to explain it. There was so much more. “No. That’s not right. But I thought it though. At least at first.”

He waited for her to start making better sense. She tilted her head down, looking towards the floor.

“I don’t know. I just…” The tears began to creep in her vision. “Now that I’ve had you, I don’t know where to go from here.” She choked up her words. “I never expected to meet you again. And to be so…” There were so many words but none were enough to express the depths of her sentiments for him. “You know, I really don’t want to be without you.”

When Sakura knew what she wanted, she could not compromise. This ‘good quality’ often left her with hurt feelings. There really was nowhere to go from here.

“You make things more complicated than they need to be.” He tilted her chin back up to look at him. Sakura was exhausting. Sasori grimly reminded himself that nobody was more complicated than him. Saying this made him a hypocrite.

Sakura had been through the most rigorous trainings known to man, but she could never train herself to not cry. There was no stopping it once it started. She rubbed at her puffy, wet eyes and sniffled down a wad of snot. Her entire face felt hot.

“It is very complicated, Sasori. I didn’t make it that way.” She sniffed.

“I want to belong to you.” He did not know what that meant. Was it possible to figure it out? Or would it take hundreds of years for him to make things right with Sakura? The memory of slicing her open sickened him.

She swallowed. Her eyes shifted around his face as he held her in place. Everything she had lined up to say dispersed in her stomach like fireworks exploding and fading to nothing. He tugged her arms from his neck and wrapped his fingers around her fists.

“I want to take everything you have to give.” Her mouth spoke for her.

“Then it’s all yours.” It was never his choice to make. He closed the distance and planted a kiss beneath her ear.

“But I can’t stay.” Her shoulders shook. The breath in her lungs rattled her chest. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice was thick with pain.

His fingers loosened and slid to her elbows as he pulled away. She lowered her head, and held her breath. History showed that one look could be enough to send the world spinning off its axis.

“Then we are wasting time right now.” 

Sasori did not have the emotional capacity to deal with this. It took less than a second for him to pull himself back together as if the conversation had never occurred.

“We’re not wasting time! Don’t say that…” She gripped him by the shoulders. 

“I’m not mad at you. I don’t have any expectations left.” He watched her for a long moment, giving her one last chance to rebut him. Hoping she would.

When it was apparent that there was nothing left to be said, he let his hands fall back to his sides. He had started all of this against his better judgement. There was no room for him to blame her.

Sasori turned for the door.

Sakura had much she wanted to say, but nothing was profound enough to remedy their mess. She watched him leave through blurred vision. All along, she knew it would have to come to this.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plz don’t boycott my story just yet lol. I know, I know I’m very cruel. But I’m not finished.
> 
> I was listening to Edge of Desire by John Mayer when I thought of this chapter. It is completely inspired by this song. Actually, I think it reflects the entire mood and message of this story.


	25. Cold Water

  
Konoha was a village that never slept. It was midnight when Sakura returned. Many people were loitering the streets and slipping in and out of the darkness into the warm glow of bar rooms and restaurants. The smoky autumn air persisted, leaving no room for the cold weather that had reached the outside world. Konoha was truly a world of its own. Sakura felt it suck her back in as if it had been impatiently waiting for her.

She observed the scene with disdain. _That’s right. It’s Saturday night._ Keeping up with the days had not been on a her radar for a while. Nor had been keeping up with the months. She plopped down on the nearest bench and slouched back. All of the grief she had set aside to deal with later waited on her to acknowledge it. She refused to.

There was nothing to take it out on. Sasori had been the willing victim of her grief many times.

Sakura dropped her bag next to her feet. It was so dirty that the yellow took on a gross brown color. The straps were frayed and one appeared to be on its last thread. She imagined she looked homeless to any passerby. The same three outfits she carried on her person were well worn.

She should’ve gone straight home, but doing so would force her to face the reality that she was alone again. And Sasori was out there even more alone and completely let down by her. It had to happen, but nothing felt right about it. Her melancholy was inconsolable.

Maybe she should’ve thought about this before inserting herself into his space, demanding his attention. She hadn’t done it with the intention of leaving a gaping a hole in his new, fragile existence. It’s exactly what she had done anyway. It had to be the most selfish thing she’d ever done in her life, and now she would have to live with that on her conscious.

The only possible way she could redeem herself in her own eyes was to protect him from a distance, to the extent of her ability. She had to keep him safe. For his sake and for her own. Mostly for his. She wanted to communicate to him that she was on his side no matter what it looked like. Even if she were ever forced to fight against him.

Sakura rubbed her eyes until they were raw and her vision spotted. What other way was there to grieve after running out of tears? Fatigue settled over her limbs. She knew one thing. There was a short amount of time until she would face the Hokage, and she needed to pull herself together.

With the last of her energy, she picked herself up off the bench and dragged her way back to her apartment.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Sakura walked into the Hokage’s office fifteen minutes late. All of the people she was not prepared to see were there, already deeply engaged in the agenda.

“Ah Sakura, thanks for joining us. You’re late.” Kakashi had the audacity to say. He turned away from Naruto, who was talking with all of his limbs, to face her.

“I learned from the best.” She said without humor, keeping her mouth in a straight line.

“Sakura!” Naruto swiveled his chair around. “Where have you been? You’re missing out on so much!” 

The rest of the group simultaneously turned around to look at her. Tsunade was hovering over Kakashi’s shoulder on one side with Shizune on the other, holding Tonton to her chest. Tenten stood at the corner of the desk. Shikamaru slouched against the wall. Sasuke, the only one who did not look at her, was sitting on the couch, staring out the window.

Sakura leaned herself on the wall next to the large window crossing her arms, already feeling unnecessarily defensive. Her face heated from the sudden attention. “I just needed a break from all of you. Don’t make a big deal out of it.” She waved her hand.

“Wow. The ever elusive Team 7 all in one room. You don’t see this very often.” Tenten remarked.

“Hey! I’m always here. It’s these assholes that run off every few days. And they don’t ever say goodbye, see ya later, fuck you or nothin.” Naruto shouted loudly for sitting right next to Tenten.

Tsunade smacked her hand on Kakashi’s desk as if it was still her job to do this. “We’re not here to socialize. Go catch up on your own damn time!” Her voice boomed. Stacks of papers tumbled off of the desk. Kakashi watched them float down to the floor. 

Sakura absently glowered at the jiggle of her stupidly large breasts. Had they gotten even bigger? She enviously wondered. It wasn’t fair…

“Now that everyone is here” Kakashi bent over to pick through the papers, looking for the ones he needed. “We can start.” He sat up and spread out a few pages in front of him.

She fidgeted against the wall.

“There is good and bad news. The good news is that Sasuke has apprehended one of the shinobi linked to the terrorist group. This is our first real lead. Unfortunately, Ino has been unsuccessful in getting past the traps in his brain. She narrowly avoided one she would not have survived.”

Sakura was really listening now. “Is she ok?”

“Yes. She made it out just in time.”  
  


  
“Thank goodness.” She breathed out.

“And for the bad news.” He pointed a look to her. “Sakura, you have been made aware.”

Sakura felt her heart drop to her gut. Everyone was looking at her again. She stared straight ahead, fixing her eyes on Kakashi’s chin.

“This was found.” He held up the block of wood with Sasori’s kanji. Blood red and criminally precise. She tried not to sweat. This wasn’t an interrogation, she reminded herself. They didn’t know.

“Interesting…” For all of her talents, acting was not one of them. She squinted, pretending to observe it as if she was dusting the cobwebs off of a distant memory. Lifted her hand to scratch at her head apelike.

“Doesn’t that belong to the Akatsuki?” Shikamaru looked at Sakura before looking back at the block of wood.

“It is a perfect match of the former puppet master of the Akatsuki.” Kakashi rotated it in his hand. “Don’t you think so Sakura? As the only living person that has seen him, you knew him better than anyone.”

She swallowed. He had no idea how well she knew him. The precise curve of his spine, the birthmark beneath his belly button, the crookedness of that one pinky toe…

“It’s hard to say. It’s been so long. But, I know we killed him. This may have belonged to him, but I don’t think he’s out there. Nope. There’s no way.” She shook her head.

“If it’s the Akatsuki we’re talking about, we can’t eliminate that possibility.” Shikamaru curled his finger against his chin. “It’s likely not him. Could be a thief that stole his puppets from Suna. Or someone impersonating him.”

“Has anyone bothered to check with Suna on this? They should know if his puppets have gone missing?” Tenten shifted her weight to one leg and crossed her arms.

“Not yet. There’s too many uncertainties right now. We’ll talk about it more later, Sakura.” Kakashi placed it at the corner of his desk but didn’t take his eyes off of it.

She released a breath. Good. More time for her to get better at lying.

“If the Akatsuki is out there, we gotta act now! There’s no time to figure out ‘uncertainties.’” Naruto jumped to his feet and slapped both hands on the desk. The rest of the papers floated onto the floor.

Sasuke pinched his nose. “There’s more important matters than that, Naruto. How are you going to be the Hokage if you can’t step back and look at the big picture?”

Naruto shot a glare and pointed his finger at Sasuke. “You’re one to talk! When you get onto something, you have tunnel vision.”

“You both could learn a thing or two about managing political situations if either of you want a leadership role one day.” Kakashi folded his hands and hunched forward in his chair. “But Sasuke is right, Naruto. There is a terrorist organization operating at a level equivalent to both Orochimaru and the Akatsuki. We can’t go on a wild goose chase over what is speculation at this point. There are many lives at stake. We are responsible for upholding this hard earned peace of ours.”

“But what if the Akatsuki are a part of this? How can you just ignore that?” Spit flew out Naruto’s mouth and landed on Kakashi’s face, seeping into the fabric of his mask.

“There is no indication of this. If anything, evidence shows that this Akatsuki member or impersonator has been fighting against them. He, or she, is likely responsible for the destruction of several of their bases.” He crossed his ankles and leaned back.

“I agree with that.” Tenten said.

Sakura squeezed her lips together until they were numb.

“If this person really is the former Akatsuki member, then they are probably after him.” Tsunade absently said out loud. Her eyebrows were drawn together.

Damn her shishou for being so smart.

“But why?” Naruto’s eyes widened.

“An Akatsuki member’s body is a gold mine. Worth a lot of money but you can’t really put a price on the DNA and knowledge of a guy like that.” Shikamaru answered for her. “Obviously.”

Why couldn’t everyone be as dense as Naruto?

“Sick bastards.” Naruto grimaced. “So what are we gonna do now?” He plopped back down in his chair.

“If you would let him finish, Naruto. Lord Hokage has a plan. You need to listen.” Shizune reprimanded.

“Sasuke, you will continue to investigate any occurrences and report back all pertinent findings as soon as possible. If you find this Akatsuki member, I need you to take him back to the village. Yamato and Sai are also doing some investigative work. Tenten will analyze the weapons found. Naruto, I may need to send you in for backup if any of our guys need it. Sakura, I need you to stand by because I’m going to call you in for questioning.”

“Figures I’d have the least important role in this.” She said to cover her nervousness.

“If you want to work, all you had to do was say so.” Tsunade frowned at her. “There’s plenty of ‘important’ work at the hospital. Next time you leave me in a bind, I’m going to personally come after you.”

“I’m sorry, milady.” Sakura ducked her head down.

“You’re all dismissed. Take up grievances with each other elsewhere. You’ve all wasted enough of my time with it. But Sakura, don’t go too far again.” Kakashi straightened a stack of papers and placed them to the side.

“Yes, sensei.” Sakura wondered how she became so lucky that she managed to effectively lie to a group of the most high ranking group of shinobi in the world. She hoped that her luck would hold through for her.

* * *

There were several things Yuyake had told him the night before Sakura left. As he mulled over it, he began to agree with each accusation against him. 

Today would have been Sasori’s thirty-ninth birthday. It made him physically ill. Thirty-nine years of existing and he didn’t know who or what he was. 

_Neither dead, nor alive_. His own voice from the past haunted him in the dark.

All he knew was what he envisioned himself to become. He was lost to this image. Sasori regarded the smooth, unblemished skin on the back of his hands where there should be cracks and the beginnings of age spots. Was he a thirty-nine year old living beneath the skin of a young man? Was he something else entirely, suspended to the great void where time did not exist? 

He felt really old. His complexion was like glass. He tugged at his cheeks to discover if there was any elasticity.

Sasori considered trying on bodies until he found the perfect fit. _But he found the one._ One not too not constricting nor was it detached. It fit him like a warm winter coat.

He pulled a comb through the third Kazekage’s hair. Snaggled strands of hair separated into smooth locks.

It could be that Sakura’s belonged to him, but he was misplaced during his journey across the atmosphere. He devoted so much of his time to digging inside of her, hopelessly searching for the end but there was none. All he found was more beauty, more to pursue. She felt so right that he was compelled to submit to her completely. There had to be some meaning in that.

He frowned as he hit another snag in the third Kazekage’s hair. Coveting and belonging were not the same thing.

Who was he?

Sasori didn’t have the answer to that question. He listed out the irrefutable details in his mind. This body, unfamiliar to him, was his birth given one. These puppets were his creations. This hole he was stuck in was a result of every choice he had ever made.

Dead flowers lined the walls around him. Stiff brown pedals were crumbled on the floor. Sasori had not found the motivation to remove them after Sakura left them to rot. Spoiled beauty was the most tragic kind of death. He should have preserved them.

Was it really a bad thing that he lost his identity? 

Sasori had asked for whatever God was listening, but no one answered. His false religion had warranted their indifference. He placed the comb down to pull at the skin of his face harder. Different lives and bodies would not give him the answerers he sought. If he had learned anything from his mistakes, it was that. He was placed on this earth in a body. No amount of digging into other people’s guts would change that. He traced his thumb along the third’s beautiful, placid face. 

_Treat yourself better._ Sakura had told him after he had carved into himself, trying to free his soul of their constricting walls.

Giving up and starting again had been his answer. Sasori was familiar with dying and coming back to life. It was emerging for air from beneath the dark waves of the ocean, water draining from his ears and leaking from his pores. Kneeling down to the dry land as someone new.

Something hideous had died inside of him. The black vermin curled up and shriveled away. Sasori’s heart pounded harder as he realized that not only was this ok, but it was liberating. Dying had never intimidated him.

He inhaled a gust of cool air that ignited all of his nerves. No, he did not know who he was. But, for the first time, it was a choice for him to make.


	26. Poison for Your Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wonderful artist sayyikes has illustrated the scene from Chapter 23 before Sakura went back home to Konona. And O.M.G. I’m just so in love with it! Really, it’s too gorgeous and perfect ❤️ Thank you x a million!
> 
> https://sayyikes.tumblr.com/post/631380899052879872/i-lied-earlier-i-do-care-that-you-are-leaving

  
  


The days were running into one another as winter circulated in cold and dark weather. The first snowfall had come far too early. It signaled the passing of another season, and Sasori had not been prepared for it. 

Time simultaneously stopped and moved forward. He lost count of how many days had passed as he meditated on his mortality. No longer able to focus it, his anger towards Sakura had drained out of him and dispersed into the air, but it left an emptiness behind. He had tried to redirect his energy towards transcending past twenty wasted years. 

Sasori tied back his hair that had grown too long. Not even the cold wind hitting his neck was enough to ground him. Sweat glazed over his face and back. He could not remember the last time he tasted anything. Starvation caused a giddy kind of energy to take hold of him at random. Sasori had been close to death many times. Being at the brink brought on a distinct euphoria. The soul always knows when it is breaking free of its flesh prison.

He laid on his back, heedless of the pool of blood soaking into his shirt. Some of it was his own, but most of it was from the bodies sprawled around him. Their ghosts clung to him. Tendrils of smoke trying to wisp him away. The overwhelming metallic smell made him dizzy. He snorted back a glob of blood and swallowed it whole. His stomach protested against the assault. Vomit in his gut caused him to salivate. He let it all bubble down his chin.

Attempts at his life were becoming more frequent. Burning rumors that Sasori was alive and thriving were spreading. It was hard to defend himself as he attempted to break his own self apart, trying to become something new.

Sasori tried to form a single coherent thought past the ringing in his ears. Minutes or hours or days past as he stared at the changing sky. A burst of orange and pink seeped through the endless gray before fading out to dark blue. Sasori choked on a gurgle of blood.

_You’re going to die if you don’t get up._

Sasori couldn’t die if he wanted to. It wasn’t time. He was just tired. 

The euphoria had melted away long ago. He was left half dead in a puddle. Dark shadows moved across his vision. Sakura stood out amongst them. She hovered over him. He tried to focus on the glistening eyes that always brought him clarity.

_I’m going to change your mind._

She held his face in between her hands. A laugh erupted from somewhere within him. Once he started, he couldn’t stop it. He laughed hard and uncontrollably. She hadn’t lied. His mind was changed, but what good had it done? 

He discovered that he would be subjected to her whims for as long as he lived because he loved her. For all of his emotional incompetence, he knew he was disgustingly in love and there was nothing he could do to fix it.

Sakura faded into the back of his mind as a deep darkness poured over him like an avalanche of soft soil.

  
  


* * *

Pinks, blues, yellows and reds surrounded Sakura. The flowers overflowed from their vases. She smiled at the beautiful arrangements on her end tables. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she closed her eyes and bent over to inhale their scents. 

Childhood memories of being in a cave with Ino flooded her with good feelings. It was the last time time she remembered being in true peace. It didn’t take long for her to remember the dark turn her life had taken.

“Ino, is it wrong to hold onto the dead just to enjoy the beauty of it?” She frowned at the sudden morbid turn of her thoughts. “I mean. You know.”

Ino lowered her glass of water to the table. She was perched on the couch looking through Sakura’s magazine issues from three months ago. A female fighter with bulging muscles posed confidently on the front cover. “No. I really don’t know what you mean.” She flipped to the next page.

“I mean…it just seems wrong to clip flowers and admire their beauty on a shelf. Kill them and watch them rot? The dead should be honored and respected.” Given a proper burial. Her stomach twisted in a knot. A wave of grief washed over her. 

Ino dropped the magazine to her folded legs and frowned. “The flowers aren’t dead yet, Sakura. They still breathe and contribute to nature. Just because they’re clipped doesn’t mean their lives are over. They still need to be nurtured, just the same as a flower attached to its roots.” She touched pedals delicately. Sakura always admired Ino’s natural way of breathing life into damaged things. She had done so for her many years ago.

“You’re right, Ino.” Her shoulders shook under the weight of her sadness. She pressed her fingers to the corners of her eyes to stop the tears before they could roll down her cheeks. Why couldn’t she breathe life into the air? All she did was destroy and take. Her breathy sobs increased.

Ino allowed her a moment to process whatever she was going through. Sakura had not been the same person since the war. None of them had, really. But lately, there was more to Sakura’s distress that she had not been transparent about. Ino understood. There were many things that kept her awake at all hours of the night. She did not want to talk about it either.

Ino plucked a purple iris flower from a vase and placed it in Sakura’s palm, wrapping her fingers around it. “The flower of hope. I don’t know what you’re going through, but whatever it is, you’ll get through it stronger than before. I know because it’s what you always do.” Ino thought Sakura was capable of anything.

Sakura smiled down at their entwined hands with the flower in between. She choked up at the memory of the puppet Sasori giving her a purple iris flower in The Land of Swamps. She squeezed her fingers around Ino’s and held her tight.

* * *

Sasori came back to his consciousness slowly but was not the least bit surprised to find himself shrouded in cold darkness. His first thought was that he had died. But then, he often hallucinated and incorrectly believed himself to be dead. He blinked to regain some lucidity. The effort only made his head spin.

The last thing he recalled was fainting between a mess of corpses. Anxiety beat out his fatigue as he remembered everything. He tried to jerk himself upwards, but chains locked him in place. They clanged together loudly against his movement.

“Shit...” He squirmed harder as realization hit him. This was a holding cell. Chakra suppressing cuffs were strangling his wrists, and he was almost depleted. He had just enough to be kept alive. If he had enough to call for Yuyake, he would break out of here and kill everyone. Being a prisoner brought back all of the memories of being locked in a cell in his youth. Beaten and tortured. The first time of his life he felt like an object instead of a human. He struggled harder.

“Quit making all that fucking noise. I’m trying to sleep.” The guard was leaned back in a chair behind a desk with one leg propped up. Sasori could not see him but was able to make out his shadow in the dark.

“If you don’t let me out now, I will make sure to draw out your suffering when I escape.” Sasori turned his head to the guard. “And I will escape. You do not know who I am if you think otherwise.”

The guard smirked. “You think wi, huh? I wouldn’t count on leaving any time soon.” He stood to his feet. The chair fell to its back. He walked towards Sasori’s cell.

“Now that you’re recovered, we can get started.” He peered into Sasori’s cell. His hands gripped the bars.

“Once I get these cuffs off, it’s over for all of you.” Sasori said with absolute certainty. He hadn’t met anyone he could not handle.

“You’re not getting out of that, pretty boy.” He unlocked the cell and pushed it open, unlatching Sasori from the chains holding him in his supine position. He gripped him beneath his armpits and stood him to his feet.

“I know who you are. Or who you were. You’re not shit anymore. You’ve done nothing of importance since the third shinobi war.” He stood over Sasori and peered down at him.

“Yet, your master feels threatened enough to drain me of my chakra.” Sasori retained his poise while feeling the truth of that statement. He had done nothing meaningful since the war that destroyed him. 

“Don’t flatter yourself. We simply don’t need to deal with conflict when there is no need. Get moving.” He pushed Sasori forward with enough force to throw him off balance. He stumbled before regaining his footing.

They walked down a hallway Sasori could sense but could not see. The humidity clung to him like spider webs. He wanted to swat it away but could not move his hands. The guard guided him through the damp stinky air, steering him with one hand on his shoulder. It was humiliating being reduced to a prisoner.

Sasori cursed out loud as the guard opened a door and shoved him forward into a room full of medical instruments and large machinery. The smell of rot and chemicals hit him hard. This unsanitary room looked like a medical facility of a poverty stricken village. He thought of Orochimaru’s lab filled with high end tech and top standards of sanitation. This was the complete opposite.

Sasori was slammed into a chair against the wall, his head hitting the back hard enough to disorient him. The pain was enough to make him forget his indignation. A heavy hand gripped by the hair and pulled his head forward. 

“Look at you now _Sasori of the Red Sand.”_ He said his name in a patronizing tone. “Reduced to living in the shadows as an empty husk of a man. Did you ever foresee this for yourself?” He gestured towards the rusted equipment and molded walls.

Unsure of what he was implying, Sasori glared up at his captor through blurred vision.

“I don’t want to do this to you, but orders are orders.” He smiled, still looking down on Sasori with his hand threaded through his hair. “You’re gonna feel like shit very soon.” His smile dropped as he slammed Sasori’s head back against the wall.

“Slippery little bastard, you are. I didn’t think we would ever get our hands on you.”

Sasori fought against the blackness threatening to overtake him. “Whatever it is you think you’ve acquired won’t matter soon. I’m going to destroy this place by tomorrow morning. I can promise you that.”

He swung and landed a solid punch across Sasori’s face. “Yea. If you’re still alive by the morning.” 

Sasori spat furiously. “Take this shit off of me.” He said through gritted teeth. The chakra cuffs, his hunger and a pounding headache were all working against him. “If you value your dignity, you will fight me fairly.” 

The man smirked again. “You misunderstand. I’m not looking for a fight. I’m following orders. And my orders are to dissect you.” He drifted a finger down Sasori’s forehead and pushed his nose. “You really aren’t half of what I expected.” He tilted his head, looking through Sasori in contemplation.

It wasn’t a lie. Sasori had never made such a poor decision in his life. Every move he ever made was carefully planned and executed, and that was how he survived so long. His entire body revolted at the memory of being locked up as a child. He had assured himself that he would never be imprisoned again. Now, he was being held up as a thing to be used and discarded. Disgust at his own carelessness shook him.

“I’m sick of looking at you. Get up.”

Sasori attempted you stand, wobbling to his feet. Unable to use his hands to steady himself, he leaned against the wall. 

The man kicked him hard in the stomach, bringing him to his knees. He hit the floor with a thud that shot through his knee caps all the way up. Unable to muster the strength to get back up, he stayed on the ground wheezing.

“When did you get so pathetic? I’m starting to wonder if you were ever worth the trouble. Get up.”

Without any grace, Sasori attempted to stand on one leg. He was roughly pulled by the arm when he did not move fast enough. The larger man pushed him onto a bench that creaked from his weight. He held his impassive expression as he watched the man pull a syringe out of a drawer and held it up to his face, observing it. 

Sasori tried not to panic at the state of the rusted needle. 

“Now I’m not experienced with this kind of thing, but nobody else wanted to touch you. So I volunteered. I’m not even sure how to stick these things…” He let it roll off his palm and drop to the floor. “You know what. I’m just gonna do it the easy way.” A blade was produced from his pocket.

It was only physical pain, Sasori told himself. It wasn’t the kind of pain that would disrupt the state of his being. He’d been beaten and sliced into so many times before. When it was over, it would be over. This was nothing compared to everything he ever endured.

“I’m just gonna take a little blood from you.” He announced as made his first cut. The thin flesh beneath Sasori’s forearm easily parted under the path of the blade. He bit down on his tongue so hard, he tasted blood. His chest heaved as he held back a groan.

“How does it feel to slowly die all alone? Nobody cares what happens to a low life criminal.” He spoke mechanically.

Sasori had no answer. He was so tired of smelling blood. If he never smelled it again, it would be too soon. The combination of the gases and his weakness inebriated him. No longer able to feel anything, he watched the shadows flicker across the ceiling. Listened to the tinkering of stainless steel and heavy footsteps shuffling around him. His arm was lifted over a container where the waterfall of his blood was collected. He felt weightless on his back. A violent nausea seized him, and he turned his head to vomit on his side.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The entire Hokage tower creaked under the weight of their steps. Sakura situated her butt against the squeaky cushions. The sun having set an hour ago, there was no daylight pouring in through the large windows. She had rushed over after her shift at the hospital, having been summoned by Kakashi. The quietness of his office was nerve-wracking. Kakashi sat across from her on the other side of his desk.

A ten page report was laid out in front of Sakura. It was the one she had written years ago after the mission to rescue Gaara. Kakashi had a copy of it in his own hands. Her eyes skimmed over her own words. They would have been very different had she written them now.

“I don’t know what more information I could give now that I had not given years ago.” A photo of Sasori’s puppet graveyard was held by a paperclip at the corner of a page. The words _lost beyond hope_ had caught her attention. She stared at them until they blurred into each other.

“Let’s just start from the beginning. I won’t take too much of your time. I just need to make sure we haven’t overlooked anything.” Kakashi rubbed his eyes and blinked. He skimmed over the first page, oblivious to her melancholy. “Your report showed that you held a great deal of respect for him.”

“He sacrificed his life after giving me a lead on Orochimaru. I was grateful.” She answered immediately without emotion. Really, that’s how she felt when she wrote it.

“Sacrificed his life…” Kakashi glanced down, still skimming over her words. “So we think he did.”

“If he’s alive out there, I really don’t think it’s because he wanted to be.” She didn’t want to talk about Sasori right now. Or ever again.

“You don’t know that for sure. He could have faked his death to further an agenda of his own.” He underlined a sentence in the bottom paragraph.

“I don’t think so.” She _knew_ this wasn’t the case. Otherwise, she would have not spent so much time convincing him that he was more than his physical body and his accomplishments. So much more.

“Either way, we have to consider it to be a possibility.” 

She didn’t say anything. Kakashi seemed to sense her dip in mood. He sighed. “I know you don’t want to believe he survived after you thought you killed him. It’s ok if you didn’t.”

“It’s not that sensei. If I’m being honest with you, I didn’t _want_ to kill him. He was so sad and lost…messed up in the head like the rest of us. I did it because there was no other option.” A moment of silence passed. She picked at a bothersome hangnail, contemplating if that was the wrong thing to say.

“Sometimes, it’s hard not sympathize with your enemy. Especially when you see yourself in them.” Kakashi said distantly. There was nothing Obito could ever do to make him hate him. Not even attempt to destroy the entire world. He loved him unconditionally. “We are all humans – most of us are made to love before we are made to fight. Shinobi are forced to fight whoever we are told that we must. But it’s not always easy.”

That statement held so much truth to her. She looked down at the photo of Hiroku crushed into pieces.

“We all go through this. It’s what makes us human.” He had no idea how much his words comforted her while simultaneously crushing her. How did Kakashi do it? He buried Obito a second time after fighting against him.

Sakura knew she couldn’t bury Sasori twice. 

It suddenly occurred to her why Kakashi was chosen as the Hokage. He handled every rotten thing life had to throw at him with grace. Countless deaths and disappointments. As a teacher, he failed to pass along this ability to her, Sasuke and Naruto even though he did it so well. 

_Resilience._ It was the most valuable survival trait. She wondered how many times Kakashi started over from the bottom to reshape himself into the man sitting before her.

“You know, you kind of suck as a sensei and a hokage. At least Tsunade offered me a drink when she made me work after hours.” Sakura put down the stack of papers and leaned back in her chair. “And Yamato was a better captain. He took us to nice hotels.” She teased.

“Is it Yamato or Tsunade that allows the three of you to leave on a whim? Now I’m accused of giving Team 7 special treatment. Ungrateful brats you all are.” He teased back.

“I’m just kidding.” She fiddled with the edge of a folder.

“What’s gotten you so distracted these days?” He looked up at her, already knowing the answer. You don’t face death together without understanding one another. But she needed to say it out loud.

She let a few moments of silence pass. “I thought life was going to be worth fighting for. And it was. But I’ve lost so much of myself in the process. Now I’m not so sure what I’m fighting for anymore. I just want to feel normal. When can we enjoy our hard earned peace? Aren’t you tired sensei?” 

“Of course I am. But Sakura, _you’re_ too young to be tired. I won’t lie to you - peace does not exist in this world. You learn to find it where it doesn’t live. Start by looking here.” He poked at his own chest. “ _You_ are solely responsible for creating and maintaining your own peace.”

Was that possible for her? Even if it was, did she deserve it after every selfish act she committed?

“You’re right, sensei. I need to take responsibility for myself.” Sakura hoped she could. True peace did not come from winning a war. It came from years of digging out every bad habit and placing them on the table. Acknowledging that they are a permanent part of her home but not using them.

“We teach you that there are no room for mistakes. Only because mistakes can cost your and your teams lives. It’s natural for you to feel inadequate over your flaws. But you have to be able to live with them.”

“What if I can’t?” She panicked. 

“You have to. It’s not a choice. You’re going to disappoint yourself and others on many more occasions because that’s life. We all do it. The important thing is that you learn from it and move on.” Kakashi stood to his feet to roll down the bamboo blinds.

“You’re right, sensei. You’re always right.”

Sakura spent the remainder of her restless night rolling over in her torturous thoughts. An irritating anxiousness kept her half awake throughout the entire night. Everything Kakashi told her made perfect sense. Unfortunately, she was still terrified of herself. Sakura made most of her decisions with her heart. And the messy condition of it was going to lead her down a dark road if it had not already. 

* * *

Sasori watched from outside his body as his pinky finger was severed. He had mentally evacuated hours ago, after he had taken another skull numbing blow to the head.

“What good is puppet master without any fingers?” The man laughed loudly. He didn’t stop laughing until Sasori thought he was trapped in a time loop, much like his entire life had been. The man’s whole body shook with manic joy. He held Sasori’s mangled finger under his nose. Sasori wondered how much torture this body could take until it caved in on itself. In that moment, he hoped it would be sooner rather than later. 

“You’re lucky I’m only taking one finger for tonight. Only because I don’t think you can handle any more. Gives me something to look forward to later. It’s boring work watching over prisoners, you know.” He leaned over. His sour breath added to the assault of Sasori’s senses. “We will make good use of these. Don’t worry.” He moved back, giving Sasori room to breathe.

And just like that, it was all over. His hand was mutilated. The most important part of his body. He needed to find a way out. His eyelids closed heavily. 

The man got up and moved around the room, but Sasori could not turn his head to look. He heard jars opening and liquid pouring. His dry bottom lip cracked. He fought against his fatigue. Last time he took a nap, he ended up in this situation.

“Here drink this. You’ll feel better.” A liquid was poured down his throat. 

Within minutes, his body gave in.


	27. What’s Inside Your Skull

  
Sasori never considered his eating disorder to be an issue. On good days, his stomach allowed just enough mildly flavored foods to keep him alive. He wasn’t thin enough to be disgusted with himself. It had been difficult to adjust from going over 20 years without food.

Being force fed was an awful punishment. Throwing up felt good though. He loved releasing the vileness living within his body. If he had done it sooner, maybe Sakura would have thought he was worthy of staying with. He hungered for many things, but food had never been one.

He wiped his mouth on his ragged blanket. The loud creaking door opened, letting in an assault of bright lights from the next room. He expected to be visited by his guard. Instead, a strong chakra signature thickened the air. He swiftly turned around and pressed himself against the bars, struggling to see who it belonged to.

The dark figure made its way toward him, dressed in a long black cloak. Footsteps echoed off the barren walls of the prison. As the figure drew near, Sasori’s heart raced and his mouth watered at the sight of Sasuke Uchiha. He lost the ability to blink as he watched him walk down the unlit hall. His dark energy ignited a thrilling tingle in his chest.

It wasn’t Sasuke himself as it was the old powers hosted within his body that drew a strong reaction from Sasori. The rinnegan sat deep within his skull. Sasori remembered his first encounter with it upon meeting Pain. He had obsessed over it for so long. Unfortunately, he could never find an opportune moment to crack open Pain’s skull.

Sasuke stopped right before his cell and turned to face him. He observed Sasori with a distant sort of interest. His eyes lingered on the bloodied, bandaged hand resting against the bar. The cell smelled of rotten flesh and stomach bile. 

Sasori stared back at him with a stony expression. Sasuke would have thought he was still the creepy life sized doll he had turned himself into, had it not been for his mangled state. His eyelashes were abnormally long, and his face appeared incapable of cracking. His wrists were raw from the chakra suppressing bracelets. It was uncomfortable to look at.

Sasuke leaned closer and wrapped his hands on the bars above Sasori’s grip. He peered past him into his dark holding cell and crinkled his nose “How did you manage to let _this_ happen to you?”

Sasuke didn’t need to question it. He knew who Sasori was having sensed him before he walked through the door. Even with suppressors, his chaotic chakra buzzed in the air like a million flies. He imagined it would be like zaps of electricity at his full capacity. 

This was something all Akatsuki members had in common. It was as if they were all carved from the same wretched dust and dirt of the earth and inherited the ripest fruits of the divine tree. Sasuke was immediately drawn in by his familiarity.

“Why are you here Sasuke Uchiha? Do you want a scrap of my carcass?” His eyes sat lazily on his face, never once blinking. A drop of water from the leaking ceiling landed on his cheek. He still did not blink.

Sasuke scoffed and curled his upper lip. “ **No**. I’m here to let you out.”

At this, Sasori’s eyes narrowed. “Your assistance is not needed nor is it appreciated. I will get out of here on my own.”

“I wasn’t asking. I don’t care what you _need_ or _appreciate_. I’m getting you out of here and you are coming with me.” Sasuke let out a wet, disgusting cough.

Sasori did not like that cocky tone he used to speak to him. They stared each other down for a few long moments. 

“I am not going anywhere with you.” He stated while knowing full and damn well he was in no position to negotiate the terms of his freedom. His teeth clenched behind his closed lips as he held his composure.

Sasuke ignored him as he worked the lock open with a strange tool Sasori had never seen before. He preferred the old fashion way of burning down buildings. It had been too long since he set something on fire. The small things ceased to stress him out. Lately, he had just been tired and unimpressed by everything. 

The lock gave in and dropped to the ground. A groan from the opening gate echoed off the walls he had grown sick of looking at. Sasuke looked at him expectantly as he kept his feet planted where he was standing.

“Hurry up.” He demanded.

“I am not leaving without my fingers. Go find them.” Sasori raised his cuffed hands to his chest. His incapacitated hand had an index finger and a thumb left. “All three of them.”

Sasuke scowled. He did not want to search this damn dump for Sasori’s fucking fingers, but he had no choice. No DNA of the freak could be left behind.

And so Sasuke begrudgingly began his search for severed fingers.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“I could not be paid enough to do this kind of shit.” Sasori remarked. He cradled a jar of his fingers between his cuffed hands. Sasuke thought he probably never looked this pathetic. All members of the Akatsuki had their own absurd quirks. Rumors were that Sasori was unreasonably meticulous.

“Right. You do this kind of shit for free.” Sasuke walked ahead of him. 

Sasori watched the back of his head contemplating on the moment he would be able to open it up and study his rinnegan. He didn’t necessarily dislike him but he held some bitterness towards Sasuke for being the trigger to Deidara’s suicidal death. Although, he couldn’t really blame him. Deidara had an unhealthy obsession with the Uchihas. He had a lot of unhealthy obsessions. But Sasori could not be one to talk.

“Not for free. I do this for self preservation.” He clarified.

“So it really _was_ you that destroyed all of those compounds. You leave a mess everywhere you go.” That was another Akatsuki trait. Leave a message to the world behind.

Sasori admitted to nothing as it was none of his business. “Where are they?”

“Not here.” Much to Sasuke’s disappointment. Every lead brought him to a dead end. He had definitely not expected to find Sasori here.

“When was the last time you had been visited by a guard? Did they leave you to rot down there? You look like a decomposed corpse.” Sasuke wrinkled his nose at the dried blood covering his bandaged arms. Grim had taken over almost the entire surface area of his skin.

Sasori felt like a decomposed corpse. “I don’t know. Does it _look_ like I’ve been keeping track of time?” How long had it been since he last saw sunlight? He had no damn clue.

“No…” Sasuke concurred.

* * *

  
  
  


Most days had ended in a weird place of feeling incomplete no matter how many items Sakura checked off her to do list. She resuscitated, stitched flesh and extracted poison from blood. She even held a man’s balls as he coughed. In all her professionalism, that was something she struggled to get used to. 

Her job would never be done. It had become something less sacred and more of a monotonous activity such as brushing her teeth.

She took off her white coat and exited out of the window as she did after every shift. The cool air hit her as a sharp reminder that she was not at one with herself. Her body felt it but the intangible parts of her were too far away. To be at one with herself would mean that her spirit was not straying from her body, going on it’s own path. 

Kakashi’s words loitered in the hallways of her brain. Disappointment would become a constant in her life. Maybe that’s what her problem was. It wasn’t that she was a failure; it was that her ego was so massive that she could not learn to live with her failures.

So how could she be _fix_ that? Well, she was going to have to look at it as another challenge. To not be a failure, you must accept that you will fail. It sounded like some shitty inspirational quote she heard somewhere. 

She stepped into her yoga class and walked towards the mats rolled up against the wall. Her favorite maroon one was claimed, so she settled on a baby blue one. Sakura spotted Tenten sitting in a straddle split in the far left of the room. Lee was next to her blowing out her ear drum, coaching her on the proper amount of time to hold her stretch. _60 seconds exactly, Tenten!_

Sakura walked over to them and unrolled her mat next to Tenten. Lee’s entire mood shifted from passionate sternness to his over the top friendliness.

“Sakura!!! So wonderful of you to join us! Please, have a seat next to Tenten. We were just warming up in preparation for today’s marathon of rigorous training.” Lee pumped a fist in the air.

“Honestly, Lee. I’m just here for a relaxing stretch before my brunch with bottomless mimosas. I don’t wanna sweat right now.” She pulled her hands over her head and leaned to both sides stretching her spine. Lee was intense as usual, but Sakura admired his clarity. If she had a small fraction of his vitality maybe she wouldn’t feel so uncertain about the many aspects of her life.

“Same.” Tenten brought her legs together and reached for her toes.

“We can do everything we set to do within this day!” Lee shouted. “Rigorous training, brunch with mimosas! The world is our oyster! I am certain we will achieve all of our goals!” Lee boomed out.

Several heads turned their way. Sakura wondered if Lee noticed that he was the only man in the studio. Probably not. She noticed Tenten’s cheeks were a bright red.

“Lee. It’s not that big of a deal. Please lower your voice.” She whispered.

Just then Gai wheeled up to the front. “Get ready for the most INTEEEENSE yoga class of your life! I’m here to ensure you get the most out of your valuable training time.” He shot out a thumbs up and Sakura immediately wanted to leave.

“Sensei…I don’t think yoga is supposed to be intense…” Tenten’s voice was drowned out by Lee.

“Yes!!! Gai-sensei! I’m so grateful that you will be our instructor today! You always bring out the very best of us!” Lee hooted.

“Oh fuck…” Tenten and Sakura said in unison.

* * *

“So. Where do you think you are taking me?” Sasori squinted as the sunlight hit his sensitive pupils. Sasuke pushed the door open and stepped outside. 

He did not answer him. Sasori had not expected him to. It didn’t matter. He was going to escape as soon as he could. Whenever he could get those damn bracelets off.

“Saaasukeeee!” A loud ass voice was carried in from an unknown distance. Sasuke visibly flenched. Sasori blinked against the sunlight assaulting his vision. He could hardly see, but he definitely recognized that irritating voice. The wind picked up, bringing in a gust of hot, menacing chakra.

“You’re so fucking loud.” Was how Sasuke greeted the blonde jinchuriki as he landed in front of him.

“Where is he? I got here as soon as I could.” He said between huffs, looking over Sasuke’s shoulder for Sasori.

“What are you doing here? I don’t need you.” Sasuke did not conceal his irritation.

Naruto’s blinked his attention to Sasuke’s face as if he had slapped him across the face. “What’s your problem? I came aaaall the way out here as fast as I could when I got the message! Kakashi- sensei said you needed backup. I couldn’t let you deal with Akatsuki on your own.” His eyes burned with mad determination.

“As I’ve just said, I don’t need your help. You can go back and tell the Hokage that his resources are better utilized elsewhere.” Sasuke raised his voice, pissed off that really, they did not trust him alone with a former Akatsuki member. For very many reasons, they had every right to feel this way. It still pissed him off.

“Stop being a rotten asshole! You never let me help you!” Naruto’s face burned red.

While they were bitching over each other like two annoying women, Sasori took advantage of their distraction. He lit a match and tossed it through the open door. It caught onto the paper bomb he had dropped inside. This set off a chain reaction of explosives Sasuke had failed to notice he trailed along their path. Loud cracks sounded off in succession of each other and the ground trembled, throwing them off balance.

“WHAAAA!” Naruto squawked and jumped out of the way of debris flying towards them.

Sasuke cursed and shielded his face.

Sasori watched as chunks of the structures blew out into the sky and the entire thing caught fire. The flames quickly lapped up the dirty walls, collapsing the ceiling in on itself. Smoke curled around them. He heard Naruto choke.

They stood in shocked silence until the fire settled down. It cackled over a pile of rubble and burnt wood. This did not give Sasori the satisfaction he needed. What he needed was to slice through a hundred throats to make himself feel better.

“Sasori. What the hell was that?” Sasuke cut into his thoughts with a sharp glare.

“Yea! You just burned down a whole lot of important stuff we could’ve used!” Naruto shouted. 

“Naruto, what are you still doing here? _Go back.”_ Sasuke turned to fuss at him again.

Sasori shrugged. “My blood samples were in there. They had to be destroyed.” 

“Do you think you could have mentioned that _before_ I searched the entire place for your fucking fingers?” Sasuke grit his teeth.

“I don’t need my blood samples. I need my fingers.” Sasori frowned. “If you brats think I will cooperate with you, then you are mistaken. You should have left me where you found me if that’s what you led yourself to believe.” 

“You _will_ cooperate.” Sasuke demanded.

“Damn Akatsuki. I don’t know why we’re even bothering to keep you alive after what you did to Gaara!” Naruto said his last piece before shutting off into a mulish silence, dejected by Sasuke and irritated to be in Sasori’s presence.

Sasori internalized that he would cooperate for now because he had no choice. But, he _would_ find an out.

  
  


* * *

Hours of walking drained Sasori of what little energy he had. Sasuke and Naruto were forced to keep a dull pace with him as he could not use chakra. It was their fault really. They insisted on keeping him and would not release him from the devil bracelets. At the very least, they allowed him a moment to clean himself off.

Sasori slowly unwrapped the wound dressing from his hand. He winced as it unstuck from his skin, pulling at it, causing a fresh flow of blood to ooze out of the gash. The flesh beneath looked near rotten. It was the first time he had actually seen it. He couldn’t feel pain anymore, but it was no mystery as to why he felt like he was on the verge of dying.

He dipped his arms in the water to rinse away the blood. Sasori had always despised every part of his body, but the loss of his fingers was upsetting. They were a gift he had never appreciated. His fingers were the foundation of his great beginnings. He was able to destroy and build empires with his two hands and ten fingers. His art would not exist if he hadn’t been blessed with hands skilled enough to give it shape. Sakura loved his fingers. She said so many times. Maybe he would’ve felt differently if she hadn’t.

“Times up.” Sasuke appeared behind him. Sasori caught him grimacing at the state of his arm. He felt insecure and quickly moved to block it from his view.

Sasori fumbled with his clean bandages. The cuffs made it nearly impossible to rewrap his hand. It was an embarrassing situation to be this helpless in front of his enemies. He did it to himself though. Once, he had told Sakura that her recklessness and stupidity is what caused her to end up in the enemies hands. _Now look at him_ , he thought.

Sasuke must’ve had some mercy for hjm. To Sasori’s complete surprise, he walked over and yanked the bandages from him. He wrapped them tightly around his wrist and over his hand. They did not speak or look at each other the entire time. Sasuke secured the ends of the bandages before standing up.

“I don’t want to see that.” Was the reason Sasuke offered. He would not tell him that he actually felt some pity towards him, having once been in his position.

In truth, he felt a kinship with the Akatsuki. They were all bound together, possessed by the same demon. He desperately wanted to ask Sasori if Itachi ever learned to ascend into the higher plane of existence or had he bent his back to his own shadow like the rest of them. Sasuke needed to know. The question chewed away at the inside of his skull. He held it behind his teeth, letting the acid strip his palate and burn its way down his esophagus.

Sasori had an all knowing look that ignited Sasuke’s paranoia. He was old and misplaced but had an ageless appearance that unsettled him. Not old by number of years alive, but old in the way one who was that had experienced too much disappointment. He was like a phantom wandering the earth searching for rest. With expressionless eyes, he stared at Sasuke making him believe he knew something that he was ignorant of.

“Let’s go.” Sasuke shook off the nagging voice in his head.

Without a word, Sasori got up to follow him.

  
  


* * *

Sakura’s brunch mimosas went down like innocent orange juice. She slumped in her stool after polishing off a blood orange flavored one. There was nothing like experiencing the pain of others that humbled her more. Everyone she ever loved was still alive, and that was something to be thankful for.

Ten mimosas later, Tenten and Lee were huddled up and sobbing in public. She knew Tenten had to be really drunk to do such a thing. Lee was a different story. Her eyes blurred with tears. It was apparent that they had never been able to find peace with loosing the third piece of their whole. 

Being a team bonded you in blood and soul. You learned to do everything as far as breathe in sync. She envied them for it. Team 7 had never become an entire unit. They were three souls juxtaposed and set away into the furthest corners, never able to meet on the same ground.

She envied them and hurt for them. To have had something like that and lost it.

They forgot she was beside them. It didn’t stop her from sobbing loudly and blowing out a wad of snot in her bar napkin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sure y’all can tell, but I love Team 9. Gonna write a fic on them one of these days.
> 
> Please excuse the errors! I briefly proofread, and I wrote the first part of this chapter while drinking lol


	28. The Light from the Next Room Over

  
Sasori realized that Sasuke was as much of a functional insane person as himself as he watched him pace around the premises. Sasuke was paranoid at all times. More than likely a result of having spent his adolescent years sleeping with one eye open in Orochimaru’s custody. Sasori unfondly remembered those days. You could never know when that snake would feel compelled to murder you in your sleep and sprinkle your parts in test tubes.

“I heard something. It came from 3 o’clock.” Sasuke glared out into the darkness. 

Sasori tried to tune into the noise outside of the screeching night crickets and the static in his own ears. He failed to hear anything else. The fog of his brain reached every corner. He knew he was going to die soon. How he made it this far was a miracle he had not asked for.

“I didn’t hear anything.” Naruto squinted out in that direction, then turned to squint at Sasuke, ducking his head. “Are you sure?”

Good. So he wasn’t that far gone yet.

“Someone is out there watching us. Sasori, is someone coming after you?”

“No?” Sasori pursed his lips and pinched his brows together.

“I need to know who you are working with as well as anyone that could possibly be looking for you. Wait – shut up.” He whipped his head. His body tensed. They stayed silent. 

“I definitely heard something. I’m going find out who it is.”

Neither Sasori nor Naruto heard anything. Naruto cleared his throat and opened his mouth to speak. “Sasuke, I don’t think anyone is there. Just sit down.”

They watched Sasuke’s face as he looked back and forth between them. Naruto shifted. Sasori stared back at him blankly. 

“I’ll kill either of you if I find out you’re hiding something from me.” He warned.

Naruto gawked while Sasori hoped he _would_ put him out of his misery.

He thought this was how he appeared to Sakura whenever he had his moments. It was no wonder she had never batted an eye. If this was the company she kept, then she had been well trained in dealing with madness.

Naruto’s disappointment flooded the entire atmosphere. Sasori almost gagged on hurt feelings. The depths of Naruto’s emotions made him uncomfortable.

“Sasuke, how many times have we been through this? I’m not against you. I thought you understood that.” He did not conceal the pain in his voice.

Sasori cringed at such a show of vulnerability. Sasuke stared at him as if he was looking for the lie. “Im going home.” He turned around and started walking out into the dark. “You can take Sasori back on your own.”

“You can’t just abandon the mission!” He got up to follow Sasuke. “You need to get your act together before you go home or they’re gonna lock you up again, bud. I can’t keep defending you every time you do this.”

Sasuke continued to storm off as Naruto tried to reason with him. It would’ve been the perfect time to escape if Sasori wasn’t half dead and out of chakra. 

He exhaled and laid on his side, mad but relieved to finally be miserable in peace. Hopefully, he would be dead by the time they returned.

  
  


* * *

That moment in time when everything seemed to settle and life was eerily peaceful, that was the moment to be wary of. Sakura felt the pressure from inside her bubble of stagnancy. It was beyond her usual depression. Had she been happy? No. But she remained unbothered. And that’s how she wanted it to stay.

“That was a complete waste of our valuable time.” Tsunade’s voice carried over the noise of the tea house. She seemed unaware, as if she was completely accustomed to being the most important person in the room. “I can’t believe the nerve of those old bastards. They turned down an offer that could have saved many lives and a lot of headache.”

Well if you hadn’t insulted the head of the hospital’s wife, maybe we wouldn’t have been rejected so quickly, Sakura thought. You don’t just openly criticize Tsunade. Not even the Hokage or the legendary Sanin would ever think to do such a thing. 

Tsunade was an acquired taste. The younger generation adored and idolized her. The older generation was put off by her air of certainty, as Sakura would politely put it. She had made quite the reputation for herself.

Tsunade poured her third cup of green tea. She stirred in a teaspoon of honey. It dissolved instantly in the piping hot liquid. They were sitting in a tea house just outside of Konoha having just returned from a failed diplomatic mission. Tsunade was too abrasive and short tempered while Sakura was the same to a lesser degree. Shizune really should have come along.

“I got a case for you. I’m not going to force you to accept it, but you _are_ the most qualified for it.” She looked at Sakura. Tsunade’s eyes always squinted in a way that made her feel like she was being judged. Over time, she realized that this was not her intention. She was an intense person, always ready to move onto the next thing.

“A case or a mission? It sounds like a mission.” Cases appeared on her schedule. Missions were assigned with no warning. 

“Both. But, you won’t be going anywhere. You’d be staying in good old Konoha.” Tsunade took a bite of her wagashi.

“Oh? Is it another special patient? A celebrity or a nobleman?” Sakura leaned forward with mild interest, shifting around in her seat. Many important folks travelled to receive medical care in Konoha. Sakura had been personally requested many times. Still, that wasn’t really a mission.

“Neither. That damn team of yours found the Akatsuki member. Or so they say it’s him. Sasuke is certain of it. Personally, I think the state of Sasuke’s mind is questionable at best. He should be back in Konoha, not wandering across the world playing detective. He’s not well. Kakashi should have never allowed it.”

Sakura blanched. She stopped listening after she heard Akatsuki member. Her heart felt like it rode an elevator down to her toes. Sasori was with Sasuke. Her mind went down many different paths, all with terrible outcomes.

“…What does this all have to do with me?” Sakura interrupted, hoping that word of her affair with an enemy had not already surfaced.

“Sasuke found the guy in pretty bad shape. So bad he hasn’t put up a fight against them. He says that he may not make it back to the village alive. We need you to evaluate and treat him when he gets here.”

“Really?” Her voice was as weak as she felt. She suppressed her distress well enough to go unnoticed.

“Yes, really. No one wants to touch him. I’m not afraid, but I’m not doing it. It’s either going to be you or Shizune. It’s your choice. No one is going to make you.”

“I’ll do it.” She didn’t hesitate.

* * *

Watching Sasuke and Naruto fight was interesting and frustrating at the same time. Interesting in that they both had amazing power and abilities. Frustrating but for different reasons. Sasuke was incredibly wasteful with his chakra and drained it quickly. Naruto wasted chakra but seemed to have a limitless supply. The frustrating thing about him was that he was completely driven by his emotions.

Sasori fantasized over taking Naruto and Sasuke into his collection. He knew he could maximize their capabilities. But even if he succeeded in killing them, Sakura would never forgive him. Sasuke meant something to her, that he knew for sure. He knew by the way she had hustled information about Orochimaru out of him. All for Sasuke’s sake. The reminder left a nasty prick in his chest, souring his mood. Had he come second to Sasuke?

They had all just gotten over the ruckus of Sasuke and Naruto’s dispute. Those two argued nonstop, and it was getting on Sasori’s last nerve. Their unproductive argument escalated to violence then settled down into a drowsy stretch of silence. Sasuke had pulled out whatever crawled up his asshole that had agitated him, but Sasori had not. He curled up against a tree, glaring off into space while sucking on a can of a sweet bubbly drink. It was a soda. He never had one of those before. It made him feel slightly better.

“So are you going to tell us how you’re alive after Sakura killed you? Or are we gonna have to force you to talk?” Naruto could not go over five minutes of silence without speaking again.

Sasuke sat cross legged on the ground slicing a pear with a kunai. He pretended to not have any interest in Naruto’s question. In truth, he had been obsessing over it since he found Sasori in that cell. It was all he could think about. He doubted Sasori would give him an honest answer.

Sasori scooted against the tree he was leaning on. His vision had been blurring for the past hour. He was tired of feeling weak.

“I don’t know how.” He really didn’t.

“Yea, right! Who else from the Akatsuki is alive? We’re gonna find out one way or another.”

“Is Itachi alive?” Sasuke interrupted. “That’s all I care to know.”

“I don’t know, Sasuke.” Sasori had a headache. He wanted to shut them up but did not have the means to do so. “Believe it or not, I would tell you if I knew because I do not care.” He stopped caring long before he died. Maybe be never had cared. He only pretended to. What he wanted was to be left alone forever.

“Sakura said you went peacefully.” Naruto stared at him, searching for the first opening to reach his insides.

Sasori purposefully kept his face neutral. “Did she say that…” He appeared to reflect on the details of their supposed last encounter. His last memory of her was very different. She was pressed beneath him, taking in all of his desperation.

“Send her my worst regards.” He said nonchalantly. His bitterness had not gone away.

“You can send them yourself.” Sasuke spoke up. “She volunteered to assess and treat you.”

“You better not give her a hard time!” Naruto shouted.

Sasori corrected his face before it had the chance to crack. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Sasori could not recall the moment they made it to Konoha. It was all a blur. Sasuke had accompanied him down to a solitary examination room somewhere deep within the hospital. Presumably where they held all deranged criminals. His new prison one was not nearly as unsanitary as the last one he had been held captive in. It was almost a relief to be left alone even if it was stuck between four walls.

Sasuke had not said anything to him until they were in front of door.

“I’m going to take these off of you for now. But don’t get used to it. They’re going back on soon.” Sasuke clipped the cuffs and let them hit the ground with a hard clank. Sasori’s breath trembled as he inhaled a sigh of relief. His body automatically vacuumed in the unseen energy around him. Immediately, he felt some of his life force returning. The impact almost caused his legs to give out.

“Sakura is coming soon. I was assigned to oversee you. Don’t try anything stupid with her and I won’t be forced to interfere. I’ll be back tomorrow or if she calls for me sooner.” He opened the door and gestured for Sasori to enter. 

Sasori obeyed without any fuss. His nervousness increased as he listened to Sasuke’s steps diminish until they were replaced with a lighter set of footsteps.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The knob turned and the door popped open gently. Sakura’s shouldered her way in through the small crack. Her hair was pulled tightly into a high ponytail with her bangs hanging loosely around her face. A small black bag was clutched tightly under her arm. She looked around wide eyed until her eyes met his.

“Hi…” Her lips curved into a tentative smile, wary of the delicate nature of their relationship. The door snapped shut behind her, trapping her in alone with him.

Sasori stared back at her for the longest moment without expressing anything. She waited at the door for some form of acceptance, awkwardly standing with one arm wrapped around her waist. She counted herself blinking three times before she could not stand waiting any longer. Her feet moved her forward until she stopped in front of him. His eyes followed her all the way. 

“Hi.” He finally said. There was no way for him to prepare for this. He had it planned that if ever saw her again, there would be no words or gestures exchanged. All of those plans melted away in a matter of seconds. She reached for him, placing both hands on his shoulders as she observed him. Her smile lifted to something brighter and more genuine. 

“I’m so glad to see you’re ok. I was so worried when I heard Sasuke found you. Look at your hair!” She gestured to the knot of long hair tied on top of his head.

Sasori could not hide the pink of his face with his hair pulled back. Conflicting emotions overwhelmed him. He wanted so badly to tell her how miserable she made him and blame her for all the terrible events that led to now. He swallowed it down. Slicing into her never made him feel any better. He accepted defeat against Sakura a long time ago. He could hold no amount of hatred for her.

Her smile fell. “Say something, please. I don’t care if it’s mean. I would deserve it…I just need to hear that you are ok.” She had that insecure look on her face – his least favorite look.

“Why do you always need to talk?” He grabbed her hand with his good one. She released a breath and lowered herself to sit next to him. 

“Because we can’t just sit here and stare at each other and hope to read each other’s minds!” She buried her head in the crook of his neck. 

“Clearly, I am fine.” He said. His fingers stroked the curve her back. She relaxed

“So they caught you, huh?” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Did they take your money?”

“ **No!** If they touch my money, I will stab everyone!”

“Shhhhhhh! Stop being so loud about it.” She shoved her finger against his lips, whispering loudly.

“Who is around?” He glared at the door.

“I don’t know. Maybe Sasuke?”

Sakura lifted her head to look at him. “You feel very warm. I don’t think you’re fine.” She brought her hand up to press the back of it against his forehead.

“I missed you. And _you_ make me sick. I may just vomit on you right now if you don’t get off of me.” He knew exactly how much he missed her when all of the tension in his chest dissolved as soon as she walked through the door.

She moved away to grab her medical supplies. 

“I didn’t mean that. Don’t go. Please keep touching me.” He watched her toss around items in her kit. She pulled a thermometer out.

“I’m here to see about your health first and foremost.” She uncapped the thermometer and shoved it under his tongue. “Not satisfy your sexual needs.”

“That’s a shame. You do it so well.” The thermometer wobbled as he spoke.

Her face turned beet red. Yep. He had to be running a fever to be talking like that. She waited a minute for the thermometer to beep. He went to grab it, but she snatched it from his mouth first. Her eyes widened at the number on the small screen.

“How long have you been sick?” She looked at him sharply.

“How should I know that?” Sasori had been sick every day of his life.

“Well uh, it’s not hard to figure out. I’m sure you started feeling bad at some point.”

“It’s not a big deal.” He said as she hovered over him in the most annoying manner. His attention fell to her bare legs. “Those shorts look good on you.” He reached his fingertips beneath the skin-tight cuffs of her shorts. She smacked his hand away as he settled it on the upper part of her thigh. Her face burned red.

“You’re being so bad right now. This isn’t the-“ She paused as she caught sight of his other hand. “Oh my goodness. What happened.” She grabbed his wrist and observed it in horror. “Did you?” It would not be hard to believe that he had done this to himself.

“Of course not.” He tried to snatch his wrist away, but she held it firmly.

“Who did this to you?” She looked at him, hoping it was not any of her people. She never would have imagined they would resort to such cruel punishment tactics.

“It does not matter who did it. I messed up and this was a consequence.” He glared at her.

She didn’t say anything as she unwrapped the bandages. It was far worse beneath. She gasped at the sight of black swollen flesh and poorly healed wounds where there were once three fingers. 

“Sasori. This _is_ bad. Why haven’t you said anything? This is why you are sick. You have the worst case of gangrene I’ve ever seen.”

“Can you put my fingers back on? I have them.”

“No! Do you see this? I have to amputate half of your arm!” She looked at him incredulously. “This is all dead tissue.”

“Well fix it. I want my fingers reattached.” He looked at her as if this was a simple task she was refusing to do.

Her jaw fell open and she closed it again. “Why? You can make new ones. Didn’t you make an entire body from scratch? What’s the big deal about replacing half an arm?” 

“It’s the principal. Something of mine was taken from me. If I make a new arm then that means I was defeated.” He left out the part of her loving his fingers. 

“Men are so damn prideful and stubborn.” She shook her head. It seemed that every guy she became involved with would lose their arm. That thought disturbed her.

“You’re supposed to heal me. Not cut off more of me.” He pulled the jar out of his pocket and placed it in her hands. “Please try.”

She sighed. It was so hard to say no to him no matter how ridiculous the request was. “I guess I’ll try since you asked so politely. If I can save your tissue, then I can reattach your fingers. Don’t get your hopes up though. I don’t think I can fix this.” She gestured to the horror that was his arm.

“Yes you can. You’re just being lazy.” He laid on his back on the small cot against the wall and held out his arm. “I’m ready for you to start.” 

She stood there for a moment before moving to take a seat next to him. “You put too much faith in my abilities.”

“No. You are unwilling to explore the extent of your abilities.” That was the issue with being held back by a village. They did not allow you to grow into your fullest potential. Villages were a breeding ground for jealousy and fear of those that were great.

Sakura smiled. “Ya know, I do a whole lot of free shit for you. I need to start charging you for everything. I could be making a lot of money off of you.” She tsked as she wrapped her hands around his wrist and closed her eyes. The most delicate push of her chakra probed at his very dead nerves. She winced at the lack of response. Her chakra swam through decayed tissue until she found the first sign of life. His body temperature was very hot, and the gangrene had already spread very far.

“For everything?” His eyes were closed.

“Yes, everything.” 

“…Then what would that make you?”

“Th-That’s not what I meant!” She squeaked out. Her face was red again. “Don’t tease me while I’m working!”

“Ok.” He mumbled, his mouth pressed against her hip.

She held her hand against his forehead to soothe the fever. His breathing slowed as she worked through his system. Her cool chakra circulating through him gave him enough respite to fall asleep. She would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the fever induced vulnerability, but it was alarming.

She couldn’t believe she was about to go this far. What was it going to look like when she went above and beyond to heal her supposed enemy? It wasn’t going to look good, that was for sure. But, she was going to try anyway because he really wanted it, and she was going to give him whatever he wanted.

“Now, lets see if I can spark some of these nerves…” She said to herself. Sasori had passed out. His eyelids moved around. She wondered what he was dreaming about. “You cause a lot of trouble for me. You’re lucky that you’re so attractive. Otherwise, I may not be so inclined to put up with you.” No answer. She imagined he wouldn’t have answered if he had heard.

Sakura sighed and sliced open his arm with her chakra scalpel. The nerves were dead, so he could not feel it. If he started to feel pain, she had an anesthetic ready. Sakura had never done anything like this before, but she knew Tsunade could do it. After the surgery she performed on Lee years ago, she knew this would be nothing to her. But Tsunade wasn’t here, and she would never agree to do this.

With the most delicate precision, she placed a finger on the nerve ending and sent the smallest jolt through it. She repeated this motion several times and in several different places. In the midst of that, she removed a bunch of the dead nerves. A portion of functioning nerves were cut and grafted in the areas where she had removed a large chunk of them. She continued sending sparks along her newly configured path. 

Several hours passed as she continued her operation. She had put Sasori under an anesthetic before he could wake up. A guard came to check on her, and she impolitely dismissed him. The distraction almost caused her to overstimulate his nerves. It wasn’t until she was near chakra exhaustion that she decided to stop and observe her progress.

His arm was definitely not good as new, but at this point, she felt that she actually could pull this off. She had removed so much rotten tissue and dead nerves that there was hardly anything left of it. It wasn’t a pretty sight at all. With the chakra she had left, she managed to regenerate enough nerve and tissue for him to have a functioning (although weak) was forearm. The rest would be a matter of healing and regenerating. With her help, it would not take long, and she could reattach his fingers. _Then,_ it would be good as new.

For the first time, she was extremely impressed with herself. 

Sakura used the very last of her chakra to stitch up his arm. After sanitizing the area and wiping the sweat from her forehead, she laid down next to him, unable to move anymore. In a matter of seconds, she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW dont touch Sasori’s money lol


	29. Vanishing Act

  
The taste of Sasori’s vulnerability was sweet. Nothing had ever tasted so good to Sakura. She wanted to sink her teeth through his soft skin until she tore through all of his layers. Right down to the bone. The flavor would never get old.

This was the first thought she had as she woke up to the light kisses being placed all over her face. Her eyelashes fluttered. He pressed a meaningful, close mouthed kiss on her lips. She smiled and lifted her chin as he moved down her neck. The tingles spread further down with him. He stopped at her collarbone to leave affectionate bites and wet kisses along the sharpness of it.

“Thank you.” He whispered against her.

“How are you feeling?” She asked.

Sasori paused to consider. “Terrible. But better.” He lifted his arm to look at it. The flesh was pink and tender. His forearm looked deformed from the amount of tissue she had been required to remove. She was surprised that he had no complaints about the sloppiness of her work. Instead, he looked at it with wonder.

“Good. You exhausted my chakra. _You_ are exhausting.” Sakura stressed this. She moved to sit up, but he gripped her shoulders and pulled her back down.

“I missed you.” The look he gave her held her in place. That rawness he laid at her feet would always be sacred to her. It was all hers. Nobody else ever had it or ever would.

She swallowed. “I know. I missed you too.”

“I don’t like it.” He unattractively snorted back a wad of snot. It sort of ruined the moment.

“What do you mean?” She placed her hands on either side of his head, holding herself above him.

“You lost nothing when you left. I feel like I allowed you to take my entire identity with you. I don’t like it.” He rubbed at his eye.

She pressed her finger against the tip of his nose. “That’s not true at all. I didn’t take your identity.” Her fingertip moved down to trace his lips. “I left my best friend behind when I left.” 

“Your best friend, huh?” He gently bit her fingertip while looking up at her curiously.

“Yes. You don’t know how devastating that was to me.” She curled her fingertip behind his bottom teeth. The front four on the bottom row were the only ones that did not align perfectly. “It was hard waking up alone. Knowing I wasn’t going to see you anymore. I’d gotten so used to it.”

  
Being labeled as a friend relieved a deep rooted insecurity he had never known was there. At the same time, it made him uneasy. Friends were only temporary.

He had to disagree with her. He had allowed her to give shape to much of his identity. Having moved away from and gone back to himself with many years in between. He would compare it to falling asleep and awaking during the REM stage. Slowly finding his way back to a solid consciousness. It was completely unfamiliar to him. He woke up from a 20 something year slumber at odds with himself. Sakura had always been his focal point. The only thing worthy of his attention.

“I have to go report back. Sasuke will be here soon.” 

“Not yet.” His fingers slid up her sides, stopping to rest between her shoulder blades. She wanted to give in. But, it would not be very smart of her to do so.

“If you don’t stop, I’m going to end up having your babies. I have to go.” She removed his hands from her back and sat up.

“You’ve become a prude.” That thought _did_ make his stomach turn though.

“Hey! That’s what I would call you.” Sakura laughed and swatted at him. “I’ll see you later.” She got up and grabbed her things, leaving him behind to sulk over being rejected.

  
  
  


* * *

Sasori had only stepped into Konoha less than a handful of times throughout his life. The weather was always amiable to him no matter the time of year. He didn’t mind the harsh winters. Suna never needed them to kill off everything that breathed life into the soul sucking village. 

Sasuke’s long, hooded coat reached his knees. The sleeves covered his wrists, concealing the bangles digging into them. It wasn’t out of generosity that he threw it on Sasori. He explained to him that the Hokage wanted him covered to protect his identity. They did not want to incite fear amongst the villagers. Only a select few people knew he was there.

If any village needed to be wiped out, it was this one. Although he held no personal grudge, the amount of people in Konoha was unacceptable. Too many eyes. Too many ears. Everyone looked like the exact same person to him. At first, Sasori thought he was being paranoid until he realized something.

“They mistrust you.” He observed.

Sasuke said nothing, but the bitter look on his face showed his real feelings on the matter.

Every head turned their way as they walked through the crowds. He was quick to notice that all eyes were on Sasuke, watching him as if he were a wild animal that would attack on a whim. A few curious looks were turned his way as well. Sasori _did_ want to lash out.

Sasuke did an excellent job of avoiding eye contact with every single person. Sasori felt powerless without his chakra. He could not remember the last time he had been surrounded by this many people without being in the middle of a massacre. Two children brushed past his legs in a game of tag. An old senile man gripped him by the arms and pulled him in a tearful embrace, believing him to be someone else entirely. It was difficult to extricate himself from his grasp.

His apprehension always made it hard for him to function. As usual, he began to feel himself separate in two. It was like his body knew when to go into autopilot while his brain worked to destroy. Not just everything around him but himself as well.

“Where have you been all of this time?” Sasuke asked out of nowhere.

Sasori was thrown off by the question. He had hoped Sasuke had forgotten he was there. His thoughts had drifted beyond his reach, but he felt no desire to recollect them. Age was making it even harder for him to stay grounded. Although, he never did have solid roots.

“Well?” Sasuke prompted him.

“What was the question?” He asked, shaking his hair out of his eyes. The sharp wind blew it right back in his face. Thankfully, Sakura had just cut off his long hair. She wasn’t wrong when she said she did a lot of ‘free shit’ for him.

“I asked, where did you go? For someone who hates wasting time, you sure wasted a lot of it. What could you have possibly accomplished hiding out for several years?”

“My accomplishments are no longer measured in how many lives I destroy nor is it measured in my ability to win another person’s battles.” For the former, he had gotten too old for that. As for the latter, he never gave a shit about politics anyway. He didn’t know why he was bothering to explain this to Sasuke.

“So that’s it? You just…existed in the shadows? For no particular reason?” Sasuke didn’t mean it to sound as cruel as it did, but he could not wrap his brain around not having a particular goal to fight for. Fighting was so far ingrained in him that he had to find an outlet for violence whenever there was none available. Times of peace had made it difficult for him.

Sasori crossed his arms, feeling defensive. “When I was younger, I used to believe that I was born with a very specific role to fulfill. And that no one else could fulfill it but myself. But over time, I’ve come to realize something. With the natural born abilities comes responsibility. I was never capable of taking on the responsibility that was enforced upon me. Nor did I desire it. Sasuke, do you understand art?”

“I have no interest nor do I have time for that crap.” Sasuke remembered that Sasori was equally insane as Deidara. The only difference was that Sasori had a higher level of intelligence. And the ability to weave his way through a normal conversation. Still, he waited for the mad, poetic monologue about art that he thought was to come.

“It does nor matter because this is not the point. I’m an artist, and I do not take political sides. Perfecting my art is the only thing that matters to me. My point is Sasuke, if you find your why, then you need not question anything else.” Sasori had lived out his truth, and unfortunately, would have to suffer for it.

Sasuke didn’t believe him entirely, but he hoped that he would find the clarity Sasori had found. It was an odd thing to only have an appetite for intangible things. If there was no measurable reward, then what really was the point? That’s how he figured it. He wanted to keep Sasori around to soak up his chronic apathy. It made him feel better about his own detachment issues.

“You will always be a slave to Suna. Even if you think you aren’t. You wouldn’t be in this position if you weren’t.” Sasuke remarked.

“I don’t believe so.” Sasori choked up a laugh. He wasn’t important. Sasuke was. They were not the same. And that was all just fine with him. It meant that he was not obligated to anyone or anything. He had spent his adolescent years trying to deem himself important to people he hated (and he hated everyone). If he were to do his life over again, he’d make sure he learned the art of disappearing sooner.

“I think you misjudge your situation.” Sasuke could just let him continue living out the rest of his life in the fictional realm that was his head. It made no difference to him.

He had no further questions for Sasori. They walked on in silence. Sasori wondered what it felt like to evaporate. He envisioned himself wafting above Sasuke’s head into the pink sky.

* * *

The conference was crowded with anticipation. Yamato sat to Gaara’s left. Naruto to his right. Sai and Sakura were across from them. Kakashi was at the head of the table. Plenty of empty chairs were available. Sakura didn’t know why they brought in this many people. Were they trying to put him off?

“Why do you all look like you’re clenching your assholes? I don’t think it’s him. There’s no way.” Naruto glanced at the clock. 

Gaara shot him a bewildered sideways glance, always thrown off by Naruto’s inappropriateness.

“My sphincter is relaxed.” Sai blurted out.

Yamato choked on his water mid sip. Sakura let out a disgusted huff of breath.

“Gross, man. I didn’t actually want to know that.” Naruto shifted his focus to Gaara, looping an arm around his shoulder. “So how’s life back in Suna. You ready to retire yet? Better not before I become Hokage!” He belted out in his face. 

Sakura reached for the bowl of sugary mints in the middle of the table. It was her fifth one in the past ten minutes. They were all different pastel colors. This one was a soft green.

Gaara blinked at Naruto. “Suna is fine right now.” He chose to answer that question. “Like Konoha, we are dedicating the majority of our efforts on preventing another war.” 

“We ain’t got anything to worry about. I’ll stop it by myself if it comes down to it.” Naruto jabbed a thumb to his forehead.

“No you won’t.” Sasuke cut through the tail end of his obnoxious speech. 

Sakura chest tightened. Sasuke rounded the doorframe and trailing behind him was Sasori. With them, they brought in a sharp draft of antagonism. Sakura couldn’t tell which one contributed to it more. It was weird seeing them together, but they made quite the pair, she thought. The entire room except Sakura stopped to gape at Sasori. She lowered her head as he made sure to extend his ill intent to each person at the table with just one look of disgust.

“Ah Sasuke. And Sasori. Have a seat.” Kakashi said politely, appearing unfazed by this hostile environment. Sakura knew better.

Sasori did not move. Sasuke nudged him forward to sit. He turned to glare at him before complying. With no means to resist, he sat down at the head of table to be gawked at. Sasuke took a seat next to him. His eyes briefly settled on each person. Most of the people at the table he recognized. The Kazekage captured his attention. They stared at one another for a long, uncomfortable moment for the rest of the room. He wanted to spit on him.

“ **You.** What are you doing here?” Sasori hissed at him as if he had been the one wronged instead of the other way around.

“Don’t start. I’m not here to antagonize you.” Gaara sat with a straight spine and a straight face. 

“I have nothing to say to you.” Sasori realized his anger was groundless but being cornered made him irrational. It was easy to direct it on the person that represented the source of his adversity. He made a conscious effort to relax his face.

Gaara’s hands were folded into his lap. There was an unnatural tranquility surrounding him. A kind of poise and elegance that couldn’t be learned. Sasori had spent his entire life trying to achieve that state of being. It was as if he had surpassed every human weakness without having to bleed himself out for it. A ripple of jealousy crawled up his throat.

“We can skip the introductions, but I think we should start from the beginning.” Kakashi interrupted their stare down.

Sakura stuffed another handful of mints in her mouth. The following silence was filled with her crunching. She looked around awkwardly. No one looked back at her.

“I’m told that you are the late Sasori of the Akatsuki.” Kakashi started. “I don’t know whether that is true or not. The Sasori we knew of was a puppet, which you are clearly not. Do you claim to be him?”

“I’m not here to convince you of anything. I don’t care what you believe. But yes, I am Sasori.” He had nothing to hide and no conceivable reason to lie.

“Why are you stress eating?” Sai whispered to Sakura.

“I’m not! I’m hungry.” She whispered back. Leave it to Sai to notice her bad quirks. Her stomach hurt from the amount of sugar she had just consumed.

“If that’s true, then you know you must stand trial for your crimes.” Kakashi spoke calmly, looking at him as if he was waiting for a certain reaction. Lately, everyone seemed to look at him that way. If he wasn’t _stuck_ , he’d be more than happy to give them all a show.

“I will _not_ be standing trial.” He glanced over at Sakura for the first time. Her crunching was getting louder. Her and those damn mints started to grate on his nerves. He wanted to fuss at her.

“No one knows who you are, or who you claim to be, other than the people in this room.” Kakashi continued.

“Why does that matter to me?” Sasori shifted in his seat.

“It means we won’t be moving forward with proving your identity and prosecuting you for now.” Gaara answered.

“Why wouldn’t you?” He was noticeably perplexed.

“Because I have no proof that you are actually him outside of your claim. What I do know is that you stopped a war before it started. Whether your intentions are good or not, we need your insight. And before you ask, you don’t have a choice. If you don’t freely give it, we have the means to dig through your brain.” Gaara stated.

Sakura dropped the bowl of mints. They all went rolling onto the floor. She scrambled to pick them up.

Sasori was only to stay until Sakura finished with his arm. He had nothing to lose by complying until then. Sakura was visibly shaken. He knew she was terrified. If she was trying to keep a secret, she was doing a terrible job of it.

“I will comply on the condition that I stay in Konoha. I refuse to go back to Suna.” That was where he drew his line.

Sakura looked at Gaara and then Kakashi.

“You’re staying in Konoha. You will be under the watch of either Naruto, Sasuke or Sakura at all times.” Gaara said.

Sasuke and Naruto simultaneously expressed their disapproval. A sharp ‘no’ and a whiney ‘why me?’ shot out from opposite sides of the table. Sakura got up and briskly excused herself. She walked to the door with the back of her hand covering her mouth. Kakashi’s eyes followed her back until she closed it behind her.

“It has been decided. We can’t afford another war. Sasori, or whoever you are, you will be working with my team until further notice. Then you will be placed under Gaara’s charge if you are proven to be Sasori.” Kakashi stated.

Sasori was sick of being told what was going to happen to him. The thought of being placed in Gaara’s charge made him want to walk over to Suna and set the entire village to flames. And Konoha too while he was at it.

“You all can go. I will call you in later for further instructions.” Kakashi dismissed them, and that concluded the weird meeting. Sasori had _not_ expected it to go that way. Nevertheless, he was aggravated.

Everyone rose from their seats save for Kakashi and Gaara. They left the conference room, all in varying bad moods. 

Kakashi turned his attention to Gaara as the last person exited and shut the door. 

“You think it’s really him?” He asked.

“I have no doubt. But as long as no one else knows, we can use his knowledge to our advantage.” Gaara answered. “What of Orochimaru and Kabuto?”

“Kabuto has completely lost interest with getting involved in politics. Orochimaru is still under strict supervision of the Anbu. I don’t know that we are ready to involve him yet. He’s still unpredictable. Sasuke has mostly stayed out of trouble since his the war. He had a few incidents of violence with Naruto and Sakura, but they refuse to press charges against him.” Kakashi leaned back in his chair crossing one hand over his chest and curling the other beneath his chin.

“What do you think of Sasori?” Gaara looked at the door.

“I don’t know yet. What I do know is that he hasn’t caused any trouble since his supposed death. The only thing he’s done has been to our advantage even if it was not his intention. We will see. He’s valuable as of now.” Kakashi reminded himself that he had carefully weighed out his options and had decided on what was best for the villages. Although the ethics of their methods were questionable, he was confident that they had a solid handle on the risks.

“I’m inclined to agree. Personal grievances aside, we should use all of the resources at our disposable to stop this war. We need extraordinary shinobi like Orochimaru, Sasori and Sasuke. If we have shinobi of their likes, that means civilians and lower rank shinobi will not be forced to fight.” Gaara agreed with Kakashi. Unfortunately, it was a point of contention with other villages. Konoha and Suna were the only villages using their former terrorists as weapons. But, Gaara did not believe that other villages weren’t handling their business in unconventional ways. They were all guilty of it.

“That’s exactly my thoughts. Shinobi aren’t made the same as they used to be. All of our old clans are dying out. The war took so much from everyone. Parents no longer want to raise their kids to be child warriors. I can’t say I blame them.” Kakashi stood to his feet.

“Neither can I. The wounds are too fresh. No one wants to acknowledge the possibility of another war during times of peace.” Gaara agreed.

Kakashi personally couldn’t stomach the thought of more bloodshed under his jurisdiction. And especially if he had not exhausted all options to prevent it.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Where are you going?” Sasuke was exasperated. He followed Sasori as he stormed out and turned down the long hall. It led in a complete circle. Sasori looked around for doors that appeared to be the restrooms.

“Im going find Sakura.” He answered without looking back.

“For what?” Sasuke snorted.

“Because apparently, she is one of my keepers. Naruto is annoying, and I’ve had enough of you.” He stopped in front of a door with a sign that said ‘ladies’ room.’

“Fine. I really don’t care. By all means, go disturb her in the restroom.” He crossed his arms, standing behind him.

Sasori didn’t need to be told. He pushed open the door and stepped into the women’s restroom, leaving Sasuke in his bewilderment. 


	30. Safe Spaces are in Vacant Places

  
“Has it always been within your nature to make a scene wherever you go or…?” Sasori looked more amused than irritated.

“What are you doing in the women’s’ room? I can’t deal with you.” Speaking to his reflection in the mirror, Sakura rubbed her thumb against the corner of her mouth to wipe off the remaining vomit crust. Her nerves were absolutely shot to hell.

She watched him walk over and prop himself up next to her on the countertop. “You’re supposed to be watching me.” He curled his fingertips and brought them to his lips, chewing on his nails.

“I was _supposed_ to have a normal, boring day.” Her voice echoed off of the slick tiled walls. “I’m so done for.” She went limp in the knees and sank down to the floor, collapsing against the sink. 

Sasori looked down at her slumped form on the floor. All he could see was the top of her pink head. His legs hung over the countertop. “We need to talk about what was just discussed in that conference room.” 

“Before you start on me, I need you to understand that there is little I can do for your situation.” She looked up at him helplessly.

“I won’t be staying here.” He crossed his arms and informed her.

“Oh yes, you are! Because if you don’t, then that’s on me.” She grabbed his ankle.

“I can’t stay here. You know this.” He shot back.

“Sasori, can we not have this conversation in the middle of a public restroom? You realize you’re not supposed to be in here?”

“It has to be held **now**. We can take it outside if you’d like.”

She sighed. “Just please. Whatever you have to do, keep me in mind. I could be tried for treason.” Saying it out loud made her nauseous again.

“They are using me! I won’t allow it. I’m not working for Suna or Konoha.” 

“I know, I know. Just trust me please. We can figure something out. I just need more time.” She gripped his ankle tight as she pleaded up to him.

They fell into silence, digesting the past 24 hours that felt like an entire month to Sakura. She released his ankle and slouched back. It felt selfish, but Sakura thought her issue was way more significant than his. She quickly corrected that line of thinking when she remembered that not only were they going to use him, but they would possibly discard him right after. At best, lock him away for the rest of his life.

“Are you mad at me?” She asked in that whiney, sulking way.

“No. I’m simply telling you what’s not going to happen.” He stated.

Sasori knew better than to place his unreasonable expectations on her again. Doing so had been stupid on his part because he _knew_ that all people disappoint. He had romanticized Sakura, believing her to be incapable of disappointing him. Surprisingly, the discovery of her shortcomings did not make him love her any less. He had hoped it would. He had hoped he’d be so disgusted that he’d never want to look at her again. It never did, and that was the kind of issue he could only take up with himself.

“I promise I’m going to figure something out.” She held up her pinky finger in the air. 

He smacked her pinky finger away. “I just want you to fix my arm. I’m not asking you to do anything else…You’ve done enough.”

She held it up again. “No, no. I’m going to fix this.”

“Sakura. Get off the floor.” He wrinkled his nose.

Sakura became aware of her bare thigh clinging to the sticky floor. It was difficult to peel herself off when she knew she would just get nauseous again.

“Please hook my finger first.” She waved it around in the air.

“Ridiculous. I have no idea what I see in you.” He said out loud. Nevertheless, he reached over to connect his only pinky with hers.

“I don’t either. There are way prettier girls than me.” She squeezed his pinky.

“No, there aren’t. But I’m sure there are women _much_ less irritating than you.” 

She parted her lips and then shut them, not sure whether to respond to the compliment or the insult. Instead, she let out a small breathy huff and grinned.

“Say the word ‘irritating’ again.”

“No. Why?”

She snickered. “Because your accent. It sounds funny the way you say it.” It wasn’t the truth. She wanted to hear it again because she found the way he said the word to be charming and endearing. Even if he was insulting her.

“Fine. Sakura, you are very _irritating_.” He slowly and carefully pronounced it with a Konoha articulation.

She laughed although she was disappointed. He looked at her, bemused. 

“Ok, I’ll get off the floor now.” Sakura felt better. Light enough to pick herself up from the messy heap of her limbs. She reached her hands up, looking at Sasori expectantly.

“What?”

“Help me up? It’s the polite thing to do.”

“If you need my help to stand, then you need to resign as a shinobi. You’ve passed your pique. You are an old woman.” He peered down at her meanly.

It was a good thing he did not because that was the moment Sasuke chose to swing the door open. He had not expected to see Sasori sitting on the countertop glaring down at Sakura who was sitting on the floor. 

“Are you going to deal with the prisoner so I can leave?” Sasuke directed a look, half irritated and half confused, towards Sakura. He wasn’t going to ask. Didn’t really care. Whatever she had been doing was none of his business.

Sakura blinked and stared at him for a moment before nodding slowly. “I’ll take Sasori back.”

“Thanks.” He huffed out while turning around and shutting the door behind him.

“You think you could have told me _Sasuke_ was right outside the door waiting?” She whipped her head back up to glower at him.

“Yes, I could have. But I did not feel like it.”

  
  


* * *

The conversation with Sasuke loomed over Sasori’s thoughts longer than he expected it to. His aggravation grew the longer he let it simmer. The presumptuous brat had some nerve judging his situation, stating he had not done anything for the last few years. 

He should have reminded him that it was he who crippled the enemy forces and stalled another war. It wouldn’t have been right to take full credit when Sakura did half the work. Besides, he didn’t want to appear as if he did it for the greater good. Whatever that was supposed to be. He’d never met a single person that he considered to be ‘good.’ The way he saw it, rotten people grouped up and opposed one another, each with the assertion that _they_ fought for the greater good.

What really made a person pure enough to be deemed good? Was it your intentions? No one had pure intentions no matter how much they believed so. Was it measured in how many people you loved? Sasori couldn’t fathom the ability to love many people. Love lessened in intensity and lost its value if it was extended to everyone. Could it be the level of devotion shown to a God? If Hidan was an example to go off of, then he knew this was not the truth.

“I have to do a mental evaluation on you. Well. I’m not really qualified for it, but I have a list of questions to ask you…” Sakura tapped a pen against her chin.

“No. I need a nap.” He gave her sharp sideways look. His bad mood was starting to leak out. He was sick of being around people. The chakra bracelets weren’t helping at all.

  
“No, you don’t.” She pulled out a folder and balanced it on her forearm, flipping through the contents within.

“You already know the poor state of my sanity. Just fill in the blanks. It makes no difference to me what you put.”

“Unfortunately, that won’t do.”

“You’re in no position to evaluate me.” He said spitefully.

She ignored the bite of that statement. “Fine. I’ll let Sasuke do it. Or Naruto.”

“I won’t participate either way. I want you to leave now.”

“Ooooh Sasori.” Sakura sang out. “You’re in one of those moods.” She jabbed a finger in between his ribs.

“Stop it.” He had every right to be in a bad mood, and he wanted to wallow in it. Furthermore, he still hadn’t come up with a plan to escape. Rotting in a damp cell was not going to be how he went out. His promise to himself was becoming more desperate with every passing day. 

“Well. Then let me just ask questions. Ones that are not on this list. I’ll make up whatever answers. I really just want to know more about your past. How you became the great Sasori.” She gestured to him. “You never talk about it.”

He was making that pinched face. “There is nothing worth mentioning. It was far too uneventful. I deflected because my boredom was unbearable.”

“I figured _that_ much. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about your beginnings. Do you remember anything about your parents?”

His pinched expression fell into a full frown. “Very little.”

“Do you know what they were like? Their relationship?” She was curious about the two people who produced someone like him.

“They were disgustingly human.” He answered Sakura. “My mother obsessed over her faith, and my father obsessed over her.”

Most of what he knew was told to him by Chiyo or Yuyake. Between her overly negative and his overly positive take on their relationship, he was able to piece together a more accurate story. His mother had made a reputation of herself unbecoming of a proper woman (only in repressive Suna did this matter). His father had fallen in love with her at some point much to Chiyo’s dismay. He loved her to the point that Chiyo deemed it to be unhealthy and unnatural. She had accused his mother of bewitching his father.

To make up for her past, his mother had devoted herself to religion. One memory that stuck with him was of her folded over at the waist on her hands and knees in prayer. For many days, she would fast. During this time, she remained silent when spoken to. A particular argument he remembered started when his father asked her to stop cutting into herself. Sasori had later asked his mother why she did this. She told him that God must be shown the highest praise for saving her and blessing her with a beautiful family. He still recalled the joyous, airy look on her face as she professed this; the way she appeared as if her soul was a floating ballon she held by a string. Madness.

Now that he was older, he understood not her reasoning, but the fixation on cleansing impurities. Healing could be found through physical trauma. And healing brought one closer to a feeling of rightness.

“They sound very human. But I wouldn’t call it disgusting. It sounds like they loved in the best way they knew how. It’s all any of us can really do.” Sakura looked dreamy and wistful. Not very different from the look on his mother’s face, sitting as an unfocused image in his memories.

Sasori looked at her blankly until he felt his eye sockets dry out. “This conversation is boring. What are you going to do with all of this boring information?”

“It’s not boring! You hardly told me anything.” 

“Ok. What other nosey questions do you have for me?”

Her eyes lit up causing him to scoot back. “What was it like being a puppet?”

That was a little more interesting. He thought about it. “It was like sitting in a house with all of the lights turned out, only hearing the occasional creak.” A vacant house was the only way he could describe it.

“Well that sounds…” She decided not finish that sentence with the word boring. “Do you like quiet houses?” 

“Not really. But I dislike incessant noise even more.”

Sakura asked a few more unnecessary questions before he decided to stop humoring her. Sasori let her know that he was done by laying on his side and facing the wall, allowing a large gap of silence to sit between her and his back. He had no idea what she got out of their conversation to write down answers to the real questions on her page.

* * *

  
  


Not very many people were lucky enough to have two motherly figures to look up to. Tsunade and Sakura’s mother were both just as much of an influence to her. However, her mother was not someone she could be in the same room with for very long. Tsunade never tried to dig into her personal life, picking out all of her problems and placing them on the table as an object to inspect over chamomile tea.

“I hope you aren’t still drinking.” Her mother wasted no time in getting directly to it. She took in Sakura’s appearance with a look of scrutiny.

“I don’t drink _that_ much, mom.” She slouched back and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Maybe to you its ‘not that much’ but your standards are questionable.” She clipped that statement with a sharp sip of tea. “Close your legs and sit up straight.”

“Now, Mebuki. We hardly get to see Sakura these days. Let’s allow her to talk.” Kizashi patted Mebuki gently on the shoulder. 

Sakura had lost any inclination to talk. Her eyes darted around, looking for the waitress. It was rarely ever a pleasant experience being in the company of her parents. The were both difficult to speak to for different reasons. Her mother took everything seriously and was critical of every move she made. Her father took nothing serious and made jokes out of everything she said. Ino once said that her parents made her dizzy. Sakura agreed. It only took half an hour for them to have her head spinning. 

Conversations floated around as warm drafts of air. She tried to catch one to pretend she was a part of another conversation. Any one over for her present one would do. The conversation of two gossiping young women at the next table over caught her attention. The were both dressed nicely, obviously from wealthy families. She could tell that they had expensive educations and used big words to talk a lot about nothing.

_‘She confided in me that her husband informed her that he would very much like to put his mouth on a penis at least once. Can you believe? She asked me what she ought to do!’_ She heard the girl sitting closest to her say. Her arms were covered in exotic looking bangles. Her heavy earrings swung around her jaw as she gestured with her arms.

‘ _My word! What did you say to her? I wouldn’t have known what to advise her to do!’_ The other one was engrossed in their conversation. She leaned in closer with her wide eyes, ready to agree with whatever would come out of her friend’s mouth next.

_‘She sought my advice, but how was I to know the answer? It is her own fault for marrying a man who is known to prefer the company of men over women.’_ She huffed.

_‘Yes, it is her own fault.’_ The other agreed haughtily.

Sakura felt herself being drawn in by the very strange problems of rich civilians. They worried over petty things compared to shinobi She tried not to look on their rude gossip with contempt as she had no business listening in on it in the first place. Besides, shinobi chose their lives. It was never forced on them. She suddenly felt guilty for her judgement. Maybe she was looking for a new place to direct her present anger instead of making a scene in public with her mother. She was not above doing that, and it certainly wouldn’t have been the first occurrence.

“So what is going on in your life?” Her mother’s question almost sounded like an accusation.

Here we go, Sakura thought to herself. She looked out into the clusters of people sitting at tables. Nobody that she recognized was around to distract her.

“Oh you know, just working at the hospital, going on the occasional mission or business trip with Lady Tsunsade-“

“Are you seeing anyone?” Mebuki cut her off.

Sakura was still hanging on the cliff of her last sentence. She shut her mouth and swallowed. The question annoyed her because she knew her mother was looking for something to criticize her on as opposed to discussing the aspects of her life that she did right. Despite her annoyance, her mother’s pursed lips and narrowed eyes always unnerved her. “No.” 

“Who was that young man you were with earlier?”

“Which young man? I’m around a lot of them.” She yawned.

“Yes, but I haven’t seen this one before. The redhead.”

She hesitated. “Gaara? He’s in town you know. It’s probably him?” Sakura had not stepped out alongside Gaara at any point.

“No, not the Kazekage. I saw you walking with him this morning.”

“Oh. Him.” She said vaguely. “No one you need to worry about. Why?”

“I’m just asking.”

“Why?”

“He’s handsome. Looks like trouble. Just your type.” Her mother was staring into her.

“Don’t start, mom. It’s not like that. He’s a lost ex-shinobi from a different village.” She looked down tearing at a small napkin.

“You know how I can tell you’re lying? You had that silly look on your face. That same one you used to make at Sasuke.” She never let up on her stare.

Sakura was pretty sure she did not have that look on her face and that her mom was fishing. “I can’t talk about him. Hokage’s orders. He’s been placed under my charge while he recovers.” 

“I didn’t call you out to nag at you. I’m just worried is all. You can’t blame me for it after you attempted to throw your entire life away for a handsome face. A criminal at that.” Her pinky finger was lifted from her teacup pointing at Sakura.

“I _knooooow._ You never let me forget. I’m telling you, it’s not like that.” It was like that. There was no way she could explain to her mother that although it was like that, she had already made the decision to not throw away her life this time.

“You have a weakness for pretty faces. You need to stop being shallow and find a decent man. What about Naruto? He’s gotten handsome.” 

“It doesn’t work the way, mom. I’m not worried about it. I’m fine with the way things are now.” Sakura had told lies to her mother for years. By now, she did so with no effort.

“Splendid, now that this _awful_ conversation about boys is out of the way, let’s talk about your goals to win a world record in pogo-sticking. How is that going for you?” Her father said out of nowhere. His hands were folded under his chin and his eyebrows were raised with unnecessary eagerness.

She felt her cheeks heat up. “Dad. That was 12 years ago. I don’t even have a pogo stick.” 

She could never tell whether or not her dad purposefully said random crap to throw off the tension. Up until recently, she had believed her dad made up his own language and was the only person who spoke it. Now, she recognized that it was his way of dealing with his own discomfort. Being married to someone as intense as Mebuki, you really need a coping mechanism. Sakura preferred to get involved in shouting matches. Her father was smarter than her.

For the rest of their quality family time, she entertained her father’s mindless questions. They drowned out her mother’s inquiries with their nonsensical conversation, laughing loudly and speaking animatedly.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, I’m at 30 chapters! I know where I’m going with this but the journey is still not mapped out completely. I am not sure at what point I’m gonna conclude this. I’m just kind of letting it take me.
> 
> I wanted to go deeper into the story of Sasori’s parents, but it would be too long to fit in this story. I am drafting a spin-off of this story that centers on them (with Chiyo and Yuyake) from their beginning to their death.
> 
> Just a quick note. Any mentions of religion are not referencing any real ones. It’s all fictional.


	31. A Sour Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a side note, I released the first chapter of my spin-off fic of the backstory of Sasori's parents. It is called Caught Up in an Eternal Sunrise if it is something you would be interested in reading. I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

Orochimaru rubbed Sasori the wrong way. It had been so ever since the first time he had stepped in the vicinity of his space. The amount of time it took for him and Sasuke to loop down the winding stairs into the dark hole of Orochimaru’s residence on the outskirts of Konoha was not enough time for Sasori to mentally prepare himself. He was greatly offended by Sasuke who had not bothered to explain to him where they were going.

The first clue he had was an ANBU guard standing out near the entrance that followed them inside. The second clue was the distinct burnt spice smell he had come to associate with Orochimaru during their time of acquaintance. The third was the skin crawling essence of death floating in the air. He was likely breathing in all the ghosts Orochimaru had collected throughout his years of feasting on the flesh of poor fools. 

Sasori had always believed his own methods of immortality to be superior because he needed nothing as sustenance. That was until he was thrown back into his rotting body. Orochimaru was going to have the satisfaction of seeing his failure firsthand.

“Dear Sasuke.” The slimy voice echoed up from the room below. “You’ve brought me an old friend to reminisce with. How thoughtful. It gets lonely down here.” Orochimaru’s face cracked into a knowing smirk that immediately enraged Sasori.

“Listening to you speak is revolting. It’s like witnessing someone retch in public.” Sasori said as a greeting. 

The blood beneath his skin threatened to burst from his pores. He didn’t have the capacity to feel uncomfortable about anything. Instead, his discomfort showed up in the form of rage induced bloodshed. Unfortunately, he was powerless in that moment and thus had no way to relieve his decades long resentment other than by spitting insults. It was unfulfilling.

Orochimaru’s patronizing grin stretched further across his sickly pale face. “Oh Sasori. You haven’t changed a bit. You look good these days, by the way. Whatever is your secret?”

“I have no secret. I am on a gradual decline much to your satisfaction - I’m sure. What am I doing here?” He directed his question to Sasuke.

“You don’t believe I only want the best for you, Sasori? I’m hurt that you think so little of me. I actually miss our chats.” His depthless eyes sparkled with amusement. 

“Well I don’t.” Sasori sat down with a stiff spine, his back not touching his chair.

“Man. It’s insane that they even allow the three of you to be in a room together.” Suigetsu, a slender, silver haired man Sasori had recently met, commented on the sight of Orochimaru, Sasuke and Sasori sitting around the small table cluttered with old books and diagrams.

“I don’t know why I’m here.” Sasori repeated.

“You’re about to get your first assignment. That’s why.” Sasuke answered.

“Looks like we’re all working for Konoha now.” Suigetsu sighed. “Oh well. As long as I get paid, that’s all I care about.”

“Are you really working for Konoha?” He asked Orochimaru. Obviously, Sasori had missed out on a lot during his years of living like a crazy hermit.

“Hmm, I suppose I am. Though I work for Konoha by choice. Your hand is being forced. No matter. There is something I want to show you. Come.” Orochimaru clapped his hands once, rose from his seat and walked over to the next room.

Unwilling to let go of his anger, Sasori hesitated for a long moment. Eventually, his own curiosity and the expectant silence from Sasuke motivated him to get up and follow Orochimaru into a room where a redheaded woman was roughly cleaning glass beakers at a metal sink. There was a small specimen refrigerator sitting next to it. On the opposite side of the room, a bookshelf covered the wall with texts he recalled seeing before. The dark green hardback book on chakra transfusions, one Sasori had wrote himself, caught his attention. In the middle of the room was a table neatly organized with a label printer, one open textbook, a microscope and a few purposefully placed tools.

“Karin, would you grab the box from the cabinet above your head?” Orochimaru asked.

Karin looked over her shoulder at them with mild disdain. She eyed each of them over before setting a critical gaze on Sasori. He narrowed his eyes at her. She turned her attention to Sasuke who stepped into the room behind him. Her face relaxed before it moved back into a neutral scowl. She dried her wet hands on a towel and reached up to open the cabinet door to pull out the box while grumbling about the overload of offensive chakra in the air. He heard her utter something about Suigetsu’s chakra being ‘as foul as old man sweat’ as she dropped the box on the table.

“I was fortunate to run into Kabuto who was able to recover much of my old research files. I happened to find some of yours as well.” Orochimaru said.

“Kabuto. I hadn’t sent him since the war. Does he still have that big dong hanging out of his stomach that turns into people?” Suigetsu asked. Karin turned a nasty glare on him.

“A what?” Sasori couldn’t help but to ask.

“I said.” He looked at Karin. “He has a big di-“

“Shut up!” She swung her arm, smacking him across the face. The impact caused a splash of water to flood the room. “You’re fucking disgusting. That’s exactly why you’re still single. You don’t know how to act like a normal person.”

“I heard that. I meant the part about it turning into other people.” Sasori clarified.

The water gravitated to Suigetsu’s neck and shaped back into his face. “Oh yea. It transforms into the people that he absorbed into himself. He injected the cells of different people into his body which gave him access to their powers.” He boredly explained Kabuto’s abomination as if it were something he was reading out of a textbook.

“I’ve never heard of anything more disturbing in my life.” Sasori remarked.

“Yep. Me neither. Suigetsu conceded. “And that’s not all. He wears nun robes now. Runs an orphanage.”

“About those files. They’re garbage. Throw them away because I don’t need them. I don’t know why you bothered saving them. Are you a hoarder of useless junk?” Sasori asked. He was sure that whatever he was researching at 15 years old was not something he cared about now. 

“Most of it is junk, but I was reminded of something you said 24 years ago when we were working together. It was an idea that intrigued me. Something about creating nanobots as a more efficient alternative to your sleeper agent jutsu. You never did finish explaining your theories on the ways this could be used in warfare. I want to hear them now.” Orochimaru sliced through the tape on the box with his sharp fingernails.

“24 years ago? Do you think I remember what I said 24 years ago about nanobots?” No doubt this was at the height of his madness just before he discarded himself. It sounded like the ravings of a madman.

“You don’t? That’s a shame. I thought it was brilliant idea. Maybe you just need to think about it.”

“I don’t know. Why are you asking me about this?” It was a trap. Everything was a trap. Traps were everywhere. He could see them lying about, waiting for him to stick his ankle where it shouldn’t be. There could be no other reason Orochimaru would be talking to him like they hadn’t been trying to kill each other for the past 20 something years.

“We have a war coming. Don’t you want to contribute something grand? Something that can change the entire course? I think together we can do it together.” Orochimaru posed the question. Sasori hadn't seen it coming.

The answer was yes. Absolutely yes. Sasori was interested in creating something capable of changing the course of history. His entire life had been dedicated to this purpose. The sad state of his puppet collection depressed him. He never could return it to its former glory. Here was Orochimaru who he still hated with everything in him, but he could not deny the fact that working with him again sounded appealing. Orochimaru was a genius and had everything at his disposal. Nevertheless. He didn’t trust him, and the very bottom line was that he wasn’t fighting for anyone.

“I don’t want anything to do with this war. I despise both sides equally.” Sasori answered.

“Think about it. This could be your last chance. You’re on a timeline, Sasori.” He cracked a smile across his ageless face.

* * *

Dark fuzzy images floated across the forefront of his mind and disappeared to the back. They were connected all though they did not seem to be. Wiping blood. Sucking out the poison. Stumbling into a dark lab. The stench of it stroking his senses intrusively, taking up the entire capacity of his lungs. And then what? There was a word on the tip of his tongue before it all fell between the cracks. His mind abruptly switched the scene to project another. Was this the one? He wasn’t sure if he should pursue it. 

“Are you ok?” Sakura waved her hand in front of Sasori’s face. 

He was staring hard at his belongings from Orochimaru, mindlessly chewing on dry cereal. The cereal box was clutched tightly in his other hand. He blinked and glanced down at the goofy bird smiling up at him. The problem was that he had gotten himself vacuumed up in the void again, and it bothered him. It all stemmed from Orochimaru mentioning something from 24 years ago he had said that he couldn’t remember. No matter how many different memory paths he took. 

He never told Sakura that he had erased chunks of his memory prior to becoming a puppet. It had been a mistake because instead of blissfully ‘forgetting,’ he would encounter large gaps. As it happened, he would go down a train of thought that led to a dead end. It was like suddenly being projected from earth onto an empty planet where the stars cannot reach. He could stay there for hours unable to come out of it.

“I don’t know. I want to fight. Yes, that’s what I need to do.” He dropped the cereal box, got up and paced around the room. The light bulb was too bright. The walls were too mind numbingly bare to look at any longer. 

“Yea, I feel you…but…”

When Sakura said stupid things like ‘I feel you’ it meant she was dismissing him. She did not understand his dilemma. “No. You don’t ‘feel me’ so stop saying that.”

“What or who do you want to fight?” She shook her head. Some of her hairs fell out of her messy ponytail. She untied it, allowing it to fall over her shoulders. He wanted to pull it.

Sasori moved behind her and grabbed locks of her hair. “You know what bothers me about you?” 

Sakura leaned into his tightening grip, letting her neck fall backwards as he pulled her head to look at her face.

“What’s that?” Her voice strained out of her stretched throat.

“I never know what you’re thinking.” He studied her upside down face.

“I can say the same about you. Like just now. I had no idea what you were thinking about.”

“I was thinking about a mistake I made.”

“A mistake?”

“I keep trying to fill the gaps, and it’s not working. I’ll tell you a secret. But don’t you dare judge me.” He warned.

“Ok.” She stated with a carefully blanked expression. Sasori only had a handful of moods in his emotional range. He was in between two of them. It was the one where he starts speaking erratically before he becomes completely unstable. She had learned to empty herself, making room to collect his spilling guts when he became like this.

“When you left and went back home, I thought I was you for a period of time.” He confessed to her.

“…What?” She hadn’t expected him to say something like that.

“I forgot who I was supposed to be, so I filled the gaps with you. I thought I was supposed to be you, and that I needed to kill you and take over your body.”

Sakura blinked at him as she tugged anxiously at her own earlobe. “You don’t…still think that…do you?”

“No. I can feel the difference. I can’t tell what you’re thinking. There’s no way I’m you if I can’t fill the gaps with your thoughts.” He looked thoughtfully away.

“The gaps. I don’t understand what you mean by this.” She tried to keep a neutral demeanor and allow him to speak freely.

“I have gaps in my memory. I created them on purpose. I think I did it as an attempt to perfect myself. I didn’t erase every memory that I disliked, but there were a lot of things. I think.” At that point, he wasn’t so sure. Just confused.

Sakura stared at him with glassy eyes and parted lips for a long moment. He waited for her to respond. The smell of her forgotten tea interlaced with the musty smell of the room. He sucked it all in through his nose sharply and blinked.

“Why have you never told me this? It’s a big deal. Don’t you think?” She finally asked.

“That’s not my point. That’s not why I brought it up. Stop making that face. Don’t try to pity me because I hate when you do that.” He said to her watery eyed stare.

“So what are you trying to say? Because you’re really freaking me out right now.” It was getting hard to maintain her careful handling of him.

“Remember that night you bathed with me?” He tried not to become distracted by the memory of her wet hair and erect nipples. Her damp skin had glistened under the lamplight. He remembered she smelled of her rose bath oil.

“Y-yeah.” 

“When you were kissing me, I thought you were trying to absorb me. Or that you were trying to reclaim everything that was yours.” He was aware of how mad he sounded, but she needed to know. It was all true.

“Sasori.” Unable to stomach anymore if his admission, Sakura cut off whatever he was going to say next. She stood up and grabbed his face, holding it in place between her palms. “You’re not completely wrong. I shoved myself in your space when you weren’t adjusted. Because I really liked the attention you gave me. I blame myself for your identity confusion. I thought I understood you, but I didn’t fully understand how lost you were. I wish you would have told me about your memories sooner. I’m very sorry.” She pressed her forehead against his.

“You shouldn’t be.” He collected her in his arms and placed her on the table where she kept all of her supplies. They lied around forgotten in a disorderly mess. “You shouldn’t be sorry. There’s no reason. I realized something later on.” It was important for her to know that he had didn’t want her to have any reservations.

“What did you realize?” She sniffed.

“I’m in love with you.” He said it in a factual way. There was no amount of tenderness in his gaze – just manic clarity. “I confused my regard for you as my lost identity. I’m still confused because the gaps are there, but I know I love you.”

Sakura pulled his face into hers and mashed her lips against his. He tried to pull back to say something else, but she had nothing left to give in terms of listening. The conversation had thrown her into a dizzying vortex of self-disgust, exasperation, hopefulness and heavy affection. Tears leaked out of her eyes and slipped between their lips. He tasted the saltiness along with familiar flavor unique to her.

Sakura moved back to catch a breath. “I love you. I’ve loved you for a while. I don’t know how to love though. I tend to suck people dry.”

“I don’t know how either. Who cares? I don’t.” If she was a perfectly balanced person, he wouldn’t have any interest in her.

His hands had slipped beneath her shorts. Her arms had moved up his shoulders and looped around his neck. They were at this point when the door opened. Neither had heard the turn of the knob. A creak that sounded from the door hinge may or may not have saved them. Sasori quickly pulled his hands away as Sakura dropped her legs that were wrapped around his waist. He stood in front of her without turning around, a look of irritation on his face. Sakura covered her swollen lips behind her hand as she peered over his shoulder. 

Sasuke was standing outside the door with a blank expression. He showed no evidence that he had see anything, or if he had, no indication of his thoughts on the matter aside from a slight tilt of his head.


	32. Cold, Blaring Winds

Sasori took a step back, giving space for Sakura to hop down from the table. She kept her head down as she moved around to clean up the mess, organizing the stray prescription bottles and placing her stethoscope and otoscope in her bag. Sasori took a full minute to recollect himself. He shot an irritated breath of air from his nose and turned to face Sasuke.

“Is there any reason you’re here? Because I’m very tired of all three of you showing up at random.” Well, he was tired of two of them showing up at random. 

“I’m here for Sakura. Not you.” Sasuke stayed at the doorframe. His face was as unreadable as ever. 

This made Sakura uneasy. If Sasuke saw and wanted to be spiteful, he could easily destroy her entire life. If confronted, she was going to lie of course. Sasuke didn’t know what he was talking about. And didn’t you know that Sasuke was crazy? And he hates me. Still, she felt all the walls between the compartments of her life she kept separate collapsing over.

“What is it?” Her face was still flushed. She kept her eyes down as she slowly finished picking up.

“The Hokage said that he wants our report finished by this afternoon. I can’t finish my part without your input.” He shifted his weight and looked down the hall boredly.

“Yea, sure.” She followed him out the door, leaving all her security behind.

* * *

After that day, Sasori had not seen much of Sakura. At first, he had been anxious over it. He started to become insecure about his confession and wondered if he had crossed a line he shouldn’t have. She came in once briefly to exam him before running off to work. Apparently, she was kept busy at her normal job that wasn’t minding ex terrorists. Instead, he had to suffer Naruto’s watch over the course of those following days. It wasn’t nearly as bad as he expected it would be.

As for his responsibilities, he had been spending much of his time with Orochimaru on innovating military weaponry. It was a drastic measure the villages had taken to allow the two of them to work together on such a project, but apparently, they were _that_ desperate. He knew why. At this point, they had fallen behind in their complacency. The little bit of intelligence they squeezed out of him had not been enough to gain a significant advantage. If anything, it was alarming to learn of how much they lacked.

As a safety measure, he had not been allowed to directly touch the equipment he worked with. Instead, he drew blueprints and directed shinobi assigned to perform the manual labor for him. Despite his lack of freedom, Sasori was having a good time. He had access to the highest quality lab equipment and latest technology available. Even if he couldn’t use it all, it was almost satisfying enough ordering someone else around and watching them use it on his behalf. 

Naruto had arrived that morning with a large box. He had dropped it in front of him and started tossing the contents on the floor while muttering about having not having time for this.

“What are you doing?” Sasori had approached with mild annoyance at the mess he had made, but he was also curious. 

“I dunno. We found all of this…stuff in an underground storage room beneath a village in The Land of Swamps. The Hokage wants to see if you can identify it. You know more about them than we do. I’m supposed to help you.” He didn’t look happy about it at all.

Sasori skimmed over the old tarnished and blackened parts thrown about. At first glance, it appeared to be nothing more than garbage, but there were certain design elements of it that led Sasori to believe it had served a purpose. It could’ve been old machinery dating back to the first wars. 

Naruto yawned loudly and plopped down on the couch before shoving his hand in a bag of gummy worms and stuffing a mouthful of the colorful gelatinous creatures in his face. Sasori watched him with a look of disdain. He was grossed out by the way a blue one hung out from his lips. His jaw worked hard to chew through the cheek fulls of candy.

“So. What is this junk? Do you know?” He picked up a hunk of corroded metal in the shape of a square with many strange compartments.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” Sasori answered. “Its kind of hard when I can’t touch the shit.” He dropped his pen. “You’re supposed to be helping me. Not stuffing your face. Pull that latch open.” He pointed to the device in Naruto’s hand.

“Eat shit.” Naruto said in return, but he complied anyway. He popped open the latch. A pile of stinking debris and soot dumped right onto his lap. The stench caused him to choke obnoxiously. “Dammit. I hoped that helped you.”

“It did. You were right. It is junk. Throw it back in the box and get me the next piece.” Sasori made some marks in his notebook. “Oh, and you should handle these things with protective gear. You don’t know if you’re dealing with hazardous waste.”

“Now you tell me.” He grumbled as he turned towards the box to throw it away. But, he did not move to put on any gear. He grabbed the next piece, holding it between his hands and shook it.

“Be careful with that!” Sasori scolded.

“You have no clue what any of this is, do you? Can you even guess?”

“No. I don’t know. But if I were to guess, these are likely pieces of a greater weapon. There is virtually no way for me to know for sure in the state it is in. The best I can do is try to determine how old these pieces are and how they fit together, then maybe I can come up with a theory.”

“They put a lot of time and effort into creating advanced military weapons right under our noses.” Naruto’s face pinched into an expression resembling muted frustration. He wasn’t talking about the junk they had found. 

“That’s right. You buried your heads in the sand, unwilling to acknowledge the threat to your peace you worked so hard to achieve. Now you’re all forced to rely on ex terrorists for deeper insight.” Sasori said this impassively. 

Naruto held a disgusted look before it switched into thoughtfulness. “Why are you being so cooperative, anyway?”

Sasori didn’t expect to be asked that question. It stunned him for a few long moments as several excuses floated around his brain. None of them were real reasons. “Mind your own business.” He snapped.

* * *

As was her routine prior to Sasori, Sakura spent the latter half of her off day reading novels at the training grounds near the waterfall. No one ever bothered her there. She had laid out her plaid fleece blanket on the wet grass and pulled another blanket over her head. Her legs swung back and forth in the air as she laid on her stomach. A basket full of fresh fruits and a bottle of gin was next to her blanket.

‘ _I had the strangest impression of being flooded then drained before collapsing beneath the heavy tentacles of a monstrous creature. One I was completely powerless to. It flicked its tongue at me in warning. I wept for days after meeting it in that uncharted cavern of my heart._ ’

Sakura could not remember why she had highlighted that passage. It was a morbid way to describe getting in touch with your inner ugliness. Maybe it was some time during the period of Sasuke’s absence. Not that she was glad it happened, but she thought that his leaving had been beneficial to her wellbeing. Sakura realized she suffered from addiction and Sasuke had been her first object. After he left, she had shifted her addiction to other things all at different points – work, success, alcohol. Part of her drove itself into the ground while the other part rocketed off into the sky – both at dizzying paces. Addiction was ugly.

Her mind drifted to Sasori who she had been purposefully avoiding for the past few days. He knew she was off and was probably expecting to see her. She always came to visit on her days off at the exact same time without ever being a minute late. It made her sad to think about him waiting on her. Right now, she just couldn’t. 

The frequencies of her life were changing so fast that she could not keep up with it. Her feelings had morphed into something she no longer recognized, and she needed to take a step back from all of it. Think it through before she did something she would not be able to fix. Was it really love or was it another one of her ugly addictions? It was hard to know. She worried that it was the latter.

Soft footsteps in the grass caught her attention. She looked up from her book. Strips of orange in the grass crossed in front of her from the sun setting behind the trees. Her heart beat faster. She could not look at Sasuke the same since _that_ day. The one where he may or may not have caught her.

“Hi, Sasuke. Whats up?” She asked in higher voice. Naruto’s loud voice carried over from the next training ground over. This was disappointing because she was not ready to be around them either.

“This early?” He eyed the bottle of gin sitting next to her insulated cup.

“Its 5 PM. Did you come over here just to criticize me? I’m trying to relax.” Sakura said defensively. Sasori’s attitude was rubbing off on her. No matter how angry Sasuke had made her, she had never spoken to him like that.

“No.” Sasuke took her cup from her hand and sucked back a long sip until the ice started shifting around at the bottom. He placed it back down in front of her.

“Excuse you.” She said, but smiled as she took it back, refilling it back to the brim with water, gin and cucumbers. Sasuke noticed that it was mostly gin.

He sat next to her in a peaceful silence as she continued reading, and he took a few more sips of her drink. The noise from the waterfall and the crisps smells of approaching winter surrounded her. Despite the liveliness of nature, it felt lonely, like the chilly winds could carry away secrets and whisper them like ghosts. 

“What was that about?” He asked the question that she hoped he would not ask.

“What was what about?” Sakura dropped her novel and took a long sip of her cucumber cocktail. Of course, she knew what he was asking.

“Sasori. I saw that. He was hovering over you while you were sitting on that table. What did you do to instigate that?”

She internally signed in relief. He hadnt seen the worst of it. “I didn’t do anything. I don’t know what you are talking about. I was just sitting there, and you know how Sasori is. He gets combative sometimes for no reason. That’s what he was doing. Being combative.” She opened her container and frowned at the emptiness. “Why would you jump to that conclusion?”

“I’m asking because I know what I saw. And I how you are.” He didn’t elaborate. She should know.

“And how is that, Sasuke?” She rolled on her side to look at him. “What are you saying?”

“If you don’t know by now then there’s no point in me explaining it.” Although he did not say this with a hint of malice, his words were cold and sharp.

She stared him down for a long time, stunned by his mean honesty. Her anger slowly trickled in. “You don’t really know me, Sasuke. It’s not fair for you to make assumptions. You’ve never even tried to get to know me.”

Sasuke disagreed. He knew her very well. Sakura was still the same person she had always been. All her strength and skills acquired from years of hard work would not change that. In a way he could not identify by name, he did care for her, but he could never not see her as that sad little girl who obsessed over his attention. This part of her was burned so deep within his mind that it distorted the new image of her.

“Your behavior can be disgusting. Sometimes I feel like I can understand you in a way that I can’t understand Naruto, but then you get weird and clingy. It used to annoy me, but now its just pitiful.” He remembered Sakura after years of growing apart from her, still confessing her love for him after they had become complete strangers.

This comment enraged her. Sakura clenched her cup with enough force to bend the stainless steel beneath her grip. “What about your behavior? If you want to talk about disgusting behavior, you should examine your own.”

He ignored her and continued. “I think you shoved yourself down his throat because that’s exactly what you would do. You pushed yourself on someone whose been stripped of everything and allowed yourself to believe you’re special because he gives you the attention you want. That’s really low. And desperate. Im just letting you know, as a friend.” Sasuke couldn’t see it going any other way. This part of her behavior is what disgusted him. 

“A fucking friend, really?” She spat as she shouted. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about! And this isn’t about Sasori anymore. This is about you attacking me! You’ve never called me a friend. You’re going to do it now as you’re putting me down? Why? Why are you always so cruel to me? What have I ever done to you to be treated so badly?” Her fist shook as she made a physical effort not to slug him in face with the full, brutal force of her chakra. She envisioned his bones cracking beneath her knuckles.

“Yes, Im trying to help you as a friend. You’ve always been insecure over the wrong things. My problem with you was never that you couldn’t fight for shit in our genin days. You’ve improved yourself in that aspect, but that’s never been what’s wrong with you. It was how desperate you are. I think you get desperate when you feel you’ve been deprived of something.”

The image of pounding Sasuke’s skull split in two with a loud ripping sound. It floated onto the ground as she took in his words. She clutched her anger to her chest defensively as she let it sink in. She began to wonder why Sasuke’s words got under her skin. Maybe it was because she agreed with his view on her character. She knew he felt this way about her and always had. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, so shut up.” She said in a resigned way. The alcohol had surged through her blood one last time before settling down into a calm river, lulling her to spiritual fatigue.

Sakura, I don’t care what you do, really. I was just trying to help by letting you know what you’re doing is insanely stupid. Of course, he’s going to fuck you if you throw yourself at him enough. Any guy will do that. It doesn’t mean anything.” Sasuke spoke with indifference.

“I told you there’s nothing going on.” Her lip twitched. “You shouldn’t speak for others when they’re not around. You don’t know what goes on in his head. I don’t think he wants that at all.”

“Sure.” He leaned back and pointed his chin at the sky. His way of letting her know he was done with the conversation.

Sasuke had a subtle way of making her feel like shit. She suddenly felt like turning it around on him. “I used to believe that you had substance because of your terrible past. I think that was why I was drawn to you for so long. But guess what I found out? There’s actually nothing beneath your surface. I cant find a damn thing! You’re so cold and empty.” 

Sasuke wanted to argue against this but did not want to or know how to prove otherwise. He had never been able to sort through his feelings for Sakura or Naruto. He cared for them both, but it was in a way he could not identify by name. They were annoying in their relentless pursuit of him, but he had come to depend on them always being there. 

Now, they were both slipping away, and he couldn’t do anything about it. Naruto was committed to everyone. As much as he tried to include Sasuke, there was a wall he refused to climb. He wanted Naruto to stay on that side of the wall with him, blocking everyone else out. Sakura was never going to climb the wall. She stayed by his side without complaint no matter what he did. That’s what he always assumed until she was suddenly not there. She had become someone different. Distant.

“Do you have anything to say to that?” Why can’t you see me? She really wanted to ask this. He was absolutely right. She was desperate over the things she was deprived of. Even after killing off her romantic feelings for him, she still wanted Sasuke to acknowledge her in a positive light. It was disappointing to learn that this had not changed. Maybe it was because he was the driving force behind her years of discipline.

“Calm down.” He reached over and yanked the bent cup from her hands. “I do like you better when you’re pissed off. Maybe I would’ve found you less annoying if you had treated me the way you treated Naruto back when we were kids.”

Sakura gave him a stupid look. “Most people don’t like being on the receiving end of my temper. Anyway, I don’t want to hear anything about Sasori. You know I can get in trouble if you say that nonsense. I don’t need to remind you – I write your prescriptions. If they find out that you need them, you won’t have freedom you have right now.” She scattered another secret for the winds to spread. There. They both had dirt on each other.

“I wasn’t going to.” He cleared his throat and replaced his cool composure with uncharacteristic nervousness. “Actually, that’s what I had wanted to talk to you about. I need a refill. Can you give me 12 month supply this time?” Sasuke could not function without his medication. Had it not been for Sakura, he would have to be held in the village and supervised.

“I guess so. I can lose my license over this.” Sakura complained as she pulled her script pad out of one of her pockets and scribbled on it. “You better not forget this favor.” She ripped the small paper out of the pad and handed it to him.

“Thanks, Sakura.” 

* * *

When Sasori became disturbed by the reminder of how comfortable he was becoming in his human body, he made it a point to look for faults to give himself reasons why he should not feel this way. He should not be enjoying the messy appetites of humans. He should not have asked Sakura to reattach his fingers. They were just fingers. There was no reason for him to grieve over the loss of them. This meant he had an emotional attachment to his own body.

Minutes passed as he stared at his reflection in the small mirror. He wanted to find something on his face to criticize, but of course, there was nothing. No large pores, blemishes or lines in his skin. There had never been a time in his life when he wasn’t beautiful. This annoyed him. Without having something to complain about, there was nowhere to direct his frustration. So, he focused on the one rebellious wave of hair that always wanted to stick out straight. That was a flaw he could glower at. 

He abruptly dropped the mirror to his lap at the sound of a scratching noise. It sounded like a small rodent trying to make its way inside to search for dinner. The scratching noise went away and was replaced by a ticking. That stopped, and a small cloud of smoke accompanied by a poof appeared in the middle of the floor. The smoke dissipated to reveal that the rodent in question was actually Yuyake.

“ **Where** have you been?” Sasori scowled at him.

Chiyo once told a group of her friends that her grandson was physically unable to be pleasant. If he were to smile, then the sun would cease to rise again and everyone would die out. ‘Just look at him. He’s always absent. But when he’s not, he looks like he suffers from a busted hemorrhoid. See what I mean? An awful child. He thinks he’s better than everyone.’ She had once said of his brooding and bad attitude. 

“Oh master. Its been so hard finding you. You can’t imagine what I’ve had to go through to get here! Please forgive me. I found out about what happened to you.” Yuyake clutched his sleeve between his pincers.

“You know what? I don’t care. What is done is done. Don’t aggravate me anymore than I already am with your dramatics.” This wasn’t possible because Sasori was doomed to be eternally aggravated. Sakura was the only person he tolerated, and even so, he often kicked her out of his room before his low tolerance for conversation was expended. He was trying to be nicer to her, but it was hard. Nice had never been in the scope of his behavioral range.

“I am glad to see you well. You look healthier than ever.” Yuyake pointed out.

“They cut my fingers off, but as you can see, they have been reattached.” He held up the hand with three fingers sticking out awkwardly, wrapped in bandages. They were stiff like they belonged to a corpse. Sakura promised that she would be able to rehabilitate them. Fuck those people who tried to take what was his. He was going to have it all back and be able to return the gesture.

“How did you find me?”

“I didn’t expect to find you here. I sought out Sakura and came to learn that you were being held here. A most fortunate happenstance. She doesn’t know I’m here by the way.”

“Good. She doesn’t need to know.” Where was Sakura? She should’ve been come by now.

“How will you get out of here?” Yuyake asked, impervious to his anxious thoughts.

“I’m not leaving yet.”

“You’re…staying in your prison? You can leave now.” He pointed out.

“I’m staying for now. I can leave whenever I want, but I’m curious about something.”


	33. Leaky Brain Juice

Sakura mulled over her conversation with Sasuke for days. There was a period of time when she let it dictate the flow of her daily routines. At work, she accidentally over watered the poinsettia in her office. While making dinner, she caught herself burning it as she abandoned it on high heat for too long. It was all minor errors, but all the same, she shouldn’t be letting Sasuke upset her this much. 

“Why do I let him get to me? I’ve wasted so much of my energy on him.” She asked her cat – a black stray she fed whenever he felt like coming around. The cat rubbed past her legs with indifference. He curled his tail and came back around to brush his other side against her legs.

“You don’t care. You just want my burnt dinner.” She dumped the fish in his bowl. He stalked over to it and greedily devoured the burnt flakes in five large bites.

A loud knock erupted through the homely buzz of her stove vent. She dropped her spoon and wiped her hands on her apron. Before she could reach the door, it swung open.

“Why have you been ignoring me? You know I neeeeed attention!” Ino slammed it shut behind her. A gust of cool from outside cut through the stench of burnt food and the heat of the stove.

“You know what, Ino? I don’t want to hear it. Because when I need attention, you’re nowhere to be found.” Sakura grabbed a can of air freshener in an attempt to dispel the evidence of her failed dinner.

“I’m a fully grown adult with responsibilities, Sakura. I don’t have time to listen to your whining. You, however, owe me for taking all those shifts at the hospital for you. I have another job, ya know!” She hung her purse by the door. 

“Have I not paid you back for that yet?” Sakura put the spray can down.

“Nope! You owe me several more dates. I lost count, but it’s a lot.” Ino counted off on her hand. She never actually made her pay. “It stinks in here. Lets go out.”

“Ok but it has to be somewhere healthy. I’m trying to be a more upstanding adult.” Sakura wiped down the counter and untied her apron.

Ino rolled her eyes.

They didn’t eat healthy. It started with an innocent glass of wine that turned into three more when Ino said – ‘Lets just get a bottle. We’ll save money that way.’ Then, they ordered an appetizer of fried asparagus. This was followed by a bowl of ramen that would bloat Sakura for the next two days. That was followed chocolate cake and a few shots. Hinata politely sipped tea and picked at her food as the other two girls went on a spree of self-sabotage. They both ignored her timid suggestions that they should slow down. 

After dinner, they stumbled through the village to get back home. They didn’t stand out too much in the middle of Konoha’s night life, but it was way too early for them to be this drunk. 

“Sakura, you need to pull yourself together.” Ino leaned on her as they walked.

“Me?” Sakura sucked back a string of saliva.

“Yes, you! You’re a slobbering drunk!” She tripped on her feet and fell against her. Sakura caught her balance before they both hit the ground.

“And you can’t walk straight!”

“Neither can you!” Ino leaned herself completely against Sakura who was struggling for balance. “Stop it or I’m going to puke on you!”

“You two should go home.” Hinata couldn’t figure out which one needed her help more. Their apartments were in opposite directions. They were both at the point where if they didn’t separate soon, they would get in a fight. It was already getting ridiculous and embarrassing with them shoving on each other.

Hinata decided on bringing Ino home after she stumbled again. Sakura didn’t remember telling them bye, but a few minutes of walking, she realized she was talking to herself like a crazy drunk on the street. But, that was what she was. Stars speckled across the dark sky, and Sakura felt them burning holes in her head. Orange strips of light poured out of her brain holes, and she imagined that she was projecting all her thoughts for everyone to see. She noticed a misty drizzle as it transitioned into a light rain.

“Oh noooooo. Im going to get wet. No, I am wet.” Sakura held up her arms and stared at the mud between her boots. “Everyone left me. Where’d they go?” She asked no one.

“Oh my God. They left me. They really really left me here by myself in the rain.” Her one-sided conversation kept going. She lifted her hand to her mouth. Tears welled up in her eyes. “Im just going to sleep on the ground! I don’t have anyone to walk me home! Im drunk.” She started sobbing harder. Her sobs went on until she started laughing hysterically at herself. “Oh my goodness, I’m so drunk.”

Sasori’s disapproving frown popped up in her head. Oh, Sasori. He was gonna be doubly mad at her. She was making him wait on her, and she was drinking again. Two things he so hated. She had the impulse to march over to him in the rain and apologize. Right now. Right now! She had to go right now. 

* * *

Sasori nearly jumped out of his skin when the door blasted open with a loud bang. It hit so hard against the wall, he thought it was sure to have cracked. A soaking wet Sakura stood in the midst of the chaos looking wildly confused. She gasped as if she just remembered something important and looked behind the door without acknowledging him. “Oh shoot.” She said to herself. Sasori wondered if she even knew where she was. She jiggled the handle.

“Are you serious?” He marveled at her.

He was right in that she didn’t know where she was. Her face twisted even more upon seeing him. 

“Hi.” She said. He recognized that bleary look in her eyes, and it immediately irritated him. Either she had been crying or she was drunk. It was probably both because the two often went hand in hand with her. “Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to.”

“Get out.” He felt the burn of his anger slowly rising.

“No, wait. Don’t kick me out yet.” Sakura’s voice was small and uncertain. He recognized it as her depressed voice. “I’m very upset.” 

He didn’t want to deal with it because he was mad at her. She needed to figure it out on her own. Sasori had never been able commiserate with other people’s grief anyway. 

“Why are you upset, Sakura.” He asked in a way that conveyed he didn’t actually care what she was upset about. His pencil continued sweeping across the page.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here to see you for a while…” She said.

“I’m busy. Is there a reason you’re here?” Sasori scribbled a note next to a line on his page.

Balls of papers were crumpled up around him. He was working on his fifteenth revised sketch. His days had been comprised of pissing contests with Orochimaru. Sasori was back to his adolescent years of obsessing over being better. Better than who? Better at what? The answer was anyone he felt inferior to and not even he knew why Orochimaru had been the sole person to fill that role. What made it worse was that his competition was one sided. Orochimaru had no qualms with Sasori’s breakthroughs. He never really had.

Sasori’s response hurt Sakura’s feelings, but she absorbed the blow without flinching. 

“Im upset because of the way I’ve been treating you. I haven’t been here to see you for a while.” She hugged herself, cold from her wet clothes.

“It’s fine.” He didn’t look up. It wasn’t really all that fine, but he hated getting into sentiments. It was stupid, and he felt stupid doing it. Best to just let it go and come back later to piss him off.

“Its fine? Is it really?” She sat down next to him.

“Its really fine. I don’t know why you even brought it up. You were busy. There’s no need to make anything of it.” He offered the excuse for her because it saved him from having to forgive her - which he would end up doing.

“Right…” She watched him over his shoulder. His eye twitched as he looked down at her feet.

“I’m more offended by those shoes - don’t ever wear them again.” They were ugly clunky boots. Her outfit was an oversized turtleneck sweater tucked into a patterned mini skirt. She would look good if not for those hideous things on her feet. Sasori couldn’t believe she had selected those with her free will. Apparently, no one did the good deed of telling her, so it had to be him.

“You’re so rude! There is nothing wrong with my shoes.” Apparently, everyone felt the need to give Sakura their unsolicited opinions. However, if this was the worst thing he had to say, she could live with it.

“Sakura, your shoes are very ugly.” He gave them one last glance before turning back to his notebook.

She pulled his notebook out of his hands and dropped it on the floor. “Come home with me.” Sakura’s drunk audacity inspired the idea. Going home and cuddling before bed would solve their problems. If not that, it would make her feel better. At the very least, she’d sleep well.

“I can bring you back early in the morning.” She said after he didn’t answer.

Sasori looked at her dryly. “I don’t care but don’t blame me when you get yourself in trouble.”

“Shhhhh” Sakura pressed her finger to his lips. “That’s not going to happen. Don’t say that or you’ll speak it into existence.” She flapped her hands in his face.

“I don’t think it works that way but ok. Whatever you believe.”

* * *

They arrived at Sakura’s apartment, entering through the window. Sasori stepped down from the windowsill, shutting it behind and looked around. Her apartment was small but nice. He knew she was well compensated for her work but didn’t realize she was at this level of wealth. Shinobi did not make much money. Only the highest-ranking shinobi were paid well. Of course, Sakura blew her money on expensive material things.

“Excuse the mess. My maid is scheduled to come Friday.” She said over her shoulder as she dropped her bag on the floor and ungracefully yanked off her boots. This was after she tracked mud across the floor. He followed suit and took his off as well.

Sasori didn’t see the mess she was talking about. Not really. There were a few coffee mugs in the sink and some clutter on her dining room table, but not much beyond that. The living area had an entire wall of floor to ceiling windows, providing a view of the entire village below. Her furniture pieces were sleek and minimal. She had a vase of crisp white roses on the coffee table, paintings of ballerinas and animals and black framed photos of her friends and family on the walls. There was a case of beautifully designed ninja tools that were more collection pieces than ordinary weapons. He was impressed by the way everything seemed to be purposefully placed and aesthetically pleasing. Her taste was practical but expensive. 

She drew the white curtains over the large windows. Sasori had never been in an apartment building, and it showed. He stared with glazed-over eyes at the windows long after she shut the curtains. She began to wonder if he had gotten trapped in another memory black hole.

“Do you like being exposed to the entire village?” He said of the vast wall of glass.

“I like natural light. And feeling connected to the outside world. Its harder to get lonely when you can see everyone.” She tapped her chin with her finger. “Though it does suck when I forget to close the curtains and I walk out naked.” No one filed a complaint yet. 

He just gave her an annoyed look as he imagined her parading around naked in her living room with the curtains wide open.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’m going take a shower.” She walked off to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Sasori wondered what the hell she brought him here for if she was going to leave him on the couch to stare at the ceiling. So, he decided he was not going to sit on her couch. He was going to dig through her belongings. 

He opened her bedroom door to see the real mess she had referred to. Dirty underwear was tossed in a pile in the corner. Clothes were stacked up on the chair in front of her dusty vanity mirror. It looked like her entire closet was emptied out. The walk-in closet door was slightly opened, so he stepped inside of it.

Sakura had an absurd amount of clothes and shoes. Rows of heels were lined up on the shelves against the wall to the right side. Heels that appeared to have never been worn. Sasori wondered again why she chose those ugly shoes while having this many options. The back and the left sides of the closet had more regular clothes than someone like her would ever need. A small section of the closet was reserved for her shinobi clothes that were her everyday clothes.

He touched the sleeve of a robe and brushed his fingertips up and down the smooth, expensive material. It felt good, so he took if off the hanger and tried it on. He ended up pulling all her robes off the hangers and trying them all on – a black cashmere one, a red silk one, a fuzzy white one with florals and a few others. He liked the cashmere the best, so he put it back on. The rest he tossed onto the floor. Her vanity mirror had four body lotions lined against the mirror, so he rubbed all of them in different places. He sprayed her perfumes in the air and wrinkled his nose at the obnoxious girlish scents.

After digging through every drawer and rearranging her flowers, he was bored. Television was the worst invention to ever exist. He refused to turn it on. 

Sasori lifted the white duvet on her bed and laid beneath it. Her bed was more comfortable than anything he had ever slept on. It immediately sucked him deep down into a warm hole. All his bones and muscles went limp as he settled in. Sakura’s smell was all over the pillowcases. Her remembered that she was a drooling sleeper. His brain turned through his thoughts until they became delirious musings. 

Sakura entered her room with a towel wrapped around her body and another wrapped around her head. Sasori was facing the wall with his back towards her, curled up in the blankets. She could only see his hair. It looked like he had fallen asleep in the short amount of time she spent in the bathroom. Well, that was going to work for her. She decided to sneak on over and place her freezing hand down beneath the collar of _her_ robe he was wearing. His soft breathing stopped abruptly as he stiffened.

“Its only 9:30. I didn’t invite you over to look at the back of your snoring head.” She complained.

“Im tired, Sakura.” He intended to sound mad but it came out whiney sounding.

“Oh, right. I forget that you’re actually old. And old men need their rest.” She said as she settled in next to him. “Is there a good reason you took my robes off their hangers and threw them on the floor?”

“Because I couldn’t decide on one. What do you want from me?” He turned around to face her, ignoring the ‘old’ comment.

“I want you to pay attention to me. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this again.” She stared at him. He stared back at her. Her hand slid towards his.

“You have my attention.” His eyes were burning, dry from fatigue.

She scooted over to his side and slid her leg between his. That was when Sasuke’s accusations started swarming her like angry flies. It made her want to shrink back. Sasori noticed her sudden change.

“Do I ever disgust you? In any way?” She asked.

“You are disgusting, but you don’t disgust me.” He moved his hand up her thigh. “Does that make sense?”

“Sasuke is disgusted with me. He doesn’t think I’m disgusting but he is disgusted with me.” She said this like it was the most terrible thing.

Sakura’s hurt feelings took up actual space in a room. She cried over the smallest things. It used to get on Sasori’s nerves until he saw her impose her feelings on other people. It was an act of rebellion that he could get behind. Selfishly pushing your grief on someone else in a way they are forced to acknowledge. It was entertaining unless _he_ had to deal with it. Then it was back to annoying.

“So? Is that a problem?” Sasori did not care what Sasuke thought of anything or anyone.

“I mean, yeah. It really sucks. He’s my friend.” Even if she had forced him into their friendship. Their relationship was embarrassing. It was like a fly buzzing around an elephant’s smelly asshole while being swatted by its tail. Sakura being the persistent fly and Sasuke being the stinking ass.

“I don’t think he feels that way. Not that it really matters.” Sasori was already over talking about Sasuke.

Sakura was doing that thing she did she so hated. Going back to that place that no longer existed. It never existed. It had only existed in her dreams. She pushed Sasori on his back and sat on his hips. This existed. She felt him warm and alive beneath her. Her hand brushed along his throat. He was completely relaxed under the hand that could swiftly end his life with one grip. She believed that if she were to do it, he would welcome it because he was fucked up that way. Sakura remembered him years ago, waiting for the finishing blow he could have avoided. She didn’t deliver it then and sure as hell wouldn’t do it now.

“Do you still think about dying?” She asked suddenly. 

“Sometimes.” He said without batting an eye. “Maybe next time you’ll do it right?” 

“That’s a horrible joke. Stop trying to be funny.” She smacked him.

”It’ll really upset me if you do...”

He gave her one of those rare smiles that she may have seen only twice. The one that made him look like wicked. 

“What do you see in me?” She asked. What was the thing that no one else saw that only Sasori could see? 

He was so particular over everything. Her strength and status could have little to do with it. Sasori had been surrounded by and killed the strongest and most elite. 

“It’s hard to explain. It’s like you’re from a different place. Not here or anywhere near. I feel like I’m from the same place, though I never wanted to return to it. You make me want to go back.” 

“Like a faraway island?” She asked.

“No. Like a different planet.”

Sakura’s smile spread across her cheekbones. “I think I understand.”

There was a strong impulse to kiss him. It ran down her spine with a sharp twist. She leaned onto his chest, her hands cupping the sides of his neck. He met her halfway, placing his hands on her slender shoulders. Sakura felt like a delicate creature. Her body was soft, light and so _pink –_ her hair, her rosy cheeks and her lips. She had a gentle touch, but he could feel the energy that drove her natural strength being held back. He kissed the smooth area behind her ear and right beneath her hairline. She shivered and sighed. That spot stroked a distinctive place in her lower abdomen.

His face was buried in the silky strands of her hair. She felt good and would’ve smelled just as good if it weren’t for the sour tinge of alcohol cutting through the smell of her bath gel. “Stop getting drunk.” He whispered into her neck.

Sakura blushed in shame. “Ok.” She replied. There was no room for argument. How could she?

He wondered if it was really that easy. Not wanting to dwell on the issue, he continued down her neck with his fingers tugging her hair back. She laughed breathily from the ticklish sensation until the tickle moved down lower. He brushed his knuckle against the wet folds of her bare bottom. She mewled and squeezed him between her thighs.

Sakura tugged the blankets over them and threw her towels onto the floor. She laughed in surprise as he pulled her beneath him. He rubbed his hands from her sharp hipbones back to the softness of her full cheeks. She spread her thighs instinctually. Her eyes lit up playfully as he untied his robe and entered her. She drunk giggled before her laughter broke up into sensual noises as he reached back as far as he could. He held onto her hip tightly with one hand as he watched her expression change into one of pleasure with no traces of teasing left. She laid there beneath him without any reservations. He tore the blanket off to witness her damp, flushing body writhing in the sheets. 

“I want all of you.” He covered her mouth with his, gripping her jaw with his free hand. You can’t own people unless you kill them. This would have to do. 

“ _OH…”_ Her eyes opened and fluttered. She turned her face to the side, mashing it into the pillow, panting hard into it. A sharp orgasm tore through her body unexpectedly. Her chest floated up and down as her mind blanked and her life drained from her body in the most blissful way. Sasori followed her down. When he finished, he felt like he had been bled dry. He laid limp on top of her, sweating against her sticky chest.

They stayed that way for a few minutes. Sakura had fallen asleep with him crushing her. He removed himself and laid next to her. Normally after they had sex, he would spend the next hour reflecting on it with self-loathing. He would obsess over it long enough for it to regain its appeal, and he would instigate it again. That was their usual routine. This time, he was just going to go the fuck to sleep and skip the part where he anguishes over the disgusting state of his mortality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody just go ahead and kick me off this ship LOLOL
> 
> My updates are slowing down because Im trying to put more careful consideration into each chapter. Some of these chapters, I just write out of my ass. I promise, no more of my bs! Im getting near the conclusion, but I still have a few chapters left to go (not sure exactly how many). I'm hoping to give this story a strong ending. Thank you all for reading!
> 
> Oh and sorry for any errors/typos! I quickly skimmed through it once before posting. The name of this chapter is random as hell, and I will likely change it later. Leaky brain juice is inspired by drunk Sakura's thoughts that everyone can read her drunk mind lol  
> I usually come up with chapter names as I'm skimming through, and whatever catches my eye is usually what I base the chapter names off of. Just wanted to share that bit of info. I hope you're all having wonderful holidays <3


	34. The Girls of Forlorn Dreams

_Everyone was ugly in their own way. Sasori’s ugliness spoke to hers. It told her it was ok to be ugly, and it didn’t make her any less desirable. Their ugliness ran in thin lines that interlaced with their veins. Sasori had allowed it to leak and spill poison in his blood. He unknowingly let it drip out for her to collect in her palms and taste on her tongue. How depraved one must be to fall in love with the bitter taste of someone?_

_The fog of her haze lifted, and she was somewhere else. They moved through open air, thick with the smell of water, dirt and old carcass. She held onto his wooden hand as he navigated them through sloppy pathways between long, brittle trees hanging over their sides. This scene was familiar but different. She clung to Sasori as if he was her protector, when before, she had been secretly terrified of him._

_They were back in the old swamps. He was guiding her to the place she was supposed to be. He squeezed her hand with cold, stiff fingers that were not really fingers at all. She squeezed back because they were still his, or they were the closest thing to him._

_He turned to her and spoke, “You need to finish what you started.”_

_That’s right. She was supposed to do something important. In her mind, she had committed herself to this task fully. She promised…someone?_

_“Will you be there with me?” She blinked at him with large, pleading eyes._

_“I will not.” He turned away and pulled her forward._

_“What will happen to me?”_

_He had no answer._

_“I had dreamed of marrying you and having your babies.” She said suddenly. What if she never got to tell him that?_

_“That will not happen.” He let go of her hand. His voice echoed throughout his empty chest and came out hollow. She almost forgot the way it had once sounded._

_“I know.” She did, but it still hurt to hear out loud._

_They walked on and on forever. Sasori moved so far ahead that she could hardly see him. His red hair no longer distinguishable in the distance. The warm, damp air became cold and heavy. Despite this, she felt lighter and less grounded to the world she was in._

_The foggy haze had come and gone again. During this time, she left her body and found it. She travelled through so many rooms – all different colors and playing different tunes. Each one became more evasive than the one before. She couldn’t stay in a room long enough to admire the beauty or understand the significance of it._

_It wasn’t long before she realized there was no beauty in these rooms. It all became more real as she understood these rooms were all stages of lives she was not apart of. They twisted up into each other, rubbing together until the walls were worn thin and turned to sawdust. It was everywhere, the sawdust. It rained around her like itchy glitter, settling on the floor. She sneezed._

_There were so many women gathered in the conjoined rooms. All so beautiful. She could not look away from them. They all wore white and moved around with feverish intent. They brushed around her, walked straight through her while looking in her eyes. They shared their secrets with her. She took in each one and held it tenderly, gazing at them with misty eyes. One of the women stood in front of Sakura. She had captivating deep, brown eyes that took her breath away. She opened her mouth to speak, but instead of words, black tar came up and spewed on Sakura’s white dress._

_“Come back to me. I need you.” The young woman said before pressing a light kiss on Sakura’s lips leaving behind a smear of hot, black liquid on her mouth. She stepped closer and submerged herself, disappearing into Sakura’s body._

* * *

Sakura squirmed and twisted until she slowly rediscovered her consciousness. She was at the point where she could remember vague details of her dream, but it was all going to disappear soon. Without thinking, she fell out of bed and rummaged around for a pen and paper. She pulled a crumpled receipt out of the pocket of her jacket lying on the floor. Her hand reached above her head to grab the pen off her nightstand. She wrote down everything she could remember. The Swamps. The rooms. The women.

It had been a long time since she had this sort of dream. She could not allow it to slip by and forget it again. It had plagued her for so long. 

_Why had it returned now?_

Sakura remembered Sasori in her dream and then remembered him the night before. She jolted back up and clambered on the bed. He was still sleeping like a dead person. Sasori did not sleep messily. His lips never parted, and his eyes appeared to be sewn shut. They did not move around behind closed lids. Of course, she remembered he slept unnaturally proper. She smiled at that. 

Sakura grabbed his hand under the blanket and was relieved to feel warm flesh instead of cold wood. Her hands moved up his arm and sprawled on his chest to feel the steady beat of his heart. He remained unresponsive. She relaxed and fit her head at the crook of his neck.

Just as she began to think about waking him up to bring him back, she felt that dreadfully familiar calling. The one she had felt in her dream. Only this time, it came with a sense of danger. Like something terrible was about to happen. She peeled herself off Sasori, pulled layers of clothes on and quietly exited out the front door.

* * *

Sasori woke up alone at a weird hour. The curtains were closed, but there was no light coming from beneath them. The crumbled spot next to him had been empty long enough to lose its warmth. A purring black cat jumped on the bed and rubbed its face against his. He gently pushed the cat’s face away and sat up.

The digital clock on Sakura’s nightstand showed it was 2:30 AM. Where had she gone? And when had she left? He laid back down and stared at ceiling. Turned over to face the window. After minutes of waiting, he got up. This was his chance.

Sasori got dressed and walked towards the window. The cold wind blew his hair from his forehead as he raised it open. He climbed out and scaled the walls of the apartment building, disappearing into the dark.

He arrived back at his solitary holding cell to find Yuyake still there. The door was unsealed and unlocked. He quietly thanked Sakura for her drunken antics. It would have been a lot more difficult to escape had the restrictions been enforced.

“Get me out these _things.”_ He held out his wrists. “It’s time for us to go. My job here is done. And my fingers are almost fully restored.”

“I was beginning to wonder if you enjoyed being a prisoner.” Yuyake said as he easily clipped through the bracelets with his pincers.

“Only if there’s something in it for me. There is no further reason for us to be here.” Sasori looked back at his drawings, shrugged and left them scattered about. 

* * *

Sakura’s breath came out in clouds of vapor. She hopped across the rooftops and ran lightly over long buildings. The Hokage’s apartment was ahead. She made a beeline towards it. The cold air hitting her eyes caused them to water. 

Just as she landed on his balcony, she started pounding on the double doors. The feeling was only getting stronger. She sensed the approaching threat only because she was intimately familiar with it. The intoxicating power was unmistakable. Harmless in its distance, but she knew it so well, like it had become a part of her without her knowing.

Kakashi opened the door looking very unimpressed. She could tell he had not been sleeping, but he did not anticipate having anyone show up on his balcony door at this hour. She did not waste time in getting to the point.

“Kakashi-sensei. Put the village on lockdown. You have to do it _right now._ Something is about to happen.” She looked at him gravely.

“What are you talking about?” He became alert. “Sasori? Did he escape?”

“No not Sasori! But someone’s going to attack the village.”

“Who?” 

“I don’t really know for sure. But I just feel it! We have to get the civilians to safety and get everyone together. And I don’t know! Whatever else it is you do when these things happen…” She trailed off realizing that she sounded like a crazy person. Kakashi expression dropped to his previous one. He was unmoved.

“Sakura, if you can’t tell me what specifically has caused you to believe this, I can’t do anything.” He leaned against the door tiredly.

“Im serious! I can really feel it, but I can’t get any more specific than that.”

“You’re expecting me to put the village on lockdown and gather everyone for what reason? There has to be one other than you ‘feel like somethings going to happen.’” He folded his arms.

“Oh sensei! You know I wouldn’t make this up!”

“I know you wouldn’t. Lets talk about this in the morning.” He shut the door in face.

_Shit._ She didn’t have time for this. Who else could she talk to?

The answer popped up in her head, and she immediately took off at full speed. She whipped through trees, taking the shortcut to Naruto’s apartment building. The key to his apartment was in her pocket with the rest of her keys. She landed at his doorstep and pulled it out, pushing it into the lock, making all kind of noise as she shoved her way in the door.

“Narutoooo!” She bellowed out, her desperation for help increasing.

She heard a loud snort, a shout and then a thump. Seconds later, Naruto swung open his bedroom door and was looking around wildly. He had on his old nightcap with the fuzzy ball dangling in his face. She heard fumbling from inside his bedroom. He looked at her and blinked away his confusion as recognition set in. 

“Naruto!” Sakura shouted again. “Something is happening. I need your help! There’s no time to explain. We need to get the village to safety. Come on, lets go!” She moved to the door again and realized that he was not moving after her.

“Slow down, Sakura. What are you talking about?”

Hinata in a long night shirt stepped behind Naruto and peered uncomfortably over his shoulder. She put a hand on his back.

“You too, Hinata! I need your eyes! Come look out into the distance for me!” Sakura gestured frantically. Spit flew from her mouth.

They both watched her in disbelief. This frustrated Sakura, and she held a one-sided argument with them as they made no move to heed her premonitions. Suddenly, she shut her mouth as her stomach plummeted like an anchor had latched onto it and dropped down to her feet. A loud explosive noise erupted through the air and permeated the following silence that lasted for a few seconds. More explosions followed. Without another thought, they ran out of the building and charged to the Hokage tower.

* * *

The village was under attack. This did not surprise Sasori one bit. It was time for him to leave regardless. No way was he sticking around for this pitiful nonsense. Sasori shifted cautiously through the chaos of fire flare ups, falling rocks and debris and smoke wafting from burning buildings. Waves of water washed it all away. Strong, cutting winds, earthquakes and other disasters arose from different directions. He moved through it all unscathed, looking for Sakura.

He had to leave, but he wanted to make sure she was ok first. Everyone else could die for all he cared. He looked around for bright pink. It shouldn’t be a hard color to locate in the ugly, dull colors of destruction. So many damn green flack jackets and black pants. They all looked the same to him.

More noise and destruction tumbled down over his head. He saw lines of shinobi uniting in their common abilities to bring forth a surge of earth breaking forces. Naruto’s golden form caught his eye, or rather a bunch of Naruto’s golden forms. The nine tails cloak gave them an otherworldly glow of energy that promised devastation. They alone were an army. 

Just because he had not fought in so long, he was tempted to join in. But no. He could not. He refused to side with anyone in this war. He was on his own, and he would fight his own battles.

Sasori looked up to see the bright pink he had been looking for. She was in the air balancing on a loose chunk of a building, getting ready to land a bone-shattering swing, when an earthquake shook the entire structure supporting her ground. Before he could react, she was tumbling down, hitting every rock along her path. Loose pieces of earth tumbled along with her, hitting her body. She landed on the ground with a hard thud, and the rocks piled up on top of her.

He watched the entire scene with horror. His body moved forward automatically. He found himself running towards her and shouting her name. Panicking as he approached the rock pile, he threw the stones off as quickly as he could. With his chakra back, he was able to get them off in a matter of seconds. Her limp body was there unconscious, bruised and bloody. He lifted her into his arms and held her to his chest. No. No. No. **NO.**

“Wake up.” He shook her. Her head fell to the side against his chest. No.

He pressed his head against her chest. She was still breathing. Although alive, she was completely unresponsive. He released the breath he had been holding. She needed help, and he wasn’t going to leave her here waiting for someone else to do it. He held her in his arms and carried her away, out of the village gates and back to the place he had taken her to months ago. The home they had temporarily made together.

* * *

_‘You cannot do this, master. It’s not right!’_

_‘Nobody can or will stop me!’_

_‘No…but she will be very upset….it’s just not right. Please rethink this.’_

Sakura woke up with shooting pain throughout her entire body. She could not move anything. For a long moment, she thought she was paralyzed. This caused her to abruptly open her eyes and blink rapidly. Her chest heaved up and down. She raised her neck and looked around frantically. Her breathing was loud and erratic. Her mouth was stuffed and taped, and she realized the reason she could not move. Chakra threads were binding her in place. Each limb was anchored to a corner as she lay on a futon.

Out of nowhere, Sasori floated over to her side and entered her vision. “Shhhhh. Don’t try to move or speak. You cannot. It will make it worse if you try.” He loomed over her, pressing his hand against her forehead.

_‘What the hell.’_ Sakura thought to herself as she tried to speak. The village. What happened? Where was she? She needed to know. She needed to get back. She tried to say this, but it came out as muffled, frantic sounds. 

“Don’t be mad at me. I did it for your own good. You were making foolish decisions, and you got hurt.” He had a very worried look on his face. “Please heal yourself.” He poked her Byakugo seal as if this would activate it.

_No way. He couldn’t be serious._ He really took her away and tied her up because she got injured.

Sakura wanted to tell him that he was being silly and that he needed to let her go now. Of course she got hurt. She was a frontline shinobi. Getting hurt was inevitable. If she didn’t expect to get hurt, she would need to have a different career. But, she couldn’t say anything to him, so she pleaded with her eyes, hoping he would get her message. The village needed her. She had to get back now.

“You want to argue with me. I can see it. That’s why I shut your mouth.” He narrowed his eyes at her for a second, then softened his expression. “I can’t bear to lose you. You need me. I won’t let you leave again. I have to protect you.”

She tried to squirm against the unrelenting grip of his chakra threads. _Don’t panic._ He was having a moment, and she just needed to wait for it to pass. She trusted Sasori. Even at his worst. For the most part.

Sasori cupped her face in between his hands. “You fight so recklessly…but it’s not your fault. It’s because you are young. I was careless too when I was your age. When I was really your age.” He leaned down to press gentle kisses against her temple.

Sasori was levelheaded and logical until he wasn’t. It was easy to forget how quickly he could change. One minute, he was normal enough for her to believe him to be an innocent creature. The next minute could be completely different. It was easy to forget until he pulled shit like this. She didn’t know what triggered his changes, and there was no way to prepare herself for the change.

“I won’t let anything happen to you.” He promised her as he kissed her tied hand.

Sasori had failed Deidara. That fool was young and reckless too. The way he fought was infuriating. Sasori would have punched him in the back of his empty head if he had survived that fight with Sasuke. He knew that Deidara would die young the first day he met him. He just didn’t anticipate how it would affect him. This was not going to happen with Sakura. He was going to protect her no matter how much she resisted his methods. Because she was the only person in this miserable world that mattered. And his relationship with her was different than his with Deidara. Very different.

“I have to go.” Sasori stroked her hair tenderly, losing his train of thought as he looked in her face. “You’re so pretty...”

Sakura stared up at him dumbly. It seemed he finally lost his mind completely.

“I won’t be long. I promise.” He gave her one last kiss on her Byakugo seal before turning away. 

She started thrashing and shouting behind her sock stuffing. He completely ignored her as he walked out the door and shut it behind him. Yuyake sat there awkwardly on a shelf. She cursed to herself before falling back against the futon.

Sakura turned her head and immediately locked eyes with Yuyake. She started thrashing and shouting again.

“Oh, I know, I know. I tried to tell him, but you know how he is. A fool for sure! A stubborn fool at that! He would not be Master Sasori if he was not a stubborn fool.” Yuyake quickly stammered out. “I can’t help you. He may kill me.” He whispered as if suggesting his help as a possibility would get him killed.

_‘This is so fucked up! Let me out right now! I have to get back to the village now! Please! I won’t let him kill you. Just let me go. Pleeeeaase!_ ’ is what Sakura was trying to say. Her words came out as ‘MMMMPH MMM MMPPPPPPPHHHH MMPHH ARRRPH!’

“I am sorry. I cannot understand what you are saying.” Yuyake said sympathetically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My goodness lol


	35. A Fool on an Errand

One could have argued that Sasori had always been the most vindictive member of the Akatsuki. This was before the Uchihas put him to shame in that aspect. At least, Sasori’s bitterness did not take large enough form to assault the entire planet (just roughly half of it). But if someone wronged Sasori, he would never rest until he could bleed them dry. He would commit himself entirely to the cause of their death. 

He once heard that revenge is a fool’s errand. Well, it just so happened that fool’s errands were his forte. Why else would he have joined the band of circus clowns that was the Akatsuki? After all these years, he could finally admit that he was Akatsuki trash like the rest of them despite having believed himself to be better.

One more fool’s errand to complete until he threw in the towel. No more of that crap. He’d said it before, more than once, but this time he meant it when he resolved to no longer participate in the mundane absurdity of the rat race. He was dreadfully aware of how human he really was and had always been. Unfortunately, you can’t carve out your entire personality with a sharp knife.

Sasori almost didn’t want to enact his revenge just to make a point, but his pettiness didn’t allow him to let it go. Just an hour after nightfall, he arrived at his destination feeling at odds with himself. From the moment he hauled Sakura from Konoha, he was sure he was doing the correct thing. As Sasori stood there, he felt like he had dropped pieces of his certainty along the way.

Sakura was waiting for him, and that alone made him sick with guilt. He had to be quick. She was going to be mad at him, but he would make it up to her. He just didn’t know how yet. She never stayed mad at him for long. Her anger was explosive, but it usually fizzled out before hitting ground. 

Despite this, he was still firm in the decision to not allow her to leave. At least, not until the fighting was over. Up to this point, he had not considered the awful possibility of outliving Sakura. Ironic, considering he had once planned to outlive everyone. And why the hell did he want to do that anyway? To make a point? What point? That he had the autonomy to be _miserable_ longer than everyone else? How utterly stupid.

Sasori had committed all the fine details of his torturer to memory. His accent, the specific shape of his eyes and nose, the symbols on his clothing. Enough details were memorized for Sasori to be able to identify the exact village he came from. It wasn’t far, and it wasn’t hard to find. He had Yuyake scope it out prior to leaving Konoha. 

Like the fool clown he was, Sasori sat waiting on the roof with all his puppets around him. Revenge was stupid. No matter, _this_ fool was about to become a part of his collection. He would see exactly why he should never have cut off Sasori’s fingers. 

Sasori visualized his death take place as he watched him walk up to his front door and enter his home. His chakra threads extended. His puppets floated off into different directions, situating in front of all windows. He jumped from the roof and landed on the ground soundlessly before following the man through the front door.

“I just wanted to let you know that not only have you failed, but you will also become my slave for as long as I live.” Sasori said in a monotone.

The man turned around with wild, angry eyes. “What the hell?” Recognition hit him like ten tons of bricks, and fear took its place. “It’s you!” 

“Indeed. I came to show you something.” Sasori wiggled his fingers. “You see, I don’t give a shit about these fingers. I could have easily made more…but, that would mean I lost. And I need you to know that you have not won. In fact…” He stepped closer. The man stumbled back into the wall knocking off the hanging pots and spoons.

“Please! I didn’t want to do it! They made me! They would have killed me if I had refused. You must understand! I have a family.” He dropped to his knees amongst the mess.

“Oh, do you? That’s perfect! They can also join my collection. I’ve been in dire need of new pieces.”

Sasori expected more of a fight. It was almost not worth the trouble of coming just to watch a man shit and piss his pants at the mere sight of him. All he could think about was Sakura waiting on him. Sakura angry. Sakura using her inhuman strength to break through his chakra threads. He quietly argued with himself over his obligations. The man watched him as if he were hanging off a cliff, and Sasori was standing at the ledge as his last chance for salvation.

“Im going to kill you.” Sasori finally announced his verdict. 

“NO! Please!” The man rocked back and forth on and begged.

“Yes! Dont you know that this is a divine privilege? I can make you live on forever! Its more than you deserve.” It absolutely wasn’t a divine privilege, but Sasori was in a weird mood. A hopeful one. The moon shined brighter in the sky and gave him a rush of lucidity. He was going to bestow his weird positivity on this poor wretch whom he was going to kill.

He pulled a sword from his hip. The last person he had stabbed with this sword was Sakura. He remembered her flesh closing in around the sword, pushing against it. This had inspired him, but at the time, he couldn’t properly appreciate how much so. He hoped for that same resistance, so he could shove it in harder. The man looked around for the exit but saw none. His puppets hovered from outside the windows with leering faces. 

“You can’t kill me yet! I know things. Important things! All of their plans - I can describe to you in detail.” He pathetically tried to bargain for his life.

“Plans?” Sasori was only half interested.

“Yes! In the Land of Swamps. They are going to take over the power residing underground and use it to create a weapon of mass destruction. Powerful enough to destroy even the tailed beasts! They’ve been collecting power and have almost acquired enough to bring their plans to fruition. I was forced into this! Blackmailed! I didn’t want to be a part of it. I just want to go back home.” The man was on his knees begging.

“I don’t care. None of this has anything to do with me. If you valued your life this much, you should have considered the impact of torturing me and severing my fingers.” Sasori stepped forward and sliced into the man’s chest. Blood poured out and sunk between the floorboards. It sparkled in spurts of glorious deep red. There was no satisfying resistance. Just the beautiful sight of blood and the offensive stink of fecal matter. Unfortunately, this was part of it. Beauty then shit. Turning shit into beauty - this was what Sasori was good at.

* * *

Konoha’s flimsy structure came tumbling down like it had been built with mere sticks and stones. After the fourth shinobi war, they had never been able to fully recover. Shinobi funding had been cut, buildings were still under construction and the air quality had never been quite the same. Maybe the last part was all in Naruto’s head. But, as he watched the village crumble for a third time, he stood frozen in devastated bewilderment. The dewy, early morning air mixed in with the horrid stink of bomb smoke and scorched earth.

Home is where family is, he reminded himself. The top priority was to make sure everyone was accounted for. As long as they were all here, there should be nothing for him to grieve. The smell of blood had not reached his senses. His skin burned from the innermost layers. Kurama’s chakra embedded itself into his cells and altered the entire make up of his body. It sent waves through Naruto’s blood making him unable to stand still any longer. He flew overhead and materialized twenty clones out of thin air.

They scattered in different directions, counting everyone as Naruto himself charged towards the center of the village. One of his clones caught sight of Lee and Tenten. Lee was opening the sixth gate as Tenten smacked the ground in a half with a large, spiked whip. The earth divided, and she along with their assailants all dropped down into the great crack. Lee’s enhanced speed allowed him to remain ten steps ahead as he evaded the crack and had assaulted a new wave of pursuers with blazing green fists. Tenten pulled herself back up with her whip.

Another one of his clones caught sight of Yamato who was fighting alone and not doing so well. His wood had spurted out in weaving forests. Naruto spotted him as was struck down by a lightning bolt that crashed through the dirt where he was covered. He laid on his back grimacing with charred flesh. Naruto’s clone swooped down to defend him as his attacker went to finish the job.

Teams of shinobi were quickly assembled and positioned just as they had all prepared to do in the case of an attack on the village. This formation of teams had been drilled into them enough times for everyone to move seamlessly. Swirling bursts of energies pushed against each other, causing wreckage in its wake. Team leads were barking orders to change strategies where needed. You can never prepare the outcome of these attacks no matter how much you prepare.

From the extension of his clones, all these scenes flew through Naruto’s brain in a rush of blinding colors, deafening noises and nauseating smells. His focus wavered in and out as moved through the disorienting haze of sensations. Another sickening explosion followed by a tumble of rocks shook him off his balance. He took to the air past the waves of dirt and smoke. It blocked his view of the battlefield, but he still saw and felt it all. Every little impact experienced through his clones filtered into him, and he carried it all like it was his duty.

Naruto’s clones had caught sight of everyone, all in various conditions, and he had sent a piece of himself to aid where he was needed. There was one person he could not find – Sakura. He could not feel her anywhere near, and her absence distracted him. Where could she be? The only explanation he could come up with sent a rush of dread throughout his body. If there was no trace of her chakra signature, then that could only mean one of two things. 

“Sakura!” He screamed out. 

* * *

A feather light touch against Sakura’s nose caused her sneeze herself awake. Her eyelashes fluttered open. Sasori yanked the tape from her mouth, and she flinched from the painful rip of her skin. She spat out the cotton cloth from her mouth and smacked her dry lips together. 

“I need water.” Her hoarse voice cracked out of her throat.

“I’m sorry to make you wait.” He gathered her in his arms and squeezed her to him. “I know you must be angry with me for that. I won’t do it again.”

“You have to let me go, Sasori. You can’t keep me here like this.” She pleaded. Her wrists and ankles were raw from her squirming resistance. Nothing else came of it.

“I know that. But I won’t let you go until the battle with Konoha is over. Your life is worth more than all of theirs combined.” It wasn’t that he doubted her abilities. It was that Sasori was cursed. Everyone who he loved would die because of it. History showed this. If he had to tie her down to ensure it didn’t happen, then it was not unreasonable to him.

“No, Sasori. Its not! They need me now! I keep my friends alive to fight.” It was difficult to express this urgency with her face mashed into his chest.

“You are not the only medical ninja in Konoha.” He argued.

No. But she was one of the two that can summon Katsuya and perform creation rebirth. With that ability came a large measure of responsibility. They were going to be expecting her to come through. Her role was especially important, possibly one of the most important.

“Please let me go, now. It may be too late if you wait any longer.” She thought of not just her friends who were all powerful in their own ways, but her poor defenseless parents. With renewed urgency, she began to squirm again. Her wrists started bleeding again.

“Here, drink.” He pressed a glass of water to her lips, holding her head up. “You’ve always done so much for me. I should be doing so much more for you. I am indebted.”

She gulped the entire glass down. Water spilled out the corners of her lips and dripped down her chest. She pulled back. “Not right now. Not right now, Sasori.” 

Sasori ignored her and got up to refill the glass. He returned to her side and tilted her head back again, pouring more water down her throat. She accepted it because she was very thirsty. “Are you hungry?” He asked.

“No! Im not! I _need_ to leave now.”

He frowned. “I can’t allow that.” 

How long was this insanity going to last? How long had she been stuck here while everyone fought? 

Sasori was wiping dirt and blood off her legs while everyone was struggling and possibly dying. It was ridiculous. It was almost funny, but it wasn’t. She stared at the ceiling, focusing hard on one spot until her vision blurred. Her anger pressurized in her chest, threatening to violently shoot out. Sasori was the potential cause of death for her friends and family. It was useless to say anything when he was like this, so she swallowed the acid of her anger back down. Speaking reason may get her further, she figured.

“Sasori, what happened to you not getting involved in this business?” She tried.

Sasori dipped the sponge into a bucket of soapy water. “You can only blame yourself for becoming my business. It’s your fault. You just don’t go away. No matter how many times I tried to rid myself of you.”

“Like an invasion of cockroaches?” She asked humorously. 

“Don’t talk like that.” Sasori stopped and glared up at her from where he was washing her feet. “It sounds bad, but I don’t mean it that way.” He continued scrubbing and picking at the dry flakes of her heel, making a face at the scaly skin. 

“I hate feet. Yours are particularly gross. You should take better care of them.”

Sakura counted her breaths the entire time she watched him wash her body. Her anxiety started to give way to fatigue. The way he gently and methodically rubbed her skin clean put her in a trance. Her exhaustion pressed against the backs of her eyes and weighted her lids. Just as her mind began to drift into that dream state, it rudely jolted her back as she remembered.

“Sasori, why did they attack the village? And why did I know it was about to happen?” She mumbled.

“I don’t know.” He answered apathetically.

“You do know…” She pressed.

“They attacked the village to weaken it of course…and likely to take me back as well as steal anything of value they can get their hands on. As for how you knew, I have no idea. I don’t what you have the ability to sense. You tell me?”

Sakura knew that Sasori was oblivious to the experiences she had in the Land of Swamps. He did not hold the same sensitivity to the power hidden there as she did. She assumed it was because he had not been in his human body during this time, but something told her this was not the case. 

Anxiousness conflicted with the slow beat of her heart. Despite her physical drowsiness, her spirit was tugged against the flesh that anchored it down. Sasori got up and went to another room. Or possibly left her alone again. Whatever he was doing, it was apparent that he was not going to let her go any time soon. Yuyake had left her too.

Sakura’s arms and legs were being shredded by invisible needles. Her head rolled to the side, unable to do much of anything else. She closed her eyes and saw colorful spots of light against the blackness of her eyelids. The fuzzy edges of her awareness gave shape to the monsters roaming around in the back of her mind. From somewhere within the dark crevices, a voice channeled to the forefront. 

_You belong here. Come back to me._

More soft, feminine whispers repeated this.

Sakura slipped into the silky tenderness of those words as the needles ceased their violent pricking and numbness took its place. They wrapped her up in a vision of endless rows of flowers and the mid-morning sun warming her bare arms. Butterflies swarmed her stomach, fluttering their wings against the inner walls of her organs. The sensation moved her to tears. Every fiber in her body screamed with joy. She danced around in the garden, aching with the desire for more of this mysterious new sense she had never known. It was beautiful, powerful and so _addicting_. 

_This is where you belong…_

A whisp of breath caressed her cheek.

Sakura’s eyes snapped open.

* * *

The Uchiha complex stood proudly even in its devastating abandonment. Even with its front door wide open and all the windows busted in. Sasuke’s heart dropped down to his stomach when he came close enough to see the state of his home. He hadn’t worked up the courage to come here since his return to the village. This wasn’t how he wanted to see it for his first time back.

As the village fell under attack, he immediately wanted to go back home. Not only did it hold historical records, sensitive information and valuable items, it held everything left of his family. Kakashi told him to stay with his assigned unit; there would be a team sent to defend the Uchiha complex. Sasuke didn’t listen. He burned through his chakra to speed his way to the Uchiha complex and found that he was too late. It had been raided, and the bodies of the team assigned to defend the complex littered the unkept gardens. One of them had sunk to the bottom of what used to be the Koi pond.

Stress activated his sharingan automatically. This was the second time he came home to a massacre. Black and white memories with splashes of deep red assaulted him. Unlike last time, he was not held in place like a sad, useless runt. His home had been invaded again. He ran through the front door and looked for any survivors. When he saw none, he went straight to the back of the manor, down the hall to the room farthest on the left. The door which had been properly sealed with locks and jutsus (even as a child he had never been in this room) was wide open.

Sasuke took in the sight of the trashed room which had previously held the entire heart of the Uchiha clan, and as a result, was invaluable to Konoha as a whole. The bookshelves were almost bare. The ones remaining were carelessly left open, laying on their sides. Shards of glass were covering the floor. He stepped over the mess and went to the trunk where the stone tablets were sealed. They were gone as well. Everything was gone. He rubbed his face anxiously.

He wanted to look in Itachi’s room, which he had never been able to do before. There was no time, and he did not think he was ready to see the remains of Itachi dug up and stolen. It was bad enough that already happened in an actual, non-metaphorical way. He wanted to lock Itachi away forever so that he could finally rest.

There wasn’t a soul left in the Uchiha manor other than the cursed ghosts that haunted it. Sasuke wondered if they were all looking down on him with disappointment. He was the last defender of the Uchiha, and he failed miserably. His father’s ghost was scowling at him and shaking his head as he had done so many times before. 

Sasuke swung his arm, knocking the rest of the garbage on the floor in frustration. He punched a hole in the wall and collapsed against it, dropping to the floor. He breathed heavily into his hands. 

Sasuke would never cry in front of a single soul. He took a moment to sob uncontrollably in his palms as he processed his guilt. The Uchiha clan was hanging by a thread. Only he and those records kept the Uchihas from falling into the black hole that was extinction. He wiped the snot on the back of his hand and pulled himself to his feet. 

With one last glance around the room, he decided there was nothing left to do but fix this. It was either that or go extinct. They were going to pay for this, and he was going to take back everything of his that was stolen. But first, he had a responsibility to Konoha that he needed to address. Even though part of him couldn’t stand the fucking village. He’d rather rely on the low life criminals Konoha was exploiting rather than rely on the village itself. At least their intentions were always transparent.

* * *

Time had seemed to stop in Sakura’s confinement. She fell in and out of sleep as Sasori made brief appearances several times before he had disappeared completely. What he was doing, she did not know. They did not speak during this time. A soft tapping sound roused her from her fifth nap.

“How are you doing?” Yuyake was sitting above her head looking down.

“When is he coming back?” She turned her neck, looking up at him pitifully.

“It should not be long. He’ll come to his senses soon, and you will be back home.” Yuyake did not know how true this was. Right now, it was hard to say how long this would go on.

“I need to go now. Does he really think he can keep me here like this?” She leaned over to grab the glass of water on the coffee table. He at least had the decency to loosen them enough for her to move more comfortably. With her limited mobility, she tilted her head to drink from the glass.

“He is not thinking at all. Don’t be angry with him.” Yuyake had to turn away as he couldn’t quite look at her without feeling guilt. It was shameful. All of this was shameful. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but he actually means well.”

“I’m very angry with him. How could he do this? I know he doesn’t care about Konoha, but what about me? That’s my family and friends.” She began to cry. “I can’t just lie here unable to do anything. Or know whats going on out there. Please help me.”

This was quite the predicament. Yuyake could not in good conscious go along with Sasori’s crazy whims. This was taking it too far. He sighed. “I will release you from this madness.” He climbed over her head to her wrist and snapped her chakra binding like it was nothing.

Sakura gasped in relief. “Thank you! Thank you so much!” She breathed out and fresh, warm tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. Will you be ok? Come with me back to Konoha.”

“No. I will deal with him. He is my responsibility after all. I made that promise to someone very important.” 

“Ok…but know that you are welcome back anytime.” The sight of him filled her with melancholy for a reason she could not say. “If I don’t see you again, know that I’ll never forget you.” Why she felt compelled to say such a thing she wasn’t sure.

“Do not say that. This won’t be the last time we see each other. Please forgive him.”

“I will eventually. Just not right now, ok? Don’t let him come back to the village. It won’t be good for him if he does. They may punish him for escaping.” After he released her, she immediately rolled over to pull her long socks and boots back on.

“I understand. I will try my best to keep him steady.”

“Please take care of yourself, Yuyake.” She said as she rushed towards the door, still tugging on her shoes.

He nodded. “And you too. I wish you all the luck.”

* * *

Sasuke ran into one of Naruto’s golden clones on his way back to the outer village where the battle had been pushed. The overall state of the village was worse than the Uchiha complex. An entire twenty four hours had passed, and it was still going on. The Naruto clone waved his hands at him.

“Where have you been? We need you! And have you seen Sakura? She’s missing!”

“Naruto. Let’s end this now.” Sasuke said with emotionless resolve.

“Alright! But we have to find Sakura!”

“We need to end this first. Then we can find Sakura. More lives are at stake until we get rid of the threat.”

“I know, but we can’t leave her behind! She’s our friend!” He shouted.

Naruto, she is a shinobi too. We have to be able to rely on her to take care of herself.” He said.

“You’re right, Sasuke. I will look for her. You meet up with the real me, and we’ll end this now.” Naruto’s clone ran off.

* * *

Sakura arrived at Konoha’s gates in the state of a deranged woman. Her wind whipped hair was sticking out in multiple different directions. The dried tears on her face had collected slimy dirt. She ran all the way back, burning through her chakra. It took her hours, but she made it in time to find that the battle was not yet over. She looked around frantically, trying to make sense of what was going on.

_Naruto. Where was Naruto. He would know every detail._

The assault on her senses nearly sent her to her knees. Having to deal with it daily, Sakura was accustomed to the sight of death. It was the smell she could never quite get used to. The heavy, metallic odor of blood thickening the air. The stench of burnt flesh wafting in with smoke. Vomit and feces. Rot and decay. More blood painting this village, sinking into the trees and dirt. Konoha would soon not have any room for the living with the number of ghosts taking up the air. 

It was awful. The village was unrecognizable. Although, they had seen it in this state more times than they should ever have had to endure.

“Sakura!” Naruto’s loud voice shook her from her watery-eyed stare.

“Thank God! I was so worried! I looked every where for you, but I couldn’t find you.” Naruto’s blinding glow came into her peripheral vision.

“Naruto. When is this going to end? I’m so confused.” Agonizing defeat wavered her voice. She didn’t move or turn to look at him.

“Where have you been, Sakura?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I woke up somewhere else. I came back as soon as I could.” She wrung her wrists, still staring at nothing. “There’s no time for us to just stand here. Take me to where you are.”

“I’m just glad you’re ok, Sakura. I really am. If I lost either of you, I don’t know what I’d do.” He gave her a long look before turning away. Her gut felt tight with nauseating fear. She couldn’t acknowledge him, but she followed behind after he took off.

They didn’t say any more words to one another as they flew through the air at neck breaking speed. During this time, Sakura thought about the days prior that was now worlds away. This night was going to change their lives, and she had the feeling it wouldn’t be the end of this madness. A sudden thought of Sasori, who she had pushed to the back of her mind, caused her to choke back another stressful sob. Life was crumbling around her. 

A horrible scream cut through the noise and disrupted her steady surge forward. She stumbled a bit before recapturing her balance. Naruto’s clone moved faster. She fought to keep up with him with his demon enhanced speed racing towards the waves of destruction.

In her rush, she did not notice the flurry of paper bombs thrown at her. She almost did not make it out of the way in time. Meanwhile, she felt a tug at her heart as she neared the center of the village. As she got closer, the sensation sent her heart pumping in dark, unnatural throbs. It felt amazing, and it was terrifying. She wanted it to consume her. Her Byakugo seal started to heat up in resistance. 

“Sasuke!” The real Naruto shouted out.

Sasuke was dropped down several feet from the air having fell from the height of his Susanoo. His head cracked against a hard rock on the ground. Sakura was so entranced by the conflict going on within her body that she did not notice. It wasn’t until she caught sight of the blood pooling out and Naruto’s shouting that she was able to shake herself free of her distractions.

Sakura ran towards Sasuke and fell to her knees next to him. Its easy to forget the many opportunities death has to present itself. One minute you’re here and the next you’re gone. Between ringing in her ears and the pounding of her heart, she managed to swim her way past it towards Sasuke’s leaking head. Her hands pressed firmly against the wound. Her chakra did not want to cooperate with her. This was frustrating because controlling her chakra was specifically what she excelled in. It fought against her. Only a faint light of green, hardly noticeable, hallowed her hands. It wasn’t enough. 

“Dammit.” She slurred out. “Why can’t I do this.”

She held her breath and blocked out the excessive noises to the best of her ability. More people shouted. Another tumble of bodies fell near. She felt her reserves slowly respond to her straining fingertips. This shouldn’t be this difficult, she thought. It was like being a genin all over again. No. Worse than that. 

Sakura opened her eyes to see Sasuke’s wound slowly stitch up; the blood had already clotted. She sighed in relief and continued to push through her awful chakra constipation. This went on for several minutes until Sasuke’s eyes fluttered open to see her staring down at him. Naruto shouted from behind.

“Are you ok?” She asked.

Sasuke pushed past her, getting to his feet as quickly as he could. “Thanks, Sakura. You can stand back.” He fumbled with his balance.

“Oh, hell no! I didn’t come all this way to stand back!” Bold words considering she didn’t know if she could actually do anything at this point. It took everything in her to heal Sasuke’s head.

Naruto fell back and landed next to them. “Now that we’re all here, lets end this! Three-way deadlock, and it’s all over.”

Sakura clambered to her feet, sweating over the thought of calling Katsuya. This was going to be hard. The pounding of her heart remained, but she closed her eyes and meditated in the middle of the battlefield. In unison, the three of them bit their thumbs, drawing blood. They slammed their palms to the dirt. The three massive beasts rose up in a puff of smoke with their summoners standing on their backs.

The next moments that transpired were a blur to Sakura. Time no longer existed as she escaped to a dark corner of her mind. She meditated as Katsuya split into small counterparts. It took all her focus and energy to speak internally speak with Katsuya as she directed her on finding the wounded and attaching herself to them. The noise around her eventually faded, and she was only aware of Katsuya’s soothing presence. No one else existed. She forgot about Naruto and Sasuke, but somewhere deep within her, she knew that they would pull through because there was no other choice. They never had a choice. It was do or die. 


	36. The Will of Fire Burns Us All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self harm is in this chapter  
> Please skip this chapter if you do not feel comfortable with reading this kind of content.

They said the will of fire lived within them all. It was this singular purpose that bound them together and made Konoha the great village it was. For the first time, Sakura wondered how wrong they must have been to have married themselves to this concept. If Konoha allowed itself to crumble and rise from the ashes over and over, it was not a sign of strength and perseverance. It was a sign that they did not acknowledge or respect the enormous potential of the living, breathing world outside of their shelter.

She finally understood what Sasori had been trying to say.

But were they wrong to be so conceited and self-assured? The answer, she felt, was not so clear. Because what else were they to do? You have to lie to yourself until you become what you believe yourself to be.

But at the cost of innocent lives? They should have done more. She didn’t know what, but there had to be something. Had they overlooked something vital that could have prevented all of this? Was it her that overlooked it? Had they not turned every corner? Had someone withheld information? No matter, they boasted greatness while keeping themselves open. It wasn’t the Hokage’s fault or the previous Hokage’s fault. One person can only be in so many places at once. So, who was to blame?

Naruto held Sakura’s hair back as she threw up on the ground on her hands and knees. Sasuke sat next to her staring blankly ahead, unmoved by the splashes of vomit sprinkling up his arm. She retched and sobbed loudly. Naruto kneeled on one knee next to her, holding her shoulder with his other hand. He also stared ahead blankly. One single tear slid down his cheek. Sai dropped from the air and landed next to them. 

The dawn was deadly quiet. The rising sun beheld the shocking mess of blood and bodies that had been tossed about under the night’s jurisdiction. It shone across the village, glaring into their eyes with angry accusations. 

“Im so sorry. Im so sorry. Im so sorry.” Sakura was repeating over and over. Naruto rubbed his face.

“Shut the fuck up, Sakura.” Sasuke snapped out of his daze and gripped her shoulders, shaking her. “I can’t think over your loud meltdown.” 

She kept repeating herself. Sai said nothing, but he stared at them as if he was looking right through them.

“I won’t Sasuke! We failed! We can’t keep this up! Every time we find peace, it is taken from us because we can’t maintain it! Where did we go wrong?” She gripped his shoulders tightly, yelling in his face.

“After everything we’ve been through, none of you understand anything! You all hide away in this village, locking out danger and pretending that there isn’t a whole entire world out there. This is going to keep happening over and over again until you acknowledge the disease instead of isolating the symptoms." Sasuke said with disgust.

This is why he believed he should be the Hokage. He would reign in all the threats until there were none left. Kakashi and Gaara and all the other Kage were painfully careless. They didn’t act until it was too late.

“I know that! But we can’t police the entire damn world! And don’t you tell me to shut the fuck up.” Sakura threw a weak punch without the use of her chakra. Sai intercepted by catching her wrist. 

“Guys stop fighting! This isn’t solving anything!” Naruto cut in with his watery plea.

“Yes, this is completely counterproductive. We are all on the same side.” Sai agreed.

Sakura did not listen. Fatigue and disappointment sawed away at the last thread holding together her tolerance for insanity. A sudden bout of burning hatred spread through her like a rapid cancer. She used her chakra to jerk from Sai’s grip and struck a crater in front of Sasuke. He easily evaded the punch before moving back towards her and catching her wrists in his grip. 

“Stop it. Just stop.” He gripped tighter until his fingernails dug into her arms.

Sakura’s energy released from her body. She slumped down to the ground. Sasuke let her go. Naruto collapsed with her. The sun was beating down on the peak they were sitting on. Below, the treetops were blown off and the bark was turned unnaturally dark. Destruction had unfolded beneath them. But, in the midst of it was a silent force, pure and buzzing, the chaos of fresh death finding a place to settle. The ringing became so loud that Sakura could no longer collect the oozing drips of her thoughts.

The fever became so intense, but the cooling pureness caressed her forehead and soothed it. She fell deeper into the softness.

* * *

It was exhausting and aggravating work to keep up with other people. That is why Sasori preferred to be alone. He stared down at the empty space where he could have sworn he left Sakura. Had he imagined this? It wasn’t unlike him to conjure up false events out of thin air. He scratched at his cheek with his index finger.

No. She was definitely here. The imprint of her body was still in the futon. Also, the empty glass was rolled onto the floor as if she had knocked it over on her way out.

That stubborn, ungrateful brat. She broke free and ran back to her village. The people who would gladly sacrifice her life for the worthless mass. Why did she willingly accept to being used, he would never understand.

It was frustrating that she couldn’t see the vision. He wanted to share his vision with her. She could be a creature of the sky, limitless in her pursuit of greatness. Instead, she insisted on being a dirt creature. A filthy lobster. She was always concerned with the rat race, and this was her worst quality. 

But then, Sakura’s vision hadn’t been so clear lately. She saw things in the dark that no one else could. She never said so, but he knew it. It was ok though because he too saw things no one else could. It was only a minor inconvenience. If she had allowed him, he could have shown her the way out.

“Tell me you weren’t an accomplice in her escape. I will be very mad if you did.” Sasori said to a very guilty looking Yuyake.

“Do you want me to lie?” He asked.

“Well, no. I want you to not have done it!” He raised his voice.

“You cannot expect her to look past your behavior. It is indecent.” Yuyake reasoned instead of directly answering.

Sasori bristled. “Indecent? Indecent.” He repeated incredulously. “That is the least of my indecent behaviors. I have killed a lot of people and turned their corpses into weapons.” He reminded him.

“That…is true.” Yuyake conceded. “But it is in the past.”

“No, it isn’t. I still do it.” He literally just did it.

“But it has not been innocent people in a long time.”

Sasori snorted. “Don’t think I would not. I just haven’t been inspired lately.”

“Please don’t be angry. She was upset, and I just could not bear to see her trapped in her misery any longer.”

Sasori stared at nothing as he chewed at his nails. He said nothing for a long moment. Then, “I’m so sick of being trapped in a confined space. I cannot stomach looking at these walls any longer.” He turned around and walked towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Yuyake asked. “Allow me to come with you.”

“I am leaving. You can do whatever you want.” Sasori was done acting out and putting on shows for everyone. Since becoming human, it was getting irritatingly common for him to draw attention to himself over something crazy he did. He was ready to be left alone for a while as he focused on his art. 

Yuyake deflated in his relief that Sasori happened to be in a less-violent-more-resigned kind of mood.

* * *

Half the village was able to return to a home, but the other half was forced to find shelter wherever it could be found. Sakura was among the ones having to find a temporary place to stay. Briefly, she thought of going back to find Sasori but immediately recoiled at the idea. She didn’t want to look at him right now. Neither had she wanted to look at any of them – Naruto, Sasuke, Sai and pretty much everyone else. There was irrepressible anger trapped inside of her, trying to beat its way out, and she did not know where to release it.

Sakura was back in her room at her parent’s apartment. She laid on her side in her old bed with a blanket pulled tightly around her face. It had been days since she last slept. They may have warded off the threat but not before they retrieved what they came for. The chaos continued, and she had no opportunities for rest. Despite this, she was still wide-awake staring at the moon through her open window. 

The anger had come out of nowhere, and it refused to leave. Between her anger and grief, she slipped into daydreams that would leave her with a deep, unsatisfied want. It was like an itch beneath her skin she’d never be able to reach unless she clawed her way to it. She wondered if this would satisfy her mysterious want. It was clawing away at her, so she may as well dig it out.

Sakura looked over her shoulder to the kunai on her nightstand. The sharp edge stared back at her. She winced at the thought of how much blood the kunai had been coated in.

She turned the other way and contemplated the dolls on her shelves. One was a troll with wild pink hair sticking straight up. A joke from her father that this was supposed to be her. Another was an empress with an extravagant kimono and a stuffy updo still intact after years of collecting dust on the shelf. Another was an action figure with bulging muscles and gleaming eyes Sai had given to her as a joke. She smiled at them because they all felt like extensions of her. Why had she not taken them to her new home?

The memories started running together. Her mother stirring batter at the kitchen counter. Her father laughing and having a one-sided conversation with the television. Ino sitting on a couch surrounded by flowers. Naruto giving her a thumbs up. Sasuke poking her on the forehead. Sasori leaning against her, unable to walk on his own after his rebirth. 

She passed down dark hallways looking into the detached rooms. In one, there were long tables set up with fine cuts of meat, boards of cheeses, bowls of fruit and countless empty chairs. In the next, her foreign father was in the sitting room yelling about the great injustices of the world. Her strange mother sat in a chair next to him sewing the curtains, nodding along. She remembered that her new blue-eyed lover told her to meet him behind the trees at 8’clock sharp. She met him and met his knife. 

She woke up in the dark hallway. More and more rooms floated by. Each held memories she had known on an intimate level, but she was almost certain she did not live through. Or perhaps she did.

This black hallway was made of grief. It was the only thing tying these rooms together. So many things left unsaid. Unreconciled feelings and irrevocable regrets piled one on top of the other. They didn’t stop to wait for her. Everything was so far out of her reach. She laid helplessly in the hallway with that insufferable want of something she could not identify nor obtain. Her want amplified and tore at her stomach, splitting it apart all the way up to her chest. It was their want – angrily roiling throughout her body and aggressively fighting for release.

Sakura shot up from her bed and fumbled for the kunai, knocking over her lotions and an empty glass. She gripped it tight and shoved it into her thigh. Blood spurted out and sprayed her white linen bedsheets. The pain of her wound was immediately followed by the pain of her flesh automatically pulling itself back together. The deepest layers of her tissue tried to repair, but she stabbed it over and over again before it could. She tried to dig out the thing clawing its way to the surface. Her body refused to let up on healing which was exasperating because then it would never come out.

_You were supposed to break the seals._

“I know Mei! I know I know I know!” She shouted. But things don’t always work out the way they should.

The resentful want wouldn’t come out of her. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of her window staring at the ground. She leaned forward until she fell. Her ears rung the entire way down until she collided against the hard cement.

* * *

“Sasori has escaped.” Kakashi tapped his pen impatiently against the edge of his desk. 

“So what? There’s more important things to worry about right now.” Naruto paced by the window, looking out at the people wandering like ants after their colony was kicked over by a cruel child.

“I am going take back what was stolen from me.” Sasuke stated.

“I completely understand your frustration, but you can’t just leave. I am your superior, and I am going to tell you what you are doing next.” Kakashi wasn’t in the mood for this shit.

“Look how far listening to you got us. I _told_ you we needed to seize the hidden power in the Land of Swamps months ago! We could’ve claimed what they are after and been able to better protect whats ours.” Sasuke grit his teeth and clenched his fist. Nobody ever fucking listened to him even though he was always right. He should’ve been named the Hokage.

“That power isn’t meant to be touched, Sasuke. If what you said about it is true, then it needs to stay where the fuck it’s at or better yet, it needs to be destroyed. It’s dangerous!” Kakashi stood up, knocking back his chair. He normally did not rise to Sasuke’s insults, but today he was just about ready to slam that brat into the wall.

“Its better to be in our hands than theirs! Did you know the village leader who served as the protector is dead? That means its wide open, waiting to be taken. Likely, it already has been. And guess who killed him? It was Sasori. I found his puppet body near the scene.” Sasuke did all the work for this damn village and got paid shit for it. He was the last Uchiha and the only shinobi capable of collecting vital information it seemed.

“And you’re telling me this now?” Kakashi said darkly. “Withholding this kind of information falls under treason.”

“Sasuke, when did you find this out? Why haven’t you said anything?” Naruto turned around to face him. Always with those sad, disappointed eyes. Sasuke wanted to tell him to grow up.

“That’s it. Sasuke, your mission is to go find Sasori and bring him back here. No detours. And no, it’s not open for discussion. You are to leave tonight and come back with him by tomorrow evening. If you don’t, I want a report detailing the reason for your delay.” Kakashi stated with finality.

“Let me go with-“ 

“No, Naruto. You have another mission. I am sending you with a team to the Land of Swamps. We are going to get to the bottom of whatever the hell is going on over there. You are leaving tomorrow morning. By then, I will have your team assembled. Pakkun will be with you and ready to send for backup if you need-”

A frantic knock interrupted the tension in the air. “Lord Hokage, Im sorry to interrupt, but its very important.” Shizune’s voice echoed from the other side.

“We were just finishing up. The door is unlocked. Come in.” Kakashi didn’t take his hard, unwavering stare off of Sasuke.

She shoved the door open, meeting his eyes with panicked urgency in her own. “Its Sakura. She stabbed herself and fell out of the window of her parent’s apartment. She is in the hospital now.”

“What?” All three of them said in varying levels of shock. The previous tension broke apart and dropped to the floor.

“How is she?” Naruto nearly yelled.

“Physically, she is fine. She came in with stab wounds, internal bleeding and several broken bones, but her body has already healed itself. Mentally…I don’t know.” Shizune said breathlessly. 

They all shoved past her out the door and ran towards the hospital.

* * *

They asked her why she did it, but she had no answer. None that would satisfy. She wondered it herself. It all happened so fast that she would’ve thought it was a dream had she not woken in the hospital with her parents staring at her with terribly worried expressions. Tsunade stomping in and out, examining her pupils and administering nerve pills every hour. 

Waking up was awful. It took her a large amount of time to figure out who and where she was. Her hand reached for Sasori because hadn’t he fallen asleep next to her? But no. That was nights ago. Then the real memories came back. Not the dream ones. She held her hands to her mouth in horror as one by one they settled in place.

“I didn’t mean to do it. I hardly remember it.” Sakura said for the fifteenth time.

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to be better or worse.” Tsunade stood over her with folded arms. “Regardless, I need you to help me make sense of this. This isn’t like you. As your friend – not as your attending physician, I am very confused. Why? Why did it come to this?”

“I feel the same way.” Her mother butted in. “Why haven’t you told anyone you were suffering? This shouldn’t have happened. It absolutely should never have happened.” Her mother started to cry again. Her father looked at her with most sorrowful eyes she had ever seen on him.

“They shared their suffering with me. I just couldn’t-“

The door slammed open against the wall. “SAKURA!” Naruto was the first to enter and run towards her, skidding to a stop at her bedside. Sasuke and Kakashi walked in behind him, Kakashi looking apprehensively at her and Sasuke looking at her in his muted confusion. The way they carried themselves with caution increased her discomfort and shame. Neither said anything.

“Are you ok?” Naruto held her shoulders with uncharacteristic tenderness.

“Im ok. I was just dreaming and got confused.” She looked down to her side. There was no valid reason to give for hurling herself out the window of a ten-story apartment building.

“You know you can tell me anything.” He said in a low voice that only she could hear.

Everyone else in the room was still as statues. Like the act of moving or speaking would break her. It was confusing. They couldn’t see or feel it even though it was shrouding the room. Why was this happening to her and why couldn’t she share it with anyone? Not even Sasori had been able to sense it.

“Actually, I would like to talk to you alone. And Sasuke.” She looked at the rest of her visitors apologetically. “Just for a minute.”

Her mother and father both appeared hurt but stood up to comply with her request. They understood that there were some parts of her lifestyle they would never be privy to no matter how much they wanted to understand it. Kakashi followed them out the door. Sasuke sat down in the chair previously occupied by her mother. He surprised her by speaking first after the door shut.

“Why would you do something so stupid and selfish? You realize what a waste that would’ve been if you lost your life? Other lives would have also been lost as a result. This village needs you.” He scolded her with genuine concern.

She looked down and bit her trembling lip. “I didn’t mean for that to happen. But thank you Sasuke. Thank you for saying that.”

“I didn’t mean that as a compliment. I’m stating facts. You’re the most capable medical shinobi in the village, and you are responsible for lives.” What Sasuke was not going to admit was that he didn’t ever want to face her corpse.

“Don’t be so hard on her, Sasuke. She’s been through a lot. Some people are sensitive to certain things, and we hafta be there to help them get through it.” Naruto had gotten up and was refilling her water pitcher.

“I know what it looks like, but you don’t understand! The lost girls come to visit me. When I first left the Land of Swamps, they followed me. I could feel them. They shared their memories and feelings with me, and I thought that they had made themselves a part of me.”

“The Land of Swamps?” Sasuke sat forward. “What the hell were you doing there?”

“Let me finish! When I put distance between myself and the Land of Swamps, they eventually left. But right before the village fell under attack, they came back to me. They want me! They need me there! I have to go see them! I have to!” Sakura started getting out of bed. 

Naruto gently pushed her back, looking concerned. He didn’t believe her. He had no idea what she was talking about, and that was exactly what she was afraid would happen.

“What were you doing in the Land of Swamps?” Sasuke just couldn’t let that go.

“I was…there with Sasori. I don’t know. He asked for my help, and I helped him recover his body.” At this point her filter had been ripped off, and she could not stop herself from telling the truth. Not that it mattered much anymore. Sasori was gone, and if he didn’t want to be found, he would not be. And all she could bring herself to care about were the girls. They were in the room. One of them was in the corner staring at her. Her head was slightly bowed with her long hair draping over her shoulders, but her eyes were locked on Sakura. Her white dress was pristine except for the black stain on her chest. Sakura blinked.

Naruto was gaping at her. “Sakura, I think that was a dream.” He brushed her disheveled bangs from her forehead. “I’m leaving for a mission tomorrow. But after I get back, lets spend time together. We can go see a movie. Me, you and Hinata. And Sasuke, Ino and Sai if you want. Whatever you want to do.”

Sakura looked at him with heartbroken expression, but she nodded her head. “Ok. I would like that.” She said.

The gears in Sasuke’s head were turning at full speed. He didn’t know what the fuck was going on. Some of what Sakura was saying sounded batshit crazy, but there were parts of it, he felt likely held truth. Whatever it was, he thought Sasori might have some answers. He stood abruptly from his chair at the reminder of his mission. 

“I have to go.” Sasuke said, but he faltered at the sight of Sakura in her hospital gown looking pitifully lost. He stepped towards her and reached his hand out to touch her. She looked at him with dilated pupils. He could hardly see the green that always displayed the depths of her boisterous emotions.

His hand fell back to his side before he made contact with her. “Take care of yourself, Sakura. They need you.” That was as far as he was willing to go. He turned away and left them to figure out the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I used present tense, feel free to call me out on it. I write in present tense in my other works, and its been screwing me up when I write a new chapter for TLOTD lol


	37. Secrets Make Friends

Sakura’s breath came out in long, streaming clouds in the thin air. She sat in the corner of her new bare room, curled up with her knees to her chest and her arms hugging them close. Her hospital gown, the only protection she had, was paper thin. The harsh cold from the hard floor tiles went straight to her bones. 

Sakura was fatigued from trying to break out. The door had been locked and sealed shut. She had tried to bang it down with her fists to no avail. It was horrible there. The girls wouldn’t leave her alone. Even in sleep, there was no escaping them.

She peeked out from beneath long pink strands draping her face. Her hard nipples were pressed against her skinny, shivering thighs. In the center of the room was a dark hole where time had been swallowed up, and she was left to linger in the void. She counted to 10, then to 30 then to 1000 but nothing ever changed. The air was tight, making it harder to breathe. Like there were too many people occupying the tiny room. 

A girl was in the corner standing and muttering. Sakura never blinked or took her eyes off her. Her lips moved fast, but no sound came out. Hisses and sighs took the place of words. Sakura was able to make out a few details. 

Her name was Fay. She needed to get home in time for dinner, lest her father become angry. She couldn’t find her lover whom she was supposed to meet beneath the cherry blossom trees. They met every night at dusk. She would raise her dress and fall to her hands and knees in the dirt as he moved behind her, grunting and pushing against her. The heavy breathing and slapping sounds would increase until escalating to a halt. And then, the sounds of expended energy would flitter the air. But he never showed up to meet her beneath the trees - perhaps he had been held back by some important matters.

But, Sakura remembered getting stabbed by him just as she opened her robes.

The heady fumes of power seeping from the girl swelled the air. Her beauty flickered on and off, showing intermittent images of a black mouth and rotted skin. Her mouth never stopped moving. She said that the other girls were waiting for Sakura. They wanted to show her the garden where all beautiful flowers flourished. But, Sakura was pressed into a corner, reduced to a shivering mess. Her teeth clicked and rubbed together. Her eyes glittered with poorly contained fear.

Fay lifted her finger, curling it and uncurling it in a beckoning gesture. Sakura closed her eyes and shook her head ‘no’ furiously. She stopped and peeked through a slit in one eye and saw that Fay had disappeared. 

Sakura turned her neck to look at the door, and there was Fay, standing in front of it looking back at her. Fay made the gesture again. Sakura shrank back in the corner. A sharp click sounded as Fay turned the handle until it snapped off the door. It fell to the floor with a hard clank and rolled over by Sakura’s feet. She watched it with parted lips; her trembling breath moving past them.

Sakura jerked her head back up to see Fay gently opening the door and sliding past the small opening. She stared after her for a terribly long moment, trying to imagine herself waking up in her bed. Something was calling her forward. She crawled towards the door on her hands and knees and peeked down the long hallway. 

No one was around. Just darkness and closed doors. Sakura thought she could see the outline of Fay. She stood to her feet on shaky legs. Something had to give. The girls were going to keep coming back for her.

Sakura felt herself drifting farther away. With every passing moment, it was getting harder to separate their memories from her own. Confusion and hurt was going to consume her. She still had enough sense to know exactly what she needed to do. They needed her.

Fay was standing in front of a door leading down a winding staircase. Sakura recognized this as the passageway only accessible by staff, and even they did not venture this way often. 

“Fay…” She spoke for the first time in hours. Her voice was hoarse from disuse. “Take me to the flowers. I want to see them.” But, there was no want in her tone.

Fay broke the door handle and disappeared down the dark stairwell. Sakura felt as if she was allowing herself to sink down into a bottomless ocean. She held her breath and descended into thick darkness.

* * *

Fresh morning dew coated the ground. The excessive moisture in the air stuck to every surface, giving the irritating feeling of wearing wet, filthy clothes. The surrounding trees rustled as a soft breeze passed through them.

“What are you planning to do?” Yuyake asked for the third time.

“Im going take back my work from Konoha and relish in the sight of its demise. And then I’m going to attack Suna.” Sasori explained casually. Birds in the nearby trees started chirping cheerfully.

“…I think you are just tired and upset right now. Perhaps you should lie down for a nap. It’s been a long night.” Yuyake suggested.

“I am tired.” Sasori agreed with that. “I am tired of these villages existing. They have been the bane of my existence. Before I die, Im taking them all down with me.”

“You cannot do that! You just need to stop and think about it. There is no way you can take down Suna by yourself!” 

The hell he could. “With the weapon I designed for Konoha, I most definitely can! They have already begun producing the first prototype. Hopefully that jackass Orochimaru has them stored in a safe place.”

Sasori stopped walking. They were being followed. He heard the branches cracking behind. The wind picked up an ominous chakra. One he knew very well. He rolled his eyes and huffed. It was too late to slip out unnoticed. The only option was to face his pursuer head on even though he did not want to waste his energy on such an endeavor.

“Do you feel it? Someone is approaching us rather quickly!” Yuyake observed.

Sasuke hopped down from the trees and landed in front of him. He stood to his full height. A moment of irritable silence passed. Sasori and Sasuke stared and blinked at each other, waiting for the other to speak first. Sasori was the first to crack.

“I was looking forward to never seeing you again.” His eyebrows drew together.

“Did you think you were going to get away with just walking out?” Sasuke said with his infuriating arrogance.

It certainly wasn’t unreasonable to think so. He spent his entire life successfully evading people he did not wish to see. Unfortunately for him, Konoha nin were real pests. You couldn’t kill them, and they didn’t go away. They were cockroaches as Sakura appropriately described it.

“I am back at my full power. Do not think I am unwilling to fight you. I’ve been looking forward to making you mine!” Sasori frowned at the way that sounded. Annoyed with himself, he grabbed at a scroll tucked away at his hip and flattened it on the ground. The burst of his chakra flooded the air and disturbed the peace of the morning. The birds flew away.

Sasuke stared at him without so much as twitching a muscle. “Im not looking for a fight. I’m here to talk.” He said. “But if that’s what you want, I don’t mind killing you.” That wasn’t the truth. He needed Sasori’s cooperation.

“Oh yeah? Why would you think _I_ would want to speak with you? There is no further reason for us to be near each other.”

“Master Sasori!” Yuyake interrupted. “I think you should hear him out. It wouldn’t hurt to listen to what he has to say!”

“I will lose precious time. There is absolutely nothing for me to gain from him.” Sasori was kneeling over his scroll, ready to rip into his thumb with his teeth.

“You are biting off more than you can chew! You haven’t had your chakra back for a week and already you are trying to fight everyone and destroy entire villages!” Yuyake was exasperated.

“I’ve waited far too long for this. If you’re not going to be helpful, you can at least shut up.”

“I want to know what happened with Sakura in the Land of Swamps.” Sasuke interrupted their squabble.

Sasori paused. He hadn’t expected that nosy question. “Who told you about that? What did they tell you?”

“Sakura. She said she helped you find your body in the Land of Swamps. What were you doing there?” He stepped forward towards Sasori.

“That is none of your business.” Sasori felt betrayed and didn’t know why. What did he care if anyone knew? But why had Sakura decided now to say anything about it when before, she had been desperate to keep it a secret? He must have pissed her off bad.

“Whatever happened in that village, Sakura seems to think she has unfinished business there. I thought you might be able to explain her sudden obsession and weird behavior. She stabbed herself and jumped out the window like a crazy person. Then said she did it because they’re after her.” 

“What?” Sasori was stunned. Sasuke saw the cracks and took advantage.

“Yea. That happened last night. She says she needs to go back to the Land of Swamps because the lost girls need her. What is she talking about?”

Sasori dropped his hands to his sides. His breath quickened in pace as dread formed a knot in his stomach. His mouth went completely dry. He ignored Sasuke’s question because it didn’t matter. However, he had the sense to conceal the internal discomfort erupting inside of him.

“How is she now?” Sasori tried to appear neutral and bored.

“Why do you care?” Sasuke looked at him suspiciously.

Sasori didn’t answer him. He knew it. Something bad was going to happen, and he was right to try to stop it. “This is exactly why.” He said to himself.

“Any information you can give may help her.” Sasuke’s tone softened slightly.

Sasori had no idea what was causing her grief. He dug around through the memories of his time with her. She had mentioned the same thing to him while they were in the house where his body was held. He had brushed it off. It was normal to become drunk on the power and start hallucinating. But it always went away.

Sasuke seemed to sense his distress and showed a small amount of mercy. “She’s fine. Still in the hospital but not for physical injuries. She’ll be held there until they consider her stable enough to be released.”

Sasori pretended like he wasn’t really listening as he put away his scroll.

“I need you to come with me to the Land of Swamps. There’s something going on there, and I could use your insight. You know more of its capabilities than I do.” Sasuke finally got to his point which Sasori found _had_ been a waste of his time to consider.

“I refuse to get involved in this mess. It is not my problem.” He already decided that.

“What if I said there was something in it for you?”

“What could there possibly be in it for me? I just want to be left alone by all of you.”

“If you align yourself with me, that’s exactly what I could offer you. Freedom with no strings attached. I’m going to take the power in the Land of Swamps and use it against all who oppose the villages, and I’m going to take back what was stolen from me. Once I win this war, they’re going to have to make me Hokage. Then, I’ll grant you your freedom. You won’t ever be bothered again. I’ll even let you have Sakura if you want her.” Sasuke said.

When shit hit the fan, Sasuke needed the strongest on his side. It would be stupid to act alone. He knew he would have the support of Orochimaru and the former team Taka. Maybe Sakura would side with him if she had some loyalty to Sasori. He didn’t understand what was going on there, but maybe he could use it to his advantage.

Sasuke watched Sasori as the gears turned in his head. Initially, he squinted at him like he thought Sasuke was stupid, but then his face twisted into a thoughtful look. 

Under no circumstances had Sasori ever planned to get involved in this mess. Sasuke had probably deluded himself into thinking that he had a chance of becoming Hokage. Allowing him to “have Sakura” didn’t mean anything if that’s not what she wanted, and it was clearly not what she wanted. But she needed him. She was a mess, and he owed it to her to help her through it. It was a tempting offer _if_ it could work. 

Sasori hated all shinobi belonging to the villages, but he hated Sasuke less. It was more indifference than hate. At least Sasuke saw the disturbing mess for what it was. If Sasuke was in power, he would be left alone and that was ultimately what he desired. Whatever corruption occurred after was none of his business and would be no different than how its always been.

Sasori decided. “I will do it. If you fail to live up to your word, I will rip out your guts and add you to my collection.”

Sasuke held back a satisfied smirk. “Good. Then let’s get started.”

* * *

After a night of watching shadows flicker across his bedroom walls, Naruto had decided to get out of bed just before sunrise. He stood over his bathroom sink, staring blankly into the running stream of water. It echoed down the pipes. He cupped the water in his palms and splashed his face, observing the dark circles settled deeply beneath his eyes in the toothpaste speckled mirror.

With Sasuke, it was always something new. After years of dealing with the lingering affects of his grief, he realized that Sasuke’s whims would be a part of his life if he wanted to keep him in it. He could deal with it though. Naruto was good at hiding his disappointment. At least Sakura would always be there to bare the burden with him.

But then she needed his help.

Sasuke and Sakura were both drifting in opposite directions, and Naruto could only go in one at a time. He was used to splitting himself into pieces, but they both needed all of him. If he could take on their suffering, he would – he just didn’t know how. 

Every day, it felt like he was moving farther away from himself. The stubborn child inside of him withdrew from his body and screamed at his back, pounding it with his fists, reminding him of the promises he failed to keep. The ones where he would make sure his friends were happy and whole and together. In the end, it was too much work, and Naruto couldn’t keep up.

Why hadn’t he seen the signs? Sakura always had explosive outbursts whether she was raging or crying. It would happen so fast, but then she’d quickly pull herself together like nothing happened. He’d gotten so used to it that he never saw it as her unhealthy way of coping. Sasuke had always been an asshole. But that was ok because he just needed to be punched in his teeth is what Naruto had thought.

It turned out that Naruto didn’t know shit and that he wasn’t smart enough to help his friends out with the complicated things. The screaming child would never understand. This had not been a part of his training, but he wished it would have been. 

His front door opened. He jerked his head up in hopes to see one of them, but it was Sai and Hinata quietly slipping through the door. Hinata had her pouch clutched to her chest. 

“Is something the matter?” She asked, looking at him in the way she did when she was trying to read his thoughts.

“I just have a bad feeling. I don’t want to leave Sakura. And I don’t want Sasuke to go on his mission without me. They need me, and I can’t be there for either of them.” Again, Naruto was forced to face the harsh fact that if he wanted to be Hokage, it would require some sacrifices he wasn’t sure he was willing to make.

“Sakura will be fine. She has many people surrounding her. They all love her as much as you do. Sasuke…” She left that sentence unfinished. They both knew anything she would say next would be a lie.

“If Sasuke chooses to betray the trust of the village once again, there is nothing you can do. You can’t spend the rest of your life chasing him.” Sai said. Part of his frankness came from his own jealously towards Sasuke. Team 7 had once been everything to him. Unfortunately, Naruto and Sakura could only see him as a shell of Sasuke. It was infuriating in that he had devoted years of studying ways to become a worthy companion. Sasuke could destroy everything they loved, and they would find a way to validate it.

Naruto continued stuffing his bag with provisions. The first rays of the sun were streaming in through the kitchen curtains. A line of floating dust particles could be seen in the strip of light. He moved to the cupboard, pulling out cans of beans and vegetables. It was frustrating to him that Sai and Hinata couldn’t understand.

“Somethings going to happen, and if it happens while I’m not around, I’m never going to forgive myself.” Naruto’s brow furrowed as he held onto a bag of chips. “It won’t be like this forever. Its just for now. Just this one time. They both need me.” He said, but it was more of reassurance to himself. Everything would go back to normal eventually. He had to believe it. Though he cannot remember what normal was like. Had he imagined a time when normalcy existed?

Hinata looked to the side and grabbed at one of her arms. Sai’s expression was dark and unreadable.

“Captain Yamato is waiting on us.” Sai deflated under the weight of his disappointment. He walked out the door without waiting up for them.

* * *

“To prove your alliance to me, I want you to tell me all your plans. I need to know all details if I am to work with you.” Sasori said after hours of walking in silence. He needed a distraction. He would rather cut off his fingers again then admit he was getting tired of walking.

“All you need to know is what I’ve told you. Things are going to change soon.” Sasuke picked at his teeth with a toothpick. “And you’re either with me or you’re not.”

Sasori let out a short “hm” that indicated he was not entirely convinced.

Sasuke thought on it for a moment. “I may be willing to share secrets with you, if you share some of yours.”

Sasori pushed hot air through his nose. “Haven’t you learned anything from your time in the Akatsuki? Secrets are meant to be kept to yourself! Otherwise, you make yourself vulnerable for no good reason.”

“If you think this will be like the Akatsuki, then you are an idiot. My world will never become the shit show the Akatsuki envisioned for this world. They are dead. A bunch of has beens.”

Sasori felt attacked by that statement. He turned his neck so sharply, he caught whiplash. “You were a part of the Akatsuki. What does that say about you?”

“I never considered myself a part of them.”

Sasori was thoroughly heated. “If you don’t watch your mouth, I will not be helping you. You will do well to remember that I don’t need you for anything.”

“I wasn’t talking about you. You survived, and as far as I know, are no longer affiliated with the Akatsuki. But if the shoe fits…”

Sasori went quiet as the heat drained from his neck. He had a point. If Sasori no longer considered himself a part of them, then he had no reason to be defensive. It was a mindset he had never gotten out of.

“So why is it you believe so strongly that you will become the next Hokage?” Sasori asked.

“The next Hokage is supposed to be Naruto because he is the village’s hero.” Sasuke said that with a tinge of sarcasm. “The last war was not entirely his victory – it was all of ours. If I can prove that I am capable of protecting the village, then I have a good chance of beating him.”

“Isn’t he your friend? Won’t that complicate things?” Sasori didn’t know why he cared enough to ask. Being around people makes you want to become privy to the useless details of their lives, he figured.

“He’ll get over it. He always does.” That was one thing Sasuke could be sure of.

Sasuke stepped over a fallen tree and sat down on it. “We are stopping here for a minute. I’m tired.” He pulled out an energy drink and cracked it open. The sound sparked and echoed throughout the forest clearing.

Sasori didn’t argue with that. He was glad he didn’t have to be the one to wimp out first because he was about to. It would have made him feel old and decrepit. He sat next down next to Sasuke, taking out his protein drink and shaking it. The first sip caused his face to contort into an ugly grimace. It tasted like hell. Sakura’s food pills and protein concoctions were the worst, and he had told her as much. But, he didn’t have any other option at the moment.

Sasuke blew at a loose lock of hair hanging in his face. “Me and Naruto are going to fight for the rest of our lives. It’s always been that way, and its not going to change. We inherited an old grudge that won’t go away in this lifetime.” He spoke to the wind. “It doesn’t make me love him any less.” This was said more as an afterthought, and Sasori had the suspicion that Sasuke wasn’t really talking to him anymore.

The last of Sasori’s nasty protein shake sat at the bottom of his cup. He looked at it with intent and twirled it around, watching it whirlpool at the bottom of his cup. There was this feeling that he stole something that did not belong to him. Sasuke’s sudden honesty made him uncomfortable. He was sorry he opened it up.

“Are you satisfied now, Sasori? I just told you something I’ve never told anyone.” Sasori just noticed that Sasuke was looking at him.

Sasori didn’t answer. He and Sakura always fought. It made him wonder if there was ever going to be an end to it. If ever they got comfortable with each other, it would be immediately replaced with strife and feelings of insecurity. 

He never had this problem before. Was that all love amounted to? If so, there was nothing more dreadful. He never made the decision for it to happen – it just did. He couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t love Sakura, only that there was a time he didn’t recognize it as such.

“Yes. Its always nice to know your enemy’s weakness.” Sasori retorted.

“We’re on the same side from here on out unless you changed your mind. Now I want to know something.”

“I have nothing to hide.” Sasori stood up and tossed the rest of his shake over his shoulder.

“What happened with Sakura? I want the full story.” Sasuke didn’t know what love looked like from a third person perspective. He knew the look he had once saw Sasori give Sakura was something deep. On a basic level, it was the look of someone who had begrudgingly accepted defeat.

It was weird to observe because Sakura was supposed to belong to him. Just like Naruto was supposed to. Sasuke wanted them all to himself. Maybe he even liked having Sasori around. Nobody would suspect it, but Sasuke needed people to surround him, but at a comfortable distance.

“I once threatened her into helping me. What she said was exactly what happened.” Like he said, he had nothing to hide.

“Then what?” 

“Then she was burdened with keeping that secret.” 

“Then what?” He persisted.

Sasori squeezed the cup in his hand. “Im not telling you everything. She went back home and that was that.”

“I want to know what happened in the Land of Swamps. Whatever happened after that is none of my concern. Why is she obsessed with going back there?” Sasuke asked. “You never answered me.”

“I do not know! She lost her mind? Who of us hasn’t though?” Sasori didn’t trust anyone in this line of work that had a normal functioning brain.

“I would like to make sense of it. I’ve been there before. There’s something sinister about that place, and I don’t know believe Sakura just lost it like that. Can you at least tell me what happened?”

Sasuke obviously wasn’t going to let it go, and Sasori was tired of the annoying questions. He sighed and began telling Sasuke everything that was relevant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two asshats are out there plottin and schemin together lol


End file.
